A/N You guys are gonna hate me for this BUT I changed my mind about the whole height difference thing. I'm SO INDECISIVE I'M SORRY but when I imagine this story and as I write, I always picture that Harry is shorter than Louis just because it's fetus Harry and OTRA Louis. I just feel like their dynamic will work better if Haz is short. Hope you don't mind too much :)
Chapter 14
Louis
Harry's eyes studied my face carefully, seemingly searching for something that neither of us had any clue what it was. Everything else stopped. I didn't feel all the eyes in the room darting between us, I didn't hear the side conversations taking place between everyone else. Everything else was a blur. Everything except him.
"Louis?" My mother nudged my arm softly, waking me from my trance and tearing me from Harry's gaze.
"Yeah?" I ask, feeling a little startled and uneasy
"I asked how'd the girls do at the park?" She questions through a chuckle, stirring a pot on the stove. "They did good. Fizzy did the monkey bars" I reply. I can feel his eyes burning a hole into the side of my face, but I don't dare look up.
"Yeah Mummy! I did it and I didn't even slip off this time!" Fizzy exclaimed, her little hands bunching up the hem of my mum's apron and tugging slightly. "That's great, honeybun" My mum replies sweetly as she looks down at Fizzy, her eyes twinkling with adoration.
"Louis! It's so nice to see you again!" Anne excitedly exclaims, taking me into a warm hug. "How have you been?" She asks, holding me by the shoulders and taking a look at me.
"I've been good" I reply, smiling at her excitement. "You guys know each other?" My mum questions, causing me and Anne to turn our attention back to her. "Sure do, he took Harry to work a few weeks ago. Haven't seen him since though" Anne explains before taking a sip of her drink.
"Oh, so you know Harry?" My mum questions, clearly confused. I answer "Yes" at the same time that Harry answers "No"
I look over to him once more, but he doesn't meet my gaze. He looks as though he's fighting the urge to look at me. "Well which one is it? Either you know each other or you don't" My mum jokes, setting the table and gesturing toward all of us to come eat.
"I used to know him. I don't anymore" Harry deadpans as he scoops a serving of potatoes on his plate, his hands shaking as he completes the action. His voice was so bland, so dull.
"Harry, don't be rude" Anne quietly corrects him, but he doesn't grant her any sort of response, just silence.
"It's okay, Anne. I know how Louis can be" My mum reassures her as she begins to eat her food.
"Geez mum, thanks" I sarcastically remark, filling up my sister's plates before tending to mine. "Don't even start, Lou. Why would someone as sweet as Harry just have negative feelings toward you for no reason?" She isn't meaning to sound rude or condescending, but she is.
"Whatever" I dryly state, rolling my eyes in the process.
"Who are you?" I look up to see Phoebe poking Harry's pale hand with her fork, the sound of her feet kicking underneath the table fills the room. "'m Harry" He meekly replies, staring down at his plate.
"Hi Arry!" She exclaims, her mouth filled with roast and potatoes. "Pheebs, please don't talk with your mouth full." My mother warns, making Phoebe nod and swallow her food. "Ahhhh, see? All gone!" She exclaims, sticking her tongue out far to prove her point.
Dinner went by smoothly. I had to get onto the girls occasionally about finishing their vegetables, but they eventually complied when I threatened to take away their dessert. Anne and my mum conversed the entire dinner, talking about work, family, and all the other shit that women talk about. Harry didn't speak one word throughout the entire dinner. I could tell that he knew when I was looking at him because he would squirm slightly in his seat. He didn't once look at me.
"Louis, Anne was telling me that Harry got a job at the bakery. Wouldn't hurt you to get a job too, eh?" My mum comments when everyone was finishing up their food. Everyone except Harry, who just pushed everything around on his plate to make it seem like he was eating.
"I don't need a job" I reply, already feeling irritated with my mum's previous comments.
"Well it wouldn't hurt you to get a little job experience. She was telling me about how Harry-" I've heard enough.
"I'm not Harry, mum. Please stop comparing me to a boy you met an hour ago" I feel my patience slowly chipping away, not that I had much to begin with. I don't know where she got the idea of trying to be some sort of parent towards me, we both know she gave up on that a long time ago.
"I'm just saying, it wouldn't hurt you to be a little more like Harry" my mum shrugs, making intense eye contact with me, almost as if she's warning me. Her little "warning" only fueled my anger and chipped away at my patience even more.
"Oh for fucks sake, you just fucking met this guy! Believe it or not, I'm actually happy being the way that I am. Sorry that it doesn't work for you." I yell, slamming my hand down on the table, making everyone flinch.
"Louis, please. I wasn't trying to upset you" Her eyes are soft, and filled with plead. I stand up, looking around the table to see everyone's eyes trained on me, except him. He wouldn't dare to look up, and his hands were pressed firmly against his ears...I'm scaring him.
