Beyoncé December 6, 2016
I walked to the front door, adjusting a sleeping Blue on my hip. She made a soft snuffling noise before snuggling deeper into my chest. I smiled at the sight of her. So peaceful.
"All I'm saying is you could've just ordered your own," Sarayah complained to Solo, shattering my peace. I rolled my eyes.
Solo groaned loudly. "It was one piece. ONE PIECE!"
I looked over my shoulder, staring at the two of them incredulously. They'd been arguing about this damn calamari on and off for the better part of an hour. Can you imagine? No, actually imagine it. Arguing. About A PIECE OF CALAMARI! For an HOUR.
"Would you two stop?" I asked between gritted teeth, giving them both pointed glares.
"Honestly," Julez agreed, walking past me to step into the house.
Solo and Sarayah looked down, abashed. I eyed them up and down, before turning on my heels to follow Julez's path inside.
I brought Blue to her room and got her ready for bed. She barely opened her eyes through the whole process, even when I stuck her toothbrush in her mouth. I tucked her in, softly stroking her curls. Her small face looked so tranquil, completely oblivious to the world around her.
There was something so pure about a child's innate trust. She'd fallen asleep on me, knowing everything would be alright. That I would take care of her. That she didn't even need to open her eyes to see where I was laying her down. Didn't need to worry about if I was going to drop her. I could've carried her to the ledge of a cliff, and she would've just kept on sleeping. Like nothing was wrong.
That level of trust was unthinkable to most people. At what point in our lives did that trust change? Hopefully, for Blue the answer would be never.
I stroked her curls one last time and gave her a kiss on her forehead. She sighed in contentment. I smiled down at her before retiring to my own room.
I took my time getting ready for bed, letting myself get mindlessly lost in my nightly ritual. After the day I'd had, I wanted to empty my mind. To just be for a little while.
When I was done, I grabbed my laptop and switched it on, ready to do a little work.
"You really gotta stop working before bed."
I looked up to see Jay walking into our room. I shot him an unimpressed look. "You're one to talk. I know you went straight to your office to check the progress report Mike sent you during dinner."
Jay shrugged, walking to the bathroom to get ready for bed. I smirked at his back, knowing I'd won for now. When the shower turned on, I went back to my work.
Before long I heard the door open. "I'm almost done," I murmured before he could complain.
Jay smacked his lips but didn't protest. I felt the bed dip on his side. He shuffled around for a moment.
"Hey Bey, what–"
"Hold on," I cut him off, focused on getting my thoughts down.
I finished typing up my notes, making sure to save them before clicking over to my emails. You can't imagine how many 'important' emails I receive a day. I groaned at the vast amount of new emails I had waiting for my attention.
I peeked over at Jay, worried he'd be glaring at me. Much to my surprise, he wasn't paying me any mind, too busy reading.
Perfect. I thanked God for my good luck and turned back to my laptop, quickly sifting through my inbox. I sighed when I came across Isobel's daily report. It always said the same thing: no new leads. But I clicked on it anyway. Unsurprisingly, those same three disappointing words greeted me. Nothing had changed. No new leads.
Frustration flooded through me. After everything she'd done, Alison was still free. And we were no closer to finding her. Isobel sent me reports every day under the guise of keeping me up to date, but I knew what she really wanted. She was waiting for me to reply with new information. But I never had any.
"Bey, what the fuck is this?" Jay asked, his agitated tone finally catching my attention.
I turned my head, my eyes widening when I saw what he was holding. "What–where did you find that?"
He scrunched up his face, still holding Sarayah's journal. "What do you mean? It was right on the bed. What is this?"
I groaned, running my fingers through my thick curls. "Fuck, Jay. You weren't supposed to read that!"
"Fuck that bullshit! You were just gonna sit on this?" He stared at me, his eyes wide. "I know you're trying to build trust and all, but this isn't some stupid secret you bond over! This shit is serious!"
"Lower your voice," I hissed, glancing anxiously at the door. I threw the covers off me and stalked over to it. I peeked into the hall to make sure it was empty before closing the door and locking it.
I turned back to glare at my husband. "You think I'm taking this lightly? Talking about 'this is serious', you think I don't fucking know that! This isn't some game to me, Jay. Reading that journal tore me apart. But Sarayah trusted me with that information. She came to me of her own volition and shared the most vulnerable part of herself. That's important to me too. That matters to me."
"You know what matters to me?" Jay asked, his eyes blazing with anger. "Catching the fuckers who put her through this shit. That matters to me, and it should matter to you too."
