Nothing Gold Can Stay
RoseByAnyOtherName
(badxwolfxrising)
It was surprising how busy life inside a computer could be.
River had no shortage of things to do before the children got home from school. She’d already done two loads of wash and proper Dave that morning, after clearing the breakfast dishes. There’d been chocolate chip pancakes, and she suspected she still had Dave’s chocolate fingerprints in naughty places. She was out in the garden now, trimming the rose bushes. No matter how often she pruned, they always seemed to run wild with riotous blooms. The seasons here were strange sometimes. It seemed like it had been spring forever. Maybe it had.
She felt a curious prickling sensation on the back of her neck, and all her hair stood on edge. She was quite certain she was being watched. She turned her head quickly, and scanned the trees at the back of the garden, but saw nothing. Wind whispered through the trees, and she swore she heard him whispering her name along with it.
Riiiiiiiiiiiverrrrrrrrrrrrr...........
But of course that was just wishful thinking, purely her imagination playing tricks on her. Becoming a data copy had done nothing to dull the sensations of loss and longing she still felt whenever she thought of the Doctor. She’d be lying if she claimed she didn’t sometimes let her mind wander to him, even when Dave was on top of and inside of her. The one time she had locked herself in the bathroom and wept furiously afterwards. He hadn’t understood, and she had felt bad, but he had forgiven her. He was a good enough man, and that made her feel even worse about it.
She still wanted something else. Life inside the computer became repetitive and boring, despite her best efforts to keep it interesting. Of course though she did have an endless supply of books, and there were always new worlds to escape into in that respect. Still, what happened on paper could never compare to her own memories of running through all of time and space. Still, it was better than nothing. And so long as she had her imagination and memories, she would never be bored and she would never be alone.
It started to rain then. Just tiny drops at first, but they quickly turned to big splotches of rain. Rain did frightful things to her hair. She hurried back across the garden, but was soaked to the bone before she could make it up the steps and back into the house.
In the kitchen, she stripped out of her wet clothes and put them directly into the washer. Her arms broke out into gooseflesh and her nipples puckered into stiff peaks with the cold. She hurried upstairs to the master bathroom and turned the shower on hot as it would go. While she waited for the water to heat up she combed her hair. She leaned over the sink and sighed, hating herself for feeling so empty when she was still so lucky to be here. When she looked back up he was standing behind her in the mirror. She gasped and turned to face him.
“Hello, River,” he whispered.
“My God, it is you,” she said, her voice faltering. Not believing her eyes she reached out to touch him, and felt the thin material of his suit rough against her fingers. When she spread her palm against his chest, she could feel the duel beat of his hearts humming beneath. “How?”
“Wasn’t hard, actually. Can’t believe I didn’t think of it sooner. I parked the TARDIS in the planet’s orbit and used the sonic to call up the data core. Using the power of the TARDIS I was able to beam a signal between this computer and my own. Well, not quite a signal. Myself, rather, or at least a digital representation thereof.”
“So you’re not real, then?”
“Well you tell me. Does this feel real enough?” he asked, pushing her up against the wall and kissing her with full force. Even with the cool marble against her back, she suddenly felt quite warm. Her fingers found their way quickly to the buttons of his trousers, and she deftly slipped them through their loops before shoving the offending garment over his hips. She went to undo his tie, but he hastily brushed her hands away and quickly did it himself. He let the tie fall to the ground before sliding his jacket off his shoulders and unbuttoning his shirt. All this he did in complete silence while she watched, the only sound the pitter patter of the rain against the windows and the water against the bathtub.
Completely nude, the two of them stood there in quiet contemplation, each appraising the other. ‘It’s been too long,” she said softly.
“Yes,” he simply agreed. He stroked her cheek with the ball of his thumb, let his fingers tangle in her hair before tracing the shell of her ear with one finger that he then let skate lightly over the back of her neck. It wasn’t cool in the bathroom anymore, but her skin prickled with goosflesh again and her nipples were so hard they ached. With a knowing smirk, he flicked one lightly, delighting in the expression she made when he did. He pulled back the shower curtain and ushered her into the warm, wet steam.
