Chapter 52-Now or never
Song
Crush culture
By; Conan gray
Maddi's pov-
Waves splash over my toes. My feet dig into the white sand. The smell of salt water engulfs me as I take another step into the water. My bright red bikini contrasted with the bright blue water. My surf board was held tight under my arm. The clouds are a blend of pink orange and purple. I take a deep breath before walking fully into the water.
The beach was semi crowded. People were walking down the beach or tanning but no one was in the water. Which meant I had the whole area to surf. I paddled out and caught my first wave. I rode the wave out before catching another one.
After the sun sets a little more I decide to get out. I paddle to shore and get out. I lay my board on the sand and grab my beach towel I threw down earlier. The towel soaks up some of the water from my hair. My hair is wavy over my shoulders. I throw the towel over my shoulder and pick up my board.
While I walk down the beach to the van I hear a familiar laugh. I whip my head around to see JJ with another girl. I roll my eyes and try to ignore it. Like I always do. But I can't take my eyes off of them. When he touches her my stomach churns. When he smiles at her it makes me sick. And when he kisses her it breaks my heart.
JJ looks over his shoulder and spots me. I flip my head back around and walk down the beach. As I finish the walk to my van I can't get the image of him and her out of my head. It tears me apart from the inside out.
I don't think I can do this anymore
Once I get home I lay my board in the little shack we store them in. Topper is laying on the couch when I get inside. I plop down next to him. He senses my energy and wraps an arm around me.
"What on your mind" he questions. I sigh before leaning into him.
"This whole friends with benefits thing"
"I thought you were okay with it?"
"I was for a while but it sucks seeing him with other girls. Like really sucks" I groan. He nods understanding .
"Why do you keep doing it then?" His question stings in my ears. Why?
"I- I don't know. I love him and I just want us to be back to us again. You know?" I look up at him.
"I know" Topper pauses "but you don't deserve this. Yeah you might've broken up with him but you were hurt. And now this is hurting you"
"Yeah" I whisper. "So what should I do?"
"I say give him an ultimatum. Tell him how much this is hurting you and you can't do it anymore. And if he's smart he'll choose you" he rants. I nod my head along with his statement.
That's exactly what I'm going to do. It's killing me to see JJ with another girl. To see him kissing and laughing with someone else. And I get that I hurt him when I ended it but now I'm hurting. I feel like I'm being dragged alone. Like I'm the only person who cares. I stand up quickly and grab the keys.
"Woah! You're doing that now?!" Topper exclaims.
"Now or never Top" I smile and give him the salute.
As I drive down the road the moon reflects off of the hood of the van. I let the wind flow through my hair to calm my nerves. My fingers tap on the steering wheel to the beat of the music playin on the radio. As I turn to pull down the dirt road that leads to JJ's house my nerve double.
The headlights turn off as I take the keys out of the ignition. I have no idea if JJ's dads home so I send him a quick text to meet me outside. He text back that's he's coming so I step out of the car. My back leans against the door of the car. JJ walks out of his house moments later.
My breath hitches in my throat when I see him. I can do this. He walks up to me with a smirk. I swallow the lump in my throat before pushing myself of of the car.
"Hey" JJ says as he approaches me.
"Hi" I say sheepishly. He leans in for a kiss but I duck back.
"What's up?!" His voice full of question and concern.
"I can't" I pause taking a deep breath pushing all my nerves away. I can do this. I try to convince myself. I think of every time I see him with a different girl and how much it hurts. How much my heart breaks every time I wake up and he's not there. It gives me the push I need.
"I cant do this anymore" I say motioning between us. His smile immediately drops. Confusion takes over his face.
"What- what do you mean?" He stutters over his words.
"This. This friends with benefits thing. I can't" I groan.
"But it was going good" JJ scoffs.
"Good?! It might've been going good for you but for me JJ. It sucks for me!" My arms move around to express my feelings.
"I thought we were doing good. Everything was fine!" JJ exclaims in frustration.
"No not f*cking good JJ. Do you know how much it kills me to see you with other girls. Or how much my heart aches every time I wake up and you aren't there. It's killing me to do this JJ. Killing me." I proclaim. He stands there speechless.
"So I can't. I can't do this. It's either we go all in or we end it. I can't do this half way thing. Not anymore" I explain
"I'm not ready for that!" He shouts.
"Then I guess I have my answer" I say quietly. I turn back to go back to the van.
"Maddi wait" JJ pleads. I turn back around.
"No I can't keep doing this! I can't be the only one fighting for us! I can't!" And with that I got in the van and left. Few tears escaped my eyes but I quickly dried them. I drive back to the chateau. When I stumble through the door Topper was in the kitchen.
"Maddi? That you?" He shouts Fromm the kitchen. "I'm making a sandwich! Want one?" I silently walk into the kitchen. He turns around with a butter knife in one hand and the loaf of bread in the other. When he sees me he immediately sets it down and walks closer.
"Maddi?" He whispers.
"We're over" I sniffle.
"Oh mads I'm sorry" he moves and Wraps both arms around me. I wrap my arms back around his waist letting tears escape my eyes.
"Why am I not good enough" I sob out "why doesn't he love me?" I cry into his chest. Topper rubs his hand up and down my back letting out small shhh noises.
"Hey. You are good enough. You are the best person I know" he tries to calm me. We pull apart he places both hands on my face. "I promise you are good enough Maddi. And he's stupid if he doesn't see that"
I nod my head before giving him a hug. " I love you top"
"I love you too mads"
Here's another chapter since I have like 7 ore written chapter. I only have like 2 more chapters to write and I'm so sad😭