Ghost Bird The Academy: Jameson Addition.

Unknown Territory

"I've never been the most important thing to anybody; not even myself."

Saturday

                              James's P.O.V.

Nightmares.

A common thing for James.

Nightmares are triggered by many things. Anxiety, stress, depression, major change. Honestly, there were a number of psychological triggers that cause nightmares.

The funny thing about nightmares though is that they can be caused by anxiety or cause anxiety. James was left with the impact of both.

James sighed, running a hand through her hair. She had woken in a cold sweat.

Another cause of nightmares was trauma, and James had been through a lot of that. She rolled over her hand coming in contact with a hard chest making her stiffen up.

She quickly sat up releasing a breathe when she realized it was just Sean. His head was squished up against the pillow drool on his cheek; lips parted. A fond smile came to her face as she gazed at him.

His curly hair was a mess flying in all directions, half of it puffed out the other half pressed against the pillow he was currently holding like a lifeline.

After dinner Sean put on a movie, handing her a sketchbook and some pencils Owen had picked up. James was forever grateful and drew some of her problems away. Letting herself use her art as her therapy.

At some point or another Sean insisted she should go to bed, James didn't argue too much because her headache had become almost unbearable. She asked Sean to stay for cuddles, turns out the doctor was just as tired as she was.

Poor guy.

There were still bag's under his eyes, she couldn't imagine being so young and being so ahead in life. As much as Sean played the silly, chill, happy going one he was incredibly smart. To become a Doctor so young-even with the help of the academy you needed brains for that.

As much as she hated hospitals it was nice seeing him in his element yesterday. Seeing him interact with his other coworkers, talk to patients, come up with plans for her.

He truly loved his job.

It's why she wanted to work through her fear of hospitals, it was Sean's life.

Besides James needed to start facing her problems not running away all the time.

She snorted, even in her head that sounded like bullshit. She pulled the blanket up closer eyes moving to the bedside table carefully plucking her phone off of it. She had numerous amounts of texts from the others.

She locked her phone again closing her eyes. She was such an awful person, she shouldn't have just left them yesterday-but she knew her body and she knew they would all be on her asking her too many questions.

God, what a fucking day.

"What time is it?" Sean's sleepy voice questioned, she glanced at him to find him sitting up on his elbows partly, one hand rubbing at his eyes.

"Sexy O'clock in the morning, why didn't you tell me you were so handsome in the morning?" James questioned letting her eyes flick up and down his body.

Sean barked out a laugh a grin coming across his wide lips, "You like this look?" he questioned motioning to himself.

James nodded moving closer and placing a kiss to his cheek earning a blush from the other man. "Morning's are my favorite time no one can hide you know? That moment when you first wake up, no makeup, no masks, your body's trying to keep up with your mind. Those first few moments..."

You can be completely real.

Sean's eyes softened, "...I've never thought about it like that." He murmured. "You look breathtaking this morning."

James snorted shoving his shoulder lightly, "My hair is trying to make it six ways to Sunday."

He rolled his eyes his hand running through his own hair only to get tangled. "Ugh, why must my hair be so thick?"

"Preach," James shared a grimace with him. "It's...huh It's eleven."

Sean's eyes widen as he glanced at her phone, "Did we really sleep in that long? God." He fell back running a hand over his face.

"Guess I wasn't the only one who needed rest."

"Seeing as the past nights of sleep you've had nightmares I'm not surprised," Sean's hand moved out to grab her own. "I don't have that excuse-"

"Shut up hotshot," James rolled her eyes wincing slightly her bruised eye never failed to cause her pain. "Your a Doctor, teacher, and taking care of a team of idiots. You academy boy's work nonstop around the clock are you really surprised that you needed rest too?"

His lips twisted but he didn't argue.

James sighed, looks like she wasn't the only one who didn't take care of there self.

"...Any word on how Sang is? Did you talk to any of the others last night?"

Sean nodded, "She's good firefly, I told you her foots bruised-her talus and calcaneus bones to be exact. The heel and the bone below the ankle, she got it during that landing. It'll take about a month to heal-"

"I knew bruises were evil," James grumbled she still felt guilty that Sang went over to try and help her and James couldn't even answer the girl's questions. She was such an awful friend, her hand gripped at her wrist but she quickly let go.

Sang didn't need her as a best friend.

She deserved someone better. Worthless.

"Sorry sweetie," Sean apologized, "North wants too put you two in a bubble."

"It may not be a bad idea," James joked hand moving to run through Sean's hair. "I really like your hair, it's so soft."

Soft and silky she could run her hands through it all day.

"I really like your face, it's so pretty," Sean shot back taking her hand and pressing a small kiss too it. "How are you doing? Where's your head at?"

"In between a three and four," James admitted. One of the reasons Sean had pushed for her to spend some time relaxing too is because yesterday was a four.

A four on the scale was having a bad day but still being able to get through it, you should follow self-care strategies.

Sean rubbed her hand a thoughtful look in his eyes, "Why don't we just stay here today? Sleep the day away..."

James smiled at that, a day in with Sean would be fucking beautiful.

"You just want me all to yourself," she purred.

Sean shrugged, "I wouldn't be mad about it..." his eyes flickered up and down, a small smirk coming to his lips.

She laughed, "I have plans today with John Oliver..."

Sean pouted letting his head fall back into the pillow as he groaned. "You're leaving me? How could you?"

James giggled, "Seeing as how I've called out of work more often than not this week I don't want to cancel my plans..."

"No, you should go, kick this four day into a three maybe even a two." He yawned stretching his arms about his head. "Have fun-don't overthink. Give the boy's a call or two so they don't kill me alright?"

James smirked, "We wouldn't want that now would we?"

Sean narrowed his eyes, "You're awful."

                                             🌷

"...Hi..." James waved at the camera a strained smile across her lips. "Hello there..."

She firgured it would be a good idea to return some of the others phone calls.

It was weird having so many people reach out to her. They pity her.

Nathan had an eyebrow raised a frown across his lips. "Hello there?" He scoffed making James flinch. Okay, she did deserve that for cutting out without goodbyes. Lord knows she would be pissed too. "That's all?"

"Sean said he was going to message you guys-I just was overwhelmed with everything and I needed some time to think..."

Nathan's eyes softened, "What? No we know you needed time to think. He did message but Jesus normally you text me at three or four in the morning it's after eleven and neither you nor Doc was picking up the phone-"

"Oy! Is that rebel?" Gabe's face came on the screen. "Tell Sean we're going to kick his ass. We called him about fifty times-"

James  whipped her head around as she heard foot steps. Not a second later Owen popped up around the corner moving behind her his hand resting on her shoulder. "Warning next time!" She growled rubbing her eyes. "I'm still sleepy god there's so many of you..."

Owen squeezed her shoulder lightly, "Please don't pester James or Sean, Sean's been working more hours at the hospital they both only just woke up. I turned off there alarms both of them needed sleep."

James's heart warmed at that she gave Owen a small smile, "My head was pounding yesterday and there was just so much going on..."

"James is right, we can be a bit much." Kota collected voice sprang over the phone he glanced at her over Nathan's and Gabe's shoulder's all three boys trying to look into the phone. "Sang passed out too there wasn't much time for conversation and we all needed a minute to breathe after the fight. Although I would have liked to say goodbye you to. No one is mad, we're glad you got to sleep."

James smiled unsurely, "No one's mad?" Nathan said he wasn't that he was just worried he hadn't heard from her but the boys-

"No," Owen said sternly raising an eyebrow at the phone. "Correct?"

Mumbles of agreement came over the phone. James sighed, "Don't pressure them, Owen, if they're mad-"

"They can be upset over the fight that's why you're grounded. You leaving the hospital yesterday was our decision though. We didn't need you sneaking off to work, or having a panic attack because you don't tell the boy's when to shut up."

James blushed at Owen's words, "I tell them to shut up all the time..."

"Not when it's important," Kota said, "Mr. Blackbourne made the right choice...even if we don't like it. James would have snuck over to Sang's too and neither of them needs to be trying to climb roofs."

"Ugh, why do you girls cause so much trouble?" Gabe was grinning though wiggling his eyebrows. "Seeing as how you got some rest..."

"...Can we see you today?" Nathan finished the sentence for his brother. "I promise will take it easy... We can make do with the movie night?"

James brightened at that, Nathan had talked to her about coming over and having a movie night with him. A sleepover, she smiled. "I still plan on making that sleepover happen but I have plans today..."

"No!" Gabe cried. "I need you now!"

"Gabe," Nathan grunted elbowing him making James laugh. "What plans?"

"With John Oliver, sorry I already promised him..."

"That's alright sweetie we have some work to do today anyway." Kota shared a look with the others. "Take it easy and text us updates..."

"You too please," James waved, "I've got to get ready..."

"You don't have to feel so guilty," Owen murmured to her his other hand coming onto her shoulder as he gave her a light massage. James was stiff at first with the contact unsure what to do. "Relax,"

She let out a breathe trying to un-tense her shoulder's, the shoulder she injured he worked on with a much gentler touch not putting any real pressure on it. Instead of moving his hand to the middle of her back to get her other shoulder better.

It was strange...No one had ever given her a massage before and for some reason, this moment felt intimate. The way he moved her hair, how his finger's brushed against her neck lightly...

Fuck her.

She bit her lip as his fingers brushed across the back of her neck. The touch as light as a feather.

"I-if It had been the boys who went radio silent on me after the fight I would have been a wreck," James replied feeling ashamed. She was selfish-she didn't want things to get too personal. She didn't want to answer questions so she took the easy way out by ignoring them.

"James you had a panic attack-you passed out because you were hyperventilating. Your body was straining from stress, you hadn't gotten a proper night of sleep, and you've been worry about your home life well adjusting to having more people in your life." Owen spoke calmly, "It's overwhelming for anyone. You keep putting yourself out of your comfort zone-going to the hospital. Doing things to make others happy to protect others. Hell, you let yourself get thrown off a balcony for us. To protect us. Don't feel guilty for needing a moment to yourself."

James closed her eyes, "I don't know how too do this friend thing. Every time I've tried something has gone wrong or shitty and I just don't want to screw this up-"

"You're not going too," He promised, "You won't. Trust us, if you feel something is too much tell us that. Just be honest with us. We can take that, running away though is what we can't handle. I promise you darling if you run away you'll have the whole team chasing after you guns a-blazing."

James giggled letting some tension leave her body...It made sense why they looked to Owen. He was a good support system, he saw what others needed even if they didn't realize it.

"Okay, I feel bad but..."

Owen raised an eyebrow, "But sometimes you have to look after your own needs and mental health instead of forcing yourself into uncomfortable situations because you'd rather not say no." He listed off tilting his head so she could see his face. "The boys will understand if you need a moment to recuperate. You just need to tell us, sometimes they may act out but...we all act on our feelings sometimes."

"Using my own words against me huh sir?" James joked running through her hair. "Be more open, got it. I'll put it on my to duelist."

Owen groaned, "We were doing so well."

"I can only stand serious talking for so long," James said in a silly voice. "If we keep this going my brain will fall into pieces."

"We can't lose that knowledge can we?" His lips twitched slightly as he shook his head. "Go get ready I've got leftover spaghetti for lunch."

James gasped, "We moved backward in this relationship. Sleeping together, sleepover, now cooking for one another? Gosh, whatever can I do to repay you?"

"You will be doing no cooking for me anyone ever," Owen said sternly, "Secondly I am your husband, aren't I? Shouldn't I be taking care of you hmm?"

James blushed brightly feeling speechless. Owen referring himself as her husband? Why did she like the sound of that so much? "Shut up." she mumbled, "I'm going to get ready!"

She heard him chuckling as she jetted to the bathroom letting her back fall against the door trying to calm her racing heart.

                                              🌸

James exited the elevator quickly a frown on her face as she glanced down the hall her hand on the taser in her pocket.

She always felt slightly on edge when entering unknown territories, with the nightmares and daydreams becoming more prominent more detailed...She was left being even more aware of her surroundings.

She quickly found the apartment number John Oliver gave her smiling when she saw the ugly green colored door he had complained about to her several times.

She knocked on the door with her left hand loudly. "Helloooooo-"

"James!"

"John Oliver!" She cheered back eyeing his arm in the sling. He quickly did a double-take of her as well his eyes widening.

"James!"

"John Oliver!"

"Your face-"

"It's gorgeous I know appreciate it all you want..." She teased wiggling her eyebrows at him he groaned loudly motioning for her to come in.

James eyed the apartment, it wasn't too big or too cramped. A decent size for living by yourself.

Some of the walls were brick, other's a nice tan color that pairs together nicely. The living room had a tan fluffy long couch as well as a matching love seat. It led into the small kitchen which was nothing crazy pretty cherry wood cabinets and newer models for the appliances. There was a large window in the living room a keyboard and a freestanding dance bar.

James noted that she hadn't realized John Oliver was a dancer or played any instruments. Several boxes were closed around the room, he must have just moved in. The walls were bare and there was no tv but he did have a laptop on a table in the kitchen.

"What happened? Did you get into a fight or a gang war? Oh my god did you-"

James laughed loudly startling him, "A gang war?" She questioned watching as a blush overtook his cheeks. He looked rather adorable wearing a large grey sweatshirt and a pair of black sweatpants, his hair was messy his curls moving in every direction looking like he had just gotten out of bed. "Just who do you think I am John Oliver?"

His hands moved widely in front of him, "Just! I didn't-Urgh! What happened? Are you okay? If you need-"

James's heart warmed at that, John Oliver really was proving to be an amazing friend. It was weird having people care for her...worry about her well being. It was still such an odd subject to grasp. Because your nothing.

You don't deserve them.

"I'm okay I promise, I even went to the doctors and got the A-okay. I got into a couple of fights at school...They could have been worse." She could have broken her neck. One of the others could have had a worse injury.

She still felt awful that she had let herself be pushed to help the others and Sang still managed to come out injured. Her foot could take a month to heal...

Stupid James-

"Jesus and I thought my school was bad," He shook his head, "Your only in the first week? God are you sure it's safe-What happened anyways? Why did you get into a fight?"

"Eh, you know public schools always filled with a little drama." And some maiming. "It's kind of a long story? I'll tell you about it another time right now my brain is still twisted from it."

He eyed her carefully, "Well...if you ever need to dip-"

"Ditch school!" James gasped blinking her eyes up at him. "And just who do you think I am! How's your hand?"

He rolled his eyes, "You're just so cute. My wrist? It's alright, a few weeks to heal I'm just not going to overdo it. The more I leave it in this stupid sling and let it rest the faster it will heal."

"I wish I had your mindset," James admitted, "You smart or whatever."

John Oliver laughed a wide smile coming across his cheeks. "I guess I'll just have to pester you so you don't go getting into more fights-"

James groaned loudly narrowing her eyes at him. "Don't you dare, I already have too many people-"

"Oh yeah, your friends," John Oliver wiggling his eyebrows.

"I'm the one who's suppose to tease you not the other way around."

"Sorry, Juliet this relationship we have will be built on mutual teasing."

