This was totally nuts—what they had suggested. Would they really share me, and how the hell would that even work?
Too many thoughts and questions lingered in my mind when I got back home. Things I hadn't even thought about asking when I was with them bombarded me.
I should've been repulsed or something, right? The thought of being shared by not two but three grown men should have made me even just a little bit scared, but hell no if my mind wanted to get with the program.
No, it didn't repulse me, it excited me, and for that, I was a little bit scared, but for my own sanity more than anything else.
What was wrong with me for even considering this? Was there anything wrong with wanting something more unorthodox? The truth was, I really didn't know the answer to that.
My mind returned to what had happened in the viewing room. It had been...the best sexual experience I'd ever had. They'd made me come, like honest to God made me orgasm. That, in itself, was a feat. I hadn't been able to do that with someone else before. Sure, I've orgasmed by myself, but I'd always worried that the mental block I had when I was with other men would always keep me from experiencing that kind of pleasure with them. Now, I felt relieved that that wasn't the case.
My apartment was a welcome relief from the dramatic and provocative club. It was late, but I was too keyed up to be able to fall asleep. I got ready for bed and grabbed my kindle from the kitchen counter. Maybe a bit of reading would help shut off the overactive brain of mine.
My favorite author had published a new book recently, and though I didn't know what it was about, I knew I would love it, like all her other books.
I laughed hysterically as I read the blurb—it was about one woman and three men, reverse fucking harem. This author had never written anything of that kind before, so what the hell did this mean? Was the universe trying to tell me something?
Even so, I was curious, and what better way to experience a taste of being shared by multiple men than to live it through another person?
Let's just say, by the morning, I felt the opposite of well-rested. I'd spent most of the night engulfed in the book about the woman with her three lovers. Of course, I couldn't make my decision based on the book; this was reality and not some fictional love story. But I couldn't help but be intrigued.
I knew what Kevin would say to my situation, and maybe that was why I told him at the beginning of our shift, but I kept their names out of it.
"Get out of here, really? Are you fucking kidding me? That's like everyone's secret dream!" Kevin hadn't stopped rambling about the guys' proposition since I told him. Luckily, the only other person in the café was the chef, and he was hard of hearing; we would have to yell directly into his ear if we wanted him to hear us.
"I should probably say no, shouldn't I?" I knew that was the most sensible choice, so tell me why I was asking Kevin. He was the least rational person I knew, always doing whatever crazy stuff he wanted without thought and sometimes without reason. In other words, he was the cooler one out of us two.
"Honey, is there some part of you that wants this? Be honest." He was rarely serious, so it made me listen more to what he had to say when he actually was.
"Maybe," I mumbled, placing several freshly baked cupcakes in the display counter.
"Is maybe yes? Em, there's nothing wrong with wanting it. Hell, I would say you should go for it, but..." he trailed off, making me wonder what he was going to say.
"But?" I prompted him.
"But that's not my place to tell you. Even so, what I said last time when you told me about the sponsor membership? It applies to this too. Ask yourself if you would regret it if you turned it down, then that would be your answer to if you should do this or not." I had to admit, Kevin shocked me with his wisdom. Sometimes I forgot who I was talking to. He was always so cheerful and carefree, but I knew he went through hell when he came out to his very Christian parents. It didn't end in support and love, that was for sure.
"And if you're going to say yes, lay down some ground rules. Not just limits you're not willing to cross, but have an open dialogue with them," he continued, and fuck, I just wanted to hug him—so I did.
I crushed him in a big, bear hug, startling a laugh out of him. "What's this for?"
"For being such a good friend," I answered honestly, smiling when he hugged me back just as hard.
"Remember this when you go off and have a foursome. If you give me the dets after, then we're golden," he teased.
The shifts went in a blur whenever I worked with Kevin; we always had something to talk about whenever we had time to spare.
Even after talking with Kevin, I was still no closer to deciding when I got back home. Sure, he'd given me a lot to think about, but it was too big of a decision to not take it seriously.
So, I did what anyone normal girl my age would do in my situation—continue reading the reverse harem book I'd started on last night. The book was hot, so much so that I had to get my womanizer while I read. I might have fantasized about how Mateo and Callan handled my body yesterday, how they took control and worked in tandem with each other.
That moment had been crazy from start to finish. I didn't know what came over me, but when Mateo grabbed my thigh... I couldn't think; my body was working by desire only. Every move I'd made was automatic, without thought. I remember I had to stay quiet, so the other guys wouldn't hear. Of course, I failed at that with how expertly Mateo manipulated my body. And then... Callan joined in, and I let him. Hell, I wanted him to.
I couldn't forget the way their eyes were lit up with hunger at the sight of me. For a moment there, I felt sexy.
And then, there was the kiss I'd shared with Gideon. Oh god, that was just as hot as the finger fucking I'd gotten from the other two. His kiss was pure sin.
They all managed to do something I'd been struggling with for years; turning off my overactive brain and not let me overthink. This time, all I did was feel, and fuck, I loved that.
WhileI was still undecided, I knew one thing; I wasn't ready for that to be the lasttime. I wanted it to happen again, and again, and again...