"May I be excused?" I plead. My mum looks over to see what it is that I'm seeing and once her eyes land on the scared boy right across from her, she nods.
I don't hesitate to rush out of the dining room and up the stairs, but not before hearing Anne softly coaxing Harry to uncover his ears, followed by the sound of his whimpers of protest.
I slam my bedroom door, flopping onto my bed, and repeatedly punching the pillow. I fucked up. I can't handle him being here and not speaking to me. I don't understand why I care so much, or why his silence haunts me more than his yelling. I need him to yell at me. I need him to show any sort of emotion toward me, but he doesn't. I didn't think the words that came out of my mouth only two weeks ago would affect him so much, but they did. He isn't the same anymore, and that's my fault. I hurt him because I let my stupid fucking pride get in the way. I need to fix this. I don't know why, and I don't know how, but I need to fix this.
I pace my room for a while, unsure of how I'm going to approach the situation. I could just apologize and that'll be it. I'll never have to speak to him again, that'll just be it. But why does the thought of never speaking to him again make my heart sink in my chest?
Fuck it, let's just get this over with.
I twist the cool metal knob on my door and pull softly, the hinges creaking slightly. I can hear my mum and Anne chatting in the living room, but I don't hear Harry. As I'm walking down the hallway, in search of the familiar curls, I hear a soft voice coming from Daisy and Phoebe's room, making me freeze in my tracks.
"I don't know how to play dolls" His voice is so soft, so scared.
I stan in the doorway, looking into the room through the small space between the frame and the door. He's sitting on the floor, his shoulders slumped over, making his body look smaller than usual. He's looking down at the babydoll sitting in his lap, making his curls fall into his eyes in a way that would make anyone weak at the knees.
"It's easy! You just hold them and talk in a high voice, like this" Phoebe explains, raising her voice higher than normal to show him how it's done. "Now you try"
"H-hi" He squeaks out, his voice much higher than normal, making it crack at the end. I can't help the laugh that slips out of my mouth, making them aware of my presence and looking toward the door. Fuck
"Louis! Come play dollies!" Phoebe jumps around, looking around her toybox for another doll to give me.
"Actually Pheebs, I was wondering if I could borrow your playmate for a little bit? I need to talk to him" She turns toward me, about to tell me no, but I give her a pleading look, and she nods before skipping out of the room to go bother one of her sisters.
I look back over to Harry, but his eyes are focused on his hands that are playing in the doll's hair. "Harry?" My voice has never been so soft toward him, I don't want to scare him. One wrong move could set him off.
He goes rigid at the sound of my voice, looking straight ahead but still not at me. "Harry, could I talk to you for a little bit? I ask, taking cautious steps toward him.
"I have nothing to say to you" He deadpans, still not looking at me.
"Please just let me explain? I mean come on, you're wearing my jacket, Harry. That has to count for something. Just give me 2 minutes. Please." I'm begging at this point, but I don't care. He sits there for a little bit, contemplating his options before nodding and rising from the floor, following me across the hall into my bedroom.
I close the door, and turn around to see him standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, his eyes scanning his surroundings
"You could sit down, if you'd like" I'm walking on eggshells here. I didn't think he'd even agree to speak to me, so I didn't have anything prepared to say. He complies by taking a seat at the edge of my bed and looking down at his socked feet.
"Look, Harry, I'm sorry" I state, but he doesn't even budge. "Please say something" I plead.
"You have 1 minute and 50 seconds" His voice is robotic-like, and he still hasn't looked at me. I need to get through to him. I need to break down this wall that he built up around himself.
I begin to pace around the room, feeling nervous that I have to say everything in 2 minutes. "I'm sorry, okay? I don't know why I said what I said"
"Yes you do" He dryly states. His eyebrows draw together in a scowl.
"What?" I ask. I don't understand what he's saying, but I'm a little scared.
"You know why you said what you said, Louis. Don't lie to me. Why did you say those things?" His small fingers are tangled within one another on his shaking lap, his leg bouncing in anticipation.
"I-I don't know" I stutter out, but he doesn't buy it.
"Alright, If you're just going to lie then I'm leaving" He stands from my bed and begins to walk toward the door. No. he can't go.
I rush over and stand in front of the door, blocking him from leaving. "Okay okay, I'll be honest just please sit down" I beg. He visibly weighs his options before sighing, and turning around to return to his spot on the bed.
"I said the things that I said because I wanted to hurt you." There's no other way of putting it. I wish I didn't see the way he flinches as my words seep into him. I did want to hurt him, I truly did. As fucked up as that sounds, that was my motivation to continue.
"Why Louis? Why did you have to do that to me? I was nothing but nice to you" His shoulders sink down even lower, his body appearing frail.
