Mckayla
~
I wanted to run off as a wolf. That's all my mind would allow me to feel. To be wolf; in my wolf. To hunt and rip through flesh. But right now I was in human skin watching Nina pace the room for the hundredth time. Her eyes were withering around unfocused. Her hands moved in various angles as she verbally tried to work out the words she wanted to say to me.
"I don't understand this Mckayla. How?" After twenty minutes of pacing, which was a wolf thing I didn't see Nina perform often, that was the best question she could ask.
I massaged the inner corner of my eyes with my thumb and index finger as I tried to find some way to explain without fantasizing about being in my wolf at the same time. I growled with no purpose on so many occasions, I lost count. I was irritable and Nina wanted answers now. The pack wanted answers. Jumping into Sonia's wolf made everyone beyond lost with questions.
I began to doze back into myself, non purposely, as my wolf blinded me with thoughts of flesh being torn by my canines and claws. What's wrong with my thoughts; my mind? I was accustomed to having abnormal thoughts but none this grave. Not in years. I did so many horrid things in my past. I was angry and was just as bad as any rogue I killed. But that changed. Rogue changed me.
"Mckayla..."
I could hear a name being called and I wondered who Nina was talking to. I felt too disconnected and too disoriented and I snarled angry that I couldn't see anything but the hunt I was coming closer to craving. I licked my lips as if tasting the flesh and blood that would not dissipate from my mind. I was half delusional in believing I attacked some human in the last several hours. My hands gripped along the fabric of the bed as my claws protruded into them. I blinked rapidly as my tears steamed down my eyes like hot oil. Rumbles of growls emanated out through my chest and I could smell burnt wood and Rosemary bringing me back to some sort of reality.
"Mckayla," her voice was louder and more irritated.
I could feel her moving closer and that made me feel placed in some corner; being challenged. In an unnatural motion, I flung forward leeching onto her as I slammed her into the wall with my hands around her throat. "Stop challenging me?"
She squirmed and then I could smell two other Weres running into the room and I snarled as they yelled the name 'Mckayla' trying to pull me off of this woman. Where was I in the first place? They had invaded my space.
My wolf wanted to put them in their place. Remind them of who I was. I was a feared rogue. I can be that again.
Next thing I know is having a familiar voice call out my name. "Kayla. That's enough."
I stopped fighting as I turned to the voice. My vision seemed to finally clear up and I began to relax able to see.
Jace had his eyes on me as if not sure of who I was.
"I'm not trying to hurt myself or anyone." I grimaced, doing my best to keep my tone neutral. I needed to by time making him believe me. "Just let me go."
"Kayla...what's going on?"
Sweat trickled down my face and back as I snarled. Fuck. My wolf was being impatient. "You say you're my friend right?" My words were fast and rapid. "You're my friend and you can't keep locking me up every time I flip out a little."
"Kayla...you're not being locked up." Jace stepped to the side showing me my path out the door.
It was a trick. My face squished, skewing into a sadistic look. "Is this a ploy?"
I saw Marie in the corner of my eyes and I snarled. I either killed or fucked. I knew Marie could help me.
"You want to go somewhere...private...?" Marie's brows arched with a pursing of her lips. "Clearly you miss me."
A snarl forced me to turn to who was challenging Marie.
After a moment my mind soaked in who I was looking at.
"What--why is everyone standing around me?" Jace never answered as I turned to Nina who was trying to control her breathing, cradling her hand over her neck. I snarled madly at the bruises on her neck. "Who touched you?" I said savagely.
Nina stared at me baffled. "You," she said disbelieving of her own words.
I was about to say no, denying that when the look in her and everyone else's said it was me. How--why would I physically touch Nina in that manner. That angered me more than anyone ever knew and immediately I felt rage build in my chest again. I turned toward the door trying to get out as my sister blocked me.
"Mckayla. Let's try to figure out what happened. You don't need to leave."
"Move out of her way," Jace warned Rachel.
I watched Rachel's defiant response. "She's my sister..."
"But you should listen to him." My voice was thick. "Move...Rachel."
