Chapter 16
Sage P.O.V.
It took a few hours, but I finally manage to calm down enough where Darry felt like he could let me go. I don't give Darry enough credit. He may be up tight with everyone, but he would drop everything going on in his life to help anyone in the gang. Especially an emotionally broken girl like me.
It was times like these that I wished I grew up with Darry as my brother, and not Dally. Dally is great for having my back and protecting me, but it kills him to show any shred of emotion. Tonight, proved that he would rather throw his family away just so he didn't have to worry about anyone but himself.
Darry's voice pulled me out of my thoughts. "Something has been going on with you and I want to help. But you are going to have to let me in."
I nodded my head because I did need to tell someone how I was feeling and what I've been through. It was almost like I wanted to prove I wasn't mentally crazy for the stunts I have pulled since I've been here. "The night Two-bit brought me here, Angela and I was raped." I looked down at the bed while I let him process that piece of information.
I knew if I looked at him and saw the pity on his face, I would shut down. It went against everything I was taught, to let people in like this. While he was silent, I went ahead and explained the whole story, since I knew the questions would soon follow. I told him about that night, why I had the panic attack in their front yard, how I didn't get out of bed for half a week, and everything Angela and I did and were planning to do. The words kept coming out and the more they did, the lighter my chest felt. Angela is the only other one who knows all of this information, but she was just as broken as I was. We were each other's tape. We could hold the broken pieces together, but it was bound to break eventually. By the time I was done explaining everything, Darry was tense. I wasn't sure if it was because of everything that has happened, or my plan to fix my life by making other's lives hell.
Since I had no words left for him, I looked up to see what his face could tell me. He was staring across the room with his eyebrows pulled together, lost in thought. I lightly placed my hand on his wrist to bring him back to the moment. He looked down at me and shook his head. "I don't know where to begin. No one should have to go through any of that. And your brother knows all of this, so why did he leave you tonight?"
I played with my hands and said, "I kept pushing his buttons. I knew if I acted a certain way, said certain things, he would snap. I can't explain why I wanted to start a fight with him again, but I knew what I was doing when it happened. I pushed him too far and he was done."
Darry rubbed the back of his neck while he thought of how to answer that. "I know your brother isn't the best person to talk to about all of these things, but I wish you would've come to one of us before it got this bad. You know any of us would have been there for you."
All I could do was nod my head at that. He was right. I had six guys out there that would've done anything they could've to help me stay out of this dark place I have found myself in. But instead I turned to my hopeless brother knowing I would be met with disappointment.
Darry told me he needed to tell the guys to let them know what was going on, because he knew if he left it to me it would never get told. "Get some rest and we will start new tomorrow." He got up from the bed and said he would be in later. "Holler if you need anything." I nodded my head and he kissed my cheek. "Dally may know show it, but he loves you more than you know. It'll work out." And with that he walked out of the room to leave me with my thoughts.
Did Dally actually love me? Maybe at one point when we were younger, but he left me with dad and to face everything horrible that came at me in New York. If my brother had been there, I might not have met Mark. I wouldn't have gone through all of the emotional and physical abuse from different people all those years. Maybe if my brother had been there I wouldn't be as broken as I am now. My thoughts slowly faded as I fell into a dreamless sleep.
I woke up to Darry snoring lightly next to me. The clock read 3:45 am and I knew no one would be up at this hour. I silently slipped out of bed, grabbed my jacket, and tiptoed through the house out the front door. I saw Steve passed out on the couch and Two-bit spread out on the floor in the shape of a star. I didn't see how he was comfortable like that, but he was probably drunk when he fell asleep.
I shut the front door as quietly as possible and sat on the porch to look up at the stars. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I wasn't here. Dallas wouldn't have to worry about what his little sister was doing and could focus on himself. He made a life here without me and I barged in expecting him to be welcoming. I was delusional to think my brother would want me back after all these years. I wouldn't be bumming it at the Curtis house. For Darry I am just another mouth to feed and expense added to his long list of bills. I could get a job to pay him back, but who would hire a Winston?
Then there is Soda. I thought him and I might have had something at one point, but I pushed him away into the arms of Sandy. And from what I heard from the guys; she is a bitch, but he is head over heels for her. Maybe if I hadn't have pushed him away, he wouldn't have fallen for the wrong girl. Who am I kidding? I am the wrong girl for him and need to let him live his life.
I was so lost in my endless tunnel of thoughts that I didn't hear the front door open. A blanket was draped over my shoulders and I very tired Sodapop sat down next to me. "What are you doing out here, Sage?"
I shrugged my shoulders. I really had no idea why I came out into the cold instead of staying in bed. "Needed some fresh air, I guess. Why are you up?"
He sighed, "I needed some water and looked out the window to see you freezing your butt off out here. I figured you could use a blanket."
I nodded my head at his response and looked back out into the empty road. We sat in silence for a few minutes until he asked, "Are you okay?"
I let out a slow, deep breath and shook my head. "No. But one day I will be." Or at least I hope so. Right now, it looks like life wants to strangle me until I have no more breath to give. Let's hope I have enough fight in me to break away from its grip.
Soda wrapped an arm around me and pulled me into his chest. We sat, cuddled up under the blanket when he started to talk again. "I knew something was going but didn't know how to ask. You and your brother can be scary at times." I felt his chest move as he chuckled. "Steve said we needed to take you out like we used to, but when you came to the DX, we figured you might have gotten out of this funk. We thought we might be getting our best friend back, but after what went down with you and Dal and what Darry told us, I knew you were still lost. Why didn't you come to us for help?"
I shook my head, "Everyone has their own lives and problems to deal with. Throwing mine in there was not something anyone needed."
He cut me off, "You needed it though. Do you know how much it would hurt losing you for good? I already lost my parents; I can't lose you too."
I felt a tear slip away from my eye. "You have Sandy. You have the gang. You would be okay without me."
He turned to face me and pulled my face up to his. "Don't talk like that! You brought a new happiness to the gang when you came back. Steve got his best friend back, Dal has stayed out of trouble since the moment you arrived, Pony and Johnny felt like their sister walked back into their lives, Darry has been happier with you around, Two-bit finally has someone to joke around with 24/7, and I got the love of my life back."
I froze when he said that last part. "What did you just say?"
He gave me a lazy smile. "You heard me." He pulled my face into his and gently put his lips on mine. There was a hesitation, like he was making sure it was okay. But when I didn't pull away, he deepened the kiss. It was at that moment when everything felt like it was going to be fine. I never knew how much I needed Sodapop, but this kiss told me he was the glue that would hold my life together.
I pulled back suddenly when a thought ran through my head. "What about Sandy?"
He looked down and shook his head. "She got pregnant with someone else's kid and her parents are forcing her to move to Florida. We broke up a few days ago."
"Oh Soda! I'm so sorry! You didn't deserve that."
He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and smiled. "It's okay. I needed to lose her to gain you. It's always been you."
He kissed my forehead and stood up. "We need to get back inside before we catch a cold." He helped my speechless self-up and brought me back inside. Everyone was still sound asleep when we walked back in. Soda kissed my cheek and told me he would see me in the morning. I watched him climb up the stairs and heard his door shut before I followed suit and went back to Darry's room.
Luckily, he was still fast asleep when I snuck back into the bed. I fell asleep with the feeling of hope that life might be taking a turn for the better.
I will soon find out that I was naive to even think that.