The men disperse to do their part whilst I prepare myself. The castle falls into chaos once more as Arthur sets up all duties whilst he is gone. Gwen follows him, making a note of all that he puts into place so that she can watch over Camelot as she does whenever Arthur is away.
Gwen takes care of Camelot as a child. She tends to its every need, which is why she has made a fitting Queen. I could never even begin to imagine the responsibility, yet she makes it seem so easy. Even when Arthur is struggling, she finds a way to help.
I change into some more comfortable clothes. Simple brown pants and a shirt, covered by outer layers of a tight black man's vest and a grey cloak over the top. Ironically, it feels weird dressing in anything other than a dress. I laugh at myself. It's been so long that I have grown accustomed to wearing a dress. As special someone once told me.
Although I'm with five great warriors, I still arm myself with hidden daggers for safekeeping. I understand that these things can come in handy. After packing all I need, I finally head up to Gauis' chamber. I need to collect some herbs, medicines and equipment for the road.
I arrive to find Gaius has already begun packing a small bag with all the essentials for a wound I may have to treat. I see he has another prepared with other remedies for Merlin to take. I enter, finishing tying off my hair in a braid as I do so.
I take the bag, my heart swelling in gratitude as I check all the remnants inside. "Thank you, Gaius. You didn't have to do that."
"Of course, I did", Gaius beams "there's not a day where you and Merlin would survive without my help. It'll surprise you how much I do for you."
I chuckle, patting Gaius on the shoulder as he passes. "Of course, Gaius. I don't forget."
Gaius comes to a stop in front of me, hands resting on my shoulders for a moment. We peer back at one another before he pulls me into a tight hug. It is as he has done many times before whenever I go anywhere with Arthur, and that is not much.
He does the same to Merlin. Gaius loves us as if we are his own, and he worries about us. I try to tell him not to, but he can't help it. He wants us to be safe, and it's times like this he knows that we may be in danger.
I do enjoy having someone look out for me, as Gaius does.
"You're sure this is safe?" Gaius asks, still holding me in an embrace.
"I'm sure," I answer.
Truthfully, I hadn't given it much thought. Thinking about it, going into a criminal infested maze isn't reassuring. I hadn't thought of how dangerous this could be. Perhaps that is a little of the old nieve Edythe coming through. I had lived for so long among people like that that I didn't even think for a moment how dangerous this was. Sudden nausea overwhelms me.
"A festival of criminals doesn't sound like a well-disposed place, Edythe. I know you know their tendencies well. But you are different now" Gaius guides me. "You have much to lose now, which leaves you very vulnerable. It frightens me."
I nod, understanding his words. The pit in my stomach seems to grow as the weight of the situation sets in. "I know Gaius. But these people are not the worst there is. They're quite friendly compared to...."
My mind wanders for a moment. Various faces flash over my mind, one in particular lingering for a moment longer than the others. I push the thought aside, having not mustered up memories of them in a very long time, and have refused to do so forever.
"Compared to who?" Gaius questions, eyes bearing through me.
"No one!" I cover, bringing my thoughts back to the present. I place a reassuring smile on my lips. Yet it does not reach my eyes. "This should be fine, Gaius. No need to worry yourself. We'll have Merlin with us, and five skilled warriors, and well me! We'll be fine."
Gaius still looks sceptical, but he nods, pulling me into another quick hug. "Look after yourself, Edythe."
I make my way down to the square, hoping to find that the horses are ready for us to ride as soon as possible. I'm not particularly eager to leave Camelot anymore. It's my safe place. I've spent my whole life looking for somewhere to belong, so now that I have to leave it...that is my last wish.
The symbol continues to cross my mind bringing back memories I have long pushed to the back of my mind. Every step I descend the stone stairs, another memory passes on a thought. I keep telling myself that everything will be fine and that we're going to get the stone without fuss. Yet my mind isn't quiet as I think of all the people and things associated with that symbol... how I was once associated with that symbol...
***
The sway of my horse keeps my thoughts at bay. My focus on the movement of the horse and my own body, the sound of hoof on the ground. The chatter of men sounds distant to my ears as I tune out from the world around me. I should be enjoying my time in the forest, which was once my home. Instead, I find myself in complete silence and a distant world.
