As I make my way to the designated area, each step I take sounds louder than the last. Drowning out every other sound, I become surrounded by the thumping of my heartbeat and the gravel beneath my shoes as I walk forward.
I become hit with a strange feeling if claustrophobia. I feel as if I am in a room whose wallpapers mock me. Reflecting how pathetic I truly am.
Taking a deep breath I take the baseball into my hand, feeling the weight of it. My mind is consumed with negative thoughts. An entire novel of ways I am destined to fail.
Your terrible at everything! Useless, useless, useless!
Worthless trash how could I ever have a daughter like you
It's all your fault
Your fault
Your fault.
Winding my arm back, I throw it as hard as I can, chest heaving from the mini breakdown I was having upstairs. Watching the distance machine, my score kept going, and going and going until it stopped at 69 meters.
I nod, noting that I threw further than I have in years. I walk back to the group, watching Izuku go. I hear a grumble by me, although I was too caught up in my emotions to really process it. Too busy trying to bottle up my emotions from my sudden ptsd. Compressing every bit of pain, anger and guilt I had. Making them smaller, and smaller and smaller.... Until they came together into a brick.
This was something I commonly did when I had my ptsd flare up on me. I'd pick out the emotions, compress them and add them to the walls I kept up around my subconscious, walls to keep in the monster hiding deep inside me. The monster anyone could see if they looked hard enough.
My breathing and heartbeat slowed to normal and everything was right with the world as Izuku threw the ball. Moving on to the next tests, I passed every one with flying colors, my strength coming from my emotions of the event that happened long, long ago.
After finishing the last test, I pulled my (long/short) hair back. I let out a slightly grumble - annoyed at how hot Japan weather proved to be. Starting my walk back to the gym to change, Uraraka surprises me with her usual bubbly smile. It's almost like she came out of nowhere..
My thoughts turn to her smile as I thinkI wish I could be that positive. She seems like a really nice person too. She begins to wave her hand in front of my face, snapping me out of my thoughts.
"Asunaaaaa you there?" she asks, concerned. "Yeah, right here, I was just thinking" I say with a nervous laugh. "I do that all the time" she says with a giggle as she drops her concerned tone. I like her sense of humor I mentally jot down.
"Also, I came over here to ask you, did you use your quirk at all during the tests? I mean, I know you did really good, but I didn't see any signs of a quirk being used" she said, curious.
"I didn't actually. I've been training for the past few years just so I'd be able to protect myself without my quirk. Plus it isn't really useful unless I'm using it on someone." I said, explaining to her.
"Ohhhh, that makes more sense, what is your quirk anyway?" She asks casually "I'd rather not say, it's honestly really embarrassing. People tend to resent me after I show them." I say as we reach the gym, changing back into my other clothes.
"Don't say that Y/N! I bet your quirk is amazing" Uraraka says as she gets into her uniform next to me. Oh Uraraka, I wish it was . "I'm sure your quirk is much better than mine." I assure her as I slip my shoes on. "I'll see you tomorrow Uraraka. I have to go home and do some chores." I say to her as I grab my bag. "Sounds good, see you then. Walk home safe!" She says, giving me a big grin. "I'll do my best" I say back, returning the grin. I began to walk home, with the knawing feeling that she might be wrong.
The sun was due to set in about an hour, and that slight breeze from this morning had calmed down to practically no breeze at all. Walking down the sidewalk, I observe more cars passing me by. Finally feeling comfortable, I turn the corner and close my eyes. I take a deep breath, inhaling the sweet scent of... caramel?
My nose comes in contact with a muscular back that instantly tenses. Opening my eyes I take a few steps back, apologizing immediately. "I'm sorry I ran into you, I didn't mean to." I say, giving them a quick bow before looking up to meet their eyes to see who I bumped into.
He was tall, about 5"7, ash blonde hair and.... Wait, wasn't he the one that grumbled at me earlier? "Watch where the fuck your going!" He yells loudly as he spins around to face me. This is just what I need, another idiot to ruin my day.
"I already apologized, no need to be an asshole about it" I say back just as loud. People like this piss me off, thinking their all high and mighty, it's bullshit. "I'm being the asshole here? Your the one than ran into me!" He said getting up in my face, my hands curled into fists by my sides.
"What's your problem, huh?" I ask, frustrated "What's my problem? No little shit, what's YOUR problem. You move all the way out to Japan to go to this school and yet during the quirk assessment tests, don't even USE your QUIRK! I'm not sure how to feel about you yet, but so far your sure as hell pissing me off." He says.
"Oh I'm sorry hedgehog, since when was MY quirk YOUR business?" I ask, shoving him away from me harshly. Snatching me by my collar, he pulls me closer to him "oh you little-" I roll my eyes, cutting his insult off.
"What're you gonna do, kiss me? Oh jeez, someone's getting needy" I say sarcastically. His face heats to a soft pink, almost reflecting the cherry blossoms littering the sidewalk. His grip loosens a little, illustrating his confusion at my switch to flirting. Bringing my foot up I knee his groin, he falls to his knees, releasing his grip on me.
