Ayden
SAWYER
"Nate!" I called in the hot dessert. Where the hell was he? "Nate!"
I wiped the dripping sweat from my forehead. Fuck. Where was our unit? Didn't Nate say they were coming?
I took a few steps forward and almost lost my balance. I could barely stand on my left leg. What the...I patted down my leg and didn't notice any wounds. Okay, this was fucking weird.
"Ayden?"
I turned in the direction of Nate's voice. "Nate? Where the hell are you?"
I held my arm up in a failed attempt to block out the blinding light of the sun. I couldn't see shit. How long have we been out here?
"Ayden! Over here!"
I limped in the direction of Nate's voice. Searing pain shot through my leg, but I pushed it aside. I didn't know what the fuck was going on, or what I did to my leg, but I needed to find Nate.
"Ayden!" he called again. His voice seemed closer this time.
I kept going until I saw a figure on the ground up ahead. "Nate?" No response.
I was getting more tired by the second. Dragging my injured leg didn't help, either. Once I got close enough, I saw Nate laying on his back. He was unconscious and unmoving. I couldn't even tell if he was breathing.
I dropped to the ground beside him. "Nate!" I shook at his shoulders in an attempt to rouse him. Nothing. I noticed something wet against my leg. I looked down and the the large pool of blood that was coming out of him.
"Oh, God..." I looked back at his body and I saw the gunshot wound in his stomach. Where did that come from? "You cant be--" I put two of my fingers to his neck. No pulse. "Fuck! Goddammit. Nate, wake up!"
I don't know how long I tried CPR and screamed for him to wake up. It had to be hours. There was nothing I could do. He was dead. I ran my hands over my face. Why was this happening?
When I opened my eyes a moment later, I wasn't in the dessert anymore. I was in bed. With Lanie. God, had I been dreaming? I must have been. Needing to feel her close to me, I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her close to me. I buried my face in her hair and took in the amazing scent that was the woman I loved.
That's when I noticed it. She was cold. Really cold. "Lanie?" I ran my hand over her arm and rolled her towards me. Her head lolled to the side and my heart dropped into my stomach. "Lanie!" I cupped her cold face in my hands. "Come on, baby. Wake up. Please wake up." I didn't check for a pulse. I didn't need to. I knew the truth-- even if I didn't allow myself to believe it.
"You can't be dead. You can't..." My hands roamed all over her face and arms. How could this be happening? WHAT was happening? I pressed my forehead against hers. "You know I can't live without you. Come back to me, baby." Baby...wait a minute. Fuck.
A new wave of panic crashed into me for my unborn baby. I threw the covers off of Lanie. What I saw was going to haunt me for the rest of my godforsaken life. Her thighs were covered in blood. There had been so much that it soaked into the sheets of the bed. Was this a miscarriage? Is that what happened? There was a strange tightness in my chest. I pressed my hand against it and I started to hyperventilate. I buried my face in my hands...and screamed.
"Is that when you wake up?"
I nodded to Dr. Sorenson. "Yes."
The therapist wrote something down on his pad of paper. "And the nightmare is the same every time?"
"Yeah and I always wake up at the same exact part. It never changes."
He nodded and shifted in his large loveseat. "How long have you been having these nightmares?"
I ran my hands over my jeans. "Every night since I've been back here."
"What happens when you wake up? How do you feel?"
I glanced away from the doc. I promised Lanie I would come see someone about my nightmares and PTSD; so that's what I was doing. Dr. Sorenson was able to fit me in this morning while Lanie spent time with Nate. When the doctor asked me to explain my nightmare, I almost walked out. It was bad enough that I was experiencing them, but to talk about it out loud was something completely different. I felt like it would make it more real or something. More painful.
"It's like I get sucked out of the nightmare. I wake up in a cold sweat. It takes me a few minutes to get my bearings." I glanced at the fish aquarium in the corner of his office. "I feel cold and scared. But it's a different kind of scared. I don't know how to explain it. Its this feeling in the pit of my stomach." I paused before I added one other detail. "Before I get out of the bed I-- I check to make sure she's still alive. I check for the blood. Even though checking let's me know she's alive, the anticipation makes it so much worse. I keep thinking that this time is going to be when it's real."
