Izzy's POV
After the outburst at lunch, I went back to my room. I hadn't actually gotten the time to think about another girl going down on him already, but when it hit me, it hit me hard. I threw my backpack on the floor and stood in the middle of my room, just staring off into space as a couple tears fell. I didn't want to cry over him anymore, but the thought of him hooking up with another girl so soon had me wrecked.
This was the worst we'd ever been, literally at each other's throats. I didn't want to act this way, but he wasn't giving me much of a choice. He had a way of bringing out the worst in me. And yeah, maybe I shouldn't have said anything about him shoving me into a wall, but he had it coming. It seemed somewhat counterintuitive to put his aggression out on display right after I called him out for it, but he made his bed and now he had to lay in it.
After a couple hours of listening to screamo and lying in bed, a knock on the door caught my attention. I heard Michael's voice behind it asking to let him in, so I jumped out of bed and opened the door for him. When I saw the console in his hands, I nearly pounced on him. I stepped to the side so he could come in and set it up, and he even brought a second controller for himself.
"Fortnite's already on it if you wanna play splitscreen." He turned to me and handed me a controller, taking a seat next to me on my bed. The TV I had was tiny, so he even moved it from its place on my dresser to the swivel chair so it was right in front of us.
We played for at least two hours, only winning once but still having a good time. It was nice to be able to do this in my room for once, instead of crowding into his and Ashton's. I was good at Fortnite, but I never had it at my disposal so now I could get even better. I was just glad I had something to do in this room other than listen to music and stare at shit.
By the time it was almost midnight, Mike was getting ready to go back to his room. We were finally getting back to being close, and he never brought up the night at the hotel again. I think he knew better than to add that onto the pile of shit I had on my plate already. I walked him to the door, him stopping in the hall as we finished our conversation. I stayed in the doorway, smiling at him while he re-tied his shoe.
"I'll come by tomorrow night, we can play again." He told me, standing back up after finishing.
"Okay, just let me know when you get out of class." I told him, watching as his head snapped to the left. I furrowed my eyebrows at him while he looked at whatever it was dumbfounded.
"You've got to be kidding me." He mumbled.
"Hi Mike." Callie said awkwardly, right as I stepped into the hall. She took one look at me and her whole attitude changed. She was mousy up until now, when she walked right up to me all bold and confident. "You know, maybe if you didn't cheat on him with Mike, he wouldn't have pushed you into a wall."
I raised my eyebrows, looking at Michael amused. She thought she was tough shit, coming up to me like that. I don't think she realized how stupid she looked. Mike just laughed at her, making her face drop the slightest bit. You could tell she wasn't built for confrontation, and her hard façade was cracking with every second that passed.
"And you're the dumb bitch that still fucked him after you saw him come after me." Her face dropped even further, but she had one last dig left in her.
"I still got further than you did. It's too bad he's not into the whole virgin thing." With that, she just pranced away like she had won. I'd be lying if I said it didn't get to me, but I didn't let it show. I just let her walk away.
"Izz." Mike broke me away from where I stared into space. I looked up to see him giving me a sympathetic look. "Don't let it get to you." He pulled me into a hug, and I went limp in his hold. When he pulled away I gave him a weak smile, saying bye as he walked away reluctantly.
I stood in my door way for a minute, thinking about the fact that Callie knew so many details about Luke and I's fling. He was airing my dirty laundry out to her on the first day, and that pissed me off more than anything. I tried to talk myself out of knocking on his door, but my feet were carrying me there regardless.
I started off by knocking a couple times, but when he asked who it was through the door, I just spammed it. I didn't want him to know it was me, just in case he wouldn't answer. Instead, I just pissed him off until he finally swung the it open.
"Oh my god." He mumbled, me pushing my way in before he could stop me.
"Is there anything else you told her? You just met this bitch today, but you think it's okay to just share my personal shit with her?" I stopped in the middle of his room, turning back to see him closing the door.
"You told everyone I abused you! Why wouldn't I give the context?!" He raised his voice above mine, taking a few steps closer to me.
"Half the time there was no context! You did it even when I didn't do anything!" I shouted back. He wasn't about to come out of this unscathed.
"So, what now, Izz? You're playing the battered woman card?!" He stopped walking toward me, but he was looking at me like I was crazy.
"I don't care, Luke! I don't care about any of that! I just want to know why you told her the reason we didn't sleep together!" When I said it, he threw his head back and rubbed his face. It was like I was some nuisance to him by asking a question I had every right to know the answer to.
"Because you get under my skin like no one I've ever fucking met!" His voice bellowed through small room. I had a feeling it was strictly spite that made him confess all these things to her, but he was taking it too far.
"I'm trying to move on here! And you're making it so fucking hard! I want to forget about everything and you just shove it right in my face! Just leave me out of it!" I finished yelling and went for the door, not wanting this shouting match to continue. I grabbed the door handle and pulled, but he put his hand on it so it slammed shut again.
"I'm the one moving on. You keep making it about you." He quieted down, but his voice was still laced with anger.
"And is it just a coincidence that you're moving on with a girl that's in the classes we have together?" I said sarcastically, knowing the answer already.
