Chapter 35: Longing
"At your house, Aly?" Sienna asked me the reason I didn't answer her, I opened the door of the car and immediately opened the other one for her. I took the chance to talk to her that's why I gave fucking 60 million just to get my woman.
She stopped in front of the gate the reason why my forehead creased, nakatayo lang ito sa tapat ng gate habang pinag-mamasdan ang bahay kong wala namang nag-bago.
I raised a brow when she's not even blinking or doing something, it's been five years since the last time she was here but even though she's away her presence stayed here.
I sighed when I deeply looked at her with amusement, the woman who's with me is the person I looked for five years. I thought that she's already dead and I was getting ready to visit her grave but she's in front of me alive.
"Sienna, we have many things to talk about" I said with a deep tone the reason why I got her attention, she smiled with an innocent one that made me shiver because I felt something is wrong with that smile.
"You're house still looks the same Architect but it feels empty, I can see it" she directly said and walked towards beside me, I gave her a confused look at when she is saying but instead of elaborating it she just gave a smile again to me.
"You're always smiling, Sienna. Looks like you're okay now" it became awkward when I said that but I have to say that she's glowing despite this night, the way she smiles is like a photographic memory on me.
She looks fine smiling but I don't know if she's okay inside, why can't I read you anymore after five years?
"It takes years to heal, Architect. It's been five years since that happened and I think I should move forward for the process" Sienna's words are catching me and I can feel the guilt filling me in.
How come that she decided to not get mad at me despite of what I did to her? I can't believe that this kind of Sienna exists, the way she considered why I did that because I was hurt is different kind of maturity.
That time she was also drown to herself but instead of giving hate to me, she used her last strength to understand other people instead of herself.
I can't believe that Sienna is that kind of person despite of her bold and fierce personality, she became soft and pure this time.
How I miss that Sienna always cursing at me and ruling me, she thought me to become a better person and that's the benefit of her being in my life but it also cost myself because I lost it when we separated.
There she goes again with that smile that can stole many hearts of men and I can't deny that I'm falling hard on her right now.
"Stop smiling, Sienna. Your charms are working at me" she chuckled when I said that the reason why I shifted my eyes away on her because I can feel this heat filling me, that's embarrassing!
"So straightforward Architect, you're not like that before"
"Everything changed, Sienna. Something changed after five years" I mumbled and opened the door for her to enter inside my house, I watched her roaming her eyes inside my house that I think she missed for almost five years.
"May nag-bago ba nung dumating ako?" she asked and put her gaze to me the reason why I was stunned for a second, may nag-bago ba nung dumating siya pag-katapos ng limang taon?
I looked deeply at the masterpiece that I was longing for almost five years, every corner of her face is a art that I obsessed for five years and I will not going to deny that seeing her face is a contentment.
Even though I said that it's a curse seeing her face, I felt contented and safe that seeing her is a moment given to me.
"Yeah, something changed when you came back Sienna"
She tilted her head and I almost thought that she's an angel, god! Her beauty is so expensive and I only got it for 60 million, tss.
"What kind of change happened when I came, Architect?" it made me shiver when she's smiling non-stop because I know she's not like that, I know she's not that kind of person who always smiles.
That smile is a dream but until when?
"You brought me to life again, Sienna. After five years of longing, you came unexpectedly and I can say that I really missed you"
"Hinanap mo ba ako?" she asked and I can't deny because I think it's visible already that I missed her, kahit na sinasabi kong kinakainisan ko siya ay hindi ko pa rin maiwasan ang mahalin ang isang babaeng kagaya niya.
I can't take this love away for Sienna, I can't let go of this fondness I have for her because I already took the risk on the battle. It was a silent one for the past five years, I was the only one who is fighting for the past years but now she's here and willing to fight again.
"Yeah, hinanap kita and they said that you're already dead" her forehead creased when she said that, hindi niya ba alam na nakalagay sa ospital ay patay na daw siya dahil sa brain hemorrhage pero heto sa ngayon sa harapan ko buhay na buhay.
"I'm not dead, Architect. I'm not dead and my body is alive in front of you" the way she said that made me shivered, bakit ngayon ay natatakot na ako na maiwan ulit sa malaking bahay na ito?
She's right that this house is empty, I'm the only one who's living here and I can feel her presence lingers on me for the past five years. This pain is just too real, time cannot erase this one and I hate it.