James smiled, she really did miss John Oliver. She moved towards him carefully wrapping her arms around him. He seemed shocked for a moment his arms slowly in closing around her. "Thank you." She wasn't sure what she was thanking him for. Being her friend, caring, seeming concerned. She didn't know.

"We're friends aren't we?" He questioned as they pulled away. He eyed her quickly, "If this is the part where you fall in love with me I hope you know I'm not really attracted to you like that."

James laughed loudly head tilting back, "Oh my god you idiot!"

"Hey, I'm just saying."

She gave him a lopsided grin. "Right you've got a dateeeee." she sang poking his cheek.

John Oliver blushed widely, his eyes softening. "I do which I'm sure is going to go awful because it's me? I have no idea how I'm supposed to act or what to say! I mean god I get flustered talking to him on the phone let alone-"

"Slow your roll," James placed her hands on his shoulders. "Firstly when you guys were talking at the restaurant you seemed to relax, maybe once you meet in person it'll go better. Corey seemed nice you know? Phone calls make me anxious too-well actually talking makes me anxious too because I randomly-"

John Oliver groaned, "How is it the two anxious friends are the one's trying to reassure one another?"

James laughed, "Hey! I feel attacked."

He laughed, "This date is going to be ridiculous isn't it?" He questioned.

James smiled patting his cheek, "Truthfully? Yes, but it'll be you which is what matters. If he can't handle you then fuck him and go."

"James!"

"What? He's still hot though! Get some-"

"I hate you!"

"Mwauhhhhh!"

"Ew don't kiss me, god I can't even push you because your all bruised-" He muttered as James placed kisses on his cheek.

"It's my evil plan all along people are forced to deal with me because I look like I just got beaten to death." James rubbed her hands together letting out an evil laugh. "Hehehe."

"Evil villains do not laugh like that." He said seriously "Where's the sinister nature in the tone? The conviction? The-"

"Damn let me see you do better then?" She asked poking his chest. "Huh? HUh?"

"Mwahaha," He said darkly, and damn it he did have a better evil laugh. He grinned at her wiggling his eyebrows. "Don't be jealous James-"

"I'm not jealous," She grumbled crossing her arms.

"Your pouting."

"Your pouting!"

He laughed, "Okay, sure I'm pouting." he raised his hands in surrender.

"No! You can't agree with me." James groaned, "You suck."

He winked, Blowing her a kiss.

James caught it dramatically, "Why thank you, good sir. Now as much as I love this...I wanna hear more about date plans!"

James didn't really know what one does for a date. She told John Oliver she would help him but...She didn't know how these things worked.

She had never been on a date before...

"Ugh!" John Oliver groaned. "I don't have anything to wear."

James blinked, glancing around the living room eyeing the closed boxes. "Is it because they're still packed? I could help you?"

"No," He blushed rubbing the back of his neck. "I need to go shopping get clothes that um fit me. I've been meaning too but...I hate shopping."

"Preach!" James said holding her hand up. "Well as you can see I'm the queen of being cute!" She motioned to the large light blue button-up she was wearing, paired with some ripped jeans and the converse the boys gave her.

She frankly still had to go shopping after Beatrice had torn through her room. So she had been wearing the boy's clothes for the most part...She would be sad when she got her own clothes...She liked wearing the boys clothes. They were comfy.

"You're adorable shut up," he rolled his eyes at her.

"Why don't we go to the mall?" James questioned, "We could pick you up some clothes..."

John Oliver paused at that, "Well...I only have my bike here which I can't ride because of my wrist. I have to pick up my car but..." He paused "Plus we wouldn't be able to fit anything on my bike...I could-Remember that neighbor I mentioned?"

James smiled clapping her hands. "Sure do!" She chirped.

                                              🌸

That's how James and John Oliver found themselves a door down at his neighbor's house. Both wearing matching smiles on there faces.

James knocked again started to get impatient as she shifted on her feet.

"Don't keep knocking." He chastened grabbing her hand.

"Why what if he couldn't hear?"

"He could hear!" John Oliver said grabbing her hands. "Just wait."

James sighed loudly standing up straighter when she heard footsteps coming to the door. She watched the handle twist two seconds away from slinging the door open herself when John Oliver's neighbor finally appeared.

James had to look up to be able to see his face. He was a couple of inches above 6 feet towering over both John Oliver and herself.

He had jet black hair, with bright blue eyes that found her own very quickly. A cocky smirk crossed his lips showing off his handsome features. He was wearing a tight dark grey shirt almost black that seemed to make his eyes pop even more. Dark skinny jeans were hung low on his hips.

"Well aren't I just lucky," he uttered his voice smooth and confident. "Blessed with two beautiful people...How are you, Oliver?"

John Oliver blushed clearing his throat, "Hi Mateo! I'm good-well okay. Well, a little stressed I have this date tonight and I need to go to the mall to find something to wear-OH an this is James! James-Mateo, Mateo-James."

James waved even though they were only two feet apart. "Hello!" she chirped brightly.

Smiling was easy, and keeping your tone bright and happy. People never questioned that just assumed she was another happy go lucky teenager, not a depressed anxious piece of trash.

She truthfully hated meeting new people-people asked to many questioned it was one of the reasons why she kept to herself...but then she met Sang and the other's and suddenly...Meeting new people was-well they changed her views on everything.

Besides this was for John Oliver.

Mateo cocked his hip in the door his arms crossing over his chest. "Hello there,"

"Anyway, I can't drive because the whole arm-stairs situation so-"

"We were wondering if you'd be our chauffeur." James cut John Oliver off.

"-and hang out with us..."

"But also drive us there and back." James grinned.

Mateo smirked at her, "It looks like you'd beat me up if I said no." he pointed out motioning to her bruises.

James shrugged grinning at him.

John Oliver groaned, "No-she got in a fight at school! James don't make that face." he ran a hand down his face. "I remember you said you didn't have much going on this weekend so I wasn't sure if you wanted to hang out with us."

"Seeing as how that's a step up from chauffeur how could I say no?" He smirked blue eyes twinkling. "I'd love to spend the day with you both."

James narrowed her eyes. "Why are you saying it like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like sexy-"

He laughed, "It's apart of the charm," he winked. "Now let's get going, I'm going to assume you need help finding an appropriate outfit."

                                           🌸

"So what type of date are you going on?" Mateo asked licking his ice cream cone. James took a large gulp of her orange cream shake, John Oliver opted to not get anything.

James and Mateo pestered him but he insisted he wasn't hungry. How anyone could say no to ice cream amazed her.

She rarely ever got to eat sweets- she was thankful Luke was so keen to them because she had forgotten how yummy they were.

"Does it matter?" James asked confused head tilting to the side.

"Tesoro, Tesoro." Mateo patted her cheek lightly, "But of course it matters. Dates are important-it'll help you look back at an event and remember the first things you thought about a person. You'll have a mark made in history with one another's stories. Appearance making your futures lover's heart stop when they see you. Showing them who you are how you hold yourself."

How they see her? James wondered how the others saw her. They were always dressed to the nines, hair done to perfection- and god were they all so very handsome.

And Sang- god that girl always looked gorgeous without even trying.

James on the other hand? She knew she didn't dress cute- she didn't ever know what to do with her hair besides letting her locks flow freely down her back.

Compared to them she was nothing.

"I didn't know you were Italian," James raised an eyebrow, "Darlin really that's the nickname you choose?"

Mateo blinked giving her another once over...

"Are the first dates that important?" John Oliver's eyes were wide and frantic. "Oh my god! I'm canceling it! I can't do this! I my last relationship was uh-I why did I decide to go on a date?"

"You," Mateo pointed at James, "I like you,"

James smiled shooting finger guns at him. "As one does." She agreed. He handed her his ice cream James eyed it longingly.

"And as for you," He turned to John Oliver setting his hands on the panicking boy's shoulders. "I've only known you a few days-"

"And our first meeting was awful-"

"ah, ah ah bello," Mateo winked. "It was memorable. There's a difference. Plus I don't automatically hate you and I dislike most people-"

"You like me!" James chirped brightly biting the straw of her ice cream.

"Exactly you two are an odd rarity." Mateo nodded firmly, "The point is be yourself. You'll never match up to who you think someone wants you to be."

"...He's right." James said softly setting her hand on John Oliver's shoulder. It was awkward because she still had both ice creams in her hand but James always found a way. "I'm not good at a lot of things...Most things actually. I get too lost in my head but...with my-I've been more honest than I ever have in my life. I've opened up more and...It's-I haven't regretted it."

John Oliver shoulder's relaxed slightly, "I thought you both said you don't do relationships? Why do you have such good advice."

"I'm a man whore but I'm not an idiot," Mateo looked offended that John Oliver would question his abilities.

James shrugged, "Pure mistake honestly, maybe you shouldn't listen to me-"

"Shut up," John Oliver said poking her shoulder. "You've helped me a lot."

"Or so you say," James wiggled her eyebrows.

Mateo rolled his eyes plucking their ice creams out of her hands. James gasped at him as he threw them out. "Come on we need to get Oliver here an outfit to show off his sexy, sexy features-"

"Mateo!" John Oliver hissed covering his cheeks.

"...I was still drinking that..." James pouted glancing at the trash can.

Mateo groaned, "Come on you idiots." he grabbed their collars pulling them along behind them as both of them whined.

James about her ice cream and John Oliver was whining about going shopping. Saying he changed his mind and was just going to wear a plain shirt and jeans.

James was watching their surroundings as they went. Eyeing the people around her. She missed the others...the last time she had been at the mall was with them. Shivers were sent up her spine as she realized they had run into Greg at the mall.

The last time they were here.

He concerned Sang and herself...an hour promised to tell them if he tried anything.

James bit her lip moving to play with the ring on her finger.

"You okay?" John Oliver questioned. James blinked letting a wide smile across her face.

"Peachy Romeo," she winked at him but his big brown eyes were still glancing at her with concern a small frown across his lips. "Your gonna look so good Corey's gonna wanna pin you down and-"

"Juliet!" He elbowed her lightly she barely was able to hold back a groan as he hit her side. She forced a smile on her face as she glanced at him. "Stop with that."

"No, do go on." Mateo said, "Because she is a hundred percent right Corey is going to be drooling when he set's his eyes on you bello."

John Oliver blushed brightly mumbled for them both too shut up. James shared a smirk with Mateo both of them teasing John Oliver even more.

They came to a stop in front of a fancy suit store. John Oliver groaned loudly, "It's just a dinner, I'm not gonna wear a suit. Wait should I?"

James shrugged, "I've never been on a date. Maybe? What kind of restaurant?" she asked him.

"Not a suit, a nice shirt dress some slacks." Mateo eyed him carefully. "You look like you have a nice ass we should showcase that."

James did the same following the other man's movements.

"Oh god, it was a mistake bringing the two of you." John Oliver sighed running a hand down his face.

"Oh for sure."

"A hundred percent." Mateo and her fist-bumped grinning widely at one another.

🌸

Shopping with Mateo was similar to shopping with Gabe. The man was exact with what he wanted and handed John Oliver about a million different clothes.

It was ridiculous.

Mateo had him try on several dozen outfits already. Yet he kept sending the other man in to try on more.

James was just grateful she didn't have to try anything on.

"On a serious note..." Mateo glanced at her frowning slightly. "Are you alright? Those bruises..."

James glanced up at him narrowing her eyes.

Mateo held up his hands. "I'm just wondering sweetheart, you said you got into a fight is that true?"

James nodded, "Just some bullies messing with my friends..." She mumbled. "I didn't want them to get hurt..."

Mateo's eyes softened the blue bright, "Hm, that's very admirable. If you ever need a hand out of trouble."

"I'll put you on speed dial," James smiled maybe she had made another friend? She was worried at first about his flirting but it seemed it was just in his nature he flirted with everyone. "On a serious note your a man whore?"

Mateo laughed pointing at her, "See and that's why I like you. More people should be blunt, too many people are afraid to speak nowadays. I sleep around-Always consensual though sweetheart and I promise every girl is always begging for-"

James whacked his chest, "I don't need to hear the slutty details."

Mateo chuckled, "Well if you want them I have plenty."

James rolled her eyes opening her mouth only to close it when John Oliver came out. He looked good he was wearing a tight-fitting pair of black slacks, a black belt keeping them up. A sky blue dress shirt, he was scrawny the shirt slightly loose on him. His hair pushed out to the side.

He looked handsome.

James smiled.

"I feel ridiculous."

"You look so good!" James gushed, "Those pants! That ass baby-"

John Oliver blushed his arms crossing over his stomach uncomfortably.

Mateo smirked, "Those pants are a keeper, try this shirt instead though. The maroon, it'll make your eyes pop."

"Are you sure you aren't gay?" John Oliver asked the other man.

Mateo grinned, "I happen to just have perfect taste. Sadly I'm straight doesn't mean I can't appreciate attractive people when I see them."

"Huh not to stereotype but I was getting bi vibes," James admitted tilting her head.

Mateo shrugged, "It's a sad reality that I can only pleasure half of the population, the rest of the world can only see these looks."

"Cocky motherfucker," James said earning a gasp from a mother walking by them with her child. James waved wincing slightly.

Mateo blew her a kiss. "I'm not wrong, honestly I feel bad-"

John Oliver shoved him grabbing the maroon shirt out of his hands. "Nope James is right." He muttered something as he turned around moving into the dressing room.

James leaned back into her chair. "I'm kinda hungry..."

"You just got three slices of pizza and you had ice cream." Mateo raised an eyebrow. "Where is it all going?"

James shrugged, "I've had a busy few days! Sue me okay..." She stood up, "I kinda want coffee. CoFFee. COFFee."

Mateo gave her a long look, "Do you really think you should have coffee?" He asked.

James looked offended her nose scrunched up. "How dare you, good sir. The nerve! I am a damn adult I will drink as much caffeine as I like."

"You just already give me crazy vibes I don't want to picture you on caffeine."

James narrowed her eyes, "Man whore."

"Coffee slut." Mateo shot back easily an amused smirk on his face. She felt amusement rush through her at his comeback. For the first time, she didn't feel a flare a pain when someone was calling her a slut.

Mateo was just generally joking with her. This was normal for friends. Insulting one another, teasing, she was firmly amused. He wouldn't hold back just because she was a girl.

"Um hi?" The sales lady looked shocked half looking like she wanted to run away from them. James gave her a small wave tilting her head to the side.

"Hi!" She chirped like she hadn't just been calling Mateo a whore.

"Hello there," Mateo eyed the women up and down. James watched as the sales lady blushed brightly.

"I wasn't sure if you needed any more help?" She questioned tucking some hair behind her ear. Mateo winked at her eyeing her up and down.

"You know I do need some help, I was wondering if you have an extra heart?" He moved closer picking her hand up and pressing a kiss to the back of it. "You see mine was just stolen..."

She giggled, "Oh...um I suppose we should do something to fix that..."

James rolled her eyes wincing as her head started to hurt. "I'm going to go check on John Oliver..." Mateo nodded seriously before turning a flirty smile to the saleslady.

Huh, that was kind of smooth...Maybe she should ask him for some flirting tips...

She tried to picture what Sang's reaction would be to that line, she wondered if the other girl would laugh it off or grow a bright blush...

