"If you love me like you tell me please be careful with my heart.
If you take it then don't break it or my world will fall apart.."
Kanta ko habang nagtitimpla ng kape sa office pantry. It was 3 pm on a Wednesday at medyo inaantok kaya ito coffee coffee din pag may time. I was humming the chorus as I stir the cup of coffee on my hand nakakalagyan ko lang ng creamer at asukal.
"Oi, I smell love in the air."
Napalingon ako sa nagsalita and there on the door was Jane smiling at me.
"Wala naman akong na aamoy ah." Sabi ko sa kanya then took a sip on my coffee.
"Talaga?" She arched an eyebrow at me. "Kasi ako amoy na amoy ko, mas grabe pa sa amoy ng kape na hawak mo."
"Talaga lang ha?" I said with sarcasm.
Lumapit siya sa akin na may pilyong ngiti sa mga labi. "May nangyari ba ulit sa inyo? Magkakaroon na ba si Mia ng kapatid?" She wiggled her eye brow as she ask.
I feel my cheeks heat up by what she said. Grabe talaga tong si Jane, napakabulgar. "Wala no!"
"Weeeh? Di nga? Eh bakit parang lutong kamatis ang mukha mo ngayon?" She teased. "Umamin ka na Kate, I won't judge you naman. Kahit siguro ako ay matetempt talaga na tikman si Sir Tristan, ang yummy kaya niya."
"Oi, wag mo akong itulad sayo." I muttered defensively as I took another sip of my coffee.
"Defensive." She said as she rest her back on the wall beside me. "Halata na kaya kayong dalawa na may something going on between the two of you."
I stop midway of my sip and rest the rim of the cup on the bottom of my lips and look at her curiously. "Anong pinagsasabi mo? Anong halata?"
"Oi, painosente ang lola." She chuckled as she took her cup on the cabinet and filled it with water. "Halos pinag-uusapan na nga kayo sa office ever since noong Monday."
"Kailan ba kami hindi pinag.usapan?" I asked her bitterly. Eversince kasi na nalaman ng lahat na si Tristan ang ama ng anak ko plus naging PA pa niya ako plus pa na lagi kaming sabay dumating kung umaga ay naging summation na kami ng mga gossip ng mga tao sa office.
"Pero iba na to dear!" She exclaimed after she drank her water. "Hindi na negative ang pinag-uusapan nila kasi ang blooming nyong dalawa ng dumating kayo noong Monday sa office. Yong parang in love na in love lang."
"Parang, take note, parang in love." I took another sip. "Kasi hindi naman totoo."
"Bakit hindi totoo? Mahirap bang mahalin si Sir Tristan o masyadong bato lang ng puso mo?" She asked bluntly.
I stop drinking and look down on the brown fluid inside of the cup. Hindi ko alam ang isasagot ko. Hindi naman kasi mahirap mahalin si Tristan at parang hindi naman bato ang puso ko. The truth is, I am already falling for the guy. But there is still something in me that was doubting and afraid with this whole situation of ours. Parang may nagsasabi sa isip ko na it was not yet the right time for us.
"It's complicated." I mumbled as I look up to her.
"Haist! Ang dami mo talangang drama dear." She shook her head as she said this. "Alam mo ang love hindi naman komplikado, minsan tayong mga taong in love ang nagpapacomplicate ng situation. Just let your heart decide and things will just fall on the right place. Wag mong pigilan ang sarili mo na mahalin ang taong alam mong mahal mo na. Kasi baka dumating ang araw na mawala na ang tao na yon at pagsisihan mo na hindi mo nasabi sa kanya o di kaya naparamdam man lang ang pagmamahal mo."
"Opo, Papa Jane." I teased her pero sa totoo lang medyo na sapol ata ako sa sinabi niya.
"Gaga!"
"Sige na at may tatapusin pa akong trabaho." I said to her as I rinse the cup in hand.
"Hmmp! Tatapusin na trabaho, ang sabihin mo ay na miss mo lang agad si Sir Tristan." She teased with a wink.
"Anong na miss? Nasa supplier meeting yong tao noh." I told her as we left the pantry.
"Denial Queen." She mumbled before we part our ways and I just stuck my tongue at her.
I was smiling as I walk back to Tristan office when I notice that the door was ajar. The first thought that came to my mind was that I forgot to fully close it when I left earlier. Pero nang halos palapit na lang ako sa may pinto ay may naririnig akong boses na nanggagaling sa loob. Hindi naman sa tsimosa ako pero ang pangit naman kasi na bigla na lang akong pumasok noh? So, I stop just outside the door and listened to whoever was on the inside.