I'm doing this to stop myself from overthinking this whole mission. We need to stay focused. If I spend the entire time thinking about things that could go wrong, everything will go wrong.
"What is this? Edythe, quiet? I never thought I'd see the day!" cries Gwaine from beside me, pocking my shoulder as he does so.
"It's called thinking. Perhaps you should try it sometime", I respond, turning to Gwaine with a sarcastic smile.
"I find that thinking it far too much work and doesn't leave room for improvisation", Gwaine argues. "Spontaneous decisions, however, are more fun. You never know what you're going to get."
"Fun isn't exactly the word I would use."
"Such a downer", Gwaine groans "alright, I'll play. What is on your mind, E?"
"Just...had a bad memory is all. I'll be back to myself as soon as we get this stone and get headed home," I admit. Gwaine and I fall behind the group to talk in private.
I never can lie to Gwaine. He's learnt to detect my lies, as I have his. Our friendship was built on trust and honesty. It made our bond stronger than I've had with anyone: even Jackson, my childhood best friend. In ways, Gwaine and I know more about each other than I did about Jackson. After what he did, I felt like I didn't even know him.
"You know you're safe in Camelot now, right?" Gwaine offers, voice softer than usual.
"I know", I agree, voice also lighter. "But that's not what I'm worried about."
"Then what are you worried about?"
"I haven't ventured into this world in so long, the dark hidden societies, I mean. I'm scared that I'm too confident about getting this stone back. Gaius made a point earlier. I don't belong in that world anymore, so how can I guarantee that I'm not leading you guys into a trap?"
"We trust you", Gwaine acknowledges ", and I don't think this will be a trap. I spent most of my life dealing with crooks and criminals of all kinds. I don't know how I survived most of them, to be honest. And they were all the same idiots. This thief we're after. He'll be no different. No offence."
"None taken..."
"You care about this kid, don't you?" He adds, seeing my reluctance to make a joke toward that or even to fight his comment.
"All I know is that I did when he was a child. I don't know who he is now, but-" I pause, trying to find the right words. "I can't bring myself to think of him as a bad person. Do you know what I mean? To have an image of someone, and to have everyone else tell you it's a lie...."
"I understand", Gwaine agrees softly. "Don't worry. We'll get the stone back. And we won't hurt the kid."
"Thank you."
"Besides. Best we do get that stone anyways, if not for Camelot, then for Edythe. Who I would very much like to come back now," Gwaine exaggerates.
I smirk, rolling my eyes. "We never have serious conversations for long, do we, Gwaine?"
"No, ma'am", Gwaine smirks.
The ride continues, the two of us remaining at the back of the group. The men immerse in conversation ahead. Between the banter, they tease Merlin, who tries to ignore it with lips pressed tightly. The image brings back some of my spirits, planting a small smile onto my face.
I finally relax and take in the forest for its beauty and waves of lush green. I'm at home seeing the knights in their natural state, overpowering the negative memories with new positive ones.
The night approaches, to which I curse, knowing that we are losing precious time to catch up to Tyrant. Although I know for a fact, there will be a designated time for him and one of Ronon's men to meet. Perhaps we will have longer than we know.
We ride on until we cannot see anymore. Arthur decided that we set up camp. I help gather sticks with Elyan and Merlin while the others tend to the horses and get our beds set up for the night. Once again, I find peace in the night and the forest. It's been a very long time since I've spent the night out in the woods, and at times I miss it. But I like my warm bed more, something I've grown to appreciate very much.
I help build a fire whilst Merlin tries to get a spark, the two of us bumping into each other as we do so. It fills us with giggles, gaining the disapproval of Arthur almost immediately. Although I see a smile creep onto his face when he thinks no one is looking.
Merlin begins to cook, which is a trait I have never excelled in. Merlin is far more skilled than me and has opted to cook stew, which I cannot complain against as I love Merlin's stews. The woman in me comes out as I go around the camp, tidying up the bedding and the bags that the men have dumped.
"How about a ghost story?" Gwaine suggests, sitting on a log by the fire.
Everyone groans out loud, bringing a giggle to my lips. "I think we've heard enough of your ghost stories Gwaine," Percival grumbles, nudging him to make room on the log.
