Pull Me Back - Kuroo x Reader

Chapter 22

I feel a bit dizzy as I walk back into the kitchen. Somehow, I did remember to grab the bowl of rice from the table though. At least I have that going for me.

I should've just minded my own business...

Or should I have?

Isn't Kuroo my boyfriend? Don't I have a right to know if he's texting some other girl behind my back? Did I invade his privacy or is he just wasting my fucking time?

My thoughts are swirling like dark thunderclouds as I hand the bowl to Kuroo's mom and head into the living room where the rest of his family is waiting. I'm pissed off and feeling terribly gross inside right now but...I can't be a bitch to Kuroo's family and just storm out of here dramatically. Kuroo deserves some wrath if there's something going on here, but his family doesn't.

And honestly, I don't even know if I believe that Kuroo has done anything wrong. I'm not stupid, I know that girl is his partner for the chemistry project. He probably just invited her over to work on the project. I really do trust Kuroo, but then again, his personality is so...flirty. He might not even know what he's doing.

Most of all though, I feel terribly insecure now.

I mean, why would he even want to be with me when he can be with her? And probably be with her again, at that. She is absolutely beautiful, all long limbs and a model body. I'm just...not. I'm not much compared to her, honestly. Mediocre face, mediocre body, mediocre, mediocre, mediocre. I'm fucked up in the head and introverted and most days I don't even want to look at myself in the mirror. I listen to sad music and watch sad movies just because I like crying and feeling something.

I'm not going to lie, Kuroo makes me feel beautiful and worth loving, but who knows how long this will even last anyways? I mean, it could be over when Kuroo inevitably looks at his phone soon and sees that a better option is right there and ready. People date, maybe get engaged or married, but what's the fucking point? Because sooner or later, someone is going to mess up, someone is going to have a change of heart, and someone is going to leave. I'm in high school. This means nothing. Nothing at all.

Fuck my life.

As I continue to make a downward spiral, I can feel eyes on me. I look up to find Kuroo's whole family looking at me. I feel a little sick.

"Shoot, sorry, what?" I say, putting on a smile. "I was zoning out, sorry about that!"

"You're fine, hun! We just asked if you want to stay for some board games. If you're tired though, we completely understand!" Kuroo's mom says.

I glance a Kuroo and find him staring at me. His brows are slightly furrowed and he's looking at me questioningly. I just give him a slight shake of my head.

"I'm so sorry, I actually am really tired right now. It was probably all of that delicious food! It made me feel so cozy. I actually might head home now...but it was so amazing to meet you all! I'll remember tonight forever, thank you for making me feel so welcome, I really appreciate it!"

"Oh no, the pleasure is all ours! We feel so honored to have met the girl that Kuroo cares so much about. You are an absolute joy, Y/n." Kuroo's mom says, grasping my hands lovingly.

"I hope to see you over here all the time now, Y/n!" Kuroo's dad says, smiling at me.

Ouch, kinda hurts.

"Alright, Y/n, I'll take you home. C'mon you..." Kuroo walks over to me and wraps his arm around my shoulders as we walk to the front door. I'm quiet and I can feel him watching me, trying to figure me out. He calls out a goodbye to his family, which I echo, and we head out the door into the night.

I climb into his car, semiconsciously inhaling the wonderful smell of it.

"Hey," He says, turning to me.

"Hey," I reply.

"You good? You seemed a little...I don't know...quiet in there. Were you having a good time? Did one of them say something to you?" He asks, hazel eyes pinning mine to his.

"Yeah, Kuroo, I'm fine. It's all good, really. I'm just tired. No one said anything to me, I'm just tired," I say, trying to sound super convincing. I'm pathetic.

"Okay...you can tell me if something is wrong though, you know that right? I'm here for you, I swear," Kuroo tells me, his voice heartbreakingly soft and sincere.

"I know," I say, looking out the window as he backs out of the driveway and starts driving down the road.

What am I even doing?

We drive in silence for a bit and I can tell Kuroo wants to talk to me, but I put in no effort to start up a conversation. After a bit, he breaks the silence.

"Shit! I forgot my phone at home. Damnit, we could've had some music bumping. That would've gotten you amped up again!" He says, laughing a little.

Highly unlikely.

If he had remembered his phone, then I would be stressing about the fact that he had seen the texts and maybe even responded to them.

"Yeah...maybe that would've worked!" I say, half-assing a smile to him. We lapse into another silence, and as we get closer to my house, the tension has built to unimaginable heights. By the time we pull up my driveway, I'm sweating. He turns off the car.

"Hey"

"Hey..." I say.

"I'm not going to sit here and pester you to tell me what's bugging you, that would make me kind of a dick. But I hope that if you're hurting and there's something I can do to help you, you'll let me know. If it's something I've done, God, I hope you let me know. It seemed like you were having such a good time with my family tonight and they all loved you. Baby, I don't know what happened back there, but you don't have to deal with it alone," He says, and my chest aches as his words. Stupid, stupid, beautiful boy. Why do you have to be so perfect? Why do you have to care about someone so imperfect?

"Thank you Kuroo...I really love your family, and I'm not just saying that. It's just--well, never mind. It's just that I'm tired. I don't know, maybe it's my period or something. I'll let you know if I need anything, but honestly, I kind of just need to be alone right now. I'm sorry," I tell him, unbuckling and climbing out of the car and up to my front door.

I hear his car door shut and hear his footsteps as he follows me to the door.

"I know you want to be alone, but can I at least say goodbye?" He gently grabs my wrist.

I look at him, all his humor and mischief replaced by something gentle, soft, breakable...I really love this boy way too much. I can't resist him.

"Yes, Kuroo, of course," I say, wrapping my arms around his neck. I feel his hands on the small of my back and then I close the distance between us.

His soft lips caress mine. The kiss isn't heated and feverish, but I feel it in every nerve ending of my body just the same. The way he moves against me, the taste of him, and the heat of his body make me feel complete, and I could stay with him like this forever.

Then the kiss breaks. He holds me for a minute, kisses me on the forehead, and then lets me go.

"Just remember that I always want to talk to you. About trivial things, about serious things, about anything. Please don't shut me out, baby. Goodnight, I'll see you tomorrow," He says.

"Goodnight, Kuroo. Drive safe, and I'll see you tomorrow," I say back to him, feeling emptier and emptier as he walks farther and farther away from me.

I walk inside, take off my shoes, and head to my room.

I don't take off my makeup, I don't brush my teeth, and I don't change my clothes.

I just climb into bed and close my eyes.

Tears begin to fall down my face.

"How can I possibly love someone else when I don't even love myself?"