Dear Diary. My exams are officially over! So I thought, "why don't I celebrate by updating?!"
I just found out there's a store in Auckland that sells British and American lollies. I am so going there one day! I will force my parents to take me! (Three years later and I've figured out it's online. Already ordered from them twice)
Pic is a collage of me, Christina and Chelsea, so you can see all three of us together. Christina is left, I'm top and Chelsea is bottom (If you're reading this in 2017 I'd just like to say that I have barely aged at all but Chelsea has aged like fine wine like dang girl I did not know I was best friends with Aphrodite)
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"We're gonna be stuck here forever!" I wailed. "Have you seen the size of this line? And there's more still coming! It's like the entire world's supply of Directioners have gathered together for today's signing!"
"Correction!" Chelsea butted in. "We won't be stuck here because of the Directioners; we'll be stuck because we got lost in this mall."
Okay, I know neither name nor the location of this place, other than it's in London. That's as much as I know. And that it's huge. I got lost in the smallest store here, how am I supposed to survive in the freakin supermarket?! I am so unprepared for this life.
"All we have to do is go towards the screaming and we'll find Paul or Oliver or one of the many bald security guards." Christina pointed out.
"When did the signing start?" Chelsea asked.
"About two hours ago." I answered. "Is it just me, or has the line gotten bigger?"
We all looked over the railing and saw that the line had gotten longer and fatter; kinda like a snake that ate a whole pig in one go. I don't think I'd be able to do that. I can eat a chocolate pig, does that count?
"Ow! My ankle!" a voice came from one of those chairs they put randomly in mall so you can sit awkwardly and watch people like stalkers and which always seemed to be covered in gum.
We turned to see an official looking business lady with a microphone rubbing her swollen ankle. A cameraman stood awkwardly to the side.
"Are we gonna be able to shoot this thing Karla?" he asked, sounding unsure.
"How am I supposed to interview people when I can't walk?" Karla snapped in reply. He held his hands up in defeat. I suddenly got an idea.
"Excuse me," I said as I approached them. "Sorry to butt in, but are you here to interview the Directioners?"
"Yes, but it seems I've twisted my ankle so I've lost my story." She informed us sadly.
"Well, we could interview them for you." I offered. She narrowed her eyes at us suspiciously.
"And why would you do that?" she asked.
"Because we're bored and want to help a person keep their job?" Christina asked. "Is that so wrong?"
She studied us for a moment, eyebrows furrowed together in thought.
"Look, you don't have to pay us and if you want, we'll leave our phones with you so you know that we won't be making off with your equipment. We promise you'll have the most entertaining story ever on your show." I pleaded. To be honest, I just wanted to know what it felt like to be filmed with an actual TV camera.
"Fine," she said, finally giving in. "But Trent will be going with you and filming so you don't need to give me your phones. Just remember that you are interviewing from Gossip Galore and you should be good."
"Thank you so much! We won't let you down!" I said. Karla handed us each a microphone and gave us a set of cue cards with questions on them. We walked towards the crowd, Trent at our heels as we read the questions.
"These are the most boring questions I have ever read!" I whispered to Christina and Chelsea and they nodded in agreement.
"I suggest we... spice things up a little," Chelsea said with a smirk.
"I like your way of thinking." I smiled.
"Are we rolling Trent?" Christina asked and he shook his head. "Okay, so here's what we're gonna do. Us three are gonna introduce ourselves and then we'll move onto the interviewing. Don't forget, never stop filming us." He nodded to show he understood.
A flashing red light appeared on the side of the camera, indicating that he was filming. "Hi! I'm Kate," I waved.
"I'm Chelsea,"
"And I'm Christina!"
"So Karla has unfortunately injured her ankle so she is unable to be here right now." Chelsea started off.
"But do not fear!" Christina continued. "We are here to finish her mission for you; the viewers of Gossip Galore!"
"So today we are here at the huge mall that I do not know the name of where One Direction are hosting a signing!" I said while Chelsea and Christina whooped in the background. "And we are going chat to a few Directioners who will hopefully not scream into the microphones."
"Let the interviewing begin!" Christina yelled. We approached the nearest girl.
"Excuse me, may I ask you a question?" I asked, tapping on her shoulder. She saw the camera and nodded, giving a cheesy grin. "On a scale of one to Kevin, how much do you like cheese?" I held the microphone out, waiting for an answer.
"Uhhh..." she said. "Seahorse?"
"Excellence choice! I can already tell we're going to great great friends!" I said, crushing her into a hug.
"Onto the next Directioner!" Christina charged at a girl halfway down the line. "You need to sing this special song to be on TV!" she demanded on the shocked girl.
"Um, okay," she said, looking slightly scared. Christina cleared her throat loudly.
"Hakuna Matata. What a wonderful phrase!" she sang. "Hakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze!"
"It means no worries, for the rest of your days!" the girl sang, relaxing.
'It's our problem-free, philosophy! Hakuna Matata!" they both sang.
"Well done!" Christina said, shaking her hand violently. "You have just won yourself an invisible cookie!"
"Paul! Hey Paul!" Chelsea yelled, waving to the bodyguard from where she was standing beside a fruit stall. He turned at her voice, raising an eyebrow at her questionably.
"I have a lovely bunch of coconuts! Deedle-lee-dee! There they are standing in a row!" she sang, pointing to the coconuts. "Big ones, smalls ones, some as big as your head!" she shrugged. "That's all I know."
"Anyway," I said, getting Trent to turn the camera to me. "Let's interview some more Directioners!"
For the next hour or so, we continued asking pointless questions and most likely scaring the girls in the line. There were some bitches that turned their noses up at us though, but that was to be expected.
Christina jumped on Oliver's back screaming "ONWARDS PERCY!!!" He proceeded to dump her in the playpen with the little kids.
Chelsea nearly fell into a fountain which as caught on tape by the very good cameraman Trent.
I was given some red drink from a Directioner then asked what it was. I said I had no idea but said it tasted like liquid candy floss. She told me it was cherry Kool Aid, which I was quite surprised at.
One girl attempted to imitate our accent, but ended up sounding Australian. We returned the favour. Chelsea and Christina's British accents were great but mine ended up Indian somehow. I was never any good at accents.
All in all, we had a lot of fun interviewing fans and pulling pranks (I said "That's a strange place to put a piano" and you would have no idea how many people looked around for one. I was in an elevator) but alas, it was time to say goodbye.
"So, I guess it's time for us to bid you farewell." Chelsea started off sadly. "I'm Vanilla Bean,"
"I'm Onion," Christina added.
"And I'm single!" I ended.
"And we were your unpaid interviewers for today!" we said together before the light blinked off. We said our goodbyes to Trent and parted ways.
By this time the signing had ended, a few hundred Directioners going home without getting the chance to meet their idols. We hurried to the black pedo van and got in, waiting for the boys to arrive. They eventually did and we headed off home.
"So what's happening tomorrow my peeps?" I asked. Oh my god, I did not just say that!
"We have a New Year's concert at night which we will be preparing for during the day." Liam told us. "Also, there will be two girls there who won a competition to see us beforehand, so please don't scare them off."
"Us?" Chelsea said.
"Scare them off?" Christina added.
"You really think we'd do that?" I finished, making sure to sound offended. "I can't believe you!"
"Whatever. Just... don't be too crazy." He said, giving us a stern glare. I just rolled my eyes at him. Us three exchanged looks and we all knew what was going to happen.
I hope those girls are prepared for tomorrow, because they're in for the ride of their lives.