Dear Diary,
Today was the day I decided to make a change.
Bucky wouldn't want me to mope around like this for the rest of my life- I'm sure none of our lost loved ones would have wanted that for any of us... if only they were here to say it directly to us.
I woke up, early as ever, this morning to walk straight to my bathroom with incredible plans for my day, even though it hadn't even been a month since everything happened. I would work out and have a full breakfast and, well, actually talk to everyone around the Avengers Facility.
First, though, something had to go.
—————
I looked at myself in the same mirror I had peered into every morning and barely recognized the man I was seeing. I would peer into his eyes and wonder what he had become. The world used to think so highly of him, and now? What had he - what had I - become? No, no... that wasn't me, it couldn't be, you must have me mistaken for someone else. I would never become unrecognizable to my own two eyes, not while I remembered all that I had and all that had yet to arrive, right?
But, as much as I tried to look past him and ignore that damned reflection I had grown to hate so much, enough had been enough. There was only one way to regain myself from behind whatever show I was putting on in the mirror before me, for me.
I finally shaved my beard.
I cut it short and then shaved it entirely off, leaving nothing behind but skin I hadn't seen in nearly six years. Just then, I peered into my eyes to see that they remained more grey than blue, and would, perhaps, stay this way for a while longer, if not forever, but this was at least a step in the right direction. I was finally starting to seem myself again.
As I wiped the remnants of the shaving cream from my face, almost allowing myself to feel triumphant for a moment, I heard rattling and caught my surroundings beginning to shake and vibrate in their places. They surely weren't doing this on their own, so I decided to throw a shirt on and head out to see what all the fuss was about, just as my old self would have done.
There was this noise coming from above and all around me, and I was soon met with everyone else living in the facility who had been confused about the commotion, too.
Rhodey, Thor, Nat, Pepper, Banner and I ran out and watched as a massive space ship arrived before us, being carried by a glowing Carol Danvers, and was placed gently on the ground before us all.
She looked at us like this was it. Finally, this was it.
The hatch below opened to reveal Thor's friend, Rabbit (I later learned his name to actually be Rocket), and a blue, bald, mechanical-esque woman aiding a feeble-looking Tony Stark down the stairs. I ran to his side, even after everything that happened nearly 10 years ago, and took hold of him to help.
He looked back at her, then at me, breathing heavily and looking like all the life had been sucked out of him. "Couldn't stop him," he panted.
"Neither could I," I replied.
"Hang on, hang on" he whispered, distraught. "I lost the kid."
"Tony, we lost," I told him.
"Is, uhm-" he turned to look at Pepper as she ran up. "Oh, good-"
"Oh, my God," she started to sob, taking him into a hug. "Oh, my God."
He kissed her cheek, "it's ok."
Once inside, Rhodey took it upon himself to begin the explanation to Tony regarding what had happened in his absence with Thanos on our end.
"It's been 23 days since Thanos came to Earth," he started, pictures of the people we had lost popping up on the hologram screen: Stephen Strange, T'Challa, Hank Pym, Sharon Carter, Scott Lang, Nick Fury, Erik Selvig, Shuri, Hope VanDyne, Sam Wilson, Maria Hill, Peter Parker, Wanda Maximoff, James Barnes.
"World governments are... in pieces," Nat added. "The parts that are still working are trying to take a census and it looks like he did... he did exactly what he said he was gonna do. Thanos wiped out 50% of all living creatures."
Tony sat there thinking. "Where is he now? Where?" he demanded.
"We don't know," I answered. "He just opened a portal and walked through."
He sighed. "What's wrong with him?" he pointed at Thor, who was sitting in solitude.
"Oh, he's pissed," Rocket started. "Thinks he failed... which, of course, he did, but, y'know, there's a lot of that goin' around, ain't there?"
"Honestly, until this exact second, I thought you were a Build-A-Bear," Tony pointed at Rocket.
"Maybe I am," he joked.