"Because you mentioned Niall" I sigh out
"What?" He asks, sounding utterly lost
"You said that you should've listened to Niall. I knew then that Niall probably warned you about me. I knew that he must've told you to stay away from me, and that hurt. Do you know how it feels to come with a warning label? To have people start conversations with you, only to change their mind once someone reminds them of who you are? It doesn't feel good, Harry"
"Yes" He simply states. What?
"Yes what?" I ask, still pacing the floor of my room.
"I do know what that's like, Louis. I mean come on, I'm the poor kid. I come to school every day in my absent father's old ratty clothes, the clothes that you made fun of." I look down at my feet in shame of the memory. "I wear duct-tape on my shoes. I can't even form a coherent sentence to save my life, remember? Those are your words, not mine" he snaps
"I'm sorry I said those things, I didn't think it'd affect you" Now it's my turn to stay silent as he explains himself.
"I know that you're sorry, but where was that sorry two weeks ago when it happened?" He questions, but this time I have a rebuttal.
"I tried to come up to you the next day at lunch, but you wouldn't hear me out" I rush out in one breath, running my hands through my hair.
"That's because it wouldn't have been a sincere apology, Louis. You wouldn't have even known what it is that you were apologizing for, you would've just apologized so I wouldn't be mad anymore." I can tell he's getting frustrated as he repeatedly throws his hand down on my bed as he speaks.
"Harry, I felt bad the instant I said it" I whisper out, looking down at my feet. "What?" He asks
"As soon as I said it, I felt bad. I didn't mean what I said, Harry. But when I feel hurt or angry I just say things. I say whatever I feel that I need to say in order to hurt someone. I don't want to be that way with you" I can't tell if I'm getting through to him or not, and I wish he'd just fucking look at me.
"And what about when you laughed at me? I didn't even think that it was a date, but why was it so horrible to you? Howcome you laughed at me?" I was hoping this wouldn't come up.
"Honestly?" I question
"Yes Louis, honestly" He urges me to continue. I walk over to him, stopping directly in front of him. His gaze is averted down at our touching feet, but my feet are soon replaced by my knees as I sit on my knees in front of him, becoming eye-level.
"Because it scared me. I wanted to figure you out, Harry. I'll admit that my intentions with you weren't exactly pure. I saw your innocence, how naive you were, how easily you trusted me, and a small part of me, a small, sick part of me wanted to destroy that. I'm not proud to admit it, but it's the truth. When you even suggested that it was a date, it scared me because that's not what I wanted, I didn't want you to form some sort of attachment with me. I did the one thing I knew to do. I hurt you"
My words sunk in deeply, and as much as he tried to fight it, tears pooled in his eyes and his pink lips turned into a frown. "Oh, Harry" I sigh out, running the pad of my thumb over his cloudy eyes, his eyelashes fluttering against my skin.
"You hurt me, Louis. You hurt me so badly" The sound of his voice cracking out into little whimpers make my stomach twist. "Every day I get laughed at, and picked on. I endure it every single day. And then I met you, and I thought it'd be different. I was beginning to trust you, and you hurt me." He sounds so broken, and I did this to him.
"And then you left me for two weeks. I know I told you to leave me alone, but god Louis, I missed you. I had no closure, no reasoning. All I had were those fucking words that replayed over and over again, crashing down like a wave. Do you know what that did to me? You can't do this to me, Louis." He's full-on sobbing at this point, his small stature shaking with every whimper that escapes his body.
I pull him into my arms, softly rocking back and forth as he cries into my shoulder, his small hands fisting the fabric of my shirt.
"I know, Haz. I know. But listen to me, I won't hurt you, Okay? Please just give me another chance, and I promise I won't hurt you again." I plead, my face buried into his neck, his soft curls tickling my nose.
"How do I know that? How am I supposed to know that you won't hurt me again, or that you aren't lying?" He pleads, begging me for an answer.
"You have to trust me, okay? We can start over. We can be friends, and I'll slowly gain your trust. I'll make all of this worth it. You just have to trust me, love"
"We can't be friends Louis, it won't work" He shakes his head rapidly against my shoulder, and his tears soak deeper into my shirt. "Yes we can, Harry, Just trust me. I promise you we can start over, just trust me, okay?"
He pulls away and looks down at his bitten nails, tears staining his red cheeks. His bottom lip is drawn between his teeth as he contemplates his options. His dark curls fall into his eyes for the hundredth time this evening, and I smile softly at how innocent he looked. For the first time since this conversation started, his glossy red-rimmed green eyes meet my pleading blue ones, and his tiny voice manages to squeak out-
"Okay"
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A/N
Hi lovelies! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, I enjoyed writing it!
If you have any questions or anything like that, let me know
As usual, let me know what you think
Please vote:)
Chappie 15 coming soon
I love you pumpkin- A