" I just can't believe you, Harry! " Farren's stirred tone rang in Harry's ears. " I thought we were over this and you started acting like a real boyfriend! " her voice was already on the edge of breaking down, revealing all that was stuck up and hidden deep in the girl's heart.
There's a light rigidity in Harry's body, her angry voice ringing continuously in his ears. He just can't find himself to like this girl in a romantic way, seeing that she was the one clutching to him strongly, not letting him go. It was all just so plain and simple to Harry. A flick of his wrist and this girl was already won over, not giving Harry the chance to try to work a bit for her, to let adrenaline flow through his veins as he's thinking about countless ways to win her heart. She just didn't have that spark to make him feel like he's alive and certainly, never provides him any sort of excitement or made him stumble over his legs trying to spoil her over and over, until he finally runs out of ideas. It was just simple to him. He needed some flicker that proffered him continuous enthusiasm.
" I'm sorry, Farren. " his voice lost in a faux solace tone, trying to maintain a face full of regret, an amused smile threatening to reveal itself, because it was just so easy.
Now he understood why he hadn't stuck to partners, numerous nightstands being his options. It's been a while since they started dating, almost a month, and at first he tried his best to create some feelings there, but as time passed cruely, the tiniest flicker of hope that there were going to be feelings involved was extinguished, simply just letting her be and think of this relationship how she wanted to. It's not like she was going to break up any sooner, given her behavior. And it's really not his fucking fault everyone he meets is so plain and boring. Well, not everyone.
" You're sorry? That's all? " she began wryly, voice tired from all the screaming, slender tendons marking her throat. It was obvious it wasn't long until she broke down completely.
Harry's teeth sank in the cushion of his bottom lip, thinking of something to comfort her. As an imaginary light bulb lit up above his curly haired head, one of his hands started cradling one of her salty cheeks comfortingly. And she let him, just like that, leaning in his touch just a little bit. Inside Harry's mind, a victorious smile appeared.
He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer and in an instant she snuggled closer into the warmth that emerged from his body. His thumb rubbed comfortingly around in swirls, warming her up, making her forget all about the failure that their relationship is. But she still chooses to believes that it can be repaired and Harry lets her.
His head was standing up stiffly, eyes staring into nothingness, mind somewhere else as usual, when he should be snuggling his head in her warmth, peppering her head with kisses, whispering sweet nothings and hugging her tighter, reminding her that she's loved. But he did none of that, to her dismay, and they just stood there in that same position until she felt like she was ready to let go. And he just let her, relief flooding his mind as he saw how her blue eyes were staring right into his in a comforting manner, dimming the sadness present in them. She was trying to forget him, finding excuses for his behavior every chance she got and it was quite convenient for Harry. And wasn't it so easy to play and move around and basically do whatever you want with someone who is blinded by foolishness? Because that's just what it is, foolishness. And that's exactly the problem. Easy is boring to Harry and there's nothing he can do about it. It's just in his nature.
Words were traded between the two, the boy not even paying attention to what was said to him and answering with what he thought sounded good, earning a positive reaction from his girlfriend.
Each one of them returned to their classes, the bell signing the end of the break and both of them were feeling different emotions. Harry felt a constant scratch at the back of his mind indicating him that his behavior towards the girl is selfish, but the guilt was a frail emotion, faded in the back of his mind, not being strong enough to drown him and force him to let the girl go for once and for all. Every time thoughts like these crossed his mind, he shook his head and laughed it off, being almost unbothered by it. Meanwhile, Farren's head was filled with sad, melancholic thoughts, constant scenarios playing in her head where it was all different. And that made her think, is something wrong with her? Isn't she good enough for him? She's too scared to ask him that, too scared for the answer that she'll receive, and just like that, she never asks him about it.
The rest of the day, or week, was repetitious and everything was a routine to him already. It was like there was nothing exciting in the world for him to do, the only things bringing a smile on his face being Liam and Niall. Every day, he woke up, went to school, and came back home and went back to sleep. It was just a typical teenage life, nothing new, nothing interesting, just graduating and leaving this shithole for once and for all. But Harry still had two more years coming so he shouldn't get so excited about it. He also, didn't fail to notice, naturally, that Louis missed an entire week of school. And, it's not like Harry kept track of him or anything, no, it's nothing like that. Alright, maybe he did. But it wasn't like he could help it. Every time he thought about his persona, a rush of adrenaline passed through his veins until they reached his head, leaving him in a daze. And what excited him the most was the party that was going to take place on Friday, mind instantly flying to a certain white haired boy and the secrets that he brings along with him.
Also, Liam was invited to Zayn's one of these days and he told him that he could bring anyone he wanted, so Liam asked Niall and Harry to accompany him there. Niall accepted at once, aware that there was going to be free booze and he started to get along with Zayn as well. Harry, on the other hand, was treated with nonchalance for unknown reasons. However lately, he noticed that Zayn wasn't glaring at him as often as he usually did. Small steps, Harry thought. Zayn saw him as a potential threat to Louis and that's what made him so overprotective towards him, taking in account the relationship the two boys have.
For the time being, at home, things have started to change a bit, but Harry paid not attention to it, since it was normal and people sometimes did that. His parents started bickering from time to time, but as Harry thinks, it's normal. Sometimes, Harry wakes up and enters the kitchen only to be met with his parents arguing and stopping the moment Harry entered their room. Other times, dinner was also a target to their constant bickering, but it was short and harmless, stopping before Harry could even process that his parents quarreled at all. It never crossed his mind that they would disagree even on the smallest things, seeing as they've been together for so many years, their love so damn obvious and it was a bit new to him. But maybe they did bicker when he was at school and now they paid no attention to their son's presence.