"Selene, please stop this!" Rinig ko ang mahina pero galit na boses ni Tristan. Bumalik na pala sya galing sa supplier meeting.
"No, I won't! You know that I love you at hindi ko kaya na mapupunta ka lang sa babae na yon." Selene pleading voice was heard next. Ai, ito na naman tayo. Hindi ko talaga alam kung kanino ako maaawa kay Tristan ba o kay Selene na to. Tapos na pasok pa ata ako sa gulo nila.
"Makaalis na nga lang." I mumbled as I guess that this argument of them might take some time. Pero bago pa ako makaalis ay napahinto ako sa sinagot ni Tristan kay Selene.
"Selene, I know that you love me and I am thankful of that but I am not the man for you. Akala ko ba ay nagkaintindihan na tayo? Diba sabi mo accept mo na? Makakahanap at makakahanap ka din ng lalaking mamahalin. Don't waste your time chasing me because I can't love you as the way you want me to love you. Please do undertand that Selene." Rinig kong explain ni Tristan dito and a sob was heard after it.
"Bakit kasi hindi na lang ang anak mo ang kunin mo sa kanya? Diba ang bata lang naman ang habol mo?" Selene said between sob.
"How I wish that is just how easy things is, I maybe her father but I still have no right. Nililigawan ko pa si Kate." Tristan answered her with frustration in his voice.
With those words heard I walk off and went to the place that had always been my comfort zone on this building.
A shot of the afternoon breeze greet my face as soon as I open the door of the roof top. And a tear on my eye fall as soon as I close it. Sumadal ako sa pintuan at hinayan ang sarili ko na ilabas ang sama ng loob sa pag.iyak. God! How I feel pathetic and miserable right now.
Ito ang mga rason kung bakit ayokong magmahal minsan. Ang masaktan. This is the reason why for 28 years ay wala akong naging boyfriend o kaya ay may nakafling man lang. Takot kasi akong masaktan. And now, look at me crying at the roof top of a building because the guy that I love only want a right for his daughter. And I thought he really love me.
Shit! Hindi ko alam na ganito pala to kasakit. If I had known di sana ay mas binantayan ko ng mabuti ang puso ko sa kay Tristan.
"Kate?"
I look up and James was there standing with a worried look in his face. Dali dali kong pinahid ang mga luha ko. "James! Anong ginagawa mo dito?"
"Smoke." He held his right hand that still have a cigarette in it. Tapos tinabon niya yon at tinapakan. "May problema ka ba? Bakit ka umiiyak?" Lumapit siya sa akin.
"Umiiyak? Ako?" I tried to make my voice sound normal. "Hindi noh, napuwing lang ang mata ko." I reason out.
"Yong totoo?" Hinawakan niya ako sa balikat. "Please tell me what's wrong?"
"Masyadong complicated at mahaba." I reason out averting my gaze at him.
"Hindi naman ako nagmamadali at parang hindi ka naman nagmamadali. Alam mo naman na andito lang ako para sayo Kate." He plead as he held my chin and made me look at him.
I sighed out and I slowly nodded. Siguro nga ay kailangan ko talaga ngayon ng makakausap. And here is James offering an ear to listen on my so complicated situation and feelings. Wala naman sigurong masama kung magcoconfined ako sa kanya. He is a friend naman.
He leads me unto a bench that was station on the edge of the roof top. "Okay, just let it all out. I am just here to listen." He grabs my hands ang give them a light squeeze.
"I really don't where to start." I mumbled as I stare at our hands that are clasp together. It was odd but I was imagining it to be Tristan hands that was holding mine and not James.
Hopeless ka na talaga girl.
"Siguro simulan mo sa kung bakit ka umiiyak." Sabi nito.
"Okay." Napayuko at napabuntong hininga. "Ano kasi..narinig ko na sinabi niya na nililigawan niya lang ako dahil sa gusto niya lang makuha si Mia sa akin. Akala ko pa naman na totoo ang nararamdaman niya sa akin, yon pala pakitang tao lang. Yong akala mo na siya na pala and you let your guard down and let him in tapos it was just all fake. Ang sakit pala, ang sakit palang maniwala sa maling akala." Tears are now falling from my eyes and I can't seem to control them.