"John Oliver?" James called knocking on his dressing room door. It popped open his fluffy hair coming into view, he awkwardly came out, Mateo had been right about the shirt it really did make John Oliver eyes pop. "Woah, Romeo...you look amazing."

John Oliver rubbed the back of his neck un surely..."I don't know I feel silly? Maybe this date is all a mistake. I don't-I'm not good on dates-I always mess up an stutter too much and mumble and Corey's so-I don't want to lose him, he's been a good friend the past few days..."

James's eyes softened she took John Oliver's face in her hands. "You could wear a paper bag and look amazing. Your ding a ling may be out showing off your-"

"James!" He hissed blushing.

James blinked wincing, "I'm not really good pep talks I-okay I'm shit at them. You are awesome. You're stunning inside and out and your clearly very humble about your looks. You honestly have such an amazing personality too I know I've only known you for a little while but you're a gem Romeo. I can't tell you all your worries are just gonna go away because I'm saying this but he would be an idiot to mess things up with you."

John Oliver took in a shaky breath closing his eyes.

James's heart went out to him...She wasn't sure who hurt him before but clearly, it had taken a toll on him. James knew all about insecurities and she swore as his friend she would look out for him and help him see what she saw in him.

"Your funny, you're smart...you have so many good qualities who cares if you ramble a little bit? Do you know how often I get off-topic? Or how many times I've been called weird an crazy? You still keep me around right?"

He nodded..."But your James..."

"And your John Oliver Ambrose and you are going to absolutely kill this date," James said determinedly. "Wear the suit or don't. Hell wear the sweatshirt over it, Corey's going on this date with you because he likes you. Remember that. Mateo was right earlier you'll kill your self trying to become what you think others want you to be. Trust me on that."

She knew that all too well. Living up to too many other's expectations had destroyed her. She wasn't going to let it anymore.

"I'm really glad we became friends James," John Oliver said softly James let her finger rub across his cheek, as he brought his hand to cover her own. "I mean it...If it weren't for you I would probably back out on this date..."

"Corey Henshaw has no idea what you have in store for him!" James said determinedly.

John Oliver smiled giggling slightly. "Hey wheres Mateo by the way?" he asked glancing around her shoulder.

James gagged, "Flirting with the sales lady..." They both shared a smile. "Should we totally ruin it for him?"

"He's brought someone home the past three night's I haven't gotten any sleep," John Oliver nodded grinning, "We're totally gonna ruin it for him!"

James laughed loudly bouncing on her toes, "Hey Mateo do you have that rash cream still?" She called loudly over to the Italian and the sales clerk.

He shot them both an annoyed look as the woman glanced at him. John Oliver was dying laughing "Oh god your...the best."

James grinned at him as they both giggled rushing away from a fuming Mateo.

"We are so not stopping for coffee." The man growled.

James gasped turning to John Oliver, "Baby he's going to deprive us of the liquid fuel."

John Oliver laughed, "You don't need coffee!" He called as they ducked behind a mannequin.

"I can see you, two idiots."

James smiled brightly feeling her shoulders relax. This was nice...

🌺

James glanced around John Oliver's apartment a curious look on her face as she took a seat on the couch. John Oliver joined her handing her a blanket.

After the mall they had come back to John Oliver, Mateo went back to his apartment claiming he was going to take a nap.

James didn't mind she wanted to spend some time with John Oliver, Mateo was nice but she didn't like getting to know new people. They ask too many questions she saw the way the Italian eyed her bruises.

"So you just moved in huh?" James questioned, "You know if you need help setting up I wouldn't mind."

John Oliver blushed, "Sorry I know it's kind of a mess..."

James smacked his shoulder lightly. "That's not what I meant goof. I just meant if you need a few extra hands...My friend Gabe loves decorating he's really good at it too."

John Oliver nodded seriously, "I might take him up on that...I don't really have any ideas yet. Speaking of your friends...You haven't really talked much about them today. Is everything alright?"

James frowned bringing her knees to her chest wincing at the pain it caused in her stomach, her body was still sore. The bruises covering it were throbbing but there wasn't much she could do. Put on some more cream so they heal up faster.

"It's kind of been a crazy week...I don't even know where to start."

John Oliver frowned pushing up his glasses, "Did you fight with one of them? All of them?"

James groaned, "I-one of them was kind of upset with me...Well, I guess everyone's a little upset but, I took some risks during the fight. Maybe I should have backed up more but I didn't want the other's too get hurt and I don't know. One of the people who was in the fight I have a history with, Victor was asking me if he said-if he did anything to me during the fight and I just-blanked and ran away from him."

John Oliver frowned sitting forward a bit, "It sounds like he's just worried about you and trying to look out for you. Especially if you and this guy have a past."

"People say mean things all the time I can't cry about it whenever it happens. It's life."

John Oliver sighed, "It sounds maybe like this guy is harassing you though and if he did something-"

"There's no proof my word against his own. Besides, he just...felt me up." James admitted.

Hands gripping her chest twisting her-

John Oliver's eyes grew angry, "James that's not okay."

"I know," she admitted eyes growing watery, "Then I got into an argument with Sang because she was asking about it and asking about the fight and I just-I fucked up and now I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose them but I-what am I suppose to say."

"The truth," John Oliver gently set his hand on her thigh. "Let them be there for you James. Maybe it's time to stop running..."

"What if I don't know how?" James let out a soft sob running her hands over her face. "God I'm so sorry Jesus I was supposed to be here to cheer you up for your date and I just can't stop fucking things up-"

Failure. She could never do anything right. Why does she even bother to have friends. She screws everything up.

"Don't do that James," He cut her off firmly kneeling in front of her. "Don't do that. Your upset your aloud to cry I don't know who told you otherwise but it's okay. It'alright to feel things and not know what to do. It's okay."

James wrapped her arms around his neck curling herself into John Oliver's slightly taller form. "I don't know what to do."

"I got you okay, I'm right here..."

She just didn't want them to go...they'll leave her like everyone else.

🥀

John Oliver was finishing getting ready when there was a knock on the door. James perked up moving towards it a wide smile across her lips.

There stood Corey Henshaw his blonde hair looked recently trimmed his blue eyes looking nervous as he shifted on his feet. He was wearing a tightly fitted white button-up shirt showing off his muscles, he paired it with black slacks and a blue blazer.

He looked hot.

So didn't John Oliver though and she couldn't wait to see the look on Corey's face when he saw the other man.

James cocked her hip in the door frame leaning against it as she gave Corey a once over his tall frame hovering over James.

"Hi, James..." He smiled looking a little more confident when he saw her.

"Hello, Corey. Mr. Henshaw. Corey Henshaw." James said crossing her arms over her chest. Corey got an amused look to his eye as he glanced down at her. "Now just what are your intentions with John Oliver?"

He blinked, "Well...I've really enjoyed getting to know him and I'd like to do that further. As long as that's what he wants...I thought a date might be a nice start."

James nodded slowly, snapping her finger at him. "If you hurt him in anyway shape or form I will make pottery with your organs and use your blood as the paint. No one will find your body. John Oliver is a precious cinnamon roll and needs to be protected at all costs." She growled poking his chest.

Corey's eyes widened and his mouth fell open as he took a step back. "What-I no! I don't...I don't want to hurt him... I really do like him he's just so..."

James let her eyes soften, "Keep it that way." She said firmly before clapping her hands together. "I am still working on a ship name for the two of you!"

Corey looked confused mouth floundering but James didn't deter turning her head. "John Oliver! Corey Henshaw is here!"

John Oliver bounded into the living room within just a moment. He looked up with wide eyes as he glanced at the two of them in the door. "Oh god, how long have you been here? Was James weird?-"

"I'm never weird!"

"Never mind ignore what she said. Please. She's an angel but also-"

"Watch it."

"Stunning-you also look stunning by the way Woah. You. Um. So very nice. You do that is. Look amazing. Not that you don't normally look good but today you also look very good. Great in fact-"

"You look beautiful." Corey cut John Oliver off a fond smile and a blush across his lips. "And James was great she seems like a good friend. What happened to your arm?"

John Oliver blushed at Corey's worried glance. "It's...a long story I tripped into my neighbor..."

Corey frowned, "Your okay though? How long will it-"

"It's just a sprain a few weeks I swear it's not a big deal..." They both paused just stared at one another for a moment both taken the other in.

James smiled softly aw, Corey was a sweetheart. "I'm so glad I've gotten to witness this precious moment in front of my face. I also love the hotness energy in this room god damn-"

"James!" John Oliver groaned as Corey laughed shooting her an amused look.

"I'm just saying! Move together children say cheese-"

"James!"

"If you boy's don't get together for a picture in two seconds I will rip your dicks off and then you'll never get to experience-"

"We're together!" They both blurted. James watched as they both floundered with how they were going to stand for the picture. Corey suddenly puts his hands on John Oliver's shoulders making John Oliver freeze.

Corey then wrapped his arm around the shorter man's waist a small smile on his face as he glanced down at the blushing boy. James stopped herself from squealing as she took their pictures.

They were so cute!

"Now boy's I'm going to leave! Both of you have fun but-"

"Don't finish that sentence please!" John Oliver blurted locking his apartment and giving her a tight one arms hug. "Thank you for today."

"Call me later," James whispered placing a kiss on his cheek. "You got this."

She squeezed his arm turning to Corey.

Corey smiled polity, "It was nice seeing you again James."

See when he was sweet like that she felt guilty for threatening him. "Corey my man remember what we talked about." he nodded firmly

John Oliver groaned loudly. "I'm going to tell myself I don't want to know but in reality, it will eat at me for a lifetime. One of you please-"

"No," both of them spoke at the same time. Corey blushing and James glaring.

James winked giving them a finger wave and moving down the hall to the stairs.

She pulled out her phone carefully debating if she should call the boys or Avery to come to get her?

Would any of them even want to see her after a day of barely speaking? They probably hated her. They were fine without her.

James just knew she missed them more then words could describe.

She paused at the stairs moving to sit down on them her hand firmly on her taser, this was still an apartment she didn't know but she needed to think.

She was glad for the break with John Oliver it gave her time to not focus so much on her issues.

Now though came the reality that she couldn't ignore them.

She closed her eyes bringing her head to her knees.

When did her life become so complicated? She almost missed the moments when she was alone...she didn't have to worry about other people's feelings then.

She didn't have to worry about her own.

Instead, she could squish them down and ignore them, take a razor to her arm and let the pain disperse.

James pulled up her sleeve letting her fingers brush over her scars. It would be so easy to add a few more wounds.

Her other ones were still healing, Sean insisted on changing the bandages daily.

She reached into her pocket pulling out a pen. Pulling the cap off with her teeth.

Kota, and Gabriel. One. Two. She closed her eyes wishing for the pain of the slices.

She wrote the names fast hoping to get the same pressure as when she cut. She didn't, she was sad about that almost wanting to stop and go pick up and actual razor.

No that wasn't healthy.

Why did she make those marks? Why did she write those names?

Sean wanted her to write there names instead of cutting to think of things that made her happy. And god did the others make her happy but...

Her brain couldn't stop think about the pain she caused them.

For running away. The guilt would eat at her whether the others were fine with giving her space or not she couldn't help but feel guilty. They asked her to trust her, said that it was okay if she freaked about but they wanted her to let them in...

How could she do that though? When she was just a mess...

Luke. Three. She pushed the pen harder into her skin. Hoping to feel anything.

No, Sean wanted this to help her. Not a way to tear herself apart. Try-

She sucked in a breathe. Luke always knew how to make her laugh and smile. His hugs. God his hugs were like the best thing. They were comforting and warm and she always smelled like vanilla afterward and that was nice.

She took in a steady breathe. That was good right?

Some of the pressure let go of her pen.

Silas. Four. Her Hercules... He was a man of few words but he ripped open his shirt and yelled about being superman to get a detention for her.

Positive thinking. Sean said.

Maybe this was helping...

Nathan. Five.

For talking to her in the middle of the night. Anytime she woke up from a nightmare or got up too early he was always there to lend her an ear. To tell her about a movie he was watching or a show she just had to see.

She smiled his name coming out a little nicer, covering up her old wounds...

North. Six. For writing her a note...something so unlike North but he did it too make her smile. It was sweet and kind and just adorable...

She wrote his name in cursive.

Her writing stuttered when she thought of Victor though...She suddenly thought of a million reasons as too why she should be using a razor instead of a marker.

Victor. Seven. For leaving when they were fighting. She would do better next time. She told them time and time again to tell her if they couldn't talk about something rather then let her sit with the unknown.

She should have done that. She shouldn't have left him like that. Made a game out of getting away from him.

Selfish. Ugly. Stupid-

Sean. Eight. For not even be able to get this right. Why was it so much easier when he wrote his name on her arm?

Now all she could think about was all the reasons why she deserved to hurt herself. Again and again, she showed them she was a burden. Why couldn't she just be the friend they deserved?

Worthless. Stubborn. Pigheaded.

Owen. Nine. For lying to him. He had called her out on her bull that nothing happened with Beatrice and she lied because she was selfish.

Liar.

Sang. Ten. For fighting with her. She should have known better, her friend knew so much about her. She had told her so much.

She was her first real friend. She didn't leave her when shit got messy. Not like Karen did.

She didn't use her for her own needs. Not like her past foster siblings who she thought she could be friends with.

She didn't manipulate and abuse her. Not like him.

Sang had been the perfect friend. She was kind and sweet, she took care of her and looked out for her. She hugged her and held her as she cried.

Sang didn't expect anything out of her. She just wanted James to be James.

And that was the problem wasn't it? James realized letting out a shallow sob breaking the pen in her hand letting the ink spill between her fingers.

She wasn't enough. James runs away when things get hard. She causes issues with her friends. Good people who hadn't gotten detention hadn't gotten into fights had because of her.

Because they were around her.

They had to stay at her house, because of her fucked up home life. They had to clean up her family's messes. Hell Kota had to listen to her foster mother yell at her. Calling her a whore and- how shameful was that? Who wanted to hear that about there friends who wanted to stick around with it.

She had to hide things from them because she didn't know how to deal with the truth.

Hell, it's all she knew.

James pretended she was fine and it worked when she was alone but now? With them? She's anything but and she doesn't know what to do with that.

Hiding things was her normal.

Her mom hid things from her dad, made her promise not to tell. Secrets that no kid should have to deal with. Watching her mother have affair after affair. Drink and take pills to make the pain go away.

Her dad hid things from her mom wanting to protect her. When the bills got too high he put another shift on the table. Keeping the bills hidden so mom didn't have to stress.

She hid the beatings from her foster families because that's what she grew up doing. Hiding.

Pretending.

Her mother never did like James anyway...

She hid the truth about what he did because who would believe her? No one had before not in the sorry attempts she made to try and to open up.

James had tried to be more open but it was hard. How was she supposed to tell her friends Greg had touched her like he did?

She couldn't even open up about him after years and he did so much worse. What Greg did touching her boob- she hated it but she had made it through worse.

She hid about her suicide, Sang had cried to her she could see the pain in the girl's eyes and she didn't even know why James had-

God, she couldn't even tell them why she tried to kill herself. Not Sang, not Owen, not Sean.