"You're fucking crazy." He chuckled, pulling his hand away from the door. I didn't walk out yet, though, I still had a few things I wanted to say to that.
"And you're putting me through hell, for what?!" I snapped. He turned back to face me again, an unreadable expression on his face.
"Because I need to hate you." He told me, jaw tense and fists clenched.
"And you say I'm the crazy one." I shook my head at him, not even knowing what to make of that comment. I went to open the door again, but he pushed me into it and pinned my chest against it.
"You haven't seen crazy." I felt a jolt of panic after he whispered in my ear, and I dropped to the floor, on my knees and out of his grip.
He took a step back to give me room while I caught the breath that I didn't even realize I needed. I looked around the room, trying to ground myself instead of getting sucked into a PTSD spiral. That was exactly the way Jaime pinned me to the door, and I tried to stop the shakiness in my legs so I could actually stand again.
"I'm sorry, I... I'm sorry." I stuttered quietly, getting to my feet and using the door to help me stand. I slipped out of the room and left the door open as I walked as fast as I could the whole 5-foot distance to my room.
"Izzy!" Luke called out after me, but he didn't leave his doorway. I looked to him one last time as I opened my door, seeing the guilt all over his face.
I locked the door behind me and dropped to the floor. I was spiraling and I needed my meds before it got worse. I jumped up and ran to my nightstand, pulling the pill bottle out with shaky hands. Once I downed a small handful of them, I sat on my floor with my back against my bed. Luke had triggered me before, but this time it hit harder.
I sat there rocking myself back and forth, begging my mind to stop drifting back to the feeling of being pinned against that door. It was haunting me like a nightmare you couldn't shake, and I was regretting my decision to just get over it. I should have talked to someone about what happened, and maybe I wouldn't be sitting in a ball on the floor right now.
"Izzy, are you okay?" I heard Luke knocking from the hall, but it only made it worse. "Open the door." I fell over on my side, not able to move other than that. I couldn't even get words out, I just sat there with my body jolting forcefully every time I felt Jaime's hands on me.
"Izzy!" Luke shouted, pulling on the door handle and knocking more aggressively. "Please let me in." He begged, sounding like he was on the verge of tears.
All I could manage to do was pull my key card out of my pocket and hope and pray I didn't miss. I flung it across the floor, letting it slide across the tile and thankfully right under the door. I didn't know how I finessed it that perfectly, but I was just relieved that someone was coming to help me. I heard the door unlock, and soon enough Luke was running over to me.
"I'm so sorry, what can I do?" He asked frantically, not wanting to touch me as I laid there thrashing around, head in my hands and knees to my chest. I just wanted it to stop, but the jolting just kept getting worse as my mind got further into the spiral.
"Make it stop!" I screamed, my whole body shaking uncontrollably. I wasn't even crying, I was just shutting down.
"Izzy, please. I'm so sorry, it's gonna be okay." I could hear how scared he was in his voice.
He laid down in front of me, pulling me into him and letting me thrash in his arms until it stopped. He just kept telling me it was going to be okay, and as the minutes went by I felt my body regaining control. Once the crippling anxiety started to dissipate, I felt tears finally coming out. I wasn't even sobbing, it was just my body letting them out after not being able to. Luke rolled onto his back when he felt the jolting stop, and he pulled me up to lay on his chest.
He rubbed my head as I laid there crying silently. I grabbed his tee in my fist, just wanting to ground myself with some sort of security. I felt the meds kicking in, but I didn't even count how many I took. There were at least 8 pills in my hand and that was more than I had ever taken all at once before. I rolled off of Luke and got to my knees, but I fell against my bed as I struggled to use my muscles.
"What's wrong?" Luke kneeled next to me and supported me so I wouldn't fall.
"I just need to get up." I said, pulling myself up to stand. The second I got to my feet everything started to get blurry, and I tried squinting my eyes to make it go away.
"Izzy." He held onto me to keep me from falling over, still not knowing what was happening now. I saw the outline of him picking up the open pill bottle on the nightstand. "What did you do?" He lifted my face to look at him, but there were three of him looking back at me.
"I just wanted it to go away." I sounded like an empty shell, barely even coherent enough to know what he was talking about.
"How much did you take?" He asked sternly, watching me try to answer as I looked between his three faces.
"Like 8, I don't know." I managed to tell him. He sat me down on the bed, where I grabbed onto the mattress so I wouldn't fall forward. I could barely see him take his phone out, but he picked up the bottle and typed something as I sat there getting dizzy.
"You need more than that to overdose." He said, but I didn't really hear him. I heard him, but I forgot what he said right after. I let myself fall back on the bed, finally getting most of the dizziness to go away. "Izz, are you okay?" He leaned over me and pushed my hair out of my face.
When I just shook my head, he pulled me up so he could get me in his arms. I let him man handle me however he wanted, knowing damn well that I could barely move by myself. I felt my head hit my pillow and then the blanket, followed by the bed dipping down next to me. My eyes just got heavier and heavier, and when Luke pulled me into his side and my head hit his chest, everything went black.