"Where are you these past five years?" we are standing in front of each other, I didn't even fucking move because I want to answer all of my questions where is she for the past five years.
I want to cope-up with her because we are separated for five years, fuck! She doesn't know that I've been longing on her for a long time and I will take this chance to talk and settle things with her.
She shifted her eyes and blinking fast the reason why my forehead creased, what's with the reaction?
"I'm in a paradise for the past five years, Aly" she said with a smile the reason why I became confused, what does she mean she's in paradise for five years?
"What do you even mean? You're here in the Philippines and I don't even have a clue where you at, ang galing mo namang mag-tago"
I ran my fingers on my hair because of frustration, kung andito lang naman siya sa Pilipinas ay bakit hindi ko man lang siya mahanap. Ang nalaman ko pa e' patay na siya pero heto siya sa harapan ko, buhay na buhay.
She chuckled because of what I said "A paradise wherein no one hurt me, a paradise where I'm with my baby" she said with a smile the reason why I was stunned for a second when she mentioned her baby.
Teka, hindi niya ba nakita si Alexis kanina na nasa bidding? That's the father of her baby and she didn't bother to talk to him, what the hell!
I cleared my throat because she's talking about her baby, kanina lang ay tinatanong ko ang sarili ko kung patay na siya ay nasaan na kaya ang anak niya.
"S-So how's your baby, is he a girl or boy?" I asked and I can feel that I have this expectation and desperation. I wished I'm the father of that baby, sana ako nalang pala ang ama ng batang 'yun dahil gagawin ko ang lahat para sa kanya.
Kung noonnay napanatag ako na hindi ako ang ama ng batang dinadala ni Sienna ay ngayonnay parang gusto ko nalang angkinin ang batang 'yun.
Mas lalong lumaki ang ngiti ni Sienna, sa bawat ngiti na binibigay niya sa akin ay hindi ko maiwasang mag-taka dahil sa mayroon akong nararamdaman na kakaiba ngunit hindi ko mapaliwanag.
"It's a boy, my baby boy" she claimed the reason why I nodded as an answer, how I wish that I'm the father of her child. How I wish that I'm the one who will be with her with her child but I can't.
I still have an arranged marriage to settle, even I decline I know my mother will do some chants just to follow her. I'm not going to allow my mother to control my life, the woman I want to marry is in front of me.
Still, my endgame is Sienna and no one else.
"How's your life Architect? I can see that you're living a good life after five years" she said and stepped closer to me the reason why I gulped for a second, she looked at me with deep eyes and the smile suddenly disappeared.
When you look at me like that, I know you're trying to read my expression. Do you think I'm really living a good life after five years?
"Looks like I'm wrong, you look empty and exhausted" she stated the reason why my face longed, parang pinag-suklaban ako ng langit at lupa habang siya ay nasa harapan ko.
I just don't want to cry in front of my woman because it symbolizes weakness, I don't want to cry in front of Sienna because it's embarrassing.
"You're living in this big house but inside this is empty, you're empty Aly" the way she called my name made my heart stopped.
Ang tanging nakakabasa sa akin ng ganito ay ang babaeng mahal ko, even though we loved each other for a short period of time ay naging sapat na iyon para makilatis na namin ang isa't-isa.
Damn! I feel weak in front of her, I'm supposed to be the person who will ask about her life for the past five years but I'm getting weak already.
Sienna, my love. I missed you and I really love you, I didn't mean to say those words back then, I'm just scared that you will be in trouble or your family.
"I'm a visible to you?" I asked her with my heads down because I'm embarrassed, bakit ba kasi pinakawalan ko siya noon edi sana hindi ako nag-kakaganito?
Alam mo yung pakiramdam na naka-pako ka sa isang alaala na wala kang kawala at ang tanging nag-papalala nun ay ang isang babae na pilit mong tinatanggal sa buhay mo kaso ayaw talaga.
"Yeah... even though it's been five years I still know my Aly, I still know the man I loved" she said with caress words the reason why I pressed my lips together and as I tried to look at her, my eyes became blurry as if these tears will give up because of Sienna.
Only Sienna has the right to make me cry but why am I holding these tears?