"Of course that matters to me–"
"Have you told Isobel about this?" He countered.
I pursed my lips. "Shawn–"
He scoffed, getting out of bed, too upset to keep still any longer. He paced the length of the room, only pausing to shake his head at me. I sighed and walked past him, climbing back into bed.
"I don't get you, Bey. You were obsessed with finding Alison. And now you're just, what? Over it? Sarayah's back so everything's cool?"
I frowned. "No. I just–" I sighed, knowing he had a point. I'd taken my foot off the gas to focus on my relationship with my daughter.
Jay shook his head, looking at the floor. "Listen. If you want to say fuck it and keep this information to yourself. Fine. I'll–" he clenched his jaw, looking at me. "I'll support you. But for me, I think catching these fuckers should take precedence right now. Until they're off the street, Sarayah isn't safe."
He tossed me the journal. "But do what you want."
...
December 7th, 2016
I walked down the hall to Sarayah's room, journal in hand. Her laughter drifted through the ajar door. I smiled, pushing it open. Her and Julez were in the middle of her room, hands on their chins in thought.
"That's a good idea," Sarayah assessed. "But I was thinking...a hammock."
Julez scrunched up his face. "A hammock? But you have a bed. I'm telling you, I have a swing chair in my room. It's like a hammock, but a chair. It makes more sense because you already have a bed right there."
Sarayah nodded. "True. But...hammocks."
Julez narrowed his eyes. "What?"
I knocked on the door, getting their attention. They turned to me, all smiles. When Sarayah noticed what I was holding, her smile faltered. She anxiously looked over at Julez.
"Hey, I'll meet you out there, okay?"
He nodded, noticing her change in mood. He smiled at me before quickly leaving the room.
I smiled at Sarayah. "You didn't have to do that. I was just coming to return this to you." I held out the journal which she hesitantly accepted.
She nodded, looking down at it. "Good read? 10/10 would recommend?"
I chuckled. "Probably not...Come here." I held my arms open, and she walked over, giving me a warm hug. "I could get used to these."
"Calm down, Beyoncé."
I quickly flipped her around, putting her in a chokehold. "Say it again. I dare you."
She clawed at my arm, laughing. "Oh my gosh, I was kidding. I was kidding. Mama. Mama, it's not that serious. Stop."
I let her go, slinging my arm around her shoulder. "If you wanna play, we can play. But you know how I am about winning."
She smacked her lips, but her face easily melted into a smile as we walked side by side to the foyer. Julez and Solo had gathered their bags and placed them by the front door. Solo and Jay were talking while Blue used Julez as her own personal horse, hitting his head to make him gallop around the room.
When we stepped into the entrance, Solo threw up her hands in exasperation.
"Finally! You stay hogging my niece." She turned to Sarayah. "Don't you remember when I was your favorite? Don't you miss that? Come back to me. Come on back." She waved her over, holding her arms open for a hug.
Sarayah shook her head and laughed, walking over to her aunt. I'm not going to lie. A part of me itched to snatch her back, but I refrained. Barely.
Sarayah hugged Solo tightly. "Why can't you stay longer?"
Solo sighed, pulling away to hold her by her shoulders. "Because I got shit to do. But you should come visit us in New Orleans."
"Yeah!" Julez jumped in, practically lighting up with excitement. "You'd love New Orleans. The food–"
"Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there," Sarayah cut in. "Out of all the things you could've listed, why is food at the top?"
"Because you're greedy," Solo answered, giving Sarayah a hard look.
"If you wanted calamari," Sarayah dragged out, immediately starting back up. "You. Should. Have. Ordered–"
"NO!" I yelled over their bickering. "NO MORE. I swear to God I will buy the whole damn franchise before I hear about this calamari again."
"Ugh, right," Blue agreed, rolling her eyes dramatically.
"Regardless of your greedy ways," Solo continued, making Sarayah smack her lips. "I'd still love for you to come visit us in New Orleans. I know you'd appreciate the city. It's one of my favorite places, and that's saying something because I've been damn near everywhere."
"Oh, you don't have to convince me," Sarayah admitted. "I would go today if you let me. I love New Orleans."
Solo raised an eyebrow. "You've been?"
"No, but I feel like I have. I've done so many projects on it, I could pretty much recite its history from memory. It's so interesting. Have you seen American Horror Story?"
Solo shook her head. "No, but I've heard good things."