"We've been hunting Thanos for three weeks now," I continued. "Deep space scans and satellites and we got nothing... Tony, you fought him-"
"Who told you that?" he countered. "I didn't fight him. He wiped my face with a planet while the Bleecker Street Magician gave away the store. That's what happened, there was no fight 'cause he's not beatable."
"Did he give you any clues, any coordinates, anything?" I wondered.
"Uh.." he sputtered, putting his hand to his head. "I saw this coming a few years back. I had a vision- I didn't wanna believe it. Thought I was dreaming."
"Tony, I'm gonna need you to focus," I told him, standing.
"And I needed you," he came back. "As in, past tense. That trumps what you need. It's too late, buddy. Sorry." He sniffled. "You know what I need? I need a shave," he stood. "And I remember telling all youse-" he pulled out his IV.
"Tony- Tony!" Rhodey yelled at him.
"Alive and otherwise," he went on. "That what we needed was a suit of armor around the world. Remember that? Whether it impacted our precious freedoms or not- that's what we needed."
"Well, that didn't work out, did it?" I returned.
"I said we'd lose," he came at me. "You said 'we'll do that together, too.' And, guess what, Cap? We lost. And you weren't there. But that's what we do, right? Our best work after the fact. We're the 'Avengers.' We're the 'Avengers,' not the 'Pre-vengers.'"
"Okay," Rhodes took hold of him.
"Right?" Tony asked again.
"You made your point," Rhodes told him. "Just sit down, okay?"
"Okay. No, no, here's my point. You know what? She's great, by the way," he pointed at Carol.
"Tony, you're sick," Rhodes came back. "Sit down."
"We need you. You're new blood," he fought his way out of Rhodey's grip. "A bunch of tired old mules. I got nothing for you, Cap," he pointed in my face and got up close to me. "I got no coordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options. Zero. Zip. Nada. No trust, liar." He looked at me for a moment before pulling the Arc Reactor from his chest. "Here, take this," he placed it in my hand. "You find him, you put that on, you hide."
He fell to his knees. "Tony!" I went to his aid.
"I'm fine," he announced. "Let me..." he passed out on the floor.
We laid him down on the bed and waited to be sure he was okay.
"Bruce gave him a sedative," Rhodes informed us. "He's probably gonna be out for the rest of the day."
"You guys take care of him," Carol started. "And I'll bring him a Zorrian elixir when I come back."
She started to walk out. "Where are you going?" I asked.
"To kill Thanos."
"Hey," Natasha stopped her. "You know, we usually work as a team here, and, uh, between you and I, morale's a little fragile."
"We realize up there is more your territory, but this is our fight, too," I reminded her.
"You even know where he is?" Rhodes asked from behind us.
"I know people who might," she said.
"Don't bother," the woman I later learned to be one of Thanos' daughters named Nebula stated. "I can tell you where Thanos is."
We approached her and all stood around as she explained everything she knew. "Thanos spent a long time trying to perfect me. And, when he worked, he talked about his Great Plan. Even disassembled, I wanted to please him. I'd ask, where would we go once his plan was complete? And his answer was always the same... 'To the Garden.'"
I felt so sorry for her. It was like she spent her whole life doing something she never wanted and helping someone she never liked or wanted to be with. And with her left arm being made of metal, I couldn't help but be reminded of someone else who lived a lot of his life the same way.
"That's cute," Rhodes jumped in. "Thanos has a retirement plan."
"So, where is he?" I questioned.
"When Thanos snapped his fingers," Rocket started, looking at the hologram displayed on the table we all surrounded. "Earth became ground zero for a power surge of ridiculously cosmic proportions. No one's ever seen anything like it- until two days ago... on this planet," a new image came up.
"Thanos is there," Nebula surmised.
Natasha approached the image. "He used the stones again."
"Hey, hey, hey," Banner walked in. "We'd be going in shorthanded, you know?"
"Look, he's still got the stones," Rhodes pointed out, "so-"
"So let's get 'em," Carol filled in the blank. "Use them to bring everyone back."
