Me: hey Nicole
Nicole : hey sarah, how are you ?
Me: I'm alright, what about you?
Nicole: yeah can't complain...... I heard you and Marshall are back together
Me: yeah we are it's been nearly 2 weeks now.
Nicole: well I'm happy for you.... Just be careful okay
Me: I'm promise I will
Nicole: how's it going between you two? I bet Marshall's spoiling you like crazy
Me: umm.... It's going alright.
Nicole: what's going on sarah ?
Me: I don't know...... I seriously don't know, I think he might be regretting giving us another go ( I sadly mumbled knowing Marshall's acting really strange for some reason)
Nicole: why do you say this?.... He was so depressed when you left.
Me: I know it's just he's been so distant lately. We've been back together for nearly 2 weeks and he's only wanted to hang out twice since than.... Not to mention we haven't had sex since getting back together.
Nicole: ohhh.... That's strange, maybe he wants to take things slow.
Me: taking things slow is waiting a few days.... This is defiantly something else..... He barely kisses me or touches me Anymore Something is seriously wrong
Nicole: yeah that's defiantly strange.... Maybe you should talk to him, tell him how you're feeling...... Marshall is always confusing with his feelings.
Me: yeah maybe you're right. Maybe I should stopping stressing and just grow some confidence and talk to him.
Nicole: don't be so hard on yourself, this isn't your fault.
Me: I guess your right like always.... Sorry for bothering you
Nicole: don't be, it's good to talk to you..... I can't wait to see you again hopefully after Christmas.
Me: yeah me too! Are you going to Royce's New Year's Eve party?
Nicole: I don't know yet still have to work some things out.
Me: ok that's cool.... Just let me know
Nicole: will do
Me: alright well I better let you go, some of the guys have just turned up anyway.
Nicole: okay well I talk to you soon.
Me: sure will..... See ya
Nicole: Bye
With that I hung and lowered my phone from my ear. Right now I'm sitting outside Marshall's studio on top of my bonnet while I'm getting some fresh air.
It's been two weeks since Marshall and I decided to try again and well let's just say it hasn't been that good.... Well I couldn't say it's going awful it's just all very confusing.
Now it's not like we are arguing constantly and haven't let go from what happened, it's more about the fact we have barely spoken to each other nor have we hung out anytime lately. It's been two weeks and within that time we've only hung out about two times and that was just to grab some dinner. Now I understand he's really busy since he's still promoting recovery and is about to release bad meets evil at the start of next year, but it's like he's realized he doesn't want to be with me and the only way he has the courage to end this is to not put in any effort and hope I am the one that ends things.
The more I think about things the more the tears start to appear. I hate how we are like this, I hate not seeing his daughters or not being the way we used to be, I know things are never going to be the same like before but I was really hoping things might actually get better between us, but I guess I was wrong.
I Was staring down at the ground while being swept away with my thoughts but when I looked up I saw Marshall coming out of the studio and walking towards me.
Great! I quickly and slyly tried wiping away my tears not wanting him to see me crying, it doesn't look strong and confident me sitting out here on my car crying over my boy problems.
" hey, I was wondering where you got to" he said as he got closer towards me. Luckily I hadn't been crying that much and I was able to wipe the tears and regain my composure before he got to close.
" yeah I just needed some fresh air" I smiled even though it was fake and making up some dumb excuse about getting some air. But as much as I smiled I saw the worry come over him when he looked into my eyes.
" have you been crying?" He asked like always seeing right through my fake smile and noticing me trying to cover up my true feelings. Even though we've hardly been talking he still knows how to read me like a book.
" nah I think it's just the wind" I said making up some bullshit lie, but seeing the weather is absolutely horrible today I guess he believes my lie as he doesn't say anything else about it and instead comes and stands next to me leaning causally on my car.
" how are you today?" He asked after looking at me for a few seconds. This is what I mean about us being weird towards each other, usually he would hold me or at least give me a morning kiss but today once again there is nothing, no physical contact.
" I'm alright, what about you?" I asked him but already seeing the exhaustion in his face. Maybe the reason he's not being his usual romantic and affectionate self is all because he's just to busy and tired over this work he has to complete before the end of the year.
