Izzy's POV
I found the bathroom immediately, locking the door behind me so I could have a minute of peace. My head was pounding and my heart was racing, and I watched myself in the mirror with disgust. I was a mess, and Luke had left hickeys on my boobs which I tried to cover by repositioned the cut in my sweater. I tried to put my messy hair into a ponytail, only failing when tears started falling uncontrollably.
He knew what he was doing, and I let it happen. My hands were shaking as I wiped away the tears with a piece of toilet paper, not wanting my makeup to run. He didn't try to sleep with me, though, and I knew it was because he thought he could come back again at his own convenience. I was like a toy to him, and he disregarded me until he wanted to play again. But I just let it happen.
I needed to get a grip, so I wiped the last few tears away and made sure I was put together. I walked out of the bathroom and went to find everyone downstairs. Sophie spotted me and stumbled over, grabbing my hands to pull me back with her to the group. She made me a drink and handed it to me, motioning for me to drink up.
"Where have you been?" Michael asked curiously.
"Luke gave me more coke." I said under my breath, taking a sip of my drink as I spoke.
"Well I found more molly if you want it." Sophie said, smiling widely at me. I didn't want it anymore, though. I just wanted to drink and forget about what Luke and I just did.
"I'm just going to drink, actually." I told her, watching her face drop slightly.
"Okay, I'll drink with you then." She said, rubbing my arm lightly before grabbing two shot glasses and filling them with some kind of rum. She slid one over to me and we tapped them on the table before knocking them back.
I was already drunk, but soon I could barely even walk. My mind was clear for the first time tonight, and I danced with Sophie without a care in the world. She turned around when Ashton wrapped his arms around her from behind, making me laugh at how adorable they were together.
I felt two hands grab my hips, pulling me back until I hit this person's chest. I tried to unlatch their hands from me without being completely rude, knowing that this guy didn't know any better. It was only when Ashton turned around and saw me squirming that I heard who it was.
"Casey, get off of her." He ran over to us, grabbing my arms and pulling me out of Casey's grip. I hugged Ashton and turned to see Casey glaring at him. This was the last thing I needed right now, and I was praying that he'd leave us alone and bow out gracefully.
"Back off!" Ashton shouted, giving him a stern look. Sophie grabbed my hand and pulled me away from them, letting Ashton take care of it. She didn't have to be filled in, she knew by our reaction that that was the guy who gave me the bruise weeks before.
"I need air, Soph." I told her as she pulled me through the crowd. The sea of college kids was suffocating me and I just needed to breath. When she opened the back door and I felt the cold air, I let go of her hand and fell back against the outside of the house. I lowered myself, sitting with my knees to my chest as I tried to calm my breathing.
"Izz, it's fine! Ash won't let him near you again!" She said, rushing over to me to kneel in front of me. She grabbed my face so I'd look at her, and I didn't know I was crying until she started wiping the tears with her sleeve.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm fine, don't worry." I rushed, taking over in drying my face.
She sat down right in front of me, putting her hands on my knees as I got myself together. We stayed there for a few minutes, letting the cold air refresh us. Once I wasn't hyperventilating anymore, I knew I needed to find Luke and warn him that Casey was here.
"I need to go find Luke." I said, standing up and heading for the house again. I jogged through the house, catching a glimpse of Calum and Michael minding their business on the other side of the living room. Ashton was nowhere to be found, but that only made me panic more.
I left Luke in the room upstairs, so that was the first place I went. I swung the door open, calling his name and immediately landing my eyes on him. He was fucking some girl on one of the couches, and I watched it all in disbelief. After what we just did, he was sleeping with another girl in the same room.
His head shot up, and once he saw me he reached for the blanket on the back of the couch and covered the girl. He quickly grabbed his boxers off the floor, the way he did after we were finished not too long ago.
"What the fuck, Luke?" The girl yelled from the couch, scrambling to cover herself completely. Luke started walking my way, but before he could get to me I had snapped out of the daze. I slammed the door shut and ran down the hall, almost tripping as I turned on the stair case. I heard Luke call after me, but I ignored it.
I just needed to get out of this house. Instead of going to find the guys or Sophie, I just walked out the front door. I pulled my phone out to get an Uber to pick me up, but Luke just kept calling me. When he finally stopped, I ordered the Uber and sat on the front lawn waiting. It was 20 minutes away, so I watched as a car drove by every so often.