My eyes were gold. I could feel the burning in my eyes that indicated that. In one of my world record times I shredded through my clothes tearing them off as I jumped out into wolf.
"Mckayla..." Nina called out baffled. I heard plea in her voice for me to stay. "I'm not mad."
I couldn't stay and I wouldn't even if I could. I had hurt Nina. I never thought I could ever put my hands on anyone I cared about.
There I went again, as if resorting back to my old ways. I grimaced thinking of the word love. How could I think I felt an ounce of that?
My wolf was mad that the human in me was gullible to fall for this packs words. How could I be mated, and actually try to raise some daughter I never knew about? What was I thinking? These thoughts were so wrong beyond measures.
By the time I looked up, I could smell prey and I was miles from the pack. I felt rogue; in the old element I used to be in.
I saw a coyote in the corner of my vision and I took off in a hunt after it. My muscles pushed harder than ever in catching the coyote. I reached its rear end by a few feet as my canines hung exposed savagely. I could smell its fear as it darted at every angle. I swiped my claws at it, raking the coyote over its behind and the coyote crushed headfirst into the hard gravel. I took no time in halting as my canines tore into my caught game.
Time past and I was full with the feast I just finished but not full enough. I started pacing as snarls continued inside me. I was utterly inside my wolfs mind.
"You looked beautiful during your hunt. Couldn't be any prouder. I taught you well."
I roared at Sal's presence.
He put his hands up as if saying 'relax.'
I couldn't. I felt every muscle in me tense on edge to his presence. I snarled a warning.
"My intentions were never to do what I did. But...you know the consequences and you chose that fate." Sal eyes showed unkindness and no mercy. "I love you Kayla...despite how you respond to me. You should really stop fighting me on this."
He knelt low, almost inviting. I winced as I knew he was trying to reach a part of me that I didn't want him near.
"You can be the wolf you want...just join me. I've never told you how to act and what to feel."
I saw sincerity in his eyes. I knew he cared about me. He wanted me to one day rule in his stead when the time came. I was hesitant but eventually I moved forward until I was in arms reached.
I felt his cold hands rub the top of my head. "Good wolf." Sal smiled kindly. "You can now come home."
"No she can't..." Rogue came out of nowhere. "Kayla, get away from my father." She was angry. Was it directed at me?
I tilted my head to her. She looked as if she had been crying. Why?
"Kayla, please...come to me."
I swerved my head to her father and back to her, confused.
"Rogue...what are you doing?" He sounded annoyed.
"I thought I knew you. But father...you've gone too far." Rogue looked as if staring at her father too long could make her physically sick. She turned her head. "Kayla, you can trust me. Please, come to me."
"Kayla's coming home with me. With us."
"No father...she's not."
Two additional rogues came out of the back scene. Her fathers voice rose. "Yes...we are all leaving...together."
I stared in disbelief. Was Rogue defying her father's orders? Was she trying to protect me from him?
I stepped backwards distancing myself from Sal. His lips pursed breathing through his nose.
"There is no point in sicking your rogues on me. You raised me to kill and you know it would be pointless." Rogue looked her father bravely in the eyes.
He nodded and smirked proud and viciously at his daughter. "Go. I'll have the two of you back eventually."
Rogue turned to me. "Kayla..."
She was asking me to follow. My wolf eyes blinked making a decision ambling to her. Once I stood on all fours beside her we turned our backs to her father.
"You both will be back."
That's what he thought. That we would be back to his manipulation and games. He was wrong.
~
I looked across to Rogue as she sat up against a bolder. We sat quiet for the last hour until I finally made a way to shifting back human.
I shivered on and off as the cold breeze past through my sweaty skin.
"Sorry. I didn't bring a blanket or anything," Rogue said with a hint of humor.
I snarled and then sighed trying to maintain control over my wolf long enough to actually say some words. "I'm sure you love...seeing me like this." My groggy voice was noted and I cleared my throat.
Rogue responded without hesitation. "Naked...yes. But vulnerable...no."