"It's been hard for you right? The world has been cruel to you, right?" sunod-sunod niyang tanong na dahilan para maging mabilis ang bawat pag-hinga ko, malaman ko lang na kung ano ang dinanas ko sa limang taon ay hindi ko nalang maiwasan na maging mahina.
Nakulong ang tatay ko, nawala si Sienna, unti-unting bumabagsak ang kompanya ko hanggang sa maging bankrupt ito. Those years are horrible for me because I also lost myself, nawala ako sa sarili kong katinuan.
"Why are you still nice to me, hindi mo ba natatandaan na sinaktan kita?" Sienna shook her head and caress my cheek the reason why I felt the warmth of her hand.
Why do I feel like this night is like a suffering for me? She's in front of me and I don't know what is this kind of feeling that bothers me, fuck! Can I just spend my night with her in peace?
Puwede bang bigyan niya ako ng isang araw na maka-sama lang siya o hindi kaya puwedeng panghabang-buhay na?
"You're also hurt about what happened, I'm selfish when it comes to you Aly. My love for you is stronger--"
"But you're also hurt that time"
"Ginamit ko ang natitira kong lakas para intindihan ka Aly, nakuha ko pang intindihin ka kaysa sa sarili ko dahil mahal kita" sinandal niya ang kanyang ulo sa dibdib ko at pinulupot ang kanyang mga kamay sa aking leeg na dahilan para mas lalo akong mapalapit sa kanya.
I shut my eyes as I can feel her presence taking me already, unti-unti akong bumaba sa trono ko para maabot siya at doon ko inaamin na natalo nga ako.
Talo ako, I accept my defeat when it comes to Sienna.
Pinulupot ko ang dalawa kong braso sa beywang niya at binaon ang mukha ko sa leeg niyang gusto kong parte ng katawan niya, I sobbed because these tears can hold any longer.
I was defeated by Sienna but didn't accept it, I cried in her leg and hugged her tight as if I don't want her to let go of me.
"I-It's hard, it was hard Sienna..." I cried like a kid on her neck, sa pag-iyak ko ay kitang-kitang nanghihina na nga ako sa aking mga nararamdaman.
Kung gaano kabigat ang pinag-daanan niya ay ganon rin ang nangyare sa akin, hindi ko inaakala na lalabas ang mga luhang matagal kong pinipigilan sa pag-hihirap na tanging siya lang pala ang makakapag-labas.
"I-It was hard for me... I-I'm experiencing panic attacks for five years already, it was hard. It was hard to handle it all by myself"
Parang sa isang iglap ay hindi mo nalang kinaya ang mga kinikimkim mo at tanging isang tao lang ang mapapag-labasan mo at iyon ay si Sienna.
I was crying like a kid while burying my face on her neck so that she will not see me crying, hinagod niya ang likod ko at inintindi ang kahinaan ng lalaking mahal niya.
I kept my situation for almost five years, I lost myself when I lost her. Everything collapsed in just a snap when she left, everything became a curse when she's not there.
It was a hard fight that I have to hide and enjure because I know I'm the only one who can beat this pain, I'm so tired of being suppressed by all of my fears.
Even though I'm a villainous one, my knees fell down because of weakness. It was a hard fight and I don't know if I can handle it anymore, there's no one because I don't even want anyone.
"I-I tried but it's just fucking hard... I-I lost myself, I lost myself when you disappeared. I lost everything in just a snap... and I-I'm just so drown trying to be better in this curse of my life"
Mas lalong bumilis ang bawat pag-hinga ko dahil sa pag-iyak na hindi ko inaasahan, I know I don't have the right to be mad because I think this is already my karma but fuck! I didn't expect that it will be this hard!
"It's okay, Aly... everything is gonna be alright"
"I-I don't know... my anxiety is starting to get worst, I-I can't handle it anymore Sienna. Fuck! Everything is messy already and here I am trying to get back what it was but I'm to weak to do it all by myself"
This is my defeat, everything is my defeat. The demon fell on his knees in front of his woman, tears are non-stop and the breathing is heavy while the woman is trying to console the demon.
"Aly, stop holding into something... you know I'm always here, you know that even though we are apart I'm still rooting and supporting you" her words are like a lullaby to me, I don't know that I can be this pure when it comes to the woman I loved.