"What are you doing out here?" Luke asked, sitting beside me on the grass. I sighed, closing my eyes and wishing he hadn't found me. I didn't answer him, just stayed staring into the empty street. "I'm sorry you had to see that." He said quietly, bringing his hand to his forehead.
"I don't care what you do." I told him, emotionless and cold. I felt the breeze on my arms so I tried to rub them with my hands.
"Please don't act like what we did never happened again." He sounded hurt, looking at his hands as he fiddled with them.
"I wish it didn't happen." I snapped, standing to walk to the edge of the street. I got a text saying the driver was two minutes away, so I stood and waited.
"Bullshit." He said, getting in front of me and giving me a half-smile that I wanted to slap off his face. "You wish I never touched you?" He asked quietly, lifting his hand to my face and taking a step closer. "You wish I never kissed you?" His mouth found my neck, leaving small kisses up to my jaw. My breath hitched at the contact.
I couldn't let him control me like this. He was just in bed with someone less than 30 minutes ago and here he was trying again with me. I couldn't let him have this power over me, and as much as I didn't want him to stop, I pushed him back.
"Please, stop doing this to me." I whispered, looking away from him so I wouldn't cry for the third time tonight.
"Why is it that you females always get attached?" He scoffed, shaking his head at me. When the headlights of my ride shined on us he looked toward the car, then brushed past me and back to the house.
I cried for a while in my room, not being able to fall asleep. Luke was impossible to read and even when I thought I knew, he turned around and surprised me. I was painfully aware that I did get attached, especially after last night. He obviously didn't give a shit, he was just trying to get in my pants. And for some reason, whenever he touched me my common sense went out the window.
I didn't know how I got into this position in the first place, there was just something irresistible about him that couldn't let me stay away. He was the bad boy that every girl dreamt about, but this wasn't how I expected it to be. Every girl wants a bad guy that's only good to her, but Luke's just horrible to everyone. And I wanted him regardless.
I heard him bring a girl back to his dorm every night the next couple of days. I couldn't help but feel like it was to make a point. He was telling me where I stood. I didn't even bother telling Sophie about what happened because I wanted to forget about it. There were no pieces to put together this time, nothing to suggest anything happened. She didn't have a reason to dig.
I barely got through the week, not acting any different than I had last week, or the one before that. It was an unspoken rule that Luke and I just couldn't get along. We went back to ignoring each other, which was arguably harder than wanting to kill each other. It seemed like second nature to him, but it killed me a little every day.
Today was going to be our second attempt at a movie night in the lounge. Since Luke and I haven't argued at all they thought it would be a good time to put us in the same room for multiple hours on end. I guess it made sense, on some ironically twisted level.
I got there 10 minutes late, just to make sure last time wasn't repeated. I sat down between Michael and Sophie, joining in on the game they were starting. When I asked them what it was I was kind of disappointed by 'Truth or Dare'. I put up a fight, saying how immature it was, but I was the only one who had a problem with it apparently. I just didn't want to get dared to do anything stupid, or especially say something I didn't want to say.
"Cal, go first." Michael patted his back. Mike had an app pulled up on his phone that generated random truths and dares. "Truth or dare?"
"Dare, let's start off strong." Calum laughed. I rolled my eyes at how ridiculous this was. We were like a bunch of middle school girls at a slumber party.
"Okay, maybe this is stupid." Michael laughed, not wanting to read out the dare. When we all told him to get it over with, he shook his head. "Take your shirt off."
We all burst into laughter, now knowing how this game was going to go. Calum did what was demanded of him, though. He threw his shirt off and we got back to the game. It honestly turned out to be refreshing to do such a stupid and juvenile activity, it helped me get my mind off of everything.
"Luke, truth or dare?" Michael asked turning to him as he made his decision.
"Truth. I'm not risking having to strip." He laughed, looking at Mike to get his truth.
"Do you currently have a crush on someone?" Michael giggled. I looked up to Luke who was already staring at me.
"Yeah." He said simply, not looking away from me. Everyone shot their head up when they heard his answer, shocked that he could admit to having a crush someone. We were literally in middle school again.
"Who?" Calum questioned, raising his eyebrows at him.
"That wasn't part of the question." He smirked at Calum, knowing he was able to pull a fast one over him. I started breathing again, but I honestly wish I could have heard his answer.
