[Naomi]
"What do you think of that, Naomi?" Armin asked me, as we walked back all the way to the inn, down the more hidden streets of Calaneth, where the tall, commercial buildings were separated by smooth, stone roads.
"Of what?" I asked.
"Of having to choose between two important people in your life, like Samuel." He said. "If one's life was on the other edge, how would you be able to think straight?"
I was silent, unable to answer his question, as I looked pensively down the streets.
"I try not to think about it." I said. "These past few days, I'd been thinking of the same thing with Bertholdt and Reiner. I'm haunted by the thought of having them die in my hands."
Armin paused, and I looked at him. He looked like he was thinking deeply about how it must have been difficult to choose between your principles or your values. It wasn't something common, it wasn't the kind of internal dilemma teenagers like us would naturally encounter. But because of the system of this demanding world, we were forced to face the secrets nobody else was strong enough to take.
He looked at me considerately. "I understand. If I were to be forced by reality to compromise Eren or Mikasa, I'd probably never make a decision, too."
"It doesn't at all sound insane to you that I still care about the two people who took everything from you, and from everyone you used to know at Shiganshina?" I asked. "And all those people at Trost, and the many others they've robbed the lives of?"
"Loving people isn't a fault, Naomi. It never will be." He told me. "Being too attached to someone to let them go is not a misdeed. Choosing one over the other is not an easy choice to make, and it's natural for you to feel torn. Especially because you've been loved by them back."
I looked down to the ground, letting out an inaudible sigh.
"You find yourself in a situation where you have to pick between two important people, or parties in your life. Now, it's Bertholdt and Reiner, or the rest of us." He told me. "If you let both live and risk the possibility of more lives lost, you are blameless. Why? Because you only love them and would rather not give them the sentence of death yourself. The same way you are blameless for choosing us, because you love us and would rather not give us the sentence of death by their hands, too."
"You see, when you choose between two parties, which to let go and which to keep;" Armin said, looking up at the sky. "You're not choosing which one of them deserves to stay, but rather... which one of them deserves to go."
I looked towards Armin, a wave of enlightenment just washing down on me. I couldn't believe someone three years younger than me could be so wiser. This must've been what my mom felt like when Aunt Celine told her about her opinions on why she did not think her contribution would be significant towards the pursuance of truth.
Something told me, by the light touch of the cool October breeze, that what Armin was telling me right then and there was something I was going to carry with me for many more years to come. As if the wind whispered in my ear that I should recall it at a specific time of my life in the future, some time I could apply it for my own sake.
"People don't necessarily deserve to stay because they're good people. Usually it's just for practical necessity. Other times, it's because they ought to die a greater death. Whether more symbollic or more... Relentless." He continued. "Just as those who deserve to go aren't necessarily the bad ones. Sometimes they're released to the edge because they're of no use anymore. Other times, it's because they have had enough and earned themselves some real rest."
Armin looked at me, searching for any hint of hurt in my face. But all he could ever find there was realization and reflection, as I let his meaningful words sink in to me.
"Thank you, Armin." I said, looking at him and his bright blue eyes. "I will remember that."
He smiled at me, and I realized how awfully worried I'd be once they all set off for Maria in a few weeks. I would probably not be able to sleep until they were all home. Armin, Levi, Uncle Erwin, and the others. I could only rest when I'm assured they would all be back in one piece.
"Though I trust you quite well, Armin.. I have to say I'm going to kick your balls when you come back missing a limb or an eye or whatever." I said, bringing back the bantering moment between us. "I'll have to see the day that I get nieces and nephews from you, or else I'll curse you until the day I die."
"W-Wha.. Where the hell does all this come from, Naomi?" He laughed sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.
"Oh, you better believe it, punk. If you die out there in the battlefield, I'll put up a statue of you in front of the Scout Castle. You and you alone." I said.
"Naomi, for the gods' sake!" He exclaimed in horror, probably imagining the possibility in his head. "Anything but a statue. I'll roll in my grave of embarrassment."
"But why? It should be built- to honor the glory and the sacrifice you have laden upon the very feet of humanity!" I proclaimed in grandiose modulation.
"That's humiliating!" He replied, his eyes wide and his face abash with red hues.