The white light of the bulb centered right above the dining table, shone all over the room granting it a look of benevolence, like no bad thing could ever happen in here, no sins, no mistakes. That, however, was proved wrong in this very school evening, when Harry retired from his bedroom and joined his parents in eating the dinner, hopefully in a peaceful manner. The moment he grabbed a chair and sat down, his father ordered his mother to bring him another plate of food, followed by a rude joke that made Harry refocus his gaze on his father. He noticed how his father laughed at his own joke, a hand on his knee, and this continued for a while, resulting in a bothered Harry. His son's face was emotionless, lips in a straight line, eyes somewhat confused. His eyes began burning hard on his father's flesh, begging him to stop, since both him and his mother were uncomfortable, but it seemed like his father blocked any kind of outer contact and took no notice to the signs. The moment his mother brought him a plate and turned around, a sharp slap was pressed against her bottom, startling her. The boy felt blood rush to his head. This was the last drop Harry was able to swallow tonight and in an instant, he stood up, palms pressed hard against the table's rough surface.
" Stop it, father. " he seeped into his tone, the surface of his jade eyes being filled with bitterness.
" What is it, son? I'm just joking around. " a thick accent obvious in his the way he pronounced the words, eyes fixed on Harry rather challengingly and the boy didn't understand where did this come from.
As Harry opened his mouth to reply and protect his mother, a light voice interrupted him. " It's alright, Harry darling, he's just joking. A little humor never killed anyone. "
Harry's hard gaze softened the moment it settled on his beloved mother, a mushy smile on her face. Harry kept the position still, eyes darting into oblivion, teeth curtly sinking in his bottom lip. Short movements of head, attempts of nodding, were seen and Harry bit the inside of his cheek, before losing contact with the cold surface and turning his back at his parents, leaving without exchanging another word.
He just entered his room, locking it behind him and entered the bathroom for another of his usual bubble baths. Every time he got in, he used a different colour for bubbles, a different bathbomb and he always snapped Liam and Niall, adding bubble accessories to his face, to which he always received messages like ' omg hahaha ' or ' do a mohawk'. With time, he stopped talking to his old friends, breaking the contact completely, seeing that none of them bothered to message him anymore, so he didn't really see the point in that.
Talking about friends, Liam has gotten closer to Zayn these past few weeks and it was obvious in his face that he was joyful, a smile smeared across his face. Liam just had that warm protective boy vibe that made you feel safe somehow. He was a gentle soul and always apologized if he said something that could bother someone. There was warmth his brown hair brought to his persona, his smile and eyes always held so much love you wouldn't even imagine and Harry just adored him. He was like a cute little puppy that all he had to offer you is love and isn't able to provoke you any harm. Niall, on the other hand, was a cheerful person, and there wasn't a moment where he wasn't accompanied by his loud laugh. He's always laughing, always cheerful, always joking, and may I add, always has a drink in his hands. He's so confident and full of goodness, his face always glowing so brightly, putting the sun to utter shame. Where there's party and fun, there's Niall. And every time you feel down, he'll be there to cheer you up. And honestly, Harry couldn't have asked for better friends.
Sadly, the following days of the week were exactly like this one, but it didn't get worse, so that's probably alright. But nor did it get better so Harry's got mixed emotions about this. Why is his father acting like that all of a sudden? Every time he tried to intervene, his mother told him off and Harry restrained himself from commenting any further, instead just returning to his room and locking it. He just wanted to read something to block out the infinite thoughts that crossed his mind every second. He's not sure how much he can bear this, but if his mother says it's okay, then maybe he should stop worrying about it. After all, she can take care of herself, she's a grown up.
Everyday, he started waking up earlier and leaving for school, not wanting to hear the scandal that was going to take place in that house. Some days, he goes over to Liam or Niall's to get his head out of it, and it works for as long as he stays there. Then, when he arrives in front of his house, he stays in front of it and hesitates before entering it, only to be met with the faux gentle expression of his mother or his father's nonchalant one. His mind already created an emotion of discomfort every time he thought about going back home and sometimes he just wishes he can get away for a while. His ' I love yous ' started to be scarce and most of them were directed towards his mother, because when they were towards his father, he felt something in the back of his throat push the words back down.
And to make things better, his relationship with Farren wasn't getting any better. Not that it bothered him that much, when he had other problems nudging the side of his brain. They were together almost every break, her being the one that always looked for him and spent time with him more than she did with her friends. Although, Harry seemed to care more for his friends than her and he enjoyed their company more, sometimes Farren's melancholic mood bringing his own one down. She had never seen a bright, elated smile on her face anymore, always being met with gloomy one, her eyes filled with desperation.
And when Harry arrived home on Thursday, he didn't even join his parents for dinner, his only purpose being his arrival in his bedroom and instantly locking it, then burying his nose in a book. That was the only way to get away from this, creating surreal perfect scenarios in his head. It was beginning to tire him and it didn't help when sometimes they were in the hallway, their unpleasant irksome voices ringing right in his room. And just like that, Harry's life changed.
-
written 07.06.2020
I'm sorry if this chapter was boring, it was just a filler chapter, but I hope you guys enjoyed anyway x