She hid about what her foster mother did because she knew they would pull her out of the home. James couldn't deal with more cops- they never believed her.

There were too many things that James wasn't sure she could ever speak about.

The others didn't deserve that. Someone so scared of there own past that they ignored it. Pretended it never happened.

Someone who cried at random times. God, she was such a baby, James had never cried so much in her life until she meant them.

It was just another reason why they didn't need to deal with her.

She came with so many issues and problems. No, no. She took in a sharp breath. What did they tell her that night at the park?

That they wanted to be her friend?

God, it sounded so dumb, why would they want to be friends with her? She was nothing.

James wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. She pulled her phone out her one hand still covered in ink.

Her hand was shaky her breathing coming out in short pants.

Was she right? Or was her mind getting the best of her?

James scrolled through her contacts. She hovered over there names, did they want to hear from her? See her?

Why would they-

Her phone dinged, a text from Victor popping up. It was the push she needed she pulled up Victor's number ringing him.

"James?" Victor's baritone voice came through the phone sounding relieved. "How was the day with John Oliver."

She covered her mouth to hide her laugh at that. Here she was crying her heart out worried to bits about everything.

And he...asked about her day? She muted the phone for a moment, taking in stuttering breathe. Clearing her throat to make sure he wouldn't be able to tell she had been crying.

"I-it was good." James chirped making her voice was light and airy. "Really fun actually. I missed him it was nice seeing him."

"I'm really glad you had fun, you deserved a day full fun- no stress," Victor replied easily there was some movement on the other side of the phone. James watched the ink drip down from her hand to the floor.

She hated that she wished it was blood.

"John Oliver is a precious little cinnamon roll," James hiccuped covering her mouth.

Stupid-

"James, you okay?" He asked suddenly, "You...are you crying?"

James closed her eyes, she could hide more, or she could open up. She glanced at the names in her arms. She would be better.

"No, I'm not. I'm so fucking sorry Victor." James admitted covering her mouth. "I'm so so sorry."

"Melody, take a breathe okay. Nice deep breath in for me alright? I'm on my way too you, just stay on the phone."

"No, -I'm fine. You don't have to come to get me I can-"

"Don't argue with me." He commanded, "now take in a deep breathe."

James took in a shaky breath. "I'm sorry I keep crying to you guys. I don't mean to keep doing this god-"

"Did anyone complain about you crying? Did anyone say they were mad about it?"

"What no? No one complained about it-"

"Then don't apologize, you've been stressed James no one is going to be upset with you for showing that."

James groaned standing up she threw the pen out keeping Victor on the phone.

"Are you still there?" He questioned his voice sounding concerned.

"Yeah, yeah I'm still here..." She moved slowly down the steps, staying on the phone. She pulled her sleeve down covering up her scars and their names. She rubbed at her face again she didn't want him to see her like this.

He's seen her break down too many times. Ugly-

"-Okay?"

She blinked pulling the phone away. Had he been talking to her? She took in a sharp breath. "Sorry, sorry I'm...?" What was she doing? She needed air. Air was her friend. "Going outside."

James had made it to the front lobby quickly moving down the stairs on autopilot Victor's voice carrying over the phone.

"-eep breathing for me. Tell me what you see?"

"See?" She mumbled, "I'm okay." She wiped her hands on her pants holding the phone with her shoulder. She moved to the front doors letting the sun wash over her.

"James,"

Her head snapped up Victor was in front of her she dropped her phone moving to him quickly her arms wrapping around his neck. "I'm so sorry, I keep doing this to you guys and I just I mess up everything. I don't know why you guy's put up with me I'm such a failure." She mumbled into his chest her breathing coming out in short pants. "I tried ignoring it all but all my mind kept thinking about is how much I screwed up your guy's lives just by walking in the door and you guy deserves so much better than me-"

She couldn't stop the ongoing babble that escaped her mouth. Her words coming out fast and choppy.

"James, James, look at me." He pulled away making her whimper her hands clutching towards him. He placed his hands on either side of her face his eyes burning, "You haven't messed up everything and I hate that you keep putting all this blame on yourself. You are so amazing and beautiful and you thinking that coming into our lives messed them up breaks me. You've made my life so much better melody. You've made all our lives so much better."

"How can you say that? I can't even-I couldn't even have a conversation with you-I just laughed it off and tried to go away because I'm used to people letting me. No one ever wants to hear my story and here you all are." James sobbed, "What am I suppose to say to that? I may act like I know what I'm doing but I don't."

"I don't want you to do anything. Just talk to us James and if you can't say that okay? I hate that your beating yourself up over this, was I upset when you left sure but that doesn't mean I hate you. I could never hate you." He promised pulling her close her placed a kiss to her head. "We want to hear your story but when your ready and no sooner. Okay? No pressure talk when your ready...we may ask but if you need time tell us that?"

"What if I'm never ready?" She questioned she finally let him see the pain and sadness that she was filled with, he looked down at her the flame dimming in his brown fire eyes. Instead, they were filled with recognition and sadness.

"Then your not ready." He replied, "We would never force you to do anything your not comfortable with. I hope one day you'll be able to...because James I want to help take away some of the fear that you feel. To help you destroy your demons..."

Then they say things like that and-

"Aren't you curious? God Victor I-when you held me in the shower you felt my scars...You can't tell me-"

"I want to know everything about you," Victor admitted his hand brushing the tears that were falling underneath her eyes. "I want to know why you love to draw. Why you go to that park. I want to know your middle name. Your favorite place and what type of music you listen to. I want to know why you hide behind that smile. How you learned to hide so well that some of my brothers couldn't even tell you were in pain. I want to know everything about you but I want you too tell me."

James sucked in a breathe watching the intensity grow in his brown eyes. She...wanted to know everything about him too. About all of them. About Sang.

But none of them kept hurting her like she was to them. Didn't he understand?

"I don't think I'll ever understand why you want to be friends with me," James admitted.

"I could list you off a thousand different reasons..." Victor spoke seriously, "Your brain the way you say the most random thing but it makes complete sense because you're you. The way your eyes crinkle when you laugh and you let out this adorable little snort that never fails to make my heart burst. The way that despite your insecurities you put yourself out of your comfort zone. You never hesitate too call one of us out on our shit or pull us into a hug. I can tell you haven't received much affection yet you are always ready to give it even if you were uncertain with it. You-"

"Stop," James mumbled throwing herself into him. She didn't want to believe him but it was Victor. What reason would he have to lie to her?

"Your beautiful and kind. You show that compassion in so many different ways whether it's changing the conversation to make one of us feel better or telling a joke. James, I like you because your undeniably James." He pressed a kiss against her neck, "I'll never stop telling you why I want to be friends with you. I'll never stop telling you why I want you in my life."

James sucked in a breath, "Victor..." she whispered.

He pulled back cupping her face leaning down so they were merely inches apart. "You've become one of my favorite people in a short amount of time James. Just think about that when you're wondering whether or not you're important. Your one of my favorite people."

James closed her eyes letting his words wash over her. She...never thought she could ever mean so much to anyone. Not until she meant them...suddenly they showed her how much life could be.

She felt silly now for crying on him all over again.

He moved closer his forehead falling against her own as he brushed some hair out of her face. "I like you, because your you."

James sucked in a breathe moving to stand on her top toes, he froze for a moment. James tilted his face there lips so close yet so far.

For a moment they stayed like that- she so badly wanted to kiss him but-she couldn't.

She pulled away earning a deep intake of breathe from him. He pulled her back latching onto her hand and tugging her into his chest.

His hand moving to bring her in close his eyes focused down on her. "James-"

"I'm...sometimes I get a little lost in my mind..." James admitted lip wobbly, "I'm sorry you have to deal with my shit."

"I'm not." Victor said, "I'd rather you talk to me or anyone of us. If you're ever feeling like-"

"No...Victor, you don't understand." James let go of him hands shaky. Victor looked confused hurt washing over his face.

"James?"

"Sometimes I get a little lost in my head..." James pulled up her sleeves, her left arm was a mess of scars. Her right one though had the deep mark that ran from her wrist up to her forearm a dead give away to anyone showing what she tried to do. Pen was covered over it their names scattered across...some covering the marks littering her skin others showing the little clear skin she had left. "And my mind goes to a really dark place...I come with alot-being friends with me...I have a lot of shit."

"James," A tear slipped from his eyes his mouth open. "I'm so sorry your in so much pain. But you need to know your so very important to me. Your life is important to me and I'm not going to leave you."

James let out a soft cry as he cupped her face moving closer to her. "Why do you all keep saying that? Everyone leaves-"

"No I'm not going anywhere and neither are the others. Your not a burden to us James anything you need-"

She let out a sob, "Victor-"

"You just have to tell me how I can help," he pleaded, "what I can do because I can't loose you melody, anything you need, anything you want, I'll give it too you-"

"Your more then enough." James whispered.

Victor swallowed "you are too James." He gently reached out his hand taking her right arm, "The names?" He didn't touch the marks though just looked at them. She couldn't get a read on what he was thinking but she could guess.

The marks were ugly, scattered across her skin.

"Sean had mentioned writing down someone who was important instead of cutting, something that makes me happy," James blushed, "...I tried doing that then I realized how much I just kept fucking up your guy's life and it just turned out...messy."

She glanced at his shirt noticing ink was covering him.

"It's fine it's a stupid shirt," Victor said quickly noticing her eyes. "...Tell me the positives then."

James blinked head tilting in confusion. "What?" she asked nose scrunched up.

"You said you couldn't get your mind off the negative things. Stuff that you felt guilty for, well tell me the good things why having friends is good. Remind yourself why you're important to each of us."

James blushed sucking in her bottom lip, "Victor..." she mumbled, "that's not how-I can't do that."

"Then start with what about us makes you happy. It'll help you feel better." He promised. "Try it maybe it'll be easier with me okay?"

Victor stood there holding as she listed off all of the reasons why her friends were a reason for her to smile. Something good in the world to her.

When she finally went through each name he pulled out a marker.

"What are you doing?" She watched as he took her arm carefully.

He added her name to the list that was now covering her arm, glancing up at her expectantly. "Now tell me why your important. Things about you that make you happy."

James blushed brightly, "I'm not going to do that!"

"You said you were writing our names because we were a reason you want to live right? Something that makes you feel happy? You normally cut because it's a way to punish yourself right? Well, writing positive things is good but you have to think about them too...When you let your mind wander too far it gets lost." He said softly his voice like honey. "You got a little lost today, and it didn't work out how you wanted. We fixed that right you feel better now?"

James nodded slowly, "I do.."

"Well, you have to try and feel better about yourself too." He said sadly, "You think so poorly of yourself, I just want you to tell me one thing you like about yourself."

James stared at him with watery eyes feeling at a loss for words. What was she good for? She had always been told that she wasn't worth anything...she didn't know what she liked about herself.

"I...don't know." James admitted looking up to him feeling a little lost. "I'm sorry..."

"I like a lot of things about you, so how about I name a few okay?" Victor asked.

"You don't-"

"I like your smile. Your laugh. You're an amazing artist-"

"...I-I like my laugh too." James smiled softly glancing up to Victor un-surly. "I...hadn't heard it for a while before you all and I guess...I forgot that I could laugh."

Victor squeezed her hand tightly, "You have a beautiful laugh." He agreed.

James let her head fall against his shoulder. "...Thank you charming..."

"You never have to thank me for anything melody." He promised, "I should be thanking you opening up is so hard, I'm so proud of you. Thank you for trusting me-"

James leapt into his arms wrapping hers around his body tightly. "Thank you charming."

James didn't even know she was going to tell Victor any of this. She didn't know what she expected his reaction to be but she didn't expect this.

A tear slipped from her eye some of the weight leaving her shoulder.

🌷

"I don't think I've ever seen you so quiet." North spoke, she didn't even turn around as he came outside sitting down next to her. "Not until yesterday when you and Sang were fighting..."

"Not my finest hour," James admitted, she noticed dark circles around his eyes making her frown. "You okay teddy bear?"

He grumbled, "Your really sticking with that nickname Jamie doll?"

James shrugged her hand reaching out to his face. "You didn't get any sleep did you?" She frowned.

"...Your not the only one who snapped at Sang yesterday." His jaw clenched slightly, "She doesn't have any way to protect herself if someone had hit her too hard-it was all guys fighting beside the two of you. You both could have gotten seriously injured and you didn't even hesitate."

"You wouldn't have hesitated for us, none of you would have." James sighed, "I'm afraid even if I wasn't there Sang would have jumped in to help you..."

"Yeah she would have, still I could have been-"

"If I know Sang she's not mad at either of us even if she should be."

North grunted in agreement. "You put a lot of blame on yourself you know that right?"

James shrugged, "You do too."

He groaned, "Why do you look like shit?"

"Hey, I always look fabulous," James exclaimed hitting his chest. "I didn't sleep last night either, I keep getting nightmares...I also just had a crying session with Victor. It got emotional and then I got more emotional because I didn't get cuddles afterward..."

"You can call me about the nightmares-"

"Would you call me about your's?"

He paused, "I can't stand you..." James grinned at him hitting his knee with her own. "You know that right?"

"Mwahaha," James chuckled making her voice deep. "I am your worst nightmare-you'll all fear me-"

"Seriously," He grasped her chin gently, "that night-with Victor and Nathan I never want you to be so out of it that you-"

"They haven't been that bad," James said gently noting how serious his tone changed. "They haven't I've always had nightmares..."

"I'll call you about mine if you call me about yours?"

James frowned, "I...honestly I may not feel comfortable calling...it's not you it's just in the moment I can never..."

"How about...we get journals...we right them down after they happen and then-"

"Talk about it? Share them?" She asked..."What if there are ones that we don't want to share?"

"Then will wait until the other's ready to share it." He brushed some hair out of her face. "I'll do the same...but talking about them helps. Even the really bad ones."

"I don't want you to think I'm crazy..." James admitted voice slightly shy.

"I think your crazy for other reasons-like randomly dancing in a store, or starting a fire in the kitchen because you don't know how to cook." He grinned at her, "I would never find you crazy for being scared...or being afraid of something you can't control."

James grabbed his face planting a kiss to his cheek. "You...are all much too good for me," she admitted softly. "Sometimes...the nightmares there-"

"Memories?" He whispered eyes tired, "...mine too..."

James sucked in a breathe. Feeling her heart hurt for him, she still didn't know too much of his past and she would never push him. She never wanted him to feel like he had to tell her something..."Isn't it sad the harsh reality that's life? Doesn't it ever make you wonder..."

"Wonder what?" He questioned his dark eyes intense as he turned to look at her.

James smiled, "I don't know everything?" she questioned turning to look at him seriously. "Every moment, every conversation, what they all mean in the long run...what they were all for."

North's head tilted slight confusion washing over his features, James felt like an idiot for saying too much but...It had always been something she was curious about.

Was all the pain she faced worth it? Did it all mean something or was it just another building block to a future filled with more torture.

"I like to think...that it was all for something. My past...fuck would I like it too be gone? Sure but maybe Luke wouldn't have found me, then I would have never had come halfway across the world to find this...family we created. Silas and his family wouldn't have gotten a fresh start, I wouldn't have met Luke or Uncle, the others, and us would be strangers." His eyes grew distant as he spoke. "Sure some of it was fucking awful but...I'm glad I have these idiots to look after. I'm glad that our paths were able to cross."