"I'll have it built in the size of the titan that should kill you!" I said, gesturing wildly. "Made of gold-titanium alloy!"
"Agh, it's unbearable, the image, I can't get it out of my head." He screamed, digging his nails into his scalp.
"Now you're just mocking me." I said, glaring at him. He laughed out, throwing his head back like a little kid, his shoulders moving along with his loud chuckles.
I was annoyed as I watched him cackle at first, but it wasn't long until I bursted out laughing too, joining his fit of hilarity as we further walked down the quiet street.
We were laughing freely, until we heard a large window open wide and an angry woman yell out in this painfully shrieky voice, "Go admit yourselves to an asylum, crazy lunatics!"
Surprised at the snide impudence, I turned around slowly and tilted my head up to the woman, in such a way that made her frown tighter at my proud stance.
"Why don't you come down here and kiss my ass, crazy lady?" I said, the drunk blush of my laughter still bright across my face as I looked up at her on the window above us.
The lady's face knotted into an even more irritated expression, and she ducked out of the open shutters. Armin looked at me in surprise.
"Dude, are you out of your mind?!" He asked me. "You're a noblewoman! You shouldn't be talking like that!"
"Pah! You speak as if you haven't known me for the past three years!" I laughed. "I'm not a noble right now, am I? Live a little, golden boy!"
"How's this for a kiss?!" The lady yelled, and as Armin and I looked up at the window, she was already holding a large, heavy wooden bucket.
"Oh crap. Armin, run!" I yelled, and at the very split second she tipped the bucket over, Armin and I almost slipped in the stone roads, taking off as fast as we could on our feet.
I laughed, as I felt the water splash aloud behind me, wetting the edges of my skirt and a sprinkle at the back of Armin's shirt and pants. When we were a safe distance, Armin turned back and looked at the old lady. He twisted on his heel and stuck out his butt, giving it a slap. "Sorry old lady, but you didn't even graze my ass!"
I laughed in utter amusement, as Armin straightened up and I hit him playfully across the shoulder. We both laughed as we began brisk-walking down the street again.
"I can't believe you just did that, you dweeb!" I giggled, covering my mouth in sheer disbelief.
Armin was grinning. "I can't believe it too. But how's that for living a little? Pretty risque, eh?"
"Oh god! Give me my prim and poised Armin back!" I acted in despair, but bursted out giggling and snickering with him again.
-~•~-
"You should've seen the look on her face when I gave her the butt!" Armin laughed as we opened the door to the inn room wide, still uncontrollably snickering, our stomachs hurting.
"I know, she looked so revolted, I was sure she was going to jump out!" I answered, throwing my head back as we both laughed out profusely.
"Sounds like you two got into some trouble." Uncle Erwin remarked, as he sat there on his bed, far on the right corner of the room. He was putting on his shirt as Hanji was still dozing off on the other bed, in a weird position.
"Oh, it was nothing really. Let me help you there, uncle." I smiled brightly at him, before turning to Armin and handing him the basket of what we bought earlier. "Armin, could you take this to the kitchen, please?"
"Of course." He answered, taking the basket and entering the adjacent room. I walked over to my uncle, as he stood there by the window.
"What were you guys talking about just now?" He asked, as I started buttoning up his white shirt. "Did you disturb one of the locals?"
"I guess." I replied, giggling. "It was funny, really. I haven't seen that face since when I was still at the Training Corps. We have this grumpy old admin, I think, Pollus was his name; and he kept chewing down on us for no reason. So I built him a little contraption."
"By little contraption, I'm assuming that you got yourself to the office." He raised an eyebrow.
"I was almost expelled from training." I laughed out, recalling the hilarious yet nerve-wracking scenes in my head. "If I had been, it would've been worth it. Everyone, including Annie and Bertholdt... Was satisifed."
Uncle Erwin noticed the break in my voice as it lowered on the excitement, and the fade of my tone as I finished his buttons. He looked down to me, about to say something in what was probably consolation, when I quickly picked myself up and smiled warmly at him.