"A-And then I found out that you're dead the reason why it made ny situation worst...my doctor said to visit your grave, I-I, I-I don't want to do it because I can't accept your death--"
"Shh...I'm not dead Aly, I'm here hugging you. Say everything to me and I will bare it, I will heal you..." mas lalo akong humikbi dahil sa pagiging mapag-konsidera niya kahit na sinaktan ko siya noon. Do I deserve you?
"I-I'm weak, right?"
"No, you're not weak...you fought the battle all by yourself, experiencing pain in the middle of the night is a battle you want to win. It hurts to see you like this, puwede bang kunin ko nalang ang sakit mo?"
"If you will get my pain then you will suffer again, Sienna. I-I don't want you to be hurt again" I wiped my tears and trying to gain my sense, inalis ko ang ulo sa pag-kakabaon sa leeg ni Sienna at pagod siyang tiningnan.
"It's fine to be hurt because it teaches you a lesson, it's okay to be weak Aly..." she caress my cheek trying to wipe the tears that only she sees, Sienna is the woman I don't think I don't deserve but I want her.
Her pure heart is making me fall hard on her, how can she be so nice despite on what I did to her? That's impossible, maybe she's doing this because she loves me but when that love left her then she will be mad at me.
"It's okay to be weak, it's okay to cry..."
"But you also did that, you don't cry because it means you're weak" Sienna shook her head, I'm the first one who made her cry and she's also the first woman who madr me cry like this.
"Being strong includes crying, Aly. Lahat ng matatapang umiiyak rin kapag ubos na sila, please don't feel bad because you cried. Alam ko namang punong-puno ka na kaya ayos lang na umiyak"
I sniffed and held her hand, I don't know if I deserve Sienna despite on what I did to her. She's so precious to me that I can't let go of her, after five years of suffering all of a sudden everything disappeared.
Hindi ko inaakala na sa pag-babalik niya ay mawawala lahat ng pag-hihirap ko, she came as a light to me and I think it's the most beautiful moment happened in my life.
Sienna Gallegos, bakit ngayon ka lang dumating?
"I'm always here watching you...I will always protect you" lumungkot ang mukha ko dahil sa mas inaalala niya nanaman ako kaysa sa sarili niya, Sienna is selfish when it comes to me the reason why she always get hurt.
I don't know how to say this but Sienna ruled me, my woman is a gem for me, my love is the woman that I want to be with until the end of this game. Sienna Gallegos, I want to marry you and live a happy life without complications and barriers.
"Inaalala mo nanaman ako kaysa sa sarili mo, you'll get hurt taking care of me Sienna" she shook her head and I can feel the sincerity of all her words that she will protect me until this pain and fears are gone.
"Protecting you is the least I can do...Watching you is not a penitence at all"
I remembered what she said to me that it's a regret that we crossed paths and Archi said that I'm the one who ruined and intrigued her life, I was the one who's defeated and I admit it. Sa isang pag-kikita namin ni Sienna ay doon ko na tinanggap na ako pala ang talo.
Maybe my suffering is the karma that I deserve after I hurt her but I didn't mean to say that to her, I was just scared that she might get hurt forcing us to be together.
When I said those harsh words, that's the only reason why we separated.
I looked at her deeply, memorizing every corner of her face is such a longing for me. I caress her cheek with a gentle and love, I would be your man if this didn't happened. It would be us if I didn't played at you.
I don't want to go back on my past because I know there's a possibility that we'll hurt each other again, I don't want that to happen again.
I will do everything just to make you stay Sienna and I would do everything for you to be my endgame.
I looked at her lips with amusement as if my longing can't handle it anymore, if it's not us today then maybe in another life but fuck, I want to be with you and just take me away here with people who are falling us apart.
But before that, I went to her forehead to kissed it. She held my hand with sincerity and purity, how can she be so nice? Do I deserve this woman that is selfish when it comes to me the reason why she end up hurting herself?
Do I deserve to be your endgame?
Our gaze met and I looked at her with sadness and amusement, my longing for her is pain for me but now that's she's already here, everything became light to me.
All of a sudden I felt her lips into mine, it was a heaven to feel this again with the woman I loved. She wrapped her arms in my neck and pulled me closer as if she wants me to know that I'm safe when I'm with her.
Before, I'm the one who always protects her but I failed to that because we separated and for now she's the one who wants to protect me on this world that is full of pain and suffering.