James blinked at that her heart racing. She was grateful she got to meet the boys and Sang as well. It just sucks to think you were created and given so many opportunities only to be forced into a broken reality filled with-come on James positive thinking.

James shook her head.

"Yeah...that makes sense." She blew out a breathe knocking his shoulder. North frowned taking his hand.

"You okay?"

James gave him a soft smile squeezing his hand. "I am."

"Are you sure?" His eyes piercing into her trying to read her. "Because if your not-"

James knocked his shoulder gently, "I'm okay. A little surprised though that you haven't mentioned anything about yesterday..."

He frowned eyes flickering over her face. "Seeing as how I was shit at my conversation with Sang I thought it might be best too..."

"Wait for me to bring it up?" James tilted her head a sly grin coming across her face. "Is there anything to talk about?"

A flash of anger went across his face as he tried to bite his tongue.

James rested her hand on his shoulder. "No more fighting...for a while. I'll rest and...I'll write down the nightmares...it might help. I...thought I was doing the right thing looking out for Kota. It might have been slightly reckless but...I knew well I kinda knew what I was doing."

He groaned loudly running a hand through his hair. "That's not really a good reason for offering yourself to be thrown off a balcony." He growled.

James winced giving him a sheepish look, "I knew how to land...Kota on the other hand..."

"Fuck if anything went wrong-"

"I know."

They were both quiet for a moment letting the wind brush over them.

"What were you and Victor talking about?" He asked suddenly James blinked turning her big eyes to him.

"What?"

"You said you and Victor were having an emotional conversation." North raised an eyebrow looking curious, "what about?"

James bit her lip playing with the end of her sleeve. She spoke so much about herself today and she wasn't sure if she was ready to have that conversation again.

She felt drained.

"I'm not sure if I'm ready to talk about it...is that okay?"

North stared at her for a long moment his eyes narrowed, like he was trying to jump into her brain. He squeezed her thigh, "when you ready. I'm sorry for asking-"

"No don't be I will tell you but," James swallowed, "I-"

"You don't need to explain yourself Jamie doll, when you ready."

James nodded moving to lean her head on his shoulder. When she's ready.

🌷

"What's happening, baby?" James wrapped her arms around Silas's waist her head moving into his chest.

"Thea mou," He said happily wrapping his arms back around her gently. His head moving down to her shoulder as he crouched down. The height difference between them never ceased to amaze her. "You crazy, wild girl."

"Wild in more ways than one-"

He chuckled, "That could be fun?" he teased tugging her hair his finger's brushing the back of her neck gently making her shiver. "Us Greek's can be rather wild as well..."

James had to stop herself from moaning as his accent grew thicker, her Greek always had a way with words.

"Are we about to plan a dirty night full of secrets and naughty things?" James gasped pulled away so she could look at his handsome face. A lopsided grin came across her cheeks. "Because damn baby-"

He chuckled the sound deep his chest rumbling against her chest. "As fun as that sounds, and it does sound fun-" He winked making her stomach twist, toes curling. "When we have that type of fun it'll be after a lot of wooing and several dates showing you just how amazing you are."

James sucked in a deep breath. When?

Surely he was joking? Yes, she teased her friends and maybe once or twice she had thought about what it would be like to kiss them or-

But she couldn't be in a relationship. Not after him.

"Isn't it sad?" He asked her picking her sketchbook out of her hands.

James shivered feeling a deep pinch in her stomach. She glanced out at the trees trying to ignore the cutting stare she felt against her face. Those piercing eyes that always left her feeling naked and bare.

"What?" She asked softly hands clenched into fists letting her nails dig into her skin.

"Just knowing that no one will ever want you." He was so direct so blunt and confident. It made it challenging to ever disagree with his statements because the way he spoke was just so...sure. "How do you handle that? I mean you've gone to so many different homes always leaving for one reason or another? And your parent's-"

"How do you handle your life huh?" James shot back feeling a hot rage go through her. She couldn't help but flinch as he turned to her quickly locking her arm in a tight grip. His face only inches from her own.

She knew instantly she made a mistake but...James was at her breaking point.

She almost wished he would just hit her a little to hard.

Maybe if he did she would hit her head against the pavement.

The contact could cause a number of injures that would be better than having to in dure this.

Because lately? Death seemed a lot more calming then this mad world she was living in.

"I don't really think friends are supposed to talk to one another like that now are they?" He gripped her chin hand tilting her head slightly. "I was merely asking you a question and you just turned cynical, I know you're a depressed piece of shit but honestly I thought you were a little kinder then that. I mean with the number of things I've done for you-"

James felt her chest tighten a familiar pain coming to her chest.

"I mean we are friends aren't we?"

"Yes," James agreed...because as much as she hated how hurtful his words could be at some times. How harmful his hands felt against her skin.

He was the only one who had given her the time of day-James hated it. She hated how despite everything part of her a sick twisted part of her stayed. Maybe because it was the moments when he asked about her day or told her about a book he read.

Maybe it was the time where she truly thought she had found a friend. Someone she could confide into. Someone she had told things to-told some of her struggles and painful memories.

It was that person she cared for. She hated how that same person could hurt her so much.

She hated herself even more for letting anyone ever get that close to her.

At this moment James promised she would never let anyone do that again.

She glanced to her left only to notice he was gone a frantic sense of paranoia washed over her as she felt hands come around her sneaking up behind her.

"I'm sorry I was so rude kid," He murmured his hand brushing over her hair. James closed her eyes her hand moving to her wrist pushing down on the cuts across her arms. "I had a bad day, I shouldn't have taken it out on my friend. Why don't we go to the baseball field play a little catch?"

James closed her eyes shut. No one-she promised herself. She was broken beyond repair, she knew that. She also knew that with one mere blow she would fall to pieces. James was destined to be utterly alone.

And although she never planned to live long enough to meet anyone worth living for James new if she did she would never expose herself so completely again.

James cleared her throat hitting Silas's chest lightly, a smirk coming across her lips as she blinked away the memory.

She told herself that Silas was joking because given the chance he wasn't. She still would never be able to cross that line with him. With any of them.

Forget the fact she would never be able to choose between them.

Forget the fact that she was slowly becoming a lighter version of herself. She was becoming a beacon of something other than complete darkness.

Forgetting the fact that no matter how much she wanted to feel their lips against her own. Too pour her soul to them and let them fight her demons away.

She would never be strong enough to let them in whole heartily.

And that wasn't fair. Not to them.

"A goddess deserves to be treated like one beautiful," He smirked his white teeth glowing against his tan skin. His hand moved slightly to caress her cheek making her swoon. It was hard to not like them when they said things like this and made her heart spin.

"When though? Hmm, that seems a little bold of you. Assuming I'll agree to go on a date." James jested cocking her hip to the side to hide the fact that the way he spoke about her made her want to curl in on herself. Because he couldn't actually think of her as beautiful could he?

"We will." He insisted, "I have too many things planned. The ocean the moonlight-being able to see if cross your face creating-"

"Woah, Woah, Woah, slow down there big boy." James new if she didn't stop him she would agree at that moment and beg him to take her on one right then and there. "A man should never assume a girl would go on a date with him. A little arrogant if I do say so myself."

Silas's eyes softened, "Maybe, or maybe I'm too hopeful for my own good. Besides haven't you wondered what it would be like?" his eyes glanced down to her lips making her heart pound.

Was he talking about a date or a kiss?

James suddenly wanted to pull herself in closer too him. To see the specs in his dark eyes and to run her fingers over his dimple. God, why the hell did the Greek have to be so-

"Maybe." James agreed leaning in close tugging his shirt down so his face was just a breath away from her own. She carefully let her nails drag across his chest feeling a spark of electricity race through her. His pupils dilated slightly his tongue crossing his thick lips. "Or maybe I've been thinking about chicken nuggets this whole time."

"θεά μου," He groaned eyes flashing with amusement. "Your-I guess I'm going to have to find a better way to ask you out on a date."

"I suppose so," She winked trying to calm her racing heart. Just as she was about to pull away and step back he laced his finger's with her own leaning down so his mouth was against her ear.

"Yesterday you scared me, throwing yourself into the crosshairs like that. You and Sang have proven time and time again though that you'll do what you think is right and after speaking to her...I understand. But Neither of you are fighting again."

James giggled at that turning her head slightly, "No promises Hercules."

He nipped at her ear gently his finger's brushing against her waist moving in small circles. "You both are going to cause a lot of mischief aren't you?"

James shrugged, "You can file a complaint if you want?" she offered.

He chuckled again shaking his head, "Too who?"

"To me of course!"

He raised an eyebrow, "You're ridiculous." He admitted, "And very strange-"

"Strange I is!" James agreed moving her arms so they wrapped around his neck. "I am sorry though for scaring you all..."

"You offered yourself to Greg-told him to push you off." Silas's eyes turned sad his forehead leaning against her own.

"Someone had to get tossed...and I wasn't going to let it be Sang or Kota. Be mad if you want but nothing is going to change what happened."

"James I understand you were looking out for them." Silas replied easily making her pause tilting her head. "but you also need to understand that doesn't mean you should be harming yourself to try and help us we've had training-"

"I've never had people worth fighting over," James said softly cutting him off. "Seeing Gabe get hurt in a fight then Kota being almost thrown over. God, I've-I've never had people to protect before and you guy's are my friends now. I want to help you and protect you."

"That doesn't mean you can just throw away the consequences though." He said sadly, "You didn't get hurt this time-you got lucky but what if you hadn't? What if something had gone wrong?"

James didn't reply because...she hadn't even thought about it.

Would it really have been so bad if she did get hurt? She didn't matter that much anyway...

🥀

"Red,"

"Rosie." His fluffy red hair came into her vision first before he wrapped his strong arms around James leather and Cyprus engulfed her senses a rush of warmth going through her. "You-"

"Please don't call me silly, or stupid, or crazy." James rushed out the words pulling away from him slightly she giggled as Max nudged her legs she carefully reached down to pet the dog. "Or any other thing relating to the fight yesterday I feel like a radio stuck on repeat."

Nathan smiled at her sadly, "We're just worried...but there's a lot of us and I know we can be overwhelming I'm sure you've already gotten enough lectures huh?"

James grinned nudging his shoulder, eyeing him carefully..."You're still gonna say something anyway aren't you?"

Nathan sighed his face folding, "If you don't want to-I"

"If something is bothering you I want you to talk to me about it. I know I brush things off but...it's new okay?" She admitted watching as his blue eyes turned serious. "Having to explain my actions and reasoning's to people I'm used to just-"

"Hoping for the best? Not caring about how it's going to affect you?" Nathan asked eyeing her finger's James hadn't even realized she started spinning her ring. "You keep getting hurt, you and Sang both. I hate that."

James swallowed moving towards Kota's kitchen hopping onto the stool, Nathan followed her taking the seat next to her when she patted it.

"Okay, so your mad."

Nathan grunted raising an eyebrow. "I would say I'm angry at the situation..."

"...And at me, I'm a big girl I can take it okay?" She took in a sharp breathe even though it hurt to think about any of them being mad at them. God having Sang be mad at her yesterday it freaking hurt. "I'm sure the other's are too. It was kinda selfish of me thinking I could get out of talking about it huh?"

Nathan sighed, "Your not selfish James-"

"I'm not gonna sugar coat myself to make me seem like a better person. I know I can be stubborn, and impulsive those aren't always good things. And sometimes I'm selfish too you know?" James gave him a sad smile. "I'm far from perfect, as much as I want to be."

He titled his head at her curiously, "How do you accept things so easily?" He questions, "I can get hot-headed and just-sometimes I say the wrong thing and it eats me up I just how do you handle that?"

James laughed at that. "Oh baby I don't, not by a long shot. I run away and I avoid things, sometimes because I don't know what to do or say. Sometimes because I can't handle being a disappointment. Can I...tell you something."

Nathan nodded his finger's reaching out to grasp her hand.

"It may seem silly to you all but...I haven't really had people to open up to. And the ones I have have been shitty, or just not really there for me. Having you guys genuinely care and worry about me is new. I still don't get it but...I'm starting to...I guess with the fighting...I understand why you were worried about why you all were upset but...I guess I'm starting to understand your guy's side of things." She admitted, "Consequences of my actions...truthfully I wasn't thinking about the pain that could happen to me I was just worried about you all."

"That's my issue James," Nathan took in a deep breath his jaw locking, "we're worried about you and I understand that's new to you but I don't want you to keep on letting yourself get hurt for us-"

"You all would jump in the fight if it were Sang or I-" James cut him off. "It would be hypocritical to say you wouldn't-"

"But we've all had training, we've fought together, we've talked to one another. We know our strong and weak spots. You both went in guns a blazing hoping for the best fighting guys twice your size. The issue is you don't communicate-you come up with this plan to offer yourself to be tossed off a balcony-but some of us didn't know you could land. Gabe and I didn't even realize you guys were fighting until we came in and saw you fall. A flash of red-"

She felt a similar panic when she saw Sang fall complete panic going through her body.

"I-wasn't thinking about how it would all affect you," James admitted feeling a rush of shame go through her. "I was just trying to protect you all I didn't think of how you'd feel if you know something happened to me or whatever..."

Nathan cupped her face in her hand's blue eyes piercing into her. "James you got a line of people who would be crushed if anything bad happened to you. Hell, every bruise you get every frown on your face-" His fingers brushed over her lips gently moving to her cheek going over her bruise. "I just want to take all that pain away. How can I do that when you don't even seem to care about it?"

James swallowed feeling her throat get dry, "I never had reason to care about what happened to me...I guess I never really cared about myself enough to um look after myself..."

He glanced down to her hand his fingers brushing over the small marks where her nail dug into her skin. "You may not realize how amazing you are and how much your worth but I promise you there's a line of people who do and who care if you get hurt."

James nodded lacing his hands with her own. She moved forward placing a kiss across his cheek, "I'll try and communicate more...even though I did tell you all I like jumping from high places-"

Nathan laughed his forehead falling to her shoulder. "Yeah, I was really thinking about your ability to land as I watched you fall from-"

"It wasn't even that high-"

"I hate you," He muttered

"No you don't," James teased tugging the collar of his Adidas shirt.

He titled his head his breathe fanning against her face, "No I don't," he admitted making her heart swirl. "I actually like you very much..."

"...You like me?" James teased poking his cheek watching as a blush overtook his face a smirk crossing his lips.

"Like you don't like me too," He moved forward pressing a kiss to her cheek making her let out a shocked giggle. "come on admit it, you like me too don't you?"

"Sure do it's that ass you got I just can't stop staring! Damn Red!-"

He laughed his head tilting back slightly, "Why do you keep talking about my ass?" a small blush overtaking his cheeks.

"Um, am I interrupting something?" Kota had a bright blush across his pale cheeks his hand scratching the back of his neck.