"Well, the Coven season had this storyline about this woman who killed her slaves and rubbed their blood all over her face to make her young. That was based on a real woman in New Orleans. The house still stands today. They say it's haunted by the slaves who died there," Sarayah finished with a whisper.
"That is really dark," I mumbled, watching her in mild horror.
"Oh you don't even know the half of it," Sarayah informed me. "The story is unbelievable. I think it was Nicholas Cage who bought the house, but weird stuff kept happening, so he put it up for sale again. It's probably still on the market."
Julez's eyes widened. "Woah! We should go. Oh!" He suddenly turned to me. "You should buy it!"
I frowned, thoroughly disturbed by the idea. "No! Why would I do that? No!"
Sarayah nodded. "Yeah, that's a really bad idea. But we should go. New Orleans has a bunch of creepy history that sounds like it comes straight out of a horror movie. It's part of its charm."
I made a face. "If you say so."
Solo laughed. "Okay, wow pipsqueak. Had no idea you were such a little weirdo–"
Sarayah frowned, clearly offended. "This doesn't make me weird. These facts are really interesting–"
"You've made your point, nerd," Solo plowed through, cutting off her protests. "You love New Orleans. We get it. You're weird. So, come visit us. You can give us a haunted tour or something. I'm sure you have more than enough knowledge in that creepy brain of yours to do that."
Sarayah nodded enthusiastically. "I'm gonna ignore that last part, but yes I really do. You don't have to convince me at all. You just have to convince–" She looked over at me, giving me her best innocent smile. "Mama..."
I folded my arms. "Don't 'Mama' me. What do you want little girl?"
"You know what I want." She batted her eyelashes. "Can I please?"
I cocked my head to the side. "And when would you go, Sarayah? Your birthday's coming up, Christmas, New Year's. There's not a lot of time between all that to plan a trip–"
"She can come for her birthday!" Julez inserted. "And Christmas! And New Year's!"
Sarayah grinned. "That would be so cool." She looked over at me. "Please? I've always wanted to go to New Orleans! And there's so much more to it than creepy stuff, I promise. It's really beautiful. If anything, its complicated history is the reason why the city is filled with such amazing art."
I grimaced, trying to think of a way out of this.
Sarayah groaned. "Please, Mama. It's number one on my places to visit in the states."
I thought for a moment. "Okay, then why don't we go outside the states then? Why not Paris? It's beautiful there too."
And not nearly as creepy.
"Why's it always gotta be Paris?" Solo asked in exasperation.
I swung to look at Solo. "I know you're not talking. You've spent more time in Paris than me."
Solo rolled her eyes. "Yeah, because I travel more than you. But New Orleans is my home. And you rarely come to visit. Why don't you come spend the holidays with us for once?"
I frowned. "Why are you acting like we never spend Christmas with you? We spent Christmas with you three times in the past four years."
"Yeah, and how many times has that been at my place?" Solo asked, staring at me. "We've spent it here at your place. We've spent it back home in Houston, and even once in Paris. You've never spent the holidays in New Orleans with us."
"Either way," Sarayah cut in. "I wouldn't want to leave the states because Kai and Vaeh don't have passports, so I wouldn't be able to invite them to my birthday. It would just be easier to stay in the states this year. Plus, I just really want to go to New Orleans. Don't you wanna visit a voodoo shop?"
"No!" I snapped. "I do not want to visit a voodoo shop! Why would you want that? You don't need to be messing in no voodoo. We've had enough bad karma for three lifetimes."
"Aren't you Creole?" She pointed out. "Shouldn't you love all that weird mystical New Orleans stuff?"
I blinked at her, unamused. "Don't try to use my culture against me."
"Mama," she whined. "Please? Can we just go? It's all I really want for my birthday."
I sighed. "You just had to pull the birthday card."
Sarayah smiled innocently. "What birthday card?"
I kissed my teeth, looking over at Jay, hoping he would say no. "Jay?"
He chuckled and shrugged. "Sounds like it could be interesting."
Of course. I groaned, turning to Blue, knowing damn well who she'd side with.
"What about you?"
Blue pretended to think about it. She tapped her chin, leaning against Julez's leg. Sarayah barely suppressed her smile, knowing the odds were in her favor.
"I think...we...should go," Blue answered with a grin.
I sighed loudly. "Okay, if that's what you guys want. I guess I have no problem with it."
Julez, Blue and Sarayah cheered, jumping up in a circle. Solo and I laughed at them, shaking our heads. They didn't care though. They'd gotten their way.