Narinig kong bumuntong hininga si James at bigla niya akong kanabig at niyakap. I cried all my heart out, feeling stupid for falling in love sa taong pinaglalaruan lang pala ako. I really thought na genuine ang pinararamdam ni Tristan sa akin, na totoong gusto niya ako at gusto niyang mabuo ang pamilya namin. Pero hindi pala, lahat pala yon ay isa lamang pagaarte para makuha niya si Mia.
"Shh..tahan na Kate, everything will be alright." James said calmly as he stroke my back.
I let go from his embrace and wipe the tears in my eyes. Masyado na kasing akong abosado sa kabutihan nito. "I'm sorry, nabasa ko tuloy ang damit mo." I mumbled between sniff.
"Ano ka ba, okay lang yan." He said with a warm smile on his lips. "Ang importante ay napagaan ko ang nararamdaman mo."
"Thank you James." I smiled at him.
"Your welcome Kate." He then pinches my left cheek. "Pero may itatanong lang ako, pwede?"
I nodded and look at him curiously. "Narinig mo ba lahat ng sinabi niya?"
"I think so" I answered uncertainly.
"Payong kaibigan lang Kate ha." Sabi nito. "Hindi naman sa nangingialam ako ha, pero baka kasi hindi mo narinig lahat ng sinabi niya. Just don't conclude yet Kate. Kasi sa nakikita ko kasi kay Sir Tristan ay mahal ka niya at hindi lang ako ang nakikita noon. There is something in the way he looks at you when you are not looking, yong parang ayaw niyang maalis ka sa paningin niya."
I look at James in disbelief and I am now more confuse than before. Totoo ba na mahal talaga ako ni Tristan? O pakitang tao niya rin yon sa iba?
"Just confront him or something Kate. Kasi ikaw din ang masasaktan kung mag assume ka lang. Ang Kate na kilala ko ay pranka at hindi nahihiyang magtanong at magsabi ng saloobin niya. Tell him what you heard and what you feel about him. Life is too short to play it safe. Hindi mo mararamdaman ang totoong kasiyahan kung hindi mo man lang naranasan ang masaktan. You have to feel the pain and the sadness to be truly happy, parang may comparison." He then wink at me.
"Alam mo, bagay kayong dalawa ni Jane. Marami kayong mga words of wisdom when it comes to love eh." I tease him.
Natawa naman siya dahil dito. "Naranasan lang naming magmahal at masaktan kaya ganoon."
"Thank you ulit James." I muttered then I gave him a friendly hug.
"You are always welcome Kate." He mumbled as he hugged me back.
And just before I let go the door suddenly opened up, making a loud bang on the rooftop.
"What the hell is the meaning of this!?" Tristan voice roared as he looks at us angrily.
"Tristan, I can explain." Sabi ko dito na medyo may takot sa dibdib. Takot, hindi dahil sa may ginawa kaming masama ni James but I'm scared that he won't believe my explanation. Tristan can be stubborn sometimes.
"To the office now!" He exclaimed angrily then turn around and walk away.
"Patay." Jame mumbled as soon as Tristan back was gone from our view. "I think dapat sumunod ka na sa kanya bago magworld war dito sa building."
"I'm sorry James." Paghingi ko ng tawad dito. "Nadamay ka pa tuloy."
"Okay lang." He smiled and then push me to the door. "Alis na bago pa pumutok na parang Mayon si Sir Tristan."
Tumango ako sa kanya at dali daling sumunod kay Tristan sa office. The door was close when I arrive and I twist the door knob and it was lock. Patay ka na Kate, galit talaga sayo.
I took a deep breath and knock twice but nothing. No sound or movement from the inside. I knock again at wala pa din.
"Kate?" I turn around and Jane was looking at me curiously. "Anong kinakatok mo sa storage room?" She asked me amusedly.
I look at her confusedly the she point out the label of the door above. Shit! Storage room nga. Ay! Ang tanga ko talaga.
"Hehehe, ai mali." Napakamot tuloy ako ng batok.
"Nagmamadali ka kasi, okay lang yan ako lang naman ang nakakita." She then winks at me ."Pero bilisan mo na at sasabog na na parang Mayon yong mahal mong pororot"
Natawa ako sa sinabi niya. "Pareho talaga kayo ni James. Sige thanks Jane!" At ayon tinungo ko na ang tamang pintuan ng office. The door was not lock but I still knock twice before entering. I took a deep breath as I heard him say come in and then twist the door knob.
I was already chanting the words the that I would say to him as I enter but all those words was forgotten when he suddenly pulled me into his arms as soon as I close the door.
"You are mine Kate and no one can have you but me." He mumbled firmly as he crush his lips into mine.