Home is where the heart is
Amie33
“Doctor River Song, for the murder of the last of the Time Lord known as the Doctor, a crime you had confessed during your trial, you were sentenced to 12,000 life times of imprisonment and have been detained in the Stormcage Containment Facility since then. The Court has reviewed your case in the light of your recent actions, and is aware that your help stopped the biggest threat this world has ever known so, in accordance with the promise that the Church made you, and with the agreement of all of its member, declares you free.”
The door bangs behind her, a heavy sound that must have made the whole planet shake, but if it sounds unpleasant and unfriendly to most of the people around, it is one of the most wonderful clangs she has ever heard. There are only a few things she likes more -the whooshing of the Tardis, the whisper of his voice, the laughter of her mother , but none of them sound like that.
She’s still in Stormcage, in the courtyard, a big circle surrounded by the walls of the prison, watchtowers all around to prevent hypothetical escapees to reach their goal : a platform at the center of the yard where spaceships can land and take off. But she doesn’t know anybody that has already ventured so far out of their cell - except her, but escaping by that way wasn’t needed.
She stares at the platform for a few minutes, unaware of the rain falling and soaking her, one hand clenched around a tiny sack which contains the few personal things she wanted to take back with her. Clothes, books, some of her weapons and hallucinogenic lipsticks, and her old blue diary she would never leave, the memories of her life, of times she would never be able to live again and that are gone forever now.
She’s free. She says it out loud, just to hear it, as if she could make it more true that way. The word sounds strange, sweet and harsh at the same time. She has not really been imprisoned in Stormcage -she has proved that walls and wardens and weapons can’t do anything to stop her. The only reason she used to come back was because she agreed to this imprisonment a long time ago, she asked for it, to protect the love of her life (and maybe to punish herself for all the wrong things she had done, before she met him, before he changed her life and made her understand she could become a good person). She had spent her whole life in that place, except for a childhood (in New York then with Amy and Rory, and the few years at the University) but it was a long time ago -and except for the times she spent in the Tardis, or travelling on her own, or having trouble. But she used to come back, each time, every time, when everything was over she came back into her cell and spent days, weeks, sometimes even months or years before going out again, and it was the only real place that stood for home. Except for the Tardis, the Tardis that is not only home, the place of her heart, but also a part of herself, and it’s a real home, but she can’t get there whenever she wants. She has to call for the ship, and sometimes it doesn’t come at the right time, and sometimes it doesn’t come at all -and she knows those times are almost over too, because her life and his are all back to front and even if the Tardis herself will never forget her, he will, he is forgetting her already, almost not knowing her at all. Home is not home if your love doesn’t know you. And he is her love, he is her home, her real home, her one true home, but she is losing him and one day soon he’ll be gone and she will be completely homeless.
She’s free, yes, she is, but she has no place to go. She can’t call him, because maybe he won’t recognize her, or maybe he will but she knows she won’t be able to stay with him too long. She can’t see go to her parents, they are gone already and she had no time left with them. She has never had a place of her own -the orphanage, then a Silence’s place at Leadworth, a tiny room she rented when she was at the University, and Stormcage at the end. Not a single one of those places is a possibility now.
She has nowhere to go, and nobody to call. No lover anymore, no parents anymore, and no friends -but she has never been the kind of person to have friends, has she?
All her life, waiting in that little cell, waiting for him, waiting to come back, all her life, and now, what is she supposed to do?
Crying won’t be a solution and she can’t stay there doing nothing, so she clenches her hand a bit harder around her bag and begins to walk in direction of the platform. A ship is already waiting for her, and she doesn’t know what destination she’s going to ask for, but she has to go. She has to go and never come back, in order to forget that she was there, what she had done, and the fact that there was a time when he knew her and loved her and came to her. He hasn’t landed in her cell for ages, she’s sure he won’t anymore, it’s better to leave that place and her memories and try to begin a new life. A free but lonely life.