"Just like that?" Banner questioned.
"Yea," I agreed. "Just like that."
"Even if there's a- a small chance that we can undo this," Nat started. "I mean, we owe it to everyone who's not in this room to try."
"If we do this, how do we know it's gonna end any differently than it did before?" Banner asked.
"Because before you didn't have me," Carol said.
"Hey, new girl," Rhodes began. "Everybody in this room is about that superhero life. And, if you don't mind my asking, where the Hell have you been all this time?"
"There are a lot of other planets in the Universe. And, unfortunately, they didn't have you guys," she reminded him.
Thor stood up from the desk for the first time all day and approached her. She turned to face him. He put his hand out and Strombreaker came to him with a whirl wind and she didn't even flinch.
"I like this one," he commented.
"Let's go get this son of a bitch," I replied.
We immediately got onto the ship and headed out; Banner, Carol, Nebula and Rocket up at the front with Nat, Thor, Rhodes and myself in the back.
"Okay, who here hasn't been to space?" Rocket turned and asked. Nat, Rhodes and I raised our hands.
"Why?" Rhodes mumbled.
"You better not throw up on my ship," Rocket returned.
"Approaching jump in three," Nebula started. "Two, one."
We started at light speed at the planet where Thanos resided. I grabbed on to the arm rests on my seat and prepared for the force pushed against us all. It wasn't as terrible as I expected it to be and, somehow, not as horrifying as The Cyclone at Coney Island.
"I'll head down for recon," Carol told us as she floated outside the ship and approached the planet after we arrived.
We all stood in the ship and waited for her return. I was next to Nat and we both remained silent. I pulled out my compass with Peggy's picture in it. I knew Nat was looking over my shoulder, or I would have peeled it back to reveal the real reason I was doing all of this- the real reason I had pulled it out from my pocket.
She looked over at me and the smile fell from her face as I put the compass away. "This is gonna work, Steve."
"I know it will... 'Cause I don't know what I'm gonna do if it doesn't."
Carol approached the front window. "No satellites. No ships. No armies- no ground defenses of any kind," she relayed. "It's just him."
"And that's enough," Nebula replied, knowing just as well as the rest of us did that he was capable of plenty of destruction all on his own.
We made our way down to the base of the planet and walked from there to the little hut he was living in.
Carol attacked first as she blasted him through the roof and tackled him shortly thereafter. She had him in a choke hold as Banner held his one arm in the Hulk-Buster suit and Rhodey held the other in his War Machine suit.
Thor came in right after and chopped the gauntlet off of his hand. He groaned in pain as I walked up with Nat and Nebula.
I watched as Rocket turned the gauntlet over to reveal a lack of stones. "Oh, no," he mumbled.
"Where are they?" I asked.
"Answer the question," Carol demanded in his ear.
"The Universe required correction. After that, the stones served no purpose," he explained, "beyond temptation."
"You murdered trillions!" Banner yelled, pushing him over.
"You should be grateful!" Thanos came back from the floor before Banner punched him.
"Where are the stones?" Natasha asked again.
"Gone," he said. "Reduced to atoms." I felt tears welling in my eyes.
"You used them two days ago!" Banner shouted angrily.
"I used the stones to destroy the stones," he re-stated. "It nearly killed me. But the work is done. It always will be. I am inevitable."
"We have to tear this place apart," Rhodes decided. "He- he has to be lying."
"My father is many things," Nebula started. "A liar is not one of them."
"Ah," he mumbled. "Thank you, daughter... Perhaps I treated you too harshly."
Thor raised his axe and chopped off Thanos' head with one relentless swing.
"What?" Banner was dumbfounded. Hell, we all were.
"What did you do?" Rocket asked.
"I went for the head," he whispered and walked away.
—————
Nebula closed the eyes on his severed head before we all left silently.
It was a terrible ride home. We were left with thoughts of the people we'd lost and would never see again. I think Natasha cried, but I couldn't be sure.
I didn't then, but I did later.
~ Steve R.