"Luckily, I had Armin to back me up." I said, keeping my spirits up high again. "He told Commandant Keith that the trap was intended for a different classmate, though he did not deny I was the builder behind it. Because of his act of courage, Reiner stepped in and told the Commandant that he was the mastermind of everything."
I smiled widely, shaking my head at those wholesome memories, seemingly lifetimes away right then and there. "Our penalty was to clean the stables by ourselves every single day for a month. The two really stuck around for me, not one day amiss. Even though I acted alone on setting up that little prank on Pollus."
Uncle Erwin regarded me with appreciation. "I've never seen you been this blissful before, daisy. You don't know how much it means to me to see you smile as bright as that."
"This short vacation really gave me the perfect reason to be happy all the time." I said. "Mom and Aunt Celine are thinking you did a good job with fulfilling my wishes, Uncle."
"I do hope so." He said, nodding. "However embarrassed I am to say it, I'm still learning how to be a good uncle and father."
I smiled in assurance at him, taking his hand so I could lead him to the kitchen, where everyone must have been gathered. "You're doing a great job, don't fret about it."
"By the way, I have noticed something, Naomi." He said, as we walked through the door of the adjacent room, where the circular dining table and the kitchen was. Levi was standing in front of the sink, washing the dishes. I asked myself why would he wash the unused dishes, but then I gave my attention to my uncle as he sat there on one of the chairs.
"What's that?" I asked, rounding up against the table edge to take the daily newspaper. I handed it to him, folded neatly.
"You seem to be a lot happier with Armin more than anyone else in your circle of friends." He remarked. "It makes me feel reassured about him."
I smiled softly, taking the loaves of bread out of the paper bag. "Oh... I don't really know, too. But I like how we're polar opposites and soulmates at the same time. It's strange, but it's funny and it makes me laugh."
Uncle Erwin smiled audibly as he unfolded the newspaper, looking down at it to start reading. "Hmm. I see. At least I know that you have a closer friend other than Levi. The more people to take care of you, the better."
I giggled, taking the bread and the eggs from the table, to the counter and stove, next to Levi. "Good morning, love."
I put my hand around his waist, as he answered; "Good morning. Had a good trip around town today?"
"Yeah." I nodded gleefully, reaching up to kiss him on the cheek before I returned my attention to the ingredients I was going to use for Aunt Celine's egg and butter toasts. "Why are you washing the dishes? They're clean. They weren't used."
"We can't be too sure." He replied, finishing up on the washing. I laughed, shaking my head as I began to slice the loaves.
"Good morning, loves!" We heard Hanji's excessively energized voice greet from the door of the adjacent room. I looked back from my work to her, as she sat down on the table to join Uncle Erwin.
"Good morning, Corporal!" I greeted brightly, before looking back on the counter to continue preparing the breakfast for everyone.
"Looks like your skin likes Calaneth air, Naomi. You look rather radiant today." Hanji remarked, making me blush. I giggled as I took the cups of coffee I filled with brewed powder before Armin and I left for the morning market.
"I'm glad you noticed, ma'am. I've been people-watching with Armin as we went around town. This really is a nice place." I replied playfully, preparing their coffee. I looked to Levi and asked, pointing to the kettle on the stove. "Love, is this still warm?"
"I just turned the stove off a few moments ago." He replied. I nodded and poured some hot water onto the cups, and stirred them.
"Good morning, Commander, Corporal, Captain." I heard Armin greet, making me look towards the door to their room to see him walking shyly over to the chair next to Uncle Erwin.
"Good morning, Armin." Hanji replied. "Did you notice how Naomi is a bit more bright-looking today?"
"Hmm.." Armin replied, making me smile. "She has been laughing quite more than she usually does, Corporal."
"She was very energetic when she got back here." Uncle Erwin added. "Seems to me that my baby girl is having fun here in her hometown."
"The feels of home looks good on you, junior." Hanji perked up, as I picked the cups up and went to the table with a warm smile. "Don't you think so, Levi?"
"Naomi was always the most beautiful wherever." He answered, surprising me with his straightforward compliment; a manner of speech that doesn't typically escape his lips.
I looked towards Levi as I set the cups down in front of Uncle Erwin and Hanji, while he turned back to us and wiped his hands with a towel. He gazed at me vacantly. "But I did notice she's blooming more today. Any one I should be keeping my eye on, Naomi?"