" I've been really busy this last week, but I'm excited to finally have a few weeks off" he replied, happiness coming over him as he talks about the break his having till the end of the year, but as much as he talks about resting and not working we all know that's only going to last a week or so before he starts getting into the studio and working on some songs, the only good things about that is least I know he doesn't have to do it and he's doesn't have all this stress on his shoulders to have things completed etc.
" oh that's sucks, anything I can help you with? " I asked looking down at the ground just hoping he says yes, it's not like I want to do work i just want to spend time alone with him even it's here in the studio, the few times we've hung out have been good with us talking and catching up with things, it's just the whole affectionate, and touching part that's got me worried. Maybe since flirting with that girl he's realized how much better he can do, because we all know I'm not some 25 yr old model or something.
I have to stop thinking about these things, because once again I've gotten caught up in my own little world and totally stopped listening to Marshall, I didn't even hear he's answer to my question.
" sarah??... Sarah?" I heard Marshall repeating my name as he stands there looking concerned about me trying to get my attention since he can tell I've drifted off.
" oh sorry.... What were you saying again?" I apologized hoping he doesn't get offended and think I'm not into him or not interested in what he's saying.
" I was just thanking you for your offer but I I'm finished all the hard work today anyway" he replied slowly, glaring me down and looking at me strangely. I can tell he's wondering why I'm so out of it today since I never get distracted and don't pay attention to him like this.
" are you sure your okay?.......I haven't done anything wrong have I?" He asked nervously, just by his tone and his look I can tell he's worried that I'm not happy with him and in a way this makes me think about to Nicole. Maybe he's being so distant because he doesn't want to push things, I haven't seen Marshall like this since when we first started going out and he was all worried that he wasn't making me happy or he wasn't doing anything right.
Looking at him I try to study him to see what he's thinking about but in the end I just smile knowing there's no point since Marshall is the king of hiding his emotions and feelings.
" yeah I'm fine, I've just been hell distracted lately, trying to sort out Christmas and finish some work of in the studio. Sorry you've done nothing wrong, it's just me" I said trying to explain why I'm Hell distracted, so maybe I'm not telling him what i was just thinking about but I do have a lot of things going on with trying to work out this kitten and getting the house ready for it without making the boys suspicious, so technically I wasn't lying about everything.
" I understand, if it wasn't for you I would be still shopping for Christmas so I'm grateful that's done" he smiled softly at me, this is what I'm talking about. I'm dying Just to lean down and kiss him but since it's so weird between us all I can do is smile back and try not to get caught up in his amazing eyes but that doesn't work because Once again we got caught up with each other like we used to before we started dating and just secretly liked each other, but I know it shouldn't be like this anymore we shouldn't be hiding our feelings so much.
" so I was wondering.... if your...... Not to busy..... Do you want to come over for dinner tonight...... it's just it's the week we both don't have our kids and..... I guess I need to talk to you about something" he said very slowly, sounding really nervous and worried to ask me to come over for dinner, but when he said the last bit I guess I began to worry as well, wondering what he wants to talk about. Maybe he's going to break up with me?
" Umm sure dinner sounds good. Should I bring anything?" I said putting on a brave face even though my anxiety began to rise thinking about how he needs to talk to me, those words always end up being something bad and when guys say they need to talk it always ends up with a broken heart.
" no just yourself. I'll do the rest" he smiled not noticing my fake smile and how I'm dying to just ask him all these questions about tonight, I just guess I'm going to have to wait an see what happens.
" cool...well I'm heading of early. I'm going to go home and get some rest but I'll see you tonight, say round about 7?" He said seeming more confident now that I've said I'm coming over for dinner. I tried to be happy and normal but my worry and concern was getting worse since Marshall never heads home when the guys are here, nor does he try to be alone when he could be spending time with me.
" yeah I'll see you at 7" I smiled softly, hiding my sadness and worry as Marshall's leans in and places a small peck on my lips before walking off to his car, leaving me all alone and confused as hell.
Marshall p.o.v
I was actually excited and happy to have her coming over for dinner but this all changed when I hoped into my car and noticed the sadness that's written all over her as she continues sitting on her car. I can't help but worry just knowing I've done something wrong again and I've caused her to be so down. This is one of the reason I've been keeping my distance from her lately, it's not that I want to it's just I'm following her wishes.
