Blair's Point of View
"Mommy who is your friend?" Karina whispered and she stole a glance at Kobe and when she saw him looking at her she quickly hid her face on my neck, my shy baby girl.
"i uh-"
"Kobe Paras right?" Blake cut me off and i sighed in relief, he steps infront of me and greeted Kobe.
"ah yes, you're Blake Bennett and Blair's brother" Kobe said and they shake hands, they talked about basketball stuff and i just hid behind Blake while i watch Karina eat her cotton candy.
"Mommy your friend is pogi" Karina whispered and my eyes widen. "tita ninang told me beautiful is ganda and handsome is pogi"
"Karina baby do you want to go home?" i ignored what she said because i dont want to spark up the topic of her Daddy, she shake her head and peeked at Kobe who caught her and she squealed and hide again.
"he caught me peeking Mommy" she said and i chuckled and run my hand through her curly locks.
"Blair" he called and when i look at him his eyes are like telling me something and i bite the sides of my cheek and held his gaze for a moment. "can we talk?" he said and i quickly glance at Blake and he nodded his head.
"ako ng bahala" Blake said and he grab Karina from me and i just let him, i watch them leave and when we're finally alone i let out a shaky breath and close my eyes.
"why didn't you tell me?" Kobe said and that made me look at him, his expression screamed betrayed and disappointed, i cant blame him. "bakit kailangan mong mag sinungaling na may anak ka na?"
"ano naman sayo kung may anak na ako?" i said and shot him a look and he scoff, pain is evident in his eyes and my heart broke because of that. "you dont need to know anything about my personal life Kobe"
We both stared at each other and his face held so much emotion and i just stand here in front of him with my poker face on, he stared at me in disbelief and he run his hand through his hair and sighed. Im mentally hitting myself for being a bitch to him.
"why are you like this Blair?"
"im what?" i asked and raise tilt my head.
"is your heart really that cold? do you even have one?" he said and his voice broke and that made me look away from him because tears started forming in his eyes and i cant look at him. "i looked and waited for you Blair"
"hindi ko naman sinabi na intayin mo ako at hanapin in the first place"
"are you fucking kidding me?!" he hissed and his voice made me flinch, i bite the sides of my cheeks as i stare at the floor while regretting everything i said. "tangina ano wala ka ba talagang puso?!"
This is the reason why i dont want to be emotionally involve to anyone, i dont want attachment because of this. Im hurting and i dont know how to stop and when to start, i hate this kind of scene but i always find myself in this kind of situation, its like my life is a fucking movie and the director loves watching me suffer.
"sino Ama ng bata?"
ikaw.
"pake mo?" i said coldly and when i look at him he ruffled his hair in frustration and then after a few seconds he grab my wrist and drag me to the parking lot, he stops then faces me again. We're the only one in here and the sky is gloomy.
"si Dwight ba?"
"ang alin?" i asked and raise my brows at him, i cant believe im still acting like a stuck up bitch when deep down my heart is whining.
"si Dwight ba ang Ama ng anak mo?!"
I want to shout at him that he's the Father of my kid but im still not ready and i dont even know how to tell him, its not easy to say 'oi, tatay ka ng anak ko surprise haha' that's not fucking easy and i dont even want to tell him that Karina is his, what if he takes her away from me? i will die in sadness, i cant afford for that to happen.
"pano kung oo anong gagawin mo?" i said and he steps back still staring at me, he looks conflicted. Dwight and Kobe are really good friends and i hate the fact that im destroying their friendship because of my selfishness.
"i will kill him"
"and why would you do that? you cant even curse at your friends because you care and love them" i said and he groans and closes his eyes.
"bakit si Dwight pa? ang dami dami dyan Blair bakit yung kaibigan ko pa? talaga bang sinasaktan mo ako kase kung oo panalo kana kase una palang nasasaktan na ako"
"bakit ka nasasaktan? tayo ba?" i asked and i know after telling him that i crossed the line, tears starts pouring down his face and as much as i want to hug him i couldn't, i already damaged him enough.
"may label man o wala basta may feelings na nakataya masakit pa din"
"i told you, i cant afford to invest feelings to anyone" i told him and he scoffs.
"kung ganon bakit kayo may anak ni Dwight?"
"hindi ko sinabing si Dwight ang Ama ng anak ko" i said calmly and he groans then grabs my shoulder, he pulled me closer to him and i just watch him with no emotion.
"kung hindi si Dwight, sino?!"
tangina ikaw nga!
"its none of your business Mr.Paras" i said and i push him off me, i fixed my shirt because it was wrinkled because of his grip.
"i cant believe this, after everything we went through and it all ends here, i cant believe im in love to someone so cold, you obviously dont give a fuck about me and i can see that its crystal fucking clear" he said in a low scary voice, i just look at him while biting my tongue. "everything is just casual and that's what you believe in right? you say rubbish things like you dont want to fall in love when the truth is you just want someone to prove you wrong"
fuck.
im so sorry Kobe.
"i tried to prove you that im worthy of your love by looking for you for the past years, hindi ako tumigil sa kakasubok Blair funny because the moment i stop looking for you that's when you showed up" he said and he shakes his head then wipes his cheeks. "fate got me fucked and im done"
"what do you mean?"
"im done chasing you and waiting for you to love me back, im done playing this sick game with fate because im so fucking tired and i just want to rest, physically and mentally" Kobe said and i just notice now that he looks tired and sad. "ayoko na Blair, muka naman wala ka talagang balak na mahalin ako kaya ayoko na, titigil ko na tong katangahan ko and im finally letting this feeling go"
"if that's what you want"
"no Blair, this is what you want" he said firmly and he walks closer to me and stops in front of me. "i fucking loved you but you fucking didn't, you are cruel and heartless"
wala pa bang mas sasakit don tangina.
ang gago mo Blair.