I laughed, shaking my head. "You guys are just flattering me now. What do you really want from me?"
From my view in between Hanji and Uncle Erwin's seat, directly in front of Levi, I looked at all of them as they gave me a warm, faithful gaze in their eyes. To be looked at like that by the elite three-person league of the most experienced, tenacious and skilled soldiers in all of humanity; joined by the one person I had the truest faith in to keep the rest of us living and fighting- was truly something that dawned onto me.
"We're just happy to see our source of cheerfulness in this otherwise really socially dull and boring regiment enjoy herself." Hanji replied.
"You've been rather gloomy in your head lately, daisy." Uncle Erwin added.
"True... I'm not really used to seeing a silent Naomi." Armin remarked.
"Glad to see our efforts are paying off." Levi said.
But right then, in that intimate moment in the eight 'o clock morning sun, I could only see them as the people I love and treasure. My best friend, my mentor, my uncle, and my lover.
"Hey, good morning everyone!" Sasha greeted from the door, making us all look back to the sudden turn of our bright morning. Jean came out behind her, then Mikasa, Eren and Connie.
"Good morning!" Connie greeted.
"What's for breakfast, Naomi?" Sasha asked. "Ooh! Is it a Calaneth special?"
I laughed, walking away from my spot next to Uncle Erwin to come back to the counter. "You got that right, Sasha. We're only be having Calaneth specials as long as we're here."
-~•~-
"Hey, I'll do it, love." Levi said, as I stood in front of the sink with the dishes we used to have breakfast with. "These lazy slobs are good for nothing with cleaning, and they know it."
I smiled, stepping back a little for him to stand next to me. He started sorting out the dishes, from utensils to the larger plates. "Is that why none of them volunteered to do the washing?"
"Yeah. They know I still won't be satisfied." He answered coldly, starting to wash the dishes. "These kids can't clean if their lives were on the gutter."
"Hmm.." I replied, nodding as I leaned against the counter. My tone took a more playful bantering tone as I spoke. "You've been the leader of your troupe for almost a decade now.. And yet you can't teach them how to clean properly? Is that more difficult than barking commands at the battlefield?"
"Trust me, it is." He replied, starting with the cups. The morning sun from the windows in front of us glinted against the edges of the dishes as he stacked everything neatly one by one. "Somehow it has become a common characteristic for soldiers to be real pack rats."
I laughed. "You have to teach people how to do stuff at times, you know. Not just tell them what to do."
"I don't have time." He replied, keeping his eyes on the cups he was washing.
"Well,.. You do now." I answered, shrugging. "We practically have no assignments today than just have fun. It's a nice way to truly connect with them. Just... Being normal people together and do some really simple chores."
"What am I, their father or something?" Levi scoffed, frowning a little bit. "I don't think they need my guidance for this simple task. It's really the job of a four-year-old toddler and yet they still can't get it right. Might as well do it myself."
"And you're going to be like that when you become a father, too?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. He gave me an impatient side-glance, before looking back onto the cups. "Just casually ordering your children to do something, and if they can't do it correctly the first time, you'll let them not learn from it by doing everything on your own?"
"It's not like that, of course." He answered. "I'll.. Manage to find a way to teach them. But these little dimwits, they're full-grown soldiers, not to mention they're not my children. I expected more."
"I say you practice your patience right now, while you still have the chance." I told him, breaking away from my folded arms to face him. "What about you try teaching me?"
"You do it almost as good as I do, love. You were raised like a royal, not a lowlife. There's no point." He said.
"Ah-ah." I replied, smiling as I put up my forefinger before him. "You said 'almost'. Meaning I can still improve. Show me how, then."
"This is needless." He replied quietly, as I joined him next to the sink, pulling up my sleeves to my elbows.
"This is necessary." I assured him. "Patience with others is what makes Uncle Erwin such a great commander. Whether it was small or major tasks, he'd always been very considerate with his soldiers. The same way he'd been with raising me. Now, where do I start?"
"You know where to start." He answered quietly.
"No I don't." I replied. "I'm pretending to be your little 'pack rat'. Hmm, let's see.. What would those 'lowlives' do first?"