It was a good start, I angled her head so that I can kiss her lips to its corner. I wrapped my other arm on her waits while the other one is caressing her cheek as if I don't want this to end, please stay Sienna.
I'm fragile but you touched me and everything is gone, I will make you stay Sienna. Please stay forever because I don't want to lose myself again, you're the only person that I can hold for such a long time.
Everything is pure when we are kissing, I felt my tears going down as I kissed her because finally I'm already at ease with the person I loved.
Paulit-ulit kitang mamahalin hanggang sa mamatay ako, Sienna.
I would die for you so please stay.
We broke the kiss and looked at each other's flaws, I love every part of my Sienna. Those flaws are a masterpiece that I want to tattoo in my mind, the art that I would die for and not getting tired to look at.
"I love you..." I whispered to her the reason why her eyes shines like a diamond but I know tears are filling it already, the night that my pain disappeared. In just one night take my pain away and stay with me forever.
"Is that true, do you really love me?" she asked while tilting her head as if she wants to be sure that the three words that I said to her were true.
"I really love you, Sienna..."
When I said that it was full of sincerity, I was captivate by her resonating light that's why I love her. No reasons to say, I love my woman and there's nothing holding me back.
My woman smiled at me with contentment as if she won already, I'm okay to be defeated as long as it's Sienna. No one can beat me but when it comes to her, I'm weak and fell down on my knees for her to rule me.
"I really love you, Sienna..." I stated again with sincerity and all she do is smile but I can see her eyes are twinkling like a star because of tears filling it, she will cry right?
"T-Thank you...I'm already at ease when you said that" her eyes memorized every part of my face and I felt my chest became heavy because of how she took all the pain that I have.
I want to fall another moment to your gravity, Sienna.
"T-Thank you Aly...now, I can finally be at ease because you love me"
You hold me with your touch and you keep me without chains, your purity is my weakness and defeat. My demon self fell down and you saw every flaws that I have, I thought I was strong but you touched me and I fell and cried.
"Hold on okay...I'm always here, I'm always watching you" tears are falling down on her cheeks the reason why my heart is in pain already, my forehead creased because I can see sadness already on her face but she's forcing to give a smile.
"Y-You made me proud, love..." she said with a brittle voice, her voice is cracking with her tears falling down. Suminghap siya at nag-pilit ng isang ngiti na dahilan para mas lalo akong maguluhan.
"Can you do me a favor?" she asked and her grip tightened to my clothes the reason why my lower lip trembled, I can do her favor at kahit ano pa 'yan ay gagawin ko ang lahat para sa kanya.
She have me, she's my world and I'm willing to be ruled by my woman.
"C-Can you please do me a favor, Aly?" she asked again and even though I'm filled with confusion I just nod at her the reason why she smiled again with contentment but I can see something weird on her.
"What is it?" but before she said it she kissed my cheek first, matagal niya akong hinalikan sa pisngi na dahilan para saglitan akong mapa-pikit.
Hindi nag-tagal ay lumayo na siya sa akin na may ngiti na pilit, she sighed again and didn't bother to wipe her tears.
"Can you visit--"
"Aly!" someone cut Sienna the reason why my eyes went to the door of my house and there I saw Archi and Orcus, I saw there forehead creased when they looked at me. My jaw clenched because I know they will tease me because of my look right now, kakagaling ko lang sa pag-iyak.
"Man, bakit bigla kang nawala sa bidding?" Archielle asked me the reason why my forehead creased, hindi ba tapos na ang bidding na 'yun kaya bakit tinatanong sa akin ni Archi kung bakit ako nawala?
"What do you mean bakit ako nawala sa bidding, hindi ba tapos na ang bidding? Nanalo pa nga si Quizon ng Bugatti tapos nanalo rin ako"
Mas lalong kumunot ang noo ni Archielle at para kaming isang tanga sa harap ng isa't-isa na hindi nag-kakaintindihan na dahilan para mapunta ko kay Orcus ang tingin ko, masyado ng gabi at iniistorbo nila kami ni Sienna.
"The bidding is not yet done man, nag-taka ako kung bakit bigla kang nawala and what do you mean Quizon won the Bugatti? I'm the one who won the Bugatti" Archielle stated the reason why I shook my head, ano bang sinasabi niyang siya ang nanalo ng kotse e' kitang-kita ko nga na hindi niya na matapatan ang milyon ni Quizon.
