When it gets dark
I'll be by your side
-Aurora, ateez
"Because they never stay."
When the words had left my mouth, my chin was still buried in my kneecaps and I asked myself internally, what really went wrong. What my mom, or I ever really did to receive such a harsh life because of one bad person.
"Who hurt you?" Kihyun's voice was merely a whisper but it reached me.
And suddenly my vision was a blur, as if I was looking through those thick glasses Haneul would wear. But I could still feel the warm glow of the afternoon that wrapped around the lake and the grasses we sat on.
"You must have an experience with people like us to hate on us. The first day you came to the clan club and met us-" Kihyun paused for a second. "You looked like you could hardly breathe. As if you were having a hard time. And then you insulted me, you ran away after that."
A tingling sensation had started to spread to my ears. I pictured them red as tomatoes, that's how they probably were anyway. For the first time, I wished my hair wasn't tied in a ponytail so my flushing ears could hide behind them.
"For the record, I still haven't gotten an apology for that insult," Kihyun sighed to himself, the dead autumn leaves under him rustling as he shifted a little.
"Tell me, Daisy. Was it family that left you?"
Everything went black with that.
My eyes had shut themselves down to stop the tears that threatened to fall.
Nothing happened, literally, yet I was getting emotional here.
"If you don't want to talk that's okay. Actually I-" another short pause, the odor of cigarette had died down. I imagined him tossing the dead end of the stick onto the grass and mentally cringed to myself.
"We are not that bad, you may think we are. I want to come clean because it seems like we will work together for some time, at least. Listen to me closely, I'm not going to repeat myself again."
Another sound of rustling, the wind howling with that. It was suddenly starting to get chilly, evenings at this time of the year were always like that.
Kihyun took in a breath for himself that even I could hear. "It's not us, but our parents that were, and still are the type of people anyone would avoid. But the Mastermind of this was Shownu's father. He was the one that found the clan club, along with Minhyuk's, Hyungwon's and my parents. Jooheon's and Changkyun's joined later to expand the business.
"I'll tell you honestly, even though I don't have a reason to trust you yet. Yes, you are right whatever you are thinking of right now, everything illegal went down there. The clubs were only there to show the governments, inside and underground all kinds of things happened, things I don't even want to talk about."
My heart sank in the bottom of my stomach as he kept talking, I was right.
"Minhyuk, Hyungwon, of course Shownu and I, we grew up with this. We grew up in an environment like that. Wonho too." Kihyun cleared his throat to himself. "I think Wonho had already told you he's an orphan."
"Shownu's father adopted him from an orphanage when he was 13. He was closer to Shownu's age and they instantly clicked even though it took him some time to open up to the rest of us. He tried, of course, but he was really different from us in the prospect that he had already gone through so much in his age.
"His pain and hardships were different from ours. He could not blend in easily, he was scarred. More mentally than physically. It was hard for him to trust us. We came to know that when he had belonged to the orphanage he became a part of the petty criminals of his neighbourhood, more like they took him in before he came to us.
"But that was the very reason Shownu's dad adopted him. Not only could he become one of his right handed men later but also a brother to his only child Shownu.
"You do know, Wonho's real name is Lee Hoseok, but Shownu's dad gave him a new nickname called Wonho. Actually Wonho was the one who chose that name.
"Since Shownu was his bestest friend, he decided to go by a short nick name too of some sort. Kind of like a, brotherly pact.
"Son Hyunwoo became Shownu. They lived together wherein Minhyuk, Hyungwon and I often visited. Jooheon joined in when he was fourteen and instantly became really close to us. You see, he has a very friendly personality.
"Changkyun's parents made him come back home from the States when he was 16. He was younger than all of us but it was hard for him to cope, not only was he bad at the korean language, he was extremely antisocial too. I wish you could see him from then, he had died blonde hair, multiple piercings and always wore dark clothes. He had his phase and still going through some of it."
For the love of god I could not imagine Changkyun with blonde hair no matter how much I tried. But what made my heart wreck, as if someone was wringing it was thinking about Wonho. How hard it was for him to have been going through such pain yet, always smiling.
"You got to know a little about our past but the most important thing is, none of us took part in our parent's business. We weren't allowed to anyway," Kihyun kept talking. "Until we were adults."
"I don't know if you'll really believe me when I say this but none of us liked their shady business, never did. Even though it made our families rich, filthy rich. But who cared? we were all detached from our families. Except for Jooheon and Shownu.
"Shownu loved his father no matter what, his dad was a good person when with us. He wasn't directly involved in all the bad deeds but he was the one anchoring everything.
"Until he was killed a little more than a year ago. We don't know who did it, a shot to his head by his own revolver when he was alone in his study. Shownu's mom was the first one to discover his dead body and she's never been the same as before."
"What about the police?" I talked for the first time in a while, my eyes still closed.
And I heard a dry cackle coming from him. "Do you know how big he had already made it? The detectives were on his ass forever. If we filed a case they would have finally found a chance to dig through everything and blow this all up. So everyone decided to wrap it up as suicide, even though no way in hell it was.
"Shownu decided to take it all on his shoulders. Decided to steer the business but as I've said, none of us liked their old business. We were adults and held a big share hence we opposed to our parents first, then we decided to talk it out with them. We did everything and we couldn't make it fail too so we sold off one of the biggest buildings where most of the lobbying and meetings took place-
"To make the beer franchise happen?" I said again but this time opening my eyes and turning to him. He had his closed.
"Yes. Shownu's crazy idea. He loves beer and wanted to make a business out of it. We convinced our parents that we will make it big, well, we are getting there. But it's been hard. Impossible to come out of all those past matters completely. We had to fire a lot of old employees, only kept the ones we could trust.
"And we had to shut a lot up, making amends everywhere. We are still in the process. Since we have taken over the business entirely here we are, leading double lives. Both are important for all of us. To study in the university and to rewrite everything regarding our business. Just nothing is the same anymore."
It was a lot. They had a lot of weight and responsibilities to carry. From growing up in an environment none of them liked to getting attached and now carrying the dead weight, yet trying to make something better out of it.
But why was I believing them? Believing him?
I had no reason to, yet I wanted to. Somehow I really wanted to.
And I did not know if it was to convince myself I was working with the innocents or because his words were really sincere.
"You are staring at me, aren't you?" Kihyun suddenly moved his face, right to my direction. And his nose was scrunched up, eyebrows furrowed.
Coughing to myself I looked away.
"Not that I can tell. I'm as blind as a bat without my glasses," Cursing under his breath he muttered to himself.
"But I don't see you wearing glasses at the clan club," I stated when I saw him getting up and dusting his pants before he started to stretch his arms about, cracking his neck and shoulders, here and there.
"Well idiot, if you looked closer you could've noticed I was wearing contact lenses." The round rimmed glasses were now on his face again, I should've felt insulted but I didn't.
I deserved one after lashing out on him before that one day.
"If we don't get moving now, it's already evening and we will miss the bus," He told me looking dead in the eyes. The warm orange afternoon around us had evolved into a cold blue evening but I was so involved in his story I merely noticed.
"Why did you not take a car?"
"Because I don't have a driving license," Kihyun rolled his eyes before looking away and shoving his hands inside his pocket.
"And how old are you again?"
"Twenty five. But I have other stuff to worry about unlike idle people. Now would you move it?"
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A/n: a lot of the questions has been answered!
I've been struggling with myself a lot these days yet trying really hard. So please be patient with my sporadic updates for now...