"Tch." He replied in disgust, watching me ruin his organized stacks little by little by re-arranging the plates to hold one cup, one fork and one knife each.
"What's the matter? I haven't even done anything yet and you're already growling like an irritated cat." I told him.
"I don't know what's wrong with the way you speak right now, but my ears aren't liking it." He hissed impatiently, as I continued my disconcerting actions with arrangement. I scattered the groups of dishes across the counter.
I laughed. "Don't like it when I call people insulting names? But for some reason you're permitted to do so?"
Levi gave me a caught-in-the-trap glare, that just screamed to my face; "Fine, I see your point."
I smiled knowingly as I looked back onto the sink. "Now I'm done arranging, sir. What should I do next?"
Levi groaned, pinching his nose bridge. "This is really childish. What the hell is that arrangement? I can't tell if you're going to wash them or serve them again or summon a ravaging demon from the pits of hell."
I laughed aloud, throwing my head back. Even though I knew Levi's striking snide remarks weren't easy on the ears for everyone, there was nothing else in the world that made me laugh quite more. I shook my head, looking at them. "That's how you're talking to your future children when they mess up? I'm not impressed."
"Well, since you're not less of a pack rat than myself, how would you do it?" He spat out impatiently, gesturing to the mess I've made of the shiny clean sink. "You can't deny that this monstrosity looks atrocious as shi-"
"As what?" I hissed, widening my eyes at him as he suspended his swear word.
"As shhh...tuff." He said, trailing off. I giggled, shaking my head at him. "God, I can't believe you make me do this swearing prohibition crap, I'm thirty-four for god's sake."
"Everything I do is for a reason, love." I answered, looking back to the sink. "Now, let's carry on. What do we do now, Captain? Do we start with the plates?"
I asked while picking up the closest plate, and his hand immediately flew to my wrist. "Were you raised in a barn or something? How about we start with giving you a-"
"Calm down, pissbaby." I told him. "Slowly, carefully. Like you're talking to a five-year-old."
"I never have talked to a five-year-old." He answered.
"Then imagine." I replied, shrugging. "It's easy. You just have to tone it down with the insults and go step by step. Describe what you're doing and show it to me while doing so."
Levi gave me a low hiss after that, impatient and annoyed. But he went on to try his best to be as patient as possible, forgiving when I make intentional mistakes, and entertaining my questions no matter how stupid they sounded. It felt like the kind of questions my three-year younger friends would ask.
Soon, we were treading through finishing the dishes in suds and bubbles, with my frequent laughter and his frequent agitated annoyance. The bubbly morning atmosphere in the kitchen was filled by our arguing and calm-teaching voices, making the beginning of the day more charmingly pleasant.
"Naomi, don't do that!"
"Do what? This?"
"No!"
"Sorry."
As I watched him learn piece by piece how to practice his consideration and patience, I felt sweeter about my lover more than ever. He was the one who was doing most of the teaching that special hour of our little taste of simple lives, but in the deeper context of the minutes passing by, I was the one teaching him the more significant lessons of life, which he might use in the future to live a better one.
I have always admitted to myself and everyone that Levi wasn't the most agreeable person you would ever meet, for sure his edges were rough, with no chance of smoothing them. Changing Levi's cold and deadpanned disposition to his peers and juniors was a lost cause- not like I wanted to transform him in that aspect anyway.
"Now, you wipe the droplets away from the sink, with that cloth over there." He directed, and I obediently followed.
But it was definitely easy to love him. There was no doubt about that.
"Compliment?" I asked, as if following up a requirement.
"Good work." He said. I nodded approvingly at him, as we finally finished the task, with the dishes, cups and utensils put away nicely in their cupboards. I felt a little thirsty, so I filled a cup with water.
"See? That wasn't such a difficult thing to do." I told him, tapping him by the back of the arm as I took a sip from my cup. "You were a great teacher. With more practice, you'll be a great father, too."
"How about we use the next nine months to practice?" Levi teased, putting an arm around my waist as he looked back into me.
"Hey, hey!" I hissed, gripping on his arms as he put the other one on my elbow. "What are you implying?"