"No Archi, hindi mo napalanunan ang Bugatti na 'yun. Si Quizon nga ang nanalo doon tapos may second price pa, Sienna is the second price and we did a bidding so I can get my woman" nasapo ni Archielle ang kanyang noo na para bang wala siyang alam sa sinasabi ko.
"What do you mean Sienna is the second price, Aly?" Archielle tried to be calm but I know he's full of questions on what happened to the bidding, kasama ko siya kanina at nagalit pa nga siya sa akin dahil nag-karoon pa ng bidding kay Sienna.
I gritted my teeth for a second dahil parang walang-kaalam alam si Archi sa mga nangyayare, panira sila ng gabi sa aming dalawa ni Sienna.
"Archi, Sienna is the second price with the Bugatti. Quizon supposed to get her but I did a bidding and I got her for 60 million"
"Nagulat ka pa nga na nakita mong buhay si Sienna, panay ang mura mo pa sa akin na buhay siya and now she's here beside me, you guys are ruining my night with her" I said with irritation and I saw them looking at each other. Archielle is with me that time, panay pa nga ang mura niya ng makita niyang buhay pala si Sienna pero bakit parang tanga siya na hindi maalala ang nangyare?
Orcus ran his fingers on his hair and I can see the sadness on his eyes while Archielle stepped closer on me with a sigh "Man, I don't know what you're talking about...there's no Sienna at the bidding"
When he said that I got irritated, he's with me that time at nagawa niya pa akong sabihan na tigilan ko si Sienna dahil baka matakot siya. Anong sinasabi niyang wala si Sienna sa bidding?
"What do you mean there's no Sienna at the bidding, I won her for 60 million and she's here with me!" tumaas na ang boses ko dahil sa sinasabi ni Archi na wala si Sienna sa bidding e' andito nga siya sa tabi ko at nakakainis na sinisira nila ang gabi ko kasama si Sienna.
Orcus sighed and stepped forward to me "Man...you're just alone, wala kang kasama..." he said the reason why my jaw clenched, naiyukom ko ang kamao ko sa mga sinasabi nila.
"Aly...wala si Sienna, walang Sienna sa bidding and you're not with her right now"
"She's fucking here beside me, Archi! Look, she's here--"
Naputol ang balak kong sabihin ng makitang wala na si Sienna sa tabi ko, my forehead creased at sinimulang luminga sa paligid ko na para bang umaasa akong mahahanap ko ulit siya at ipapakita na buhay siya sa dalawa kong kaibigan.
"S-Sienna...where are you?" malakas kong tawag sa kanya sa malalim na gabing ito.
"Aly, Sienna is not with you--"
"Shut the fuck up Archi! Kanina lang ay kausap niya ako, nakita mong buhay siya hindi ba?!" pag-putol ko kay Archielle at naiinis na hinanap si Sienna sa buong bahay, she's wearing a gold fitted dress a while ago but where the fuck is she?
"Sienna! Sienna, where are you?" I tried to open all of the rooms that my house have but I can't see my Sienna, panay ang libot ko sa bahay ko ng paulit-ulit at umaasang maipapakita ko sa mga kaibigan ko ang babaeng mahal ko.
As I'm finding her I can feel my breathing became heavy again, I don't fucking care because I want to find Sienna. She's here with me but fuck, where did she go?
Nung hindi ko ito makita sa pangalawang palapag ay kaagad akong bumaba sa sala para doon naman siya hanapin, kita ko ang pag-aalala sa mukha ng mga kaibigan ko na dahilan para mag-bitaw ako ng salita.
"I'm talking with her a while ago but where is she? Sienna!" I shouted again while roaming the house every corner, papunta na sana ako sa kusina pero pinigilan ako ni Archi na dahilan para masama ko siyang tiningnan.
I saw sadness on his eyes the reason why I got mad "Bitawan mo nga ako at hahanapin ko si Sienna--"
"Aly, you're hallucinating..." Archi said the reason why I gritted my teeth but I can feel my knees weakened on what he said, ano bang sinasabi niyang nag-hahallucinate ako? Is he a doctor to say that?
"What are you even saying Archi? I'm not hallucinating, damn!"