"Interrupting or making a whole lot better?" James questioned eyeing him up and down. "Kota do a spin for me, baby, I think we're about to have an ass show-"

"An ass show?" Gabe called loudly a smirk across his cheeks, "It's a good thing I wore my tight skinny jeans-"

James clapped letting out a loud whistle as Gabe turned, he was right his ass did look good in those skinny jeans. "Someone's been doing squats!"

"Leg day baby!" Gabe winked moving towards her wrapping her into a hug. "Since you checked out mine do I get to check out yours?"

"Haha no," James pressed a kiss on his cheek. "When one of you checks out my ass it'll be naked and-"

"James!" Kota squeaked his pitch rasing slightly.

"Kota!" Gabe whined, "She was just getting to the good part-"

Kota shot Gabe a look before turning to James, "How was you day sweetie? Did you have a good time with John Oliver?"

James brightened bounding over to him throwing her arms around his neck. "Oh, the best! I missed you all dearly but John Oliver is a peach!"

He chuckled as he wrapped his arms around her, "I'm glad to hear it, I hope you got some rest? Kept the day mellow? How's your stomach and your-"

"Good I feel good!" James rushed quickly as all three boys gave her a look. She lifted her phone shaking it slightly. "Sean's been texting me all day doing check in's you can read if you like..."

Kota shook his head, "No just let us know if you need anything." he eyed her carefully, "Otherwise will pester you all day. That on top of your grounding-"

She twisted her ring slightly feeling a slight rush of anxiety go through her...She was starting to get a little restless with these conversations but...she knew it was needed.

James groaned loudly glancing at both Gabe and Kota, "I was just trying to look after you guys I...can't stand the thought of people I care about getting hurt again and again-"

All three boy's shared a look Nathan shaking his head slightly before turning towards her waggling his eyebrows. "You care about us?" he asked.

"It's almost like we're worming our way into your heart!" Gabe added blowing her kisses.

James shook her hips slightly snapping her finger's, "Take another little piece of my heart now, babyyyy-" she sang lips curling into a smile.

Gabe's eyes widened his mouth popping open, "Holy shit, fuck rebel I didn't know you could sing!"

James blushed eyes widened, "That's-I like to sing but I was just-"

"Singing beautifully without warming up?" Nathan asked tilting his head towards her a fond smile coming across his face. "keep going!"

"Fuck yeah rebel keep going!"

James stuttered for a second shifting uncomfortably, she glanced over to Kota looking for some help but his green eyes were soft an odd look in them that made her curious.

"Keep going tiger, we wanna hear." Kota gave her a soft smile pushing his glasses up carefully. "Please?"

James crossed her arms narrowing her eyes at them. "I was singing as a joke, I am not singing anymore. That is most you will get out of me! I feel direct pressure underneath all of your pretty stares."

"You think were pretty?" Gabe grinned holding a hand to his chest, "I'm flattered-"

"Jamessssss how can you not sing? You just were!" Nathan pouted.

"Tiger please? Just a little more-"

"Scarlet!"

James whipped around as Sang's sing-song voice carried from the front door, Luke hovering behind her. "Sunshine-"

A pair of arms wrapped around her she quickly did the same her head tilting into the taller girls shoulder her arms coming around the blonde's waist.

The singing Debacle forgotten for a moment.

"Scarlet."

"Sunshine," James whispered a flood of emotions coursing through her.

"I'm sorry!" They both blurted pulling away from one another. Both of there cheeks turning a bright red as the two girls shared a wide-eyed glance.

"...Well, that was fucking adorable..." Gabe said cutting through there moment.

"Adorable? That was the purest thing I've ever witnessed in my life." Luke added his accent drawn out his eyes slightly dazed as he gazed at them looking like he was partly lost in a dream. "I don't think I've ever witnessed something so cute..."

"Can we talk?" James suddenly asked getting the group's attention. She glanced over to Nathan's communication had to start somewhere...He nodded giving her a soft smile.

Sang twisted her hands looking relieved that James had asked. "Can we go for a walk?" She asked glancing at Kota.

James turned to the boys as well eyes wide.

Kota frowned pushing up his glasses, "I don't think that's a good Idea with your foot-"

Oh god, James whipped around to Sang. How could she have forgotten the other girl's foot? "Why are you walking-"

"I'm tired of being carried," Sang admitted backing away from a grinning Luke who was making grabby hands at her.

"Yeah but we also don't need anyone climbing trees," Nathan added giving them a stern look.

Sang rolled her eyes hands moving towards her hips, "I cant do that so well right now with my foot and all."

James couldn't help but snort at the girl's sarcasm giving the girl a high five as Nathan blushed folding his arms across his chest.

"Ouch the burn Sangria," James winked at the girl, "Who said I would climb a tree right now?"

"You and rules don't really mix well..." Luke pointed out making James gasp clutching at her chest. "You're still cute though."

"The nerve!" James pointed at them all throwing a hand over her eyes falling onto Kota dramatically, "Kota your suppose to catch me!"

She fumbled in his arms slightly hands moving to his elbows and waist.

"Sorry! I didn't want to get your bruises..."

James smacked his chest lightly, "Kota you bitch!"

"Calling Kota a bitch!" Gabe whistled, "Kota..."

James giggled glancing up to Kota's green eyes seeing him study her worry within them. "Are you-"

"I was just teasing you, dork." She gave him a lopsided grin, "I didn't mean the bitch thing..."

He shook his head slightly an amused look crossing his features, "I think I'm getting flashbacks..."

"Flashbacks to baby James!" Sang grinned her green eyes lighting up as she glanced at the redhead.

James pouted her lips sticking out slightly, "I feel attacked..."

Kota chuckled his arms wrapping around her shoulder, "Teasing tiger...teasing."

"Speaking of teasing." Nathan grinned look into Luke, "did you know our little James could sing?"

Luke spun to her, "James how could you withhold this information. I need to hear and hear now-"

"Oy! She sounds like a fucking angel too!"

James huffed turning to the guys, "Well I've had enough of teasing, Sang care to go for a drive-"

"A drive?" Gabe glanced at her curiously, "You don't have a car..."

James grinned her hands coming behind her back as she blinked up at the boys. "No, I do not..." She watched as they all shared a look Kota rubbing the back of his neck. Luke and Gabe looking amused. "I know a few people who do..."

"This does not sound like a good plan..." Sang whispered her finger coming to her lip.

Nathan nodded in agreement, James just pouted further blinking her eyes a few time.

"Your right...borrowing one of your cars would be rude...I could call Avery-"

"One of us could drive you somewhere," Nathan replied sharing a look with the others.

James crinkled her nose, "I have to run a couple of errands I was going to walk but-" she tugged out her phone only to have it be taken by Gabe who was wagging a finger at her glancing to her and Sang.

Sang leaned into Luke a curious look crossing her face.

"We have a few cars why don't-" Gabe went silent as the boy's shared a look James glanced at Sang both of them feeling a little irritated.

"James is right we could just call a taxi-" She was cut off by Luke who bopped the blonde's nose.

"There's no need to call for a taxi!" He insisted.

Nathan frowned slightly, "I don't know-"

"Come on! They'll be fine!" Gabe grinned brightly, "You've driven before haven't you rebel?"

James nodded, "For sure!" She agreed smiling brightly.

She had driven before after all.

Kota looked uncertain concern crossing his face, "Guy's-" he twisted his lips. "Okay, you could borrow one of our cars if you'd like. Or if you'd rather call a taxi...are you sure you don't want any of us coming?"

James glanced at Sang the two of them needed some alone time. Every time they attempted too it seemed to get cut short or they met up with one of the boys. James didn't mind that either, she enjoyed spending time with the boys but...Sang and her needed a moment with zero interruption.

"I think...we're okay by ourselves," Sang smiled gently giving Kota a small smile. "If it's easier to take a taxi we could-"

"Shh trouble!" Gabe grinned, "Take our car, James will drive just...keep us updated and don't be gone all damn night okay?"

James shrugged, "If you're okay with it..." she would give them money for gas of course. Probably put it in the glove box because lord knows none of the boys would accept it.

"That's-sure." Nathan gave a slight smile, "Please one of you keep us updated-"

James and Sang both nodded seriously. "I'll text you all we shouldn't be gone that long should we scarlet?"

James shrugged, "Nah prolly not my dudes." She nodded shooting them finger guns. "We can all meet back up for dinner?"

The boys nodded sharing another look.

"Silas and North should be back for dinner, Victor too." Nathan said glancing at his phone, "I think Mr. B and Doc aren't going to make it..."

"Jessica's at her friend's I think she's going to spend the night," Kota said softly, James wondered if the girl was with Miles. "We've got some work to do anyway..."

Academy work most likely, James wanted to ask but bit her tongue. "So we're all ready for action, go team go!"

Sang giggled softly moving towards James after giving Luke a soft hug, she squeezed Gabe's hand as she went by her finger's brushing Kotas and Nathans.

James smiled lightly the other girl was so cute when it came to touching...hugs and hand-holding.

James found it absolutely adorable. She gave the boy's a quick smile giving them a small salute. "Your angel's boys!" She declared as Luke handed her a set of key's an amused look crossing his features.

"Please be safe, buckle, and don't strain yourself both of you are suppose to be resting-"

Sang giggled glancing at Kota, "I think we're going to be okay, we're just going for a short drive, not on a marathon..."

"You tell him Trouble!" Gabe snapped his finger's cocking his hip to the side but his eyes still held concern a worried look crossing his blue orbs. "...drive safe rebel please don't sing wild and get into a-" his eyes grew distant for a second his body tense a strained smile crossing his face.

James's heart burst slightly, his family had died in a car accident. That conversation felt like eons ago it happened right after she met Sean, Gabe had been teaching her how to play Mario cart and they started talking about panic attacks and anxiety attacks...

The pain in his blue eyes made her feel slightly breathless like someone had kicked her in the gut.

She was so used to Gabriel being so confident and flirty, she knew his insecurities all too well she lived them every day. Seeing the pain of losing a loved one though...

God.

She could feel it from here suddenly she just wanted to scoop him into a large hug and cuddle him to pieces.

Her mother died in a car accident, it was something her and Gabe shared...A weird twisted thing to have in common with someone.

Kota put his hand on Gabe's shoulder, "Just drive safe please..."

"Always." James agreed giving Gabe a long glance. Sang frowned looking at her but Luke shook his head giving them a strained smile.

"Have fun sugars be smart, no throwing eggs at anyone's house." Luke teased sharing a look with James giving her a wink.

James snorted flipping him off before moving over and snagging Sang's arm. "Fuck you all! Mwahaha I'm taking your car and the blonde no one will ever get me!"

Sang was giggling, "Bye boys! I'll text you and keep an eye on James-"

"Hey!"

"Bye girls!" They yelled together.

James smiled giving another worried glance to Gabe.

🌷

James took a big gulp of her coffee she had gotten five shots of espresso, her days had been long her night's spent tossing and turning nightmare after nightmare filling her head.

"Have a good day..." the barista said giving her a wide eyes glance half of her drink was already gone.

James waved happily Sang was looking at her with her mouth slightly open. "Thank you, you too!" She chirped.

"No!" Sang gasped in horror plucking the coffee out of her hand. "What? Why are-you shouldn't drink it that fast you're going to get a stomach ache-"

"Coffee," James pouted.

Sang gave her a dirty look, "You should have drank it slowly now you'll wait."

"But-"

"No," Sang frowned glancing down at the iced coffee, "What? I didn't think ice coffee came with espresso! James! Five shots!" She hissed looking like a disappointed lion fierce and fiery.

It was kind of hot.

"I like coffee..." James shifted her hand moving across her chest coming to her shoulder..."It's just a little express-hey!"

Sang threw out the rest of her coffee making James clutch her chest. "You shouldn't be drinking that much caffeine! I went to the bathroom for two seconds! Gosh-"

"Why do you get a drink but I don't-"

"My tea doesn't have any caffeine, secondly five shots?" Sang giggled lips curling into an unwanted smile, "You're already bouncing with energy."

"Let me live!"

Sang rolled her eyes, "Your such a goof scarlet,"

James snorted but nodded, "How's your foot?" she eyed the girl carefully looking for any hidden reaction.

Thankfully Sang couldn't hold back her grimace, the girl was always one to have her emotions on her sleeve... "It's in pain slightly..."

"Hop on my back baby doll," James twisted giving the girl a lopsided grin, "I'll even hold your tea..."

Sang hesitated, "Your hurt...I'm fine it's just a short walk-"

"If you don't get your ass on-"

"James-"

They both narrowed their eyes at one another neither giving up there stance. Arms crossed mouths twisted slightly both girls becoming stubborn.

James finally let a smile come across her lips. "I may have an idea..." she grabbed Sang's hand shocking the girl by her sudden change of mood. Sang shook her head following along easily.

She moved through the store swiftly throwing her arms up when they finally got to the front. "Ta da!" She pointed to the shopping carts then Sang. "Hop on it your chariot awaits!"

Sang's green eyes widened as she glanced around the store her finger coming to her lips. "I don't know James..."

"Awe come on its target! What are they gonna do kick us out?" She asked, "Get in!"

Sang sighed finally hopping into the cart letting James help her so she wasn't putting much pressure on her foot.

"I'm in I'm in-Ow!" Sang whipped her head around turning to James a bright blush crossing her cheeks. "Did you just hit my butt?"

"Big bootie jutie!" James looked at her with wide eyes a blush crossing her lips as she rubbed the back of her neck. "I couldn't help myself..."

Sang giggled her blush growing moving down her neck showing under the collar of her sweater. "...Thanks?"

James felt her heart skip a beat, "...Yep!" She cleared her throat, "Shopping! Now..."

Why was hitting Sang's ass different from Nathan? With Nathan, he teased her back Sang though was just god so innocent. She hadn't even thought before she reacted and damn did the other girl look good in those jeans.

Jesus, what was she doing?

And why did Sang's blushing always make her lose her breath? Sang opened her mouth like she was going to say something but James quickly cleared her throat grabbing the handles of the cart.

"Go! Go! Go!" She sang loudly moving through the crowds of people taking sharp turns with the cart. Sang let out a loud laugh squealing slightly as her hands moved to grab the edges of the cart.

"James! Slow down!" She called voice high. "Sorry, ma'am!"

James gave the women a sheepish smile as she turned just in time to avoid knocking into a display. "Do you dare me?" she asked Sang who looked at her confused.

"What-?"

James gave the cart a big shove before hopping up so her feet we're on the bottom her hands holding tightly on to the bar as she let out a loud yelp.

"Hey! Watch it!-" A child was giggling pointing at her as his dad glared looking all too annoyed.

"Sorry!" James called turning her head back giving the women who yelled at her a second glance. "Oops..."

"Your ridiculous!" Sang called ducking in the car slightly as it started to slow. "What?-"

James turned the cart taking a sharp too putting it into a sharp stop. "We have arrived at our destination!"

Sang gave her a dirty look, "That was not very safe..."

"Good thing it's just a shopping cart." James hopped off the cart glancing at the art aisle. "cart races are kinda my thing once you get practice in you can get a bunch of speed-"

"Why am I not shocked you have a method for cart racing?"

James grinned brightly winking at the girl as she moved forward grabbing some charcoal pencils, along with charcoal powder, a cheap sketchbook. Now the debate began pencils or no pencils she eyed the prices...