Honesty in her tone made me look up. And I did, feeling vulnerable. Her fingers combed through the web's of my hair and I sighed feeling calm. I turned to her and our eyes locked. Absently, Rogue leaned into me, our forehead collapsed together, than her lips fell onto mines. I sighed into the kiss moving my head away. "Rogue..."
"I know...you love her."
I looked back at Rogue. "Please don't think I never loved you. I swear I did. I still do."
"But you're in love with her."
I nodded.
"I think what my father injected you with is finally passing," her voice was too quiet. She wanted to change the subject in I wouldn't fight her on that decision. I hadn't really put two to two together in realizing it was whatever I was injected with affecting my behavior. It made me feel so wild and rogue like I was several years ago. "I didn't know what my father was planning."
I kept my eyes focused on her watching for any hidden deceit. "I believe you."
She took a shuddering breath as I could tell relief came over her. "You have to go back to your pack. I'm sure they miss you."
Her voice was weak. "I've missed you." Was it wrong of me to miss Rogue? I did love her and she changed so much in my life despite all the negatively that swarmed around me. I was worse; my worse self before her.
Rogue eyes watered and I knew she needed to hear that.
I moved closer until abruptly she told me to stay where I was. I looked perplexed.
"I've had enough of what my fathers given you in me. What he injected you with...it effects us in different ways. You won't be...your normal self if your too close to me."
I somehow understood. Every time I was near Rogue or her father it seemed my whole perception changed to their liking.
"Really Kayla...you should go."
"I can't."
"Yes you can." Rogue said adamantly. "No matter what you did, you were under the influence of what my father gave you."
"And what was it he gave me?"
Rogue seemed to change her entire demeanor. "Something that is linked to more that is out there. That you know we should not speak of right now."
My eyes widen to horror as her words; though spoken in code penetrated my mind far enough for me to understand. "Why would your father--"
"Kayla. Right now, your focus should be regaining stability and strengthening your pack. My father will come at you hard again."
"I won't go...until you come with me."
Rogue sneered standing. "Your mate will never go for that so why would you even make that an option?"
"She would...if you gave her a chance to get to know you." I tried to smile and Rogue arched a brow. "Rogue...you brought so much great memories in my life. Taught me so much. I'm sorry I hurt you. I never stopped caring about."
"But you did stop loving me."
I wouldn't lie to Rogue. "I will always love you. How many times do I have to say that Just with Nina..she's always been there, in my heart. I hope you can understand that."
Rogue put her hands up. "You don't need to explain."
"Come back with me. Your brother misses you like crazy." I wanted to do whatever I could to persuade her. She needed a chance for redemption just like me and I knew that Nina loved me enough to understand why I could never leave Rogue in her fathers care. I wouldn't turn my back to Rogue again.
She was about to refuse my offer again but I stood making her stay quiet. "Follow me for once." She took my words in smirking.
"I'm glad you acknowledge that you always followed me...though there aren't any witnesses."
I grinned. "I'll acknowledge...if you come."
I stuck out my hand and Rogue stared down at it. "Fine. But just let your new mate know, I'm no longer the enemy in any way." Rogue let a smile curve into her lips but I knew she hated admitting to herself that I was mated to someone else. "I wanted it to always be me...but its not, and I'll get over it. My wolf doesn't belong to yours."
I nodded and faced to our path feeling a little frigidity about how I left the pack. I knew I left them with a bunch of questions and concerns. I'd hurt Nina and now I was going to be coming back with Rogue.
"I should shift."
"Why?" Rogue asked.
I frowned. "I don't think it would be smart to come back to Nina...with you...naked."
Rogue snickered waving. "Great point."
It would be hard facing Nina and the pack. I felt like I jet disappointing them. I could never do anything right and it was my problems; my past that brought death upon this pack. This pack would be insane to want me as their Alpha. And I wouldn't if everyone decided I wasn't the Alpha they wanted.
I hate feeling vulnerable and left in the hands of the pack towards accepting me or not.
I knew my decisions lately was putting a real strain on my relationship with Nina, my daughter, and this pack. Rachel seemed to take my punches but I was hurting her too.
I had to find a way to open myself up and come with a new mindset in changing things around for the better and I would.
Step one for now was facing them.