"Aly, there's no Sienna at the bidding! Bigla ka nalang nawala ng hindi pa natatapos ang bidding tapos ang sabi nila ay umuwi ka na daw the reason why I'm here but fuck, I don't know what are you talking about!" napuno na rin si Archi sa akin na dahilan para alisin ko ang kamay niya sa braso ko at hinarap siya.
I felt weird talking to Sienna a while ago but I didn't bother it because I'm busy to be with her for this night, my friends are ruining my night with her and it's irritating that they are saying that I'm hallucinating.
"Archi, Sienna is alive and I'm not hallucinating--"
"You're losing touch in reality, Aly..." ang singit naman ni Orcus na dahilan pati siya ay masama ko ng tiningnan, pati ba siya ay sasakyan niya ang kalokohan ni Archi?
"Sienna is not here...because she's already dead" he said with a deep voice the reason why my lower lip trembled, losing touch in reality? Hallucinations? Fuck! That's not true cause I felt Sienna on my arms!
"Aly, you're losing it already...akala mo kasama mo si Sienna pero hindi, walang kang kasama sa bahay mo. Wala kang kausap nung dumating kami dito, you're hallucinating Aly and you thought Sienna is alive but no...your imagination is playing at you"
My breathing became heavy and these tears are starting to fill my eyes again, nanginginig ang mga tuhod ko na panay ang salit ng tingin sa kanila. I felt a big knife on my chest and it bleeds until there's no life on it anymore.
My love, are you true a while ago?
My tears are already visible on them because of the pain I'm experiencing, Orcus stepped forward and gave a folder to me. I was hesitating to open it because I'm trying to process what is happening even though it hurts already.
Sienna, is it not true that you're not here?"
"That's the cemetery where Sienna's grave is...I found out that she died and her family because of the explosion in the mall last three years ago, that's her grave" ang sabi sa akin ni Orcus na dahilan para hindi ko na maramdaman ang tuhod ko, unti-unti akong umupo kasama ang pag-hagulgol na hindi ko na mapigilan.
"Sienna Gallegos died because of brain hemorrhage, kasama siya at ang pamilya niya sa mga nasawi sa bomb explosion sa mall"
"N-No...that's not true" my voice became weak and all I do is cry, nilapag ko ang folder na binigay sa akin ni Orcus at walang balak na buksan ito dahil hindi ko matanggap na totoong wala na talaga siya.
No, she's not dead... naramdaman ko siya kanina, she's smiling at me and every smile she gave to me is precious but what is this?
"Aly...she's gone and that's the truth, you have to accept it" Archi said the reason why I shook my head, tinakpan ko ang mukha ko gamit ang dalawa kong kamay at humagulgol ng wala ng tigil dahil sa taong mahal ko.
You're hallucinating?
Bakit mo pa ba ginawa sa akin 'yun kung alam mong masasaktan ako na hindi pala totoo ang lahat?
Why Sienna? You're hurting me this much that I can't feel myself anymore, I just want to be with you right now but all of these were not true.
Your presence lingers in here and it won't leave me alone, I stand so tall but you destroyed me. i thought it's all true but your soul played me, your presence played me that I lost touch in reality.
Fuck, it hurts...ang sakit malaman na lahat pala ng sinabi mo ay pag-paparamdam lang pala ng kaluluwa mo.
"Visit her grave and we will see a doctor, Aly"
"N-No...I can't do that, I can't accept her death. Her presence lingers here and it won't leave me alone, she said that I should do her favor...she said to visit something"
"And that's her grave, her favor is to visit her grave by the person she loved..." I shook my head and cried until my pain is crawling all over my body, you keeping me down Sienna and your death is also the day I lost myself.
"Her favor is she wants to be visited by the person she loved, Aly"
Your unsaid favor is clear to me now, Sienna. Your last favor is to visit your grave, I should be the last who should visit your grave but I can't the reason why you always haunting me on my dreams.
Your unsaid favor gives pain, gusto mong ako ang huling bumisita sa'yo pero hindi ko nagawa... I'm really sorry that you waited but I can't, I just can't accept your death.
I should be there with you but I failed...I'm really sorry, Sienna but I can't accept your death.
I'm really sorry that I made you wait for five years, if I visit your grave your soul will stop haunting me at mas pipiliin ko nalang 'yun.
She said that she's already at ease when I said that I love you...
Sienna said that she's always here watching me...she's watching me but in heaven.
Love of my life, don't leave me...please don't leave me Sienna.