"i wish you a good fucking life with your daughter and i hope she wont end up like her heartless Mother because she is a kid that is full of love and happiness, i hope no one will hurt and break her like how they broke you, you didn't deserve what happened to you and i feel sorry for you because that pain from your past got the best of you today"
"you dont know my pain" i said as tears escaped my eyes.
"but i do" he said and he smiles softly then looks away. "i suffered just like you, i had family issues too before but i didn't let that destroy me, i chose to forgive but i never forget. I chose love over hate and you had your choice too but you chose to hide in that closet of yours"
i hate how he's always right.
"this is the last time that you will be seeing me because from now on i dont give a fuck about you anymore and i will fucking move on with my life and be happy, i will marry the girl that will give me the love that i deserve and we will have a beautiful fucking family" he said and every word stung and i deserve this pain. "have a good life Blair Diaz, thank you for everything"
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Blair tama na yan"
"leave me alone Gia" i hissed as i grab the bottle back and chugged it as if my life depends on it, we're here somewhere in Katipunan and im drinking this pain away, i already finished a bottle of vodka but the pain is still here that's why i ordered another one.
After he said that he left and i cried there for an hour, i called Gianna and she picked me up and we ended up here. I told her everything and she just listened with a disapproval look, i know i fucked up and i did that intentionally because im not ready for anything, i dont even know what to do anymore
.
"i fucking hate myself, im such a fucking bitch"
"tama na Blair please? baka hinahanap kana ng anak mo kaya tara na" she said and i glared at her when she grab the bottle again, i slap her hand and he sighs. "ano ba? pwede bang tulungan mo sarili mo? napapagod din ako Blair!"
i know this day will come.
"ganun ba? pasensya kana ha dahil ang fuck up ng kaibigan mo, wag ka mag alala hindi na kita gugulihin kaya pwede kanang umuwi"
"im not leaving you here" she said and i raise my brows at her.
"iwan mo na ako dahil simula ngayon hinndi na tayo nag kaibigan"
what the fuck?!
im pushing everyone away from me!
"tangina mo Blair hindi mo ako mapapalayas at hindi din ako papayag saka tigilan mo ako sa 'breakup' shit mo dahil dedma ako dyan" she said as she smack my head, i chuckle while crying. This is why i love Gianna.
"tangina mo" i said and we stared at each other for a good minute then we burst into laughter, we're weird and we're fucked. "he is gone Gia, pagod na din siya sakin at hindi na mag kaka-Daddy si Karina"
"ikaw naman kase, you had the chance to tell him na pero you chose not to at inaway mo pa siya"
"i freaked out kaya!" i defended myself and she just rolled her eyes at me, obviously not believing my excuse.
"are you okay na ba?" she asked and i look away.
no.
"oo Gia"
"tara na iuuwi na kita" she said and i pouted. "ay! kaya mo ba mag drive? may dala kang kotse tapos nay dala din ako"
"oo kaya ko" i said and she narrowed her eyes at me. "gago hindi ako papakamatay, kawawa naman anak ko pag nawala ako" i said and she just nodded, we went out and i finally gor inside the rental car. I started driving while my head started remembering every word Kobe told me.
I started crying hysterically and i had to make a stop because i dont want to die, not now. I lean on the steering wheel while i cry my eyes and hear out everything hurts and this pain will be the death of me. When im finally calm i just stare at the road in front of me while listening to soft sound of the radio.
Oh, it's new
The shape of your body, it's blue
The feeling I've got
And it's ooh, whoa oh
It's a cruel summer
It's cool
That's what I tell 'em, no rules
In breakable Heaven but
Ooh, whoa oh
It's a cruel summer
With you
I fucking hate this song, i glared at the radio but the thing is i didn't switch it off and i even finished the song, i hate how accurate Taylor Swift's song are its like the song was made for me and its like she knew my struggles and she made this song just to spite me but unfortunately im being delusional again.
I finally got to Gianna's house, she still lives with the GDL's since they're family and her parents are currently in Barcelona, im staying here for awhile because i dont want to see Ramona tonight im still pissed at her. I find them hanging at the garden and they are drinking.
"Blair join us!" Joe said, he was the first one to acknowledge my presence.
"tara na Blair, diro ka mag paka-basag" Gianna said and i rolled my eyes and walk closer to them. "katabi ni Mara si Karina and they are already sleeping"
"thank you" i said and took a seat next to Juan, he smiled at me and handed me a shot and i gladly took it.
"Gianna told us what happened" Javi said and i just nod my head. "Koko is actually going here"
"bakit?" i asked.
"he left his charger here, he wont take long naman kukunin lang niya at uuwi na din siya agad" Joe said and i sigh in relief, i cant face him now and i wont face him again.
"so....wala ka na talagang balak na sabihin sakanya ang totoo?" Juan said and i pursed my lips as i stare at the night sky.
"wala na" i said and they all scoff. "kahit sabihin ko na anak niya si Karina hindi yon maniniwala at hindi din yon babalik sakin dahil pagod na siya"
"pano mo naman nasabe? malay mo sinabi lang niya yun out of anger" Javi said and i rolled my eyes. "he is still the Father of your Daughter Blair"
"there is no way im telling Kobe that, not now not ever" i said and i close my eyes as i let myself relax.
"tell me what?"
i jump on my seat and look at the person who spoke and there he is, standing gloriously with a cold look on his face, he slowly walk towards me and then he stop two steps away from me, still looking cold as fuck.
"tell me what Blair?"
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sorry for not updating yesterday tinapos ko yung Girl From Nowhere sa Netflix :(
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