It's been hard, actually it's been to torture to not show her my feelings, but it's like every time I go to be with her or to go just show her some kind of affection I start remembering her telling me how she wants to take it easy and slow, so I freak out and walk away not wanting to smother her in anyway.
But at least dinner tonight is a step forward and as I start my car and head towards my house I can't help but feel butterflies knowing this is a really good thing for us and it just has to be perfect.
This dinner is one of the reasons I'm heading home earlier, I was just going to come home and sleep but knowing sarah is coming over later and having dinner I need to now cook something and make the house presentable for her.
As the day goes along The more I think about this dinner and the more I start to freak myself out and begin to worry.
I've got major OCD problems so firstly I spend hours trying to make this dinner perfect for her, it's not an over the top recipe it's just chicken and vegetables but I still manage to spend extra time just making it perfect for her even though I know she's going to like it Anyway.
Another thing I spend wasteful time on is trying to clean and fix this house up even though it's pretty spotless already and to be honest I suck at cleaning so it's not a very good job.
But the thing I stress over the most is setting the table, I remembered I didn't tell her if it's casual or classy so I don't know if I should do candles or not. Like I said before I'm trying to do everything to stay on her good side, this way she has no reason to break up with me because honestly I can't risk losing her again.
Just like always she manages to arrive on time, making me switch the sport I was currently watching off and check twice everything is good before I go and greet her.
" hey, come on in" I said straight away after opening the door not wanting her to freeze out in the extremely cold weather. Holding the door open for her is when I get to quickly check her out and like always she looks incredible.
" hey, how you been? How was your resting afternoon?" She asked politely watching as I close the door before greeting her with a small kiss and hug and helping her remove her massive coat she has on, not really worrying about her answering how i am until she's settled into the warm atmosphere.
" yeah I've been good, I managed to grab some sleep and relax for a while" I replied even though technically I was lying since I couldn't stop stressing Over dinner tonight.
She followed close behind me until we reached the kitchen which opened onto the lounge room and dining room. As much as I tried to shrug it off I couldn't help the Happiness that comes over me when I hear her complimenting how nicely I've set the table and amazing the dinner smells.
These are the little things I've had to get used to not show any emotions for or not smothering her to quickly just in case she starts feeling to cramped with me. I understand what I did was wrong and since getting her back I've promised myself I'm going to stay away a little knowing she needs time to get over things and hovering over isn't going to help anything.
" so have all the presents you ordered arrived yet?" She asked from across the table trying to make small chat. Our Dinner is nearly finished and this whole time we've been talking about normal, random things, but as much as we talked we couldn't hide the sexual tension that's been building up between the both of us.
" yeah majority of them have, so now I just have to wrap this week and I'm all up to date, which is a first" I answered, making a little joke as I feel relaxed knowing Christmas is not something i have to stress over, I can spend more time worrying about sarah and I.
We continued talking about things, but as I looked over at her I can tell she's being really short for some reason not to mention she keeps glancing around the room. Its like she was waiting for something to go bad, or waiting for anything to happen or anything to be said. Knowing she might be wanting to go home I knew I had to keep the conversation going.
" so that reminds me, I was hoping to talk to you about Christmas tonight" I commented quickly, knowing this will start another discussion and she won't consider leaving as much.
" were you?" she replied looking quiet shocked and stunned that I just said those words to her.
" yeah I just thought this might give us a good opportunity to talk about arrangements and what's happening on Christmas Day" I said, quickly noticing the relief washing over her as I explain more about why I organized this dinner.
" well what did you think I wanted to talk about?" I asked seeing her concern and noticing her shock with me. However knowing sarah I know she's not going to admit it to me.
" don't worry about" she smiled, before taking a sip and trying to move the conversation along and her back on track with what I wanted to talk to her about.
Knowing it's pointless and also very risky to try and get information at of her without making her upset I just allow it to go and continue with what I was saying.
" so as I was going to say, you probably already know this but Christmas is also hailie's birthday" I started talking again explaining that Christmas is a lot bigger because Hailie also turns another year older. I thought she was going to say something sarcastic back since she's very aware that it's Hailie's birthday but surprisingly she agreed and continued listening.