Rain falls heavily as she walks, thunder growling and lightnings flashing all around her. There are drops running down her neck and into her coat, in her eyes and along her arms, and she gets cold, repressing a shiver. The weather has never been nice here, even when she was inside the building it didn’t seem pleasant, but now that she’s out somehow it is worse. A few more feet and she’s soaked from head to toe, and suddenly it doesn’t matter where she’s going to be, all that she wants is to find somewhere dry and warm and sunny -anywhere but here. She hurries, bending her head to face the whistling wind. There's another lightening in the dark cloudy sky, and thunder roars almost instantly, deafening her.
And then, she can hear something near her between the roaring and the growling. As first she's not sure because it's too noisy around her, and maybe it’s just one of her fantasies. She lifts her head and screws up her eyes, trying to look between the drops, and progressively the sound becomes clearer and louder until she can finally see it, appearing between her and the platform, the beloved blue box.
She stops walking, waiting for the Tardis to fully materialize in front of her. She doesn't know what to think, afraid that he doesn't know her and has come here by accident, afraid that he will simply land and go. She doesn't want to hope until she's really sure she can.
The door opens, and what she can see at first is the inside of the Tardis, warm and welcoming -and not rainy at all- and she almost forgets about the weather. For a few seconds her mind wanders, dreaming about the bathrooms of the ships, hot tub and oils and scent candles, dreaming about a cosy couch or even her large bed, about the possibility or curling herself under a blanket, sipping hot tea, his arms around her and his body pressed against her, and she would just close her eyes and sleep in the most comfortable place she knows. Even if she doubts she'll have the last part, at least she wants him to let her in, just so she can forget about Stormacage and the rain and the thunder - please, please, please she wishes.
He appears on the doorway, looking around him and wincing when he realizes how bad it is outside. He hasn't seen her yet, and she knows she might say something, greeting him with an usual “Hello Sweetie” but the words stay trapped in her throat -she doesn't need to ask him, she can guess it, he is not young, she recognizes the suit, the waistcoat he only wears after their wedding, long after... Thank you. She sighs in relief and waits for him to spot her, her heart lighter and she knows, whatever happens now, it's gonna be okay.
Finally he looks at her and smiles, before stepping out and she tries not to laugh; in a few seconds he is as wet as she is, his hair falling in damp strands around his head, his fringe in front of his eyes and he looks clumsier now that his gangly limbs are completely soaked. He doesn’t seem to care, stopping a few steps in front of her, his eyes shining despite the storm.
“Hi Honey, I’m home.”
There’s another clap of thunder and his voice is a whisper but she can hear what he says. Home. It seems a bit unreal that he’s here, now, when she hasn’t seen him for years.
“And what sort of time do you call this?”
She replies, as usual, but she exactly knows what time it is -just the perfect time.
“My River, out of Stormcage, legally - I would have never missed that.”
She can’t resist anymore, closing the space between them and kissing him with passion. His arms automatically wrap around her waist, pulling her closer, and she lets go of her bag, sliding her hands on the back of his neck to deepen their embrace. His clothes are as soaked as hers, his skin cold, there are raindrops running despite the closeness of their bodies and thunder growls louder around them, but for a moment she forgets everything because he’s here, unexpected after all this time waiting for him. She doesn’t care if she dies of a cold after that, because they should have already gone back into the Tardis and they should be trying to dry and warm themselves, but first she needs to feel him against her and makes him understand how she has missed him, and nothing else matters.
When they part they stare at each other for a few seconds, still holding each other, before his lips curve in a smile. He brushes a damp curl off of her face and she shivers, getting colder while rain keeps dropping and sliding inside her clothes.
“Come on” he says “let’s go.”
He grabs her bag on the floor and takes her hand. Fingers entwined they run to the Tardis who hums gently to welcome her, her delicious warmth surrounding her, and there’s no doubt, she’s back home.
the end