"I'm just saying, maybe we should know for sure if I'd make a great father." He replied, giving me a sly grin.
"Levi, you rogue!" I laughed, hitting him by the shoulders as he pulled me closer, chuckling under his breath as well. "We can't do this here, my friends might see us!"
"Ah, so let's go somewhere else, then." He suggested, tightly holding me around the waist as I giggled at his playful gestures.
"No, Levi, stop!" I said, before he leaned closer to my face and I dodged his advance, making the two of us laugh. "Stop it, I tell you!"
He continued kidding around, and my frisky evasions from his advances made me stretch my hand out, splashing the water from the cup I was holding into his shirt.
"Oh no!" I gasped a little, laughing as we slightly pulled away from each other. I looked at his shirt, now widely blotting with cold water. "I'm sorry! Serves you right, though."
Levi chuckled, pulling the fabric away from his skin. "God, I hate wet clothes. Will you get me a new shirt, love? It's in my bag next door."
"Alright," I replied, walking away from the sunshine in the kitchen sink towards the door leading to our room, headed for his bag on the foot of his bed. I opened the duffel, and carefully went through his clothes, cautious about not messing it up. As I took one white pull-over shirt, his black leather wallet toppled from the pile and opened up. It caught my attention with a little yellowed paper sketch.
I picked the wallet up to take a closer look at the portrait, seeing familiar faces. It was a family portrait of five. My mother sitting down, with little me on her lap, my Uncle Erwin behind us next to his wife, Aunt Celine, and Levi at her left. It was a nostalgic drawing that warmed my heart. Especially knowing that Levi kept it in his wallet all this time.
"Naomi, honey?" Levi called from the kitchen, as I heard dishes being arranged again in clinks and taps. "You scouring a haystack back there? Pretty sure I only brought four shirts."
"Yep, I'm coming." I answered from my spot on the other room, closing up his bag again. I walked over to the door to the kitchen area again, still smiling about the picture. "Hey, I saw that sketch in your wallet, where did you-"
I trailed off as I saw Levi standing there, turning back to face me from arranging what was left of the dishes. He was clutching his shirt in his hand, looking at me vacantly as I stood there in stunned silence. As the slightly wet creases of his torso glistened in the sunshine, I began to ask myself again; Am I really dating this guy? Did his body really look like that, ever? I was pretty sure I saw him once like that before. I probably wasn't paying enough attention to really think about how he looked so gorgeous under those layers.
"Where did I what, love?" He asked, his lazy eyes and veined hands shaking me off from my shallow daze.
"Oh, well, I was going to ask you where you got the family sketch I saw on your... Wallet." I said, avoiding to look at his bare body as I walked closer.
"What's the matter?" He let out a scoff. "You look like a kid trying hard to lie in front of an adult. Still not used to seeing this?"
"Oh please, just put on a shirt." I said, handing out his pull-over. He chuckled as he took it, putting it on.
When he was fully-clothed, I looked him up in the eye and walked closer, slowly wrapping my arms around his torso.
"Well, to answer your question, it was a replica of the real thing. I kept the replica... Well.. To remind me things." He said, putting an arm over my shoulder as he looked pensively towards the window.
"What things?" I asked, looking at him.
"Ah, you know." He said. "Things other than continuous bitter crap I have to deal with every day."
"You mean your memories with my family?" I smiled faintly. "And your promise to them?"
"Yeah, sure." He replied. I smiled, pressing my cheek against his chest. "I guess I just felt for once that I was accepted somewhere. Not a gatecrasher like I was at birth, but a real part of something deeper than duty or blood."
"As long as I and Uncle Erwin still live, you'll always have somewhere to call home, love." I told him.
"Yeah." He answered, his voice more quiet than ever. "It's the reason behind this stupid protectiveness I always practice."
I smiled faintly, not wanting to respond to his really silent remark. I knew responding would only make him less verbal about these kinds of things.
"Where was the real portrait, Levi?" I asked. "I want it in my house."
"To be honest... I really don't know." He answered. "Perhaps kept hidden by Erwin at the Manor, or Ivan at the Estate."
"I'll find it." I answered. "I'll have it hanging nicely in my main hallway by the end of this year."
-~•~-