" Some times you're dumb and just don't realize that you really need someone until you lose them. "
info
- nate x fem reader
- 1st person
- nate's perspective
- you're nate's ex
- some angst about toxic relationships
- music that fits the vibe: japanese denim by daniel caesar
I woke up to a cold room. Her warm embrace wasn't next to me. I couldn't hug her close to me anymore. It didn't feel the same.
I began everyday like I've always been. Get up, eat breakfast, go back home. I didn't have the motivation to do anything anymore. No motivation without her.
I decided that I didn't wanna go out today. I opened the cabinets to make myself cereal, sitting at the table eating it, scrolling through my phone.
I haven't hung out with people in a while. I didn't wanna confront anyone after my breakup. I've been sad for months on end and I can't seem to get out of this trance. She's blocked me, cut me off on everything. I have no means of contacting her.
I keep thinking back to the day I met y/n. I was starting my life out of Highlands, hoping to have a clean slate. I moved to [insert the name of a place here] and gained some great traction. I made new bonds that I felt would last a while, I got a good job to hold myself up, and I'm living in my dream house. But out of all of that, my greatest experience was meeting y/n.
My friends introduced me to her and I couldn't help but feel giddy inside. At the time, I didn't know why. However, I was slow to realize that it was because I loved her. I was in a state of denial for a while, not wanting to gear my shift towards loving someone.
See the thing that's hard to accept is that even leaving Highlands, I still had anger mustered in me that I've never let out. I knew there would come a day where it's gonna come out and I couldn't do anything about it. Usually, when I get attached to something, that's the thing I'd put pressure on. And that's why love has been something I've always tried to steer away from. I try my best to reject people politely but I may come off as rude and indecent.
I was scared of doing the wrong thing and fucking it up with a beautiful girl like her. She's not just gorgeous looking but also her personality shines bright and the way she thinks is amazing. She was the perfect girl that would walk through a room and make heads turn with her wit. She was able to control a man by the way she walked like she owned the room. It was the most intoxicating thing I've ever witnessed.
When I finally got into a relationship with her, I felt like the luckiest man alive. She's been filling my thoughts until I couldn't think straight and it only became worse when I was able to get closer to her, protecting her and keeping her by my side. I wanted someone to love. And she was the only thing that helped me for a while.
She taught me how to love. She saw right through my facades as much as I didn't want her to. But she still stayed with me. She helped me through my emotions and led me even further, taking me down a tunnel of love. It was the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.
Long story short, my anger treated this like a game and it all came back. I nearly repeated what happened with Maddy. Just comes to show I really couldn't love her like I wanted to.
I sighed wearily to myself, letting my thoughts hit me as I finished eating. I place the bowl in the sink and make my way to my room, plopping back on my bed.
So here I am, miserable. I let myself get angry at everything to the point where I let her go. I just let her walk out without realizing the consequences. Some times you're dumb and just don't realize that you really need someone until you lose them. That's what made me even more mad.
I want to go find her. I need to say one last thing to her. I just want her to stand next to me. I don't even need to touch her. I just want her presence to linger nearby. I just want to see her one more time before I might as well go to the madhouse in my mind.
image credits: https://pin.it/43vODv0
[word count]: 784