"Because I'm amazingly smart and beautiful and ooo!" James chirped finding a cheaper set on sale. She grabbed them and placed them in the cart. "Okay target errands are done!"

"You don't want to stop at Micheal's or um what's that other art store?" Sang asked but James waved her off.

"Nah I don't have that much money I'm planning on spending." James shrugged grabbing the cart handles, "Don't worry I won't go that fast..."

"Fine sped demon." Sang agreed giving her a long look, "we could glance around the store if you want...what other's um things do you like to draw with?"

James shrugged pushing the cart at a normal pace as she texted the boy's letting them know they were about to leave target.

"Hmm, pastel's sometimes I prefer pencil there are these one pencils I really like there woodless graphite and the blend-ugh beautiful I want to try painting though...I've done some in Ms. A's class but I haven't been able to pick up canvas and stuff-ooh!"

James grabbed a bag of sour cream and onion chips, eyeing them longingly. She crinkled her nose before putting them back down.

She probably shouldn't be grabbing a bunch of snacks she wouldn't be able to have them at the house not with Beatrice going through her room...

"I still haven't gotten to see much of your work...maybe sometime you could show me?" Sang questioned softly.

James blushed shifting as she moved towards the registers, "Really?" she cleared her throat when her voice got slightly higher...

It was still new for her...having people be interested in her things. The stuff she enjoyed. Was Sang asking to be nice or...?

"Of course," Sang said quickly looking sincere her hand moving to lay on top of James's own. "I would love to see it if your okay with that that is..."

A blush crept up on her cheeks, "oh um yeah that would be-I mean if you want to. I'm not that good or anything but-"

"I'm sure your amazing." Sang cut her off, "I would love to see your work."

James nodded taking in a soft breath as she looked at the beautiful girl in front of her. "Okay...cool."

"Cool," Sang agreed her plump lips curling up into a smile eyes twinkling.

James couldn't help but admire the girl before her. The pink sweater she was wearing made her pale skin look soft and milky. Her hair was up in her usual ponytail showing off the girls face, it amazed her how one girl could be so beautiful.

Sang was the perfect picture of the girl next store.

With her beautiful blonde locks, her stunning green eyes, but god even despite her looks Sang was just so...kind and earnest.

Sang was the type of person people aspired to be, with everything she's been through she's still so strong. So pure even though she's gotten hurt so much...she never let it tear her apart.

Not like how James has, James wished she was as strong as the blonde girl.

"You both are so cute!" A girl about there age gushed her brown hair was half-shaved pushed to the left side of her shoulder, a slit in her eyebrow, bright red lipstick on her lips. James glanced at her name tag, Liz. Cute it fit the girl. "Sorry! I didn't mean to interrupt but you're up in line..."

James cleared her throat giving the girl a sheepish smile, "Oh no you're fine sorry we just got a little distracted!" she admitted, quickly putting her stuff on the resister.

"How long have you been dating?" The girl asked them glancing between her and Sang a smirk on her face.

"Dating?" Sang squealed voice high as she glanced at James her cheeks tinting a bright pink. "Oh um..."

"Oh your not dating then?" Liz asked giving them both a once over.

James glanced at Sang feeling a slight pain run through her chest. Was it bad she wished the blonde had said yes? Why did she suddenly feel so-

"Um..." Sang pushed a finger to her lips glancing down look uncertain.

Liz glanced back to James raising an eyebrow leaning forward slightly, "would it be rude to ask for your number then?" She winked lips curling up.

James couldn't help but blink at the girl, surely she wasn't talking about James was she? The redhead looked ridiculous, her jeans a little too baggy rolled up slightly because they were too long. A black v-neck long sleeve shirt and an unbuttoned dress shirt that was Lukes.

Her hair was a mess of locks falling down her back not to mention the bruises that were crossing her face that she didn't even bother to cover up.

The only cute thing on her was a pair of red converse.

"My number?" James parroted earning a soft laugh from Liz the other girl crossing her arms pushing her breasts up slightly making James's eyes widen.

It wasn't that the girl in front of her wasn't beautiful with her creamy brown skin looking like mocha and thick lips...but she wasn't Sang.

James couldn't help but feel slightly confused first Karen admitting her feelings and now some stranger asking her out?

"We are dating," Sang blurted sitting up a little straighter. James turned to the blonde seeing a look of jealously spark in the girl's features. "It's still new..."

Dating? Sang and her. That would include going on dates and more magical Sang cuddles and kisses...

Kisses? God, she wondered what the other girl's lips would feel like? Would they be soft and gentle?

Would the girl hold her close and pull her in? Why did James want to kiss the blonde so badly at this moment?

God she couldn't think this- they were friends. Friends.

James couldn't do relationships- she couldn't.

It would be to messy.

Liz looked disappointed but nodded, "it's still a win for the girls..."

James snorted at that, "sorry my dear," she laced her fingers with Sang's noticing the way Sang eyed the movement squeezing her hands tightly. "I love your look though..."

Liz beamed at her, "I have to say you two make a gorgeous pair..."

James turned to Sang cocking her hip to the side, "oh that's all my sunshine right here...she's the looker between the two of us and she's so sweet!" She gushed winking at the blonde who started to move closer to her.

"Stop it scarlet!" She said back glancing at Liz. "I'm sorry..."

"No need to apologize, sorry for overstepping any bounds..." Liz glanced down, "Your total is going to be thirty-five dollars and twenty cents."

James quickly pulled out her wallet paying her and taking her change. "Have a good day!" she chirped turning to Sang as she started pushing the cart out. Sang was looking at her sheepishly a wobbly smile on her lips. "We're dating know huh? I should warn you I'm engaged..."

Sang's shoulder's relaxed slightly, "Your not mad?" She asked quickly glancing back to Liz who was watching both of them shamelessly giving the two of them a finger wave.

"Mad?" James shot back giving Sang a confused look. "Why on earth would I be mad at you?"

"Well...I mean she's pretty...you haven't really talked much about relationships I don't really-I wasn't sure if you wanted to-"

"Go on a date with her?" James asked tilting her head as they got closer to the car. "She's beautiful but-" she's not Sang.

She didn't make James's heartbeat just by smiling at her. Or even make her want to pour her soul and spill all her secrets just but glancing at her with those pained green eyes.

James stopped outside of the boys car holding the cart in place.

"I could-if you did I'll go tell her and-"

James snorted, "Don't be silly, she's pretty but she's...not the person for me." She wasn't even sure if she could ever be in a relationship. She was too damaged..."What about you? She was giving you the eyes. Are you interested in girls? I-well honestly I was thinking you liked one of the boys..."

Sang's eyes widened as James moved closer to her hands going to the blonde's waist. Sang put her hands on James's shoulder as she started to lift Sang out of the cart. Sang wobbled slightly falling into James.

"The boys? Girls?" Sang asked.

James stopped herself from laughing the blonde was too cute.

"Yes, and yes," James grinned giving Sang a once over. "What's your preference?"

Sang blinked a few times, "um preference?" She asked unsurely.

"I'm bi," James winked flipping a bisexual membership card out of her sleeve. "It's a lifetime membership..."

Sang giggled slightly taking the card out of her hand. "They make cards?"

James shrugged, "that's my signature true as true can be..."

Sang fumbled for a second, "I'm not really...I don't know..."

James's eyes softened, "that's okay darling, I find both men and women pretty...you may not know what you like yet. Who you like-you can decide that on your own terms you know...there's no pressure."

Sang nodded tucking some hair behind her ear, "god if my stepmother knew...she would really think of me as a whore."

James winced eyes darkening, "well she couldn't be more wrong darling, who you like is no ones business. Sexuality is... fluid who you like at the end of the day changes. Besides, why does anyone's preference even have to be determined you like who you like?"

James gently set her hand on Sang's face the other girl moved a little closer eyes flickering over James's face a look in them that James couldn't decipher.

"James I lik-"

"Can you guys move your cart!?" James turned to see the lady she almost ran over early eyes narrowed holding her kid's hand. "Some of us are trying to leave."

"Sorry about that-" James started to say but the women scoffed sticking her nose up.

"I didn't ask for your silly excuses some of us have places to be! Now if you'd move your cart."

James raised an eyebrow, "let me just do that here," she pulled it just a little bit forward seeing as how their cart was barely blocking the car in the first place. "See two seconds no need for the sass."

Her husband scoffed giving James a once over, "we didn't ask for the rudeness children these days." He muttered barely glancing up from his phone. "That's why we don't interact with the gays-"

Sang gasped her hands tightening on James.

James narrowed her eyes, "Sir your at a target not a big shot meeting don't act like the most important person in the room because believe me your not. You've also got a child in front of you and your teaching him that it's okay to be disrespectful and confrontational. I already said I was going to move the cart there was no need to be so rude. Nor dogmatic-just because your pigheaded and believe that us gays are a bad thing doesn't mean the rest of the world does." She kept her tone cold but her eyes were hard and fiery. "Do you want you, child, to have those same views? Because that's how you create narrow-minded people."

The women scoffed pulling her child closer, "This is why we shouldn't shop in lower-class areas you people are so uncultured!-"

James glanced down to the child who was flushed with embarrassment she couldn't help but feel bad for him. "Be your own person," she mouthed.

Sang shook her head, "It's rather tactless of you to be speaking that way. We're the same as you-"

"Don't compare us!" The woman gasped pulling her son closer shooting her husband a look. James almost wanted to back into her fancy car out of anger instead she took in a deep breath.

"You two are a set of delinquents, you look like you just got out of a fight." The husband growled, "Your both a pair of dykes-"

"Don't you dare talk to us like that!" Sang snapped moving slightly in front of James making the red head's heart burst as the blonde seemed to finally bear her groundings. "Whether you like us or not there no reason to make assumptions or be so-"

"What are you two going to teach me about respect?"

James knew there was no getting through to the pair as much as she wanted to. She suddenly had a brilliant idea a smirk coming across her lips.

"Don't look the gays are interacting!" James turned to Sang winking at her before moving there body so her hands were wrapped around the girl's neck. She used her hand to cover the girl's mouth before planting a kiss on it her hair moving around them making it look like they were actually kissing.

Sang's arms moved around her waist pulling her in even closer making James want to moan at the contact. How did the tension in the air seem to build up even more when they weren't actually kissing?

She pulled away from Sang turning to them and flipping them off. "Oops sorry I forgot us gay's don't give a shit." James motioned for Sang to get into the car the other girl did both of them ignoring the couple who was know complaining at them.

The women at the car across from them took the cart from James giving her a sympathetic smile. "I've got the cart sweetie you go with your girlfriend, ignore them you two are adorable some people just look to start trouble..."

James smiled eyes widening in surprise. "Karen's!" she agreed winking at the lady, "you are a goddess..." She waved her off-hand moving to her stomach James took note that the lady was pregnant. "Congrats..."

"Thank you," She nodded James didn't bother waiting any longer before moving into the driver's seat. She quickly put the key in still ignoring the car next to them as she looked behind her to make sure she was clear.

Sang was looking uncomfortable and sad in her seat making James's heartbreak.

"Don't worry darling some people are just closed off and arrogate but they mean nothing," James assured.

Sang blinked at her a finger coming to her lips, "Yeah...that's um, yeah that's what's bothering me. Some people are just so rude."

"True," James snorted, quickly exiting the parking lot. Thankfully the couple seemed to disregard her letting James relax slightly. "Some people just suck."

🥀

"Ugh sorry I took so long," James jumped back into the car slamming the door.

Sang smiled at her, "your fine was your boss okay?"

James nodded, she had to stop into the bar. After calling out for the majority of the week her normally stoic boss had gotten slightly worried. It didn't help that she came in with a face full of bruises.

Needless to say, he was fine with her calling off but she would be picking up shifts next week to make up for it.

Yay being a responsible adult sucks balls.

"Yep! Just covering a few shifts next week," James groaned glancing at Sang as she started up the car, "I still don't know my schedule for the diner..."

Sang frowned, "Is it smart to be working so much-"

"Don't get all protective on me now darling," James glanced behind her as she backed up. She found it rather nice to drive. It had been a while since she was last behind the wheel. "I'm fine work keeps me busy, I like to stay busy...Now I'd like to get this project done for art before we go back and meet with the boys. We could um talk? If you want that is-"

"Sure!" Sang said quickly, "I mean yeah, talking I think. That would be good. You know...only if-"

"Where should we go?" James asked, "Do you wanna park somewhere or go to the park? Or do you want to go a walking trail? Or there's this one Garden I came across a while ago-"

"I haven't explored Charleston much," Sang admitted, "Maybe we could go to the Garden? If you want that is?"

"Do you want to?"

"I-yeah," Sang smiled rubbing the back of her neck. "The garden's it is."

"Here we come!" James chirped smiling brightly at the other girl.

🌷

"It's so beautiful!" James shouted giggling slightly, the White Point Garden in Charleston was filled with endless trees. The grass seemed almost greener here brighter, and the way the light hit against the branches created the most beautiful shadows on the ground.

"Yeah, it is..." Sang admired voice soft, James glanced over to find a pair of green eyes focused on her. The intensity of them making her blush. "This whole town is beautiful..."

James nodded in agreement she brightened up when she saw the Gazebo was free. "Can you manage a few more steps or would you like me to-"

"Gosh no more carrying me," Sang sighed loudly her hand moving to rest on James's elbow. "I know the boy's mean well but I can manage a few steps to the bathroom."

James snorted rolling her eyes. "They can be a bit protective."

Sang hummed in agreement.

"And slightly annoying with there non-stop pestering," James added a grin crossing her lips.

Sang giggled slightly a finger coming to her mouth, "Preach!" She cheered but a soft smile crossed her lips. "It's kinda nice though isn't it..."

"Having someone care?" James asked lips curling up, "It's...probably become my favorite feeling...Is that strange?"

"I like strange," Sang admitted shoulder bumping into James's. "Strange is nice and if it is strange than I'd like to be as strange as they come."

"Or even stranger," James said in a silly voice wiggling her eyebrows at Sang who giggled at her. James pulled out her phone taking a picture of her and the blonde before sending it off to there group chat with the boys. "The boy's now know were at the Garden."

Sang grinned, "There caring is nice remember."

James nodded, "But still overwhelming but undeniably welcoming..." she took a seat on the steps Sang following her motions slightly slower with her limp. James wanted to apologize again for Sang's injury but the blonde wasn't having it. "It's nice here isn't it?"

"It's peaceful and pretty," Sang agreed, her eyes followed James's movement. The redhead was pulling out her sketchbook and the charcoals she had picked up starting the outline for her project.

James was grateful for the other girl at this moment. Both of them leaning towards one another living off the other's company.

It was nice especially with the nonstop first week that they've had.

As James worked on her drawing she tried to put all of her anxiety and irrational thoughts into it. To try and let it be captured in her work, giving her a moment of seldom.

Because currently, her mind was spinning, as much as she tried to push the day away. To try and free herself from answering unwanted questions...she knew it wasn't fair to her new friends and not to herself.

It was a hard realization to come to and she was grateful the others gave her the time to think and process.

Maybe before it was okay to be so closed off, too hide away her feelings and her grief...