"I don't even need to use my quirk to know your pathetic. Get off your damn high horse and quit being a dick." I say to him my voice lacking emotion. I walk around him and continue my journey to my house. My stomach rolls as a feeling of dread builds up my throat. That bad feeling is getting worse. Maybe I should have a drink of water when I get home... After a few seconds I hear something distant. What is that,popping? I pause my mental train to listen. Yeah, like firecrackers...
I look behind me seeing a very pissed Bakugou speed walking my way. "Your going to pay for that you piece of trash" he grumbles, his eyes narrowed in anger. "Fuck off already" I say, annoyed. Looking back in front of me, I keep my pace as I flip him off.
I keep walking, hearing him get closer and closer. I didn't think he'd do anything. Maybe he had the decency to not hurt a girl.
Right?
Wrong.
Grabbing my shoulder roughly he squeezed, I could feel the heat in his hand close to burning my uniform. Not to mention the repulsive odor coming from my shoulder, showing that he was indeed burning it.
Spinning me around, I saw his other hand in the position for a punch, fire crackling around his hand.What the fuck? The feeling in my stomach intensifies, activating my quirk by instinct - only for a moment. The punch came harder than I expected, it hit the left side of my face.
After blinking a few times, I realized that he was shaking slightly. My blood dripped off of his knuckles as he loosened his fist at his side. I did a double take. I should be the one shaking because of the pain or the black eye I'd have when I got home. But no, he was the one shaking and breathing all heavy like. Probably because he's still recovering form my knee..
I sigh deeply, not letting him see how much that hurt. I look up at him, making eye contact. "Are you done?" I ask in a dull tone. I had enough of his temper tantrum, I just wanted to go home. He shoves me harshly backwards, I stumble but don't fall, still holding his gaze. "I hope you learned your lesson you damn extra. Stay out of my way. If you touch me again, I will break your face next time." he hisses at me as he walks past me, towards his house.
I wait until he's roughly two blocks away before I fully begin to freak out, holding the left side of my face with one hand, tears threatening to fall from my eyes. "Bastard, that really fucking hurt. Good thing I used my quirk to be so brave about it." I assess my uniform and realize that it's ruined. I sigh, looking towards the sky. "Asuki's gonna kill me..." I mutter as I continue my walk home.
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5 Minutes Later
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Unlocking the front door, I walk inside and take off my shoes, placing them on the white shoe rack to the left. "Y/N is that you?" My mother calls ludly from the kitchen, from which the exquisite smell of rosemary and thyme baked chicken comes from.
"Nope it's an axe murderer, good thing you asked!" I yell back, chuckling to myself, wincing from the motion. The sound of her laughter echoes from the kitchen, making me relax. "Come tell me about your day" she yells, I drop my on the end-post of the railing to the stairs and walk into the kitchen. Sitting on the stool by the counter, I watch her expertly cut carrots.
"Honestly not a lot happened, I passed all the quirk assessment tests easily but I didn't get to use my quirk at all dueing them." I paused, looking away. "I also might've gotten into a one way fight on the way home because of it. And possibly ruined my uniform in the process..." She glances up, suddenly seeing my face, hers growing red with anger.
"Who do I need to hit with my car" she demands, her tone serious. "It's not a big deal, really, plus it barely hurts. It looks worse than it is, Trust me." I say, trying not to worry her, although she was more pissed than worried.
"You can beat up anyone at that school and you know it, why would you let someone do this to you?" She asked, her tone going soft towards the end. I looked down at my feet, not wanting to meet her gaze.
"Maybe because I deserve it, maybe because I hate my quirk because of what I did to dad all those years ago. Maybe if I was different.. Just maybe..." My voice was just over a mumble but she heard every word. Tears stung my eyes and made their way down my cheeks in, what felt like, a never ending stream.
Putting down her knife quickly, she walked over to me and hugged me tightly. "Y/N you know that isn't true, you know that you didn't do anything wrong. He crossed a line he never should have. He deserved what he did to himself. Through and through." She said trying to soothe me.
"Didn't do anything wrong? I hurt him in a way nobody should ever be hurt. I drove him to suicide. I KILLED him, mom!" I spat out the words, venom lacing every one of them. "Honey don't-" she began, but I cut her off as I pulled away from her "I'm going to bed" I say in a flat tone, getting off of the stool and rushing upstairs to my room.
Grabbing my PJs from my black dresser and went into the bathroom. I took off my ruined uniform, turning on the shower to the hottest setting. I looked at myself in the mirror, examining myself. My curves, my (eye color) eyes and my (hair color) hair. Suddenly his words echoing in my head as if he were just behind me.
Fix your hair sweety, you look better with it down, that-a-girl....
Goosebumps covered my body, I broke eye contact with myself, stepping into the steaming hot shower, I pull my hair out of a ponytail and begin to wash it. I hate him, I hate him so much. So why, why do I get sad every time I think about him?
I continue to shampoo my hair, as well as condition it and wash my body with lavender scented body wash. As I did so I notice my hands shaking. I make a blunt "tch" noise, smiling to myself. "Funny, how I shake when I just think about him and don't shake when I'm getting the shit beaten out of me." I shake my head, in utter confusion. What is wrong with me?
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Author's note
Hey guys! Author here, just wanted to let you guys, gals, and non-binary pals know that I have edited and finished this chapter. Can't wait to continue this series!
I hope your enjoying so far, don't forget to comment and vote! Love you all 💛💛💛💛
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