"It was just a suggestion", Gwaine grumbles like a child.
"Edythe", Arthur calls from across the fire where he sits ", know any decent ghost stories?"
"Afraid not. I wasn't a child who got into such stories because they were too childish for me," I answer, a smirk growing on my face.
"There, you see Gwaine. Childish," Arthur recites, arms perched upon a log as he lays down.
"Well, I'd like to see you come up with a way to pass the time", Gwaine huffs, pulling his shoes off to lay his feet by the fire.
I scrunch up my nose in disgust, most of the others also moving away from Gwaine enough to get some fresh air. I find it funny that I'm a part of the show now. Once Gwaine would never have done such a thing with a woman around, but I'm different. I'm not most girls. Funny that. I glare at him, the knight smirking in response.
"Alright then, how about a game of truths?" Arthur suggests.
"Truths?"
"Yeah, it doesn't have a name. The group takes turns in asking each other questions, and they must answer truthfully. Usually, there is drinking involved, but we'll make do."
"Yeah, no, I'm out", I respond, "Because I know for a fact I'll be the one that gets picked on."
Arthur places his hand on his chest as if offended. "Pick on you? Never."
"Uh-huh. That doesn't give me confidence."
"Come on, Edythe, be a sport", Gwaine calls, a cheeky smirk on his lips. I glare back at him. The knight nods his head toward Leon and raises his eyebrows suggestively. I stick my tongue out at him like a child, standing before anyone can argue.
"You guys play your 'game', and I'll go collect some firewood."
"Do you need someone to come with you?" Leon asks, sitting up from his place by the fire.
"No, I'll be fine. If I'm being murdered, I'll scream," I answer sarcastically with a grin, gaining a few chuckles from around the fire.
I can't get away from the group fast enough, already feeling the heat rise to my cheeks as I disappear into the forest. A little anger swells in my chest because I don't like how I act when someone teases me about Leon. It's become a game for Gwaine for a while now, but others have slowly begun to join in. I don't like being picked on like this.
I begin to walk away from the group, not too far away to be out of ear reach, but enough to get some privacy. I can hear the distant howl of laughter as the men engage in their truth-telling game. I have no doubt it will raise some questions and teasing later.
I pace my collecting of a stack of sticks, not intending to get back anytime soon. I don't want to be in the middle of their teasing. And being the only woman, I will get bombarded with questions I would rather not answer. Merlin may now be the poor unfortunate soul to get teased...but he can take it. He'll be fine...
"Still alive?" the voice of Arthur calls from the fire in the distance.
"For the moment!" I call back, the group returning to their teasing and banter once more.
I take a seat on a log, taking in a deep breath of the forest's fresh air. It makes me think of my childhood with the druids. Flashes of running through the forest with laughter and love run past my thoughts. Of the mornings, I had been sitting in an enormous tent in camp, asked to recite spells. But all I, and my friend Jackson, wanted to do was go outside and play.
I have a vivid memory of the older woman who tried to improve our magic skills to the best of her ability. She was a scary-looking woman, short with a long nose and two distinct warts on her forehead and cheek. Jackson and I hated her. She would beat the insolence out of us. Yet somehow, we would still giggle, defiantly running from the tent howling in laughter.
Helga. Her name was Helga. And despite all the crap I gave her, all the nights I spent ranting about her absurd teaching methods and attitude...I felt awful the day she passed. I had long left the druids by then and had heard through a travelling group of druids I passed on the road of her passing. It felt like my childhood was truly over when Helga passed. All things simple were gone that day.
I begin to think of Iseldir, what he's been up to and where he's been the last couple of years. I haven't spoken to him in so long. I haven't heard from him or seen him since he convinced me to stay in Camelot. I would give anything to meet him once more, to see him at least one last time. I don't want to live in a world where I never got to see him before something happened to either of us.
I came back to reality, realising that I had become teary-eyed. I could not say why I'm sentimental–probably being back in the forest, having to think about the life I had once had. I'm going to have to relive some moments of my life to get us into the festivities. I may even have to speak with old 'friends' who I do not wish to. I do not want to revisit this part of my life, but I'll do anything for Arthur. I'll do anything to keep the new life I have. I'll do anything to make up for my mistake that has brought us here.