" so usually we spend it altogether, you know me, Hailie, Whitney, Alaina, Nathan and..... Well.... Kim also spends it with us" I continued on getting more nervous and worried not knowing how she's going to react to finding out that Kim is spending Christmas with us.
As I glanced at sarah I couldn't really Figure out if she was mad or angry.
" I just wanted to give you a heads up and let you know that's usually what happens. I didn't want you to find out from someone else and think I was keeping it from you because I have something to hide or anything" I continued on making sure she knows that I've got nothing to hide or anything. I love sarah and I wouldn't change how
happy I am today to go back and be the way I used to be even, if Kim and I have been through a lot I'll never regret moving on and letting her go.
" ohh that's totally fine Marshall " she said, leaning forward and smiling brightly at me. Seeing we both have been sitting at the table for a while i noticed that she's already starting to pack up, acting a lot more calmer and relaxed knowing this conservation wasn't a bad or worrying thing.
" so you're cool with Kim spending Christmas with us.... It's not like she spends all day, usually the girls will go to her house during the morning to get presents from her mother and sister and than they come to mine for a birthday/ Christmas lunch where we give them our presents" I explained more information about it while helping sarah take the plates to the sink. I don't think we've ever talked about Christmas and I was hoping to give her more notice about Kim but since everything has happened this is the best I can do.
" yeah I'm fine, I have no problem with Kim spending Christmas at yours after all she is their mother besides it's sounds like a fun day" she said happily while stacking the dishwasher even though I Insisted she let me clean up.
" yeah usually it goes alright if Kim is on her good side" I smirked, remembering all the Christmases Kim has just woken up on the wrong side of the bed and once again made my day hell.
" but what about you? What are you guys planning for Christmas?" I asked, standing there handing her another plate to stake. I already know Didier is coming home for Christmas but I'm not quiet sure what they have planned.
" um well usually we just do a lunch as well. Back home we would do my family on Christmas Day and than Kevin's family on Boxing Day but since we're over here this year I guess it's just going to be a small lunch nothing special" she answered seeing pretty organized with everything, but it's interesting listening to what they used to do.
" so you and Kevin have always spent Christmas together? even though you guys are divorced he still went to your families house on Christmas Day and you go to he's?" I asked, not aware that he was still so close to her family and she was still close to his.
" Um yeah, both of our families are still pretty close, they would probably spend Christmas Day together if he didn't have a massive Greek family." She continued talking not knowing I wasn't really liking what I was hearing.
" but it's not like it was all lovey dovey all the time, some years I bought along my boyfriend at the time and some years he would bring his girlfriend. We only did it to allow the boys to spend Christmas with both of us" she explained more, I kind of felt a little weird it's not that I'm jealous of Kevin It just would be nice to be close to her parents and for them to like me as much as they like Kevin which will hopefully happen one day.
I think she must have noticed the little worry on my face because she kind of stopped talking about Christmas knowing I was a little bit concerned at how close she is with Kevin.
" you're okay with Kevin spending Christmas at my house, right?" She asked as she stopped what she was doing probably noticing my quietness to her whole story.
" yeah....if you're okay with Kim It's only fair if I'm okay with Kevin..... But I was hoping to see you on Christmas Day, the girls want to see your boys and Give presents out" I replied, while walking over to the table and collecting the last bit of cutlery. I know my girls and Sarah's boys really want to see each other during the Christmas time.
" I know but it's hard with us both doing Christmas lunches...... But what about boxing do you guys do anything special on that day?" She asked trying to figure out another day not wanting to let's down. I know it's hard having christmas lunches on at the same time because you can't jump from one house to the other.
" ummm nah we don't, all I know is Nathan won't be here but that's about it..... Why?" I asked wondering why she was bringing up Boxing Day, usually that day is just a quiet one where the girls spend most of it watching movies and eating left over food.
" well if you guys want to come over we could do like a quiet lunch or something.... That way we can see each other and the kids can show off their presents, not to mention we can eat or the leftover foods" she suggested, I thought about it for a while and it was actually a really good Idea. It's not like I have any family to spend Boxing Day with so spending it with sarah and her boys will actually turn out to be quiet fun, not to mention it will give me a break from my girls who tend to nag me because they are bored.