"But it's not real, Ayden. That's the important thing to remember." He leaned forward in his chair. "You and Sergeant Jenkins are no longer lost in that dessert. You both made it here. Your superior gave you an honorable discharge, so there's no need to ever go back over there. For either of you."
I knew he was right. About Nate at least. He may still be in a coma, but he was alive. "And Lanie? Her pregnancy is high-risk. There is a possibility that she could lose the baby and--" I couldn't even finish that sentence. The thought of existing in a world where she wasn't was too much to bare.
"I know that, Ayden. But there is no reason to assume that your baby and Lanie wont make it through this pregnancy." He grabbed a prescription pad and started writing something down.
"No offense, doc, but I don't want any pills."
"These aren't anti-depressants or anti-psychotics. It's to help you sleep."
"I don't think-"
"Listen to me, Ayden. I can't make you take these. It's up to you. But if you keep going at the rate you're going, you're going to make yourself sick. Your body needs rest. Not only for you, but for Lanie and the baby."
I cursed under my breath and took the prescription from him. I hated sleeping pills. But if there was a chance this could help me... "Okay, doc."
"I want to see you back in two days. We can have another session and I want to see how the meds are working for you. Make sure to take them when you eat a full dinner."
I got to my feet and slipped the paper in my pocket before I grabbed my crutches. "I will." When I started heading towards the door, he stopped me.
"One more thing," he said and I turned to him. "Try to break out of your routine tonight. You guys have been cooped up in that house. Go out and do something. Get some air."
I thanked him for the advice before I went to meet Lanie. As I made my slow way towards Nate's room, I thought about what the doctor said. Maybe going out and getting some air would do us some good. But where would we go?
That's when it dawned on me. Lanie and I had never had an actual date. She showed me around the city, but that wasn't a date. It didn't matter if we hooked up or not. A real date was the two of us going out to dinner, talking, and having romance in the air. I think her on a date would be a good idea. She deserved it.
God, it had been so long since I tokk a woman out on a date. I haven't been on a date since I met Jill. She was the only woman besides Lanie that I really loved. The memory of what happened to her hit me like a freight train. Maybe that was one reason for my nightmares. It would explain why I kept dreaming that Lanie died in my arms. Fuck. I couldn't do this shit.
"Hey, you."
I saw Lanie as she sauntered over to me. She leaned forward and gave me a passionate kiss. I felt my erection press against the zipper of my jeans. The things this woman's kiss did to me...
"Hey," I whispered against her lips. "How is he?"
Even though her face fell a little, she still kept that sparkle in her eye. "He's okay. There hasn't been a change, but I think he's going to wake up soon."
I looked at her hopefully. "Did the doctors say something?"
She shook her head. "No. It's just a feeling, I guess." She laughed a little. "I know it sounds crazy."
I tucked my finger under her chin and lifted her face. When her eyes met mine, I said, "It doesn't sound crazy, Goddess. Not even close."
She tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear shyly. I loved when she had that innocent expression. "How was your session?"
I shrugged a shoulder. "It was okay. I'm glad I went."
"Really?" I heard the surprise in her voice.
"Yeah. I think this will be good for me. I'm seeing him again in two days. Oh," I handed her the script, "he prescribed these for me to-- to help me sleep."
She took the paper and tucked it into her purse. "That's good. We can get this filled when I go shopping for groceries later. I figured I would cook burgers or something tonight. Sound good?"
I thought about what Dr. Sorenson said and inhaled a nervous breath. "Actually, I had a different idea."
She looked up at me cluelessly. "Okay. We can cook something else. What did you have in mind?"
I reached out and stroked her bottom lip. "Lanie, will you go on a date with me?"
When she just stared at me, I got nervous. Maybe this wasn't a good idea after all.