Air
I needed air.
Clutching my chest, breathing in, failing to calm my racing heart.
I was having a panic attack.
"Lu!"
I held my breath, trying hard to stay quiet.
"Lu!"
Tears formed in my eyes. I bit my lip to keep them from falling.
"Lucy!"
I could feel the bile in my throat move up. I swallowed it back down.
It'd been six minutes since I walked out of the room. Six minutes since I started to question everything.
The friends I'd made, the people I'd helped. The-
"You killed my family!"
I shut my eyes, feeling my heart squeeze in my chest. Was I dying again? Had I even died before? Why was I here?
A hand rested on my shoulder and my body flinched. I cried out, struggling against the person. Something had snapped in me. The thing that had held me together.
"Lu! Listen to me!" I continued to fight, the words not registering in my mind.
SMACK!!!
My head turned to the side, fingers reached for the red spot on my cheek. I opened my eyes in shock.
Barbara stared at me with a panicked expression, breathing heavily. I'd never seen her this disheveled since...actually I'd never seen her disheveled at all.
"Focus Lu!" She yelled, then sighed when I didn't show any response.
"I told you whatever happened was not your fault."
She sat down in front of me, while I, still yet to say anything continued to stare at her as if she was an alien. Maybe she was.
Nothing made sense anymore.
"You know, just because you've been given the power, it doesn't automatically make you capable of saving everyone." She said in a soft voice.
I stayed quiet, even though I'd calmed down. Barbara never spoke like this, only when she was about to say something that'd make me understand her more.
She rarely opened up, and to be honest, at that moment, I didn't trust her. She was after all, the one who drew the plan.
'After you asked her to do it' My inner voice taunted.
"It's okay to be uncertain."
"How would you know?" I couldn't help but bite out. I wasn't angry at Barb per say, just the whole situation, which made me hate everything else.
So yeah, I was in a way mad at her.
This is what I'd been trying to avoid. That depressive feeling. The fate of people's lives in your hands, and power to change the course of history.
"I've been in your position many times than I can count." Barbara answered nonchalantly.
I scoffed. "Doubt it was as tense as this."
"You never know." She replied in a cryptic tone.
I clenched my fist. "Why do you keep secrets from me? Don't you trust me?"
"With my life Lu, as you should yours. You know I'd never betray you."
"No I don't. I don't know you. You never tell me anything! You know what that makes you? A stranger! You're a stranger!"
"Just leave me alone." I muttered, tears coming back again.
There was a sigh above me. I didn't care to see the annoyed expression on her face. Barbara hated seeing people cry for some reason, but it didn't matter enough for me to stop.
"Seven."
I looked up, only to find the Nara avoiding my gaze.
"I was seven when I had to testify against my neighbour's murderer. He was a killer, but had a wife and child. That day, standing in court along with 27 other families who'd lost their daughters, I felt a suffocating weight on my shoulders.
Because I was smart, and I'd already figured out 10 possible outcomes to my testimony. Nine of which were good, with one taking the man's family down along with him."
She brushed her hand over her favourite book, admiring the cover.
"Three weeks after he was pronounced guilty, his home was gone. His wife had been trying to get away from a journalist and got hit by a car. No one moved helped her.
I watched her bleed for 25 minutes from the side of a grocery stand. The owner was a kind old man, sold half his stuff for free and was a local at church. You know what he said? He said, 'Serves her right for marrying a psycho."
I was shocked. She was just a kid but had to go through that? My mouth instantly felt bitter.
"I could have denied seeing him the night of the murder, said it was someone else. Maybe he'd have changed-he had when I'd last visited him. But what if he hadn't? And what of my neighbour and the other 27 families? Didn't they deserve justice? Could I have saved his wife from the prejudice that killed her, only to leave the rest with no closure and more years of grief?"
She placed the book gently on the floor. "I thought about it every night for five years until I realised something.
When you flip a coin, you see either heads or tails. There's no in between, both sides never show at the same time. One descends into the shadows, so the other can face the light.
One dies, so the other can live. That is life. So don't beat yourself with things that are out of your control. No matter how it may look like in your hands, the power you have is not capable of saving everyone, but it is able to make a difference. And its that difference that matters, nothing else."
Barbara got up and dusted herself. "That's enough storytelling for the day. I hope you took these words seriously, you won't hear them again from me."
"Barbara" I called out making her stop.
"I-" I was sorry. But the word wasn't enough to convey what I was truly feeling.
A hand petted my hair making me look up. Sayaka gave me a genuine closed eye smile. It was rare for her to do that, which made me feel bad instead of good. How could I have doubted her?
She picked up her book and walked away. My eyes narrowed on the cover, wondering why she seemed so attached to it. Her words instantly flowed into my head and I gasped.
Could it be?
"What happened to their child?" I asked instead.
"He inherited his foster father's business! Last I heard he'd been helping kids like himself!" She yelled over the distance.
'The difference is all that matters huh.'
I looked up at the sky and shrieked.
"I'm late!"
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"You're late ane! Do you want Hinata~neechan to scold us both?" She whined.
I smiled fondly at her. "Sorry Hanabi, you can start wrapping me now."
"A bit too late for that." A voice announced.
Yikes!
We both turned slowly to meet the figure leaning on the side of the door, eyes hooded by their bangs.
"H-Hi Hinata. Back so soon?" I asked innocently.
"I'd heard Hanabi~chan skipped school to take care of her sister, only to rush home to find the sick girl out of her covers and not resting."
"It's not like that nee~chan" Hanabi tried to explain but yelped at the dark aura emanating from the once shy girl.
'Just how much had Hinata changed?'
"We should probably make a run for it." I whispered but received no answer. I turned to find the silhouette of my imouto already down the hall.
No one needed to tell me to move. I sprinted away, Hinata's angry form chasing behind, her byakugan activated.
"You're abandoning me?!" I yelled when I got closer to the girl.
Hanabi turned and offered me a not so apologetic look. "Sorry nee~san, but its kinda your fault since you arrived late. I'm too young to die for your mistakes."
"Even then-"
"Rin, Hanabi...."
We both yelped when we saw how close our elder sister was to us. Hinata looked like a raging bull with all those veins popping out.
Looking at her now, I understood where Himawari got her scary image from when Boruto tore her bear. They were similar, only difference was...
Hinata was scarier.
"What is going on here-eeeeep!!" The idiotic trio made their entrance, jumping out of the way dramatically as we zoomed past them.
"Wait-!"
"Stop-!"
"No running-"
"-IN THE HOUSE!" They finished in unison.
In an instant, the scene changed into one of hilarious chaos, as if picked straight out of a Tom and Jerry episode.
Hanabi and I ran around the house, pulling down items and occasionally throwing them in an effort to slow down the angry mama bear. Hinata either dodged them or barged right through unaffected.
Semi and Hayashi were not as fortunate, tripping and wincing as the flying objects hit them square in the face and stomach. Mina stopped every second to rearrange the place and put things back in their original position before continuing, making her as slow as a snail.
"What the-"
A new voice announced its presence. Making no effort to slow down, Hanabi and I ambushed the surprised male.
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Just wanna tell you that my 'Plus Ultra' hasn't died out yet. The story's no longer all over the place, I can feel it leaning closer to a specific path, although I'm not sure as of which.
See you later
BYE!