"You're lucky you decided to leave", Leon's voice acknowledges from within the darkness. "They're not holding back."
Startled by his voice, I cough back the tears, grateful that it's too dark to see them. "Asking hard-hitting questions then?"
"Mostly embarrassing and personal", Leon answers, taking a seat next to me on the log.
"I thought as much", I chuckle ", thus why I went to collect firewood."
"That of which you don't appear to be doing very well", Leon observes, gesturing toward the small pile by my leg.
"Hey, I believe I'm doing an amazing job. Thank you very much. Just because you would do it differently doesn't mean I'm not good at it."
Leon raises his hands in defeat. "Of course. I would never question your capability in no such way."
"Mhm, of course not", I laugh, nudging the knight on his shoulder.
"So, what is a woman such as yourself doing sitting in the dark, alone?" Leon asks, looking out into the distance as if he'll find something interesting to look at.
I shake my head in amusement.
In truth, there isn't much to look at, the forest too dense here to see the stars, and the lack of light not making any beautiful glow on the forest ground. The night isn't even necessarily lovely. It's pretty cold and damp. Leon can tell I haven't chosen to sit out here for the scenery. He probably can also tell I'm not in the mood for teasing, thus why I left. No doubt it was Gwaine's idea to send Leon to my aid.
"Overthinking, as said woman often likes to do", I respond.
"Overthinking about what?"
I shrug, looking down at my lap. "I've already sulked to Gwaine. I don't want to burden you with my troubles, Leon."
"Please, tell me any of your worries. I do not mind," Leon reassures.
"That's just it, Leon. I don't want to burden you with such matters because you care too much."
"That's a bad thing?"
"No, of course not. I just don't want you thinking differently of me."
"Why would I?"
I sigh, unable to look at Leon. "There are things, Leon, things I haven't told anyone. And that's what's worrying me. There are things about this world we're heading into that aren't...right. I hope we can get in and out fine. And I hope...I don't make a bad decision...."
"Stop doubting yourself, Edythe," Leon scolds. "We're going to be fine. You're going to be fine. Your past doesn't matter to any of us. It never has. It never will. You're smarter and stronger than you think. We'll make it out fine because we have your knowledge."
A weak smile creeps onto my face, but it doesn't hold. I know Leon means well, and that's one of my favourite traits of his. I know that I may be overthinking everything, and that is true. But I think Gaius is right. I have too much to lose now, which makes me susceptible to fear and failure.
"I'm surprised you haven't lectured me yet."
"Lectured you? For what?"
"Letting Tyrant go. For trying to stop you going after him," I answer.
"I don't need to lecture you, Edythe. We don't have to discuss it," Leon objects. "You were protecting a friend. I forgive you. We're fixing the mess made by going after him. I don't see why it needs to be discussed any further."
I nod, grateful for his forgiveness. I had feared that Leon had seen me differently after that encounter. I feared he didn't want to be near me anymore after that, and there would be resentment. But there isn't, and I'm glad for it. I'm not sure what I would have done if Leon refused even to know me anymore, to turn a cold shoulder. I would be devastated.
"I'm sorry, Leon", I whisper.
Leon turns to me with concern. "For what?"
"Being the one stuck with silly old me when you could be doing anything else."
Leon lightly chuckles, looking to the ground. "I can't think of anything else I could be doing. And I don't think you're silly."
This brings a genuine smile to my face, the first real one I've had all day. Leon's genuineness and loving nature are always enough to lift my spirits, even if I'm not in the mood for having someone try to lift my spirits.
We sit in silence for a moment, not wanting to say anything but enjoy each other's company. It's not strange for us to do this. It's a peculiar unsaid feeling between us that allows us to enjoy being with each other, even if we're not doing anything or speaking.
"Oi! I hope you haven't decided to murder Edythe on us, Leon!" calls the voice of Gwaine from a distance.
This brings us both to chuckle. "Who said I wasn't murdering Leon?" I yell back.
"Nah, he'd be screaming like a little girl!"
"Yeah, well, you would too if Edythe was murdering you!" Leon retaliates.