...
December 14th, 2016
The sun filtered into the art room, landing perfectly on Sarayah. She lifted her brush and let it glide across her canvas, leaving a streak of red in its wake. She flicked her wrist, ending the curvy line off in a delicate point. I examined her painting, surprised at the abstract concept. She didn't strike me as the abstract type, but she'd been doing a lot more experimenting lately. Our upcoming trip to New Orleans no doubt inspiring her.
I lifted my hand to the door, rapping it softly with my knuckles. Sarayah looked up, startled. When she saw me, she blushed, not so subtly turning her painting away from my prying eyes.
"It's not done," she explained, her voice timid.
I pouted as if I hadn't already seen it, languidly moving into the room. "Fine. I'll wait."
I walked over to the opposite wall and grabbed another easel. I set it up diagonal to Sarayah's, picking up a canvas and painting supplies on the way. When I was satisfied with my haul, I sat down facing her and smiled.
"I hope you don't mind me joining you," I said hesitantly.
Sarayah laughed. "Uh. Well, you kind of already have, so I guess not."
I chuckled, placing a new canvas on the easel. "We both know I wasn't really asking."
We painted in silence for a time, giving each other room to get absorbed into our own creative worlds. After a while, I peeked at her from around my canvas, curious about her process. She was deep into her painting. Her eyebrows were drawn together, lips slightly pursed as she concentrated. It made me wonder what my concentration face looked like. Hopefully nothing too embarrassing. I smiled, going back to my own canvas.
"So," I said, breaking our comfortable silence. "We're less than a week away from your birthday."
Sarayah nodded. "Yup."
I glanced over at her. "You still haven't told me what you want to do."
She raised her eyebrow in confusion. "I told you. New Orleans."
I laughed. "Sarayah! That's a place, not a plan."
Her other eyebrow shot up, joining the first one. "I didn't know I needed a whole intricate plan. We're going to New Orleans. You guys'll be there. I'll be there. Isn't that enough?"
That made me laugh harder. "Oh my gosh, you're just like your dad sometimes. You can't just go to New Orleans and expect everything to magically fall in place. You need a plan. You want us to just sit around in New Orleans on your birthday? Of course not. So, tell me. What do you want to do for your birthday?"
She scrunched her eyebrows together and paused, the tip of her brush hovering a centimeter from the canvas.
"Uh, I don't know. Anything really."
"Can't you be a little more specific? Give me something. Anything. What'd you do for your fake birthday?"
She chuckled. "I went to jail."
I sighed, mentally berating myself for forgetting again. "Right. Okay, well. What did you want to do? I'm sure you had some type of dream for your 16th birthday."
She shrugged, casually swiping her brush across her canvas. "Didn't have money. So, dreaming big was kind of pointless. All I wanted was to hang with my friends. Something simple."
I hummed in response. "Okay, fine. I will handle the details. But you've gotta give me something, baby. I just want to make sure you enjoy your day."
She looked over at me, examining my face. After a second, she sighed. "Okay. Um. I've always liked the 90's. So, maybe that could be the theme?"
I lit up, my mind already whirring with ideas. "Yes. Okay. I can work with that. I can really work with that."
Sarayah smiled at my excitement, resuming her painting. "Cool."
"Oh, you never told me what Kai and Vaeh said. You invited them, right?"
The smile slipped off her face. She pursed her lips and nodded tersely. "Yup."
Interesting reaction, I noted, filing it away for later.
"Okay, perfect," I said, pushing forward. "I was thinking they could stay at Solo's place with us. It's not as big as ours, but we can make it work if we squish a little. Blue would have to sleep with me and your dad, and you would have to share a room with Nevaeh. Is that okay?"
Her hand stopped abruptly. She stared at her painting in a trance for several long seconds before snapping out of it. She blushed, turning to me.
"Uh y–yeah. Of course. No problem." She stuttered out, clumsily dunking her brush in the cup of water to clean it off.
I grinned, knowing exactly what I was doing.
"Why are you smiling?" Sarayah asked, her annoyance clear.
"I'm not smiling," I lied, still smiling.
She looked over–giving me her full attention–and narrowed her eyes. "I can see you smiling."
"Maybe I'm just happy, Sarayah," I evaded, throwing my hands up. "Can't I just be happy?"
She studied me for a few more seconds before going back to her painting. I considered letting her be, but...
"So, how is Nevaeh?" I continued, aimlessly swiping my brush across my canvas. My attention fully on my daughter.