"Whatever, Ash you're up." Michael interrupted, getting on with the game. Ashton and Sophie got easy ones, they both did truth and the answers were obvious. After three truths, Michael told me to pick dare, which was an argument I lost.
"Okay, kiss the person across from you." Michael read, slowing down as he realized what he was saying. Luke and I sat at the ends of the coffee table, so I looked up to see him smirking at me.
"Why did I have to get the worst one?" I protested, not wanting anything to do with this. I knew it was a bad idea. "Can you choose a different one, please?"
"You have to do it." Ashton said, motioning for me to carry on. I watched Luke get up and walk around the table, stopping in front of where I sat.
"Get up." He said, holding his hand out for me to grab.
"Just fucking do it, we're adults here." Calum joked, making me cringe. I didn't take Luke's hand, but I stood up and turned my head to the table.
"Does it have to be like an actual kiss, or can it be just a peck. Because I don-" Luke grabbed my face and pulled me to him, connecting our lips. My whole body relaxed into his touch, melting against him like I always did. When he pulled away I was in a daze, not wanting him to stop. He smirked at me before walking back to his side of the table.
"Okay..." Michael said, dragging out the word. I sat down and felt heat immediately cover my cheeks. I tried to hide it, but Ashton just had to be the one to call me out.
"Aw, she's blushing." He giggled, making me blush even more. Luke had a satisfied expression on his face while he watched me all shaken up.
"Leave her alone." Sophie smacked Ash on his arm light-heartedly.
"Michael just take your turn." I groaned hitting my head on the table in front of me.
By the time it got back around we had given up on the app. It was giving us horrible options so Michael opted for the group to decide the best truths and dares. When It got back to me, I chose truth. I didn't want them to take advantage of the fact that I blushed when Luke kissed me.
"I have one for you that I've been wondering about." Luke said, making me panic. When the group decided to let him choose, I looked at him with pleading eyes.
"What's home for you?" He asked, making my eyebrows raise slightly as I thought about his question. I never told any of them about 'home', so they watched me intently to hear what I had to say.
"I, it's..." I stumbled over my words, not really knowing how to answer the question. "I don't have a home other than this." I said quietly, not going into any more detail.
"What do you mean you don't have a home?" Michael asked, furrowing his brows in confusion.
"I mean, I stay with whatever friend will have me during the summer. And I stay here during breaks." I didn't want to get into it more than that, but they definitely weren't going to let it go until they got the full story.
"Where are your parents?" Sophie asked carefully, treading lightly in case it was a sensitive topic. Which, yeah, it was.
"They kicked me out when I was 16. I couch surfed for a while and graduated high school. I got my license and bought my car so I could have a place to sleep if no one could take me. But I haven't seen them since." I explained, thinking back to how happy we used to be before I turned into a piece of shit.
I wasn't going to sit here and play victim, I started fucking up and doing drugs. Then the whole eating thing happened and shit hit the fan. They just couldn't do it anymore. I didn't blame them for giving up on me, but I guess I was still their child. They didn't have to throw me to the wolves like that.
"You haven't seen them in 4 years?" She asked, confirming what I had just told them.
"They haven't reached out to me." I paused, thinking carefully about how I would put my next statement together. "If you had a druggie daughter who tried to kill herself and kept getting arrested, what would you do?" I asked the rhetorical question, watching as every face in the room dropped.
"And Luke, the first day of class you asked why I sliced myself up. There's your answer." I said with an emotionless face. Everyone else was giving me looks of sympathy and pity. Luke, on the other hand, matched my emotionless expression.
"My parents died when I was 15. I hopped around the system for a while before I ran from the last home. The guy was abusing the girls. That's why I started dealing, so I wouldn't have to go back." He said, his expression unwavering.
We sat there watching each other for a moment, silently acknowledging the personal hells we both went through. I was beginning to think that out of everyone in this room, Luke and I were the only ones who understood each other. We didn't want sympathy, and neither of us gave it to each other.
A/N
I don't know how many of you listen to screamo like me but if you do and you haven't heard Crown the Empire's whole Sudden Sky album please go listen to that shit. Just had this huge urge to share that with someone so don't mind me. Anyway hope you enjoyed this chapter. Dark as shit but if you're anything at all like me you live for darkness lmao