Underneath the flow of the water they kissed like two hormone-saturated teenagers, their hands slipping clumsily across each other’s naked anatomies with all the urgency of starving men at a sumptuous feast. He nestled into the soft spot between her neck and her shoulder, nipping there playfully while she moaned low in the back of her throat. One hand cupped her breast, fingers lazily massaging the nipple, while the other stroked skillfully at the damp apex of her thighs. She was sighing and trembling against him, eyes closed, nearly on the verge when he stopped and pulled back from her.
She blinked once before slapping him, maybe a bit hard. “Is that how you do then? Get a lady all worked up, for naught?”
He raised his eyebrows and smiled back at her suggestively. If his cheek stung at all, he didn’t let on. “I find that delaying the finish makes the finale that much more grand, wouldn’t you agree?”
“Oooo I hate you sometimes!” she exclaimed.
“I know!” he replied, gathering her back into his arms and fluttering her collarbones with a dozen burning kisses. He grabbed her beneath the bum and hitched her up against him. She wrapped her legs around his waist for purchase, surprised at his strength. He carried her out of the shower, pausing only to shut off the water before throwing her down unceremoniously on the bed. He stood over her for a moment, observing her nude form wolfishly. His eyes were sparkling in a way she’d never seen before. Fire and ice, it was all there inside him.
And then it was all there inside of her.
He was not a gentle lover, but she wouldn’t have accepted tenderness from him then anyway. She was filled with the fire of Gallifrey’s twin burning suns, her head filled with the sound of his twin hearts beating in rapid succession as he thrust inside of her. She could feel his mind, first brushing against her own and then enfolding it in light and warmth. They climaxed together and she could feel and see stars bursting in her mind. He collapsed against her, panting, before rolling to the side. He reached across the bed for her hand, lacing his fingers through her own. For a while they laid there together, staring at the ceiling and listening to the rain fall.
“The children will be home soon,” she remarked quietly a few minutes later.
“It doesn’t matter, I can’t stay for much longer. The TARDIS can only sustain the signal for short periods of time,” he replied. She couldn’t tell if it was relief or regret in his voice when he said this.
“Why did you come in the first place? Why, after all this time? I waited, you know. I kept thinking for sure you would come back, at least to say a proper goodbye. Instead, you left me like a book on a shelf. Why, Doctor? Why now?” she said, biting her lip to stop the tears that threatened to come.
“I wanted to come. Really, for the longest time, thought about all the ways it might be possible. I had so many questions for you. I couldn’t very well come back here with Donna, that wouldn’t have been right. And then I lost her. I’ve been on my own, running. From what or toward what, I don’t know. But you do, don’t you River? You know what’s in my future because it’s in your past.”
“You know I can’t tell you. Sp...”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. Spoilers. Fine. If that’s the way it has to be, that’s the way it has to be. But I had to come back. How could I not? You’re my...” he said, his voice swallowed by a boom of thunder. He cupped her chin in his hand and stared at her for a long moment. He didn’t speak. He didn’t have to. He leaned forward and kissed her then, gently. That was enough to push her over the edge. A few stray tears slipped their way down her cheek, and she buried her face in his shoulder before he could see them. River Song didn’t cry.
A few minutes later he got up and retrieved his clothes from the bathroom. She watched him dress from the bed. He was fussy and methodical, especially when it came to his tie. The last thing he did was the laces of his shoes before coming to stand over her. She looked back up at him, and mustered a smile.
He told her he loved her. In Gallifreyan. She whispered the words back to him. He squeezed her hand for just a moment before turning his back and heading towards the bedroom door.
“Doctor?” she called out to him. He turned to face her. “Will I see you again?”
He just smiled and ducked out the door. She listened to his footsteps grow quiet as he walked down the hall, disappearing before they reached the stairs. He was gone.
She woke up later when the front door slammed shut. The children were home. Vaguely, she wondered if she had dreamed the whole encounter. She must have, she decided. She had wanted it so badly. She slipped her bathrobe on and went downstairs to greet the children.
“Hello, my loves!” she called as she came down the stairs.
“Mummy!” the three of them shrieked, rushing at her as though it had been weeks and not mere hours since she’d seen them last. But then if anyone could understand that feeling, it was her. She hugged the youngest, the boy, against her. In the mirror behind her she caught a glimpse of her bare, exposed neck. The bite mark there certainly looked real enough.