Sarayah closed her eyes, lowering her paintbrush. She sighed. "Why?"
"No reason! Why are you being so defensive, Sarayah? I just want to know how your friend is doing," I answered, unable to keep the smile out of my voice.
She opened my eyes, connecting with mine. She sighed again, going back to her painting. "She's fine, I guess."
"You guess?"
Sarayah shifted in her seat, trying to focus on her canvas. "We haven't really talked since she left."
My eyes widened of their own accord. I quickly schooled my face into a neutral mask. "Oh."
Sarayah furrowed her brows, slashing her brush across her canvas with more force than necessary. "Yeah."
"Okay, well I'm sure she's just busy," I brushed off, hoping my optimism would rub off on her. "Did you invite her to your party?"
Sarayah clenched her jaw. "Yup. Sent her a text."
I cringed inwardly. "Oh...well call her. There's gotta be a reason why she's not answering. Maybe her phone's messed up, and she hasn't gotten your messages."
It took Sarayah a beat to answer, so I peeked over. She'd lowered her head, her hand still tightly clutching her paintbrush. I frowned when I noticed the tears in her eyes. She was really hurting over this.
"Yeah. Probably," she finally answered, her voice strangled.
I quickly averted my eyes, pretending not to have noticed her small breakdown.
"Okay," I continued hesitantly. "Okay good. When you call her, make sure to let her know we'll take care of travel and all that. So, there's nothing to worry about. All she has to do is show up."
Sarayah nodded, and I looked over at her. She still had her head down. After a few moments, I stood up, deciding to give her some space.
"Okay, well I'm gonna go see what Blue's up to, let you finish up here in peace. Show me your painting when you're done?"
She nodded again. I sighed softly and walked to the door, pausing briefly to rest my hand on her head. When she didn't respond, I stepped out of the room. I took a few steps down the hall before circling back and pressing my back to the wall so I'd be out of sight. Hopefully, she'd assume I'd left.
I waited 20 seconds before peeping into the room again. Sarayah was sitting with her phone in her hands, worrying at her lip. I watched her intently, trying to will her into calling Nevaeh. After another few seconds of internal debate, she scowled and aggressively shoved her phone back into her hoodie pocket.
I groaned loudly. "Just call her."
Sarayah jumped and turned towards the door. I smiled sheepishly, giving her a small wave. She narrowed her eyes at me. Clearly unimpressed with my snooping.
"I thought you'd left."
I shrugged. "That was the point."
She shook her head, looking away. "I would say 'unbelievable', but it's you."
"Just call her, Sarayah. Whatever's going on between you two, you don't want to spend such an important day apart. If you don't try to talk to her, you'll spend your whole birthday regretting it. So...call her."
She considered my words before, glancing over at me. "Are you gonna listen in?"
I held up my hands. "Don't worry. I'm leaving for real this time."
I walked down the hall, ducking into the nearest room. I made sure to wait a full minute before tiptoeing back to the art room. I said I'd leave. I never said anything about coming back.
Sarayah's voice drifted softly out of the room. Quiet and vulnerable. I pouted at the sweet sound.
"Hey Nevaeh. It's me. Sarayah. I hate that that rhymed...Anyway, I know you hate voicemails but, you're not answering my texts so..." Her voice caught.
I peeked into the room, unable to resist seeing her. Sarayah was nervously playing with the edge of her shirt, her eyebrows drawn together. She swallowed hard.
"Uh, anyway. I'm turning 16 soon. December 20th. Weird, right? Since I already did that? But, this time it's for real and I...I want you to be there. If you can. I convinced my mom to let me spend my birthday in New Orleans. Cool, right? We're staying there for Christmas too. So, that should be fun. My mom said I could invite you and Kai to stay for a few days. She'll handle the travel stuff. She's even getting a car to pick you up at your place. So, all you have to do is be there...please be there."
She cleared her throat. "So, uh. I guess I'll message you the details when I get them. Okay. Bye."
I quickly backed away from the room before Sarayah could spot me. I snuck down the hall, sending a quick prayer up. I hoped to God Nevaeh decided to come to the party. Because Lord knows if she didn't show up, I was going to prison for beating up a teenager.
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Hey frenz. I don't really have anything to say as per usual. I'm currently watching Erykah Badu's online concert thing. Not as great as seeing her in person, but still nice. So, tell me something interesting that's happened to you this week.
If nothing interesting has happened...there's always next week 🙃 Ok byeeee ✌🏽