" yeah that sounds good, I know the Girls will love to see the new kitten....... But do you reckon maybe.... We couldn't meet up for an hour or so on Christmas Day... Just like in the evening or something..... I'm just hoping to give you my present without being surrounded by 5 very nosy kids" I asked quite nervous. Just when I started getting comfortable with her like we used to be, I kind of thought about not smothering her and just like that I back way of and get nervous when I ask her another question.
" yeah sure, that sounds like a good idea. We can meet up after lunch is over and the kids are to exhausted to move" she smiled, leaning on the counter next to me smiling brightly at me. I'm happy she's decided to see me in the evening least that way I can give her my present with some privacy.
Once again we get caught up looking at each other and since we're so close I can't help by lean slightly towards her. I know I should be takin it slow but I can't help the sexual tension that's between us, and for like 4 minutes I would just like to hold her and kiss her like I used to.
So Slowly I place my hand behind her neck and gently lean forward until our lips are touching. Unlike most times this kiss was as soft and tender and it was more like a brush of the lips. This is until we break and our desires for each other unravel more and before I'm able to move my lips to far away, we quickly smash them back on each other's, taking only a few seconds till I'm holding her by the waist trying to do everything to deepen the kiss.
It's not like she's not liking it, I can hear the moans escaping her mouth as we kiss and her hands that are wrapping around my neck.
For a few minutes it actually felt like before how we used to do this all the time but before anything serious could happen my phone started ringing.
Since the girls have already called I know it's not them so instead I just leave it and continue kissing her, moving my lips down and placing kisses on her neck.
But the more my phone rang the more I tried to ignore it but after a while of kissing her shoulders and neck I looked up and saw she was losing interest.
" just answer your phone Marshall" she finally blurted out, not looking very pleased or interested at all as she lightly pushes me away from her body. Straight away I get the point and I listen to what she's saying and go to answer my phone even though I know who it is.
" what's up" I said into the speaker of my phone. I hear Paul on the other end and already know this is a work call. But as I take one last look at sarah I see how bored she looks, like she's totally not interested in me.
I guess kissing for a few minutes was okay but me taking it further annoyed her and she wasn't into it a much as I thought she was.
I walk out of the kitchen leaving her standing there not knowing what to say, but I know Paul isn't ringing up to say hello he's probably realized I haven't done something I need to have completed.
Sarah p.o.v
Marshall's been on the phone for 5 minutes talking to Paul about work, so much for him finally having a break it never seems to end for him.
Like always something small like work interrupts us from having our moment, I'm still quite surprised that Marshall even kissed me like the way he did, not to mention he began taking it further which is defiantly a good sign.
As he was kissing me on my neck and shoulders I could tell he was studying my reaction to see if I was liking it.
At the start I was but the more he's phone rang the more I started losing interest. The atmosphere had fully changed and it wasn't filled with passion and desires for each other like it was when we started kissing, It had turned back into a boring old kitchen and it felt like we were just kissing to block out the ringing sound coming from his mobile. It got to a point where I just wanted him to leave and answer his dam phone before I lost it.
I know he probably sensed how annoyed and uninterested I looked, I'm just hoping he doesn't think I'm losing interest in him or feel he can't satisfy me like before.
" want to watch a movie or something" he said coming back into the kitchen and walking over to the lounge like nothing had even happened between us. He went on like we hadn't even just shared a kiss or was bound to take it further.
" Um sure" I replied, placing the cloth down before joining him on the lounge. Once again our whole behavior has changed towards each other, usually we don't mind getting tangled up in each other while sharing the couch but tonight we both sit up with our feet on the coffee table, the only connection we have is the hand Marshall's placed on my leg making me entwine our fingers together.
The more the movie played the more I noticed how Marshall's wasn't planing on easing up and maybe getting more comfortable with me, it was like hell awkward we barely spoke or moved, we just sat dead silent next to each other.
This Isn't how things are meant to be, I don't want us to be like this but I also don't want to do anything that will push him away.
So like I have been doing this whole night, I made the first move and gradually got more comfortable beside him, resting my head on his shoulder after physically wrapping his arm around my shoulder since he wasn't planning on moving it.
We sat and watched the movie until I gradually drifted of beside him. It wasn't until I felt him get up from the lounge that I actually woke up and realized it was over.