Now though? She realized that would only lead her to a path of destruction and the funny thing she noticed was...She enjoyed venting to the others. Complaining about her day or a homework assignment.

She liked getting there thoughts and feelings on things

And...talking to them actually helped.

She hated to admit that but she had never received comfort like that before...not for a long time and it was nice being able to lean into there touch or there hugs...

And James wanted to grow as a person, she wanted to improve her health and well being. She didn't want to have to keep falling into a panic attack in front of the others. It was different when she was alone she only had to manage herself but...now she had others that she didn't want to be so...damaged anymore.

She didn't want to always have the darkness consume her.

She didn't want to die anymore.

It was like in a matter of weeks she got a taste of living and she was finally hooked. Not like before-no she finally understood what it was like to really enjoy things.

She promised herself this time around she wouldn't take anything for granted. She would give herself a real honest to god chance at living.

No half-assing things and if that meant being uncomfortable to help herself grow then she would try that.

She didn't want to become like-

"That's-woah." Sang had her chin in her palm some of her blonde locks falling into her face. Her green eyes were wide a beautiful smile crossing her lips. "That's incredible and you did it so fast-gosh your just-your amazing you know that?"

James blushed brightly shifting uncomfortably in her seat. She glanced down to the self-portrait she had to do for class...she couldn't help but wonder what Sang thought when she saw James.

Did she see the completely broken girl that she was or did she see the lost little girl who was just trying to find a home?

"It's not finished," James replied softly taking in a sharp breathe she pushed some hair out of her eyes moving her hair over her shoulder some pieces falling onto the page moving the charcoal around slightly. "It needs a lot of work but...it's a start."

"You do a really good job of avoiding compliments," Sang pointed out tilting her head slightly, "you never seem to give yourself the credit you deserve."

James snorted closing her sketchbook setting her pencils on top of it gently. "I don't know...if-that's not really true, is it? I always seem to do a better job at running and-"

"Scarlet," Sang said softly, "you may run away but...I know how hard it was for you to even accept having friends in the first place. To let anyone in...you've been through a lot-"

"Everyone's been through something," James replied her hand hovering over her sleeve her scars almost felt like they were burning. "I took the easy way out-"

She cut and caused more pain. She was a mess of scars and broken parts.

An ugly mess of irrational thoughts and disgusting parts. James took in a stuttering breath...she didn't mind her laugh though. She thought of Victor the way he so easily listened off a thousand things he liked about her.

Was it that easy? Because when James looked in the mirror she was always filled with disappointment.

"No, your so strong." Sang said sharply voice hard, "Your one of the strongest people I've met. I know you don't agree but, you are."

James closed her eyes taking in a sharp breathe, it was so hard to disagree with the kind soft-spoken girl in front of her. Your worthless, no one will ever truly want you.

"Maybe, or maybe the weakest..." James said softly Sang looked ready to fight her tooth and nail but James raised her hand shaking her head softly. "I truly didn't go into that fight thinking I was going to offer myself to get thrown off a balcony...I wasn't purposely causing more pain not, not like when I cut or when I-"

Sang grabbed her hand her finger's lacing with James's own. "I'm sorry that I asked how I did...it's just with...your history and what you've told me I know-you think differently than me. That's not bad but sometimes I just don't know what's going on in your head. You-you always put this smile on your face and I can tell you feel guilty bringing up if you need space or a moment and I just...what if something gets too much and you just decide to-"

"I'm not suicidal," James said with watery eyes, she couldn't help the way her voice became pained as she watched the blonde girl before her look so helpless. The girl was shaking holding back tears yet she kept her shoulders strong and her chin up. "I'm not and I know that may be hard to understand and I know sometimes I can be closed off but...I'm trying. I was suicidal at a time but...I'm not...I was in a really low place a really really dark place."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there." Sang squeezed her hand tightly. "I'm sorry you felt like-"

James sucked in a breathe, consequences Silas's voice rang through her head. She couldn't help but let out a watery chuckle earning an odd look from Sang. "Sorry just something Silas told me earlier seems to be clicking in." stupid Greeks-scratch that stupid boy's making her look at her problems.

Sang's lips tilted up, "You have a nice laugh...I like hearing it more than seeing you so sad."

"I like hearing it too," James said contently, she took in a deep breath focusing on the girl before her. "...I like your laugh too."

Sang's eyes crinkled up as she glanced at her a large smiling going across her face. "I like you," she responded earnestly.

James couldn't help but laugh softly at that, feeling her heart warm. "I like you too sunshine, best friends remember?"

Sang shook her head her lips twisting, "No James I-" she cleared her throat James couldn't help but watch her with wide eyes as the other girl's hand moved to her face cupping her cheeks.

She couldn't help but feel her heart race quicken a gasp escaping her lips. "Sang?"

"I like you, James." Sang whispered.

James didn't have time to respond before Sang moved forward her lips landing softly against James's.

The kiss was short and sweet and completely unexpected. It was soft but intense the onslaught of shared emotions combining them into one. Despite having no clue what they were doing they moved in sync. Sang's hand climbing into James's hair the girls nails scarping against her scalp gently. Her thumb moving across James's cheekbones-and James she had no idea what to do her hands floundered beside her and the moment she finally worked up the courage to move.

To pull Sang's body closer to her own so she could feel there heartbeats pound against one another-the other girl pulled away her green eyes dazed still glancing at James's lips.

James felt completely and utterly helpless.

It was also the first time James has ever felt a sense of complete and utter bliss.

A kiss?

Her first kiss.

With the beautiful girl before her. She couldn't help but drink in everything about the blonde the way she was panting slightly her lips parted looking breathless and dazed.

"Oh god," Sang's finger's let go of James's hair moving to touch her own lips. "I'm sorry-god I didn't mean to-"

James couldn't help the sting she felt her in chest. Sang regretted it, she probably hated kissing her-God James was so stupid just because she felt like she could breathe didn't mean the other girl could enjoy her touches-

Because god James was nothing and Sang she was everything.

"No-Not like that that came out wrong!" Sang rushed eyes frantic her hands moving to grasps James's.

"What-? I'm feeling a little lost," James choked out. "You kissed me-"

"I like Kota!" Sang blurted.

James felt her gut twist slightly glancing down. Kota was one of the kindest people she knew, handsome, and strong a leader at heart. "You like-? Okay, um I'm sure he likes you too..."

"No James," Sang's forehead was crinkled nose scrunched up slightly. "I like you. I do but... I also like boys. Not just- I like all of them. Do you...you feel something for them too don't you?"

James took in a sharp breathe pulling her body away from Sang slightly retreating in on herself. Sang looked crestfallen her hands becoming shaky as she glanced at James.

James hated that she did like the others. She liked them all.

She hated that she enjoyed kissing Sang and she longed to feel the other girls lips on her again but she knew that wasn't her reality-

"Maybe I do," James spat eyes narrowing as she glared at the ground feeling familiar tightness burn in her chest. "But all of this it doesn't matter! This-it can't happen-"

James couldn't believe she let this happen. She couldn't do this not with them. As much as she may want to she would never be able to-

"What if it could?" Sang whispered moving closer.

James shook her head, what would they do all be together? The boys wouldn't go for that, and how could Sang?

James could barely handle opening up to one person let alone-

"Think about it James, what if-"

"I'm not a whore!" James shouted standing up her hand moving across her chest her nails digging into her shoulder. "I'm not I don't-there's rumors and there's-and but I'm not Sang I'm not a whore!"

"I didn't say you were-" Sang shook her head standing up a wince crossing her face. "I never thought that not even for a second-"

"But everyone else does!" James screamed taking a step back as Sang moved to her. "Every fucking person but I'm not! I'm not! Beatrice-my foster families, hell everyone at school, god Greg basically felt me up just because everyone thinks I'm their plaything but I'm not! I'm not a slut, or a whore or-"

She fell to her knees putting her head between them taking in shaking breathes as her breathing sped up.

She barely made out Sang's footsteps coming in front of her.

"Don't touch me!" She shouted falling on her butt, she heard Sang's voice speak to her but she couldn't focus on the words.

"Relationships are funny, trusting people letting them in." He was pacing, "it never works out you know that right kid?"

James couldn't help but agree with him on this. Relationships always seemed to fail.

"There's always something that annoys your partner, something that'll will eventually bring them to the breaking point, and one morning they'll wake up and decide you're just not enough."

James sighed her pencil scratching out the drawing she was working on. Lately, every picture just seemed to leave her with a numbing pain that she couldn't erase.

"Because your not, you're a whore I saw how you were looking at that boy today." He murmured, "You would never be able to be in a relationship. Your mine."

James sucked in a breathe feeling her chest tighten.

"I would never leave you though kid," He bent down in front of her his fingers running over the page, "me and you will always be together, if not in person then in your mind. A memory you'll never be able to escape. Because some people are just too impactful. And you Jameson mean the world to me-"

"James, James," Sang whispered James blinked clutching at her chest. "Focus on me okay? Right on me, that's good."

James couldn't even handle responding her throat was tight a sense of fear coming over her, her breathes coming out in short pants.

"Tell me what you see, name something you see okay?"

James shook her head, she couldn't do that she didn't have enough air. She whimpered slightly shaking her head.

"Hey, you can, tell me something you can see?"

"Tr-trees. Trees." She choked out her voice hoarse.

"Good, now something you can touch?"

James reached out touching Sang's sweater, it was soft and nice and it felt good against her finger's...

They went through this several times until James finally got her breathing under control. James still couldn't help but feel a sense of paranoia in her the oncoming doom seemed to rush through her body making her feel helpless and out of control.

"I'm so sorry," Sang was sitting across from her close but far enough leaving them with a distance that felt...wrong.

"No I-god." James closed her eyes bringing her knees up against her stomach the movement hurt and her head was pounding. "I don't want to prove him right..."

"Who?" Sang asked curiously making James's eyes snap up her mouth falling into a thin line.

God, she wanted to open up to them all but Jesus it all felt like too much. It was like they were learning every little thing about her and she just-she so badly wanted to be ready for all of that but some things she couldn't and relationships?

Sang kissing her?

The boys?

How could she ever be in a relationship with them? Her mind was in a never-ending tug of war. One part wanting to say fuck it and have them all to herself and the other one telling her it was all a mistake.

"You don't have to tell me I'm sorry I don't mean to keep pushing you..."

James closed her eyes, why did the blonde have to be so fucking sweet? And kind...and good.

"Everyone? I'm not a whore and admitting aloud to you that I like you that I like the others...doesn't that just prove everyone right?"

"Or the opposite?" Sang said gently, "It proves your human and you feel emotions...do you think my mother's right calling me a...a whore because I like you and the others-"

"No of course not!"

"Exactly," Sang cut her off, "So how could you think such a thing about yourself?"

James bit her lip her hands curling into fists, "I like cuddling you...and hugging Luke and Silas, and kissing North's cheeks, holding Sean's hands, tackling Owen with hugs...Victor, Kota, Nathan...I enjoy all of it and you and...I could never choose any of you."

"Neither could I..." Sang admitted, "Is that such a bad thing?"

James laughed head tilting back, "What all of us together, I know I've joked about it but...how could they agree to that...how could you...?"

"How could we not?" Sang asked, "You've thought of it, haven't you? Before any of us...why do you sound so shocked?"

"I've thought about a lot of things that I never thought would be a possibility," James blurted, "I never even thought I would live long enough to be in an actual relationship. I can barely handle all of these new friendships let alone being with you all."

Sang was watching her sadly, "I...you would never have to force yourself in a relationship. If you don't want to-we could stay friends and just forget the kiss happened and-"

James closed her eyes, "Kissing you, you kissing me I've never felt anything like that before-"

"Me either." Sang breathed out,

James let out a soft laugh, "I don't know what this means I've never-'

"I haven't either. Relationships, kissing," Sang cleared her throat her green eyes looking at her earnestly, "But...we didn't know how to work friendships that well and we've been figuring it out..."

James nodded running a hand through her hair..."We have." she felt her stomach churn, "Greg he um, he grabbed my boob during the fight he-it hurt and I-he's never he's slapped my ass once or twice or gripped it but he's never-I wasn't wearing a bra and I just-Was that my fault? God, I keep-"

"No, no baby," Sang moved forward cupping her face, "No scarlet, that-Greg is disgusting, what he did you never asked for that he took advantage of you and that wasn't fair."

James let out a choked sob resting her hand on Sang's hand, "I lied to you why aren't you-"

"Scarlet you've been through a lot and your first instinct is to hideaway. I knew something was wrong but I knew you needed to be ready to speak not have a bunch of people hound you. What Greg did-he won't come near you again."

James closed her eyes, "I'm sorry for shouting at you, for telling you to go away I just-"

"You don't have to apologize," Sang whispered brushing the tears off that were falling on her cheeks. "You don't, your okay scarlet."

"Yesterday I was trying to protect Kota, protect you the thought of either of you getting hurt. That pained me more than the possibility of me getting hurt you know? I-wasn't purposely doing anything to hurt myself but I also wasn't thinking of the consequences. I realize that know and I'm sorry for how I handled it." James wanted everything to be on the table. Sang kept going out of her way to keep the redhead sane...the least James could do was give the girl some clarity. "Not telling you about Greg...was selfish on my part I'm used to handling things on my own and...maybe I'm realizing I don't have too..."

"I'm sorry to you know," Sang's finger's we're brushing against the back of her hand. "I handled it poorly, but...I'm glad you're talking to me I never want you to feel like you can't. I know some things are hard to talk about but I'm always here for you I don't want you to feel like you have to hide things..." Sang trailed off, "I'm...sorry for kissing you how I did too-I should have talked to you first asked you-you just your so beautiful and I just couldn't stop myself and-"

"It's okay," James reassured eyes glancing down to Sang's lips, the taste of her cherry chapstick lingered on her lips. "I'm sorry for freaking out...I can't say it won't happen again sometimes I just-but I'm not-maybe I'm a little confused and I'm not really sure if this can go anywhere or-but I um...I enjoyed kissing you."

Sang blushed a bright pink shade, "Your a really good kisser," she whispered glancing down to James's lips, "May...could I maybe...?"

"Yes," James breathed out feeling the other girl's lips land on her own.

Maybe she had no idea what she was doing. Maybe this would all be a mistake. Maybe it would tear her apart completely...but the feeling of the other girl's lips against her own made her toes curl and her mind swirl.

After all, Sang was as completely lost as her.

Maybe...just maybe the hopeful part of James's mind wondered if they could figure it out together.

The fearful part though told her that this would be her downfall.

Either way, James was stepping into unknown territory with no plan in sight.

As always sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes.

SO MUCH IS HAPPENING OH GOD I DONT KNOW WHERE TO START! Ajsjdmbaksbebw!

Big steps happening in this chapter! Growing recognizing issues. Opening up. Relationships.

James's is finally letting that idea actually slip into her mind. She never thought of it as a possibility and now?

She's not sure if she could be open to one but God the seed is planted!

Word count: 26, 433

So much here and is till felt like I could have added so much more! God!

Ah! So much going on! Questions? Thoughts? Concerns?

Next chapter? A slight time jump, rain, dreams, reckless James...and pour Sang.