" I should get going" I announced since I can barely keep my eyes open. These last couple of days have been hectic with work and the exhaustion is really catching up to me.
I watched as he turned the tv of and began locking up the house as I gathered my things getting ready to head of home.
He wasn't very talkative but I can see how exhausted and tired he is so I'm not going to hold that against him, but that doesn't mean I'm still not concern why he's acting so weird towards me. As much as I wanted to mention something Right now I didn't really have the energy to fight with him since I'm already aware that's where it would was heading towards, he's always so down and grumpy when he's tired and he does little things that are signs not to mess with him or get him worked up over anything.
" you know if you're tired you can always just stay over, it's not like we aren't together" he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck indicating he's actually nervous to ask me.
What the heck is he playing out, one minute he's showing me that he doesn't really want to be around me, the next he's asking for me to stay over since we are together.
I swear Marshall is the most confusing guy when it comes to showing his feelings and emotions.
But as much as I am angry by his miscommunication and mood swings, glancing into his blue eyes I can't help but feel safe and contempt and want to sleep by his side tonight.
" umm yeah sure, if that's cool with you" I replied softly, just like Marshall for some reason Getting quite nervous about staying over, which again isn't meant to happen between us since feeling comfortable with him was one of the reasons I fell in love with him.
" I've got a t-shirt upstairs that you can put on" he continued before gesturing me upstairs towards his bedroom. As much as I'm confused and worried about us I knew I couldn't knock back a chance to lie next to him again and wake up to him snoring softly beside me, something I didn't think I would miss so much.
like always he's room is clean and tidy when we entered, not much had changed since it's only been three weeks but I do have to admit I've missed waking up and falling asleep in here.
I sat on the bed and watched as he walked over to the drawer he put aside for me and all my things I bring over here since I'm always leaving my clothes and shoes scattered around even though Marshall's hates a lot of mess. Straight away I notice him pulling out my favorite shirt of his.
" you can wear this , I know how much you love it." He smirked once again his whole personality changing for some reason seeing his more cocky side is beginning to show.
" I'll let you get changed and get some rest..... I have to complete some work for Paul but I'll be up soon" he said before walking towards the door I'm shocked by his sudden departure since I was thinking we would at least get into bed and fall asleep together but once again Marshall's getting ready to start work. Without a doubt I can now see it's pretty obvious he doesn't want to be with me and he's trying to avoid spending any time together.
" ummm okay" I mumbled to myself not saying much but instead glancing down towards the ground as I hear him leave hoping he doesn't see the tears beginning to shed as realization is really beginning to hit me. I can't believe he just me left sitting here here alone in his massive bedroom
I managed to get changed and hoped into my side of the bed I always sleep on. Curling myself up under the blankets I try so hard to stay awake for him hoping he might want to cuddle when he comes up just wanting to fall asleep in his arms but as the time goes by it soon reaches midnight and I know I couldn't hold of my sleep any longer.
Marshall p.o.v
I just sat and thought about things while I was in my office. I know a lot would think I'm crazy for just leaving her lying in my bed like this, but I swear it's for a good reason.
Don't tell her this, but I'm currently trying to find her a nice Christmas gift. I've Already got her a few things but there's one thing I'm trying to buy her which you can't just go and by in the shop you actually have to order it online, so I'm glad she taught me how to use these dam site.
By the time I re enter the bedroom, sarah is fast asleep like she always in. She looked so exhausted and tired before I don't want to disturb her sleep but I was dying just to hold her and get a good night sleep before my busy day tomorrow.
So instead I quickly lay next to her trying to stay warm as I rolled closer beside her making sure not to bump her or disturb her.
I just laid on my back lightly holding her hand that's placed beside me as I start to think about everything and how fast the year has come. In a couple of days it's going to be one year since I first met sarah when she came to work in the studio with Dre. I still remember that day like it was yesterday, the way I couldn't stop looking at her as she talked to Dre and fifty. Back than I knew she was going to be special I just didn't realize she was going to turn out this incredible.
Hey Guys,
Just another Reminder the next Chapter ' making up like a couple should' is restricted so for some reason you have to be Following me to be able to read it.
Let me Know if any Troubles :)
XX