One Direction: I Want to Write You a Song
Five days later we were officially moved in... the house was still a mess but we had the essentials. Gemma and Anne took Kaya for a few days, which she obviously loved, while Harry and I stayed back and unpacked all the boxes. You only realize how much shit you have when it the moment comes for every item to go through your hands and to a shelf, in a cupboard or on a hanger.
"I never want to move, ever again.", he plumped down next to me on the sofa, handing me a beer. Beer was a necessity and the first item we stocked our fridge with.
"Me neither. I can't imagine doing all of this any time soon. Thanks for the beer, love.", the TV wasn't connected yet so we didn't have much to do, but I think the quiet was a welcome change.
"Hey teacup?", I turned to face him, "Hm?".
"Marry me?", my brows furrowed as I attempted to read his face. He was serious, that much was evident. We hadn't broached the topic of marriage since Josh and Alyssa were in London two Decembers ago. I always thought he didn't mind that we weren't married... to me it was a silly piece of paper that couldn't mean more than all of our kisses, hugs, challenging obstacles overcome or parenting wins do.
"What?", maybe I misheard him.
"Let's get married.", okay, so I hadn't misheard him. He really is suggesting we get married.
"Why?", it sounded wrong and I knew it the moment it came out, but I also knew Harry would understand what I meant by it.
"Because, we love each other, we live together and have a child, I think it's safe to say we can take on all hard times and kick their arse by this point. And I want to, I really want to.", he was fairly calm, which was a good thing. It helped me see this as a conversation, something we could discuss and figure out together.
"I guess you're right. But we're fine the way we are now, aren't we?"
"Of course we are. I just want to have a party, invite our friends, dance, see you in a beautiful dress, celebrate our success as a couple and have a special day dedicated to our love.", what he was saying made sense, but since we'd never even mentioned marriage before, it kind of caught me off guard.
"If that's what you really want then okay, let's get married.", one of his cheekiest smiles made an appearance and suddenly it all clicked. A light-bulb appeared over my head.
"Harry Styles, was this your way of proposing to me because you know I despise grand gestures and being put on the spot?"
"Aha. I didn't even get you a ring because I know you hate flashy jewelry and you probably wouldn't wear it. I had this planned for weeks. You make things hard for your man. Normally I would've picked a nice moment with friends or family and I would've gotten down on one knee with a nice ring, said your full name and asked for your hand in marriage. But, it's not just anyone I'm proposing to... Let's be honest, you would've freaked out if I did this in front of anyone, you'd feel obligated to wear the ring and you wouldn't feel like you were in control... you'd feel like I was the one that decided it and you had two choices: yes or no. That's not how I wanted this to go, so I switched things around a bit.", I couldn't stop shaking my head and smiling to myself. Everything he said was true: I'd dislike not being in control, I hate being put on the spot with big decisions, I don't want an engagement ring because I find them flashy, distracting and very inconvenient, and if I just think about him proposing to me in a restaurant or even in our home but in front of other people I start feeling anxious... The man knew me better than anyone and almost as good as I knew myself.
"I love you! I really, really, really truly love you, Harry. Thank you for knowing me the way you do, predicting and preventing any and all freak-outs by including me in the entire thing and not just the 'yes or no' part.", my arms wrapped around him and I sat on his lap for a good ten minutes, showering him with kisses and earning a ton of giggles in return.
"I know you love me. I do. I wouldn't have asked otherwise. When would you like to get married teacup?"
"Let's see... you go on tour at the end of July, right?", he nodded, "So, maybe beginning of July? It'll be nice and sunny; we could do it here at the house.".
"What about July 10th? Ten is a nice number, you were born on the 10th, Kaya was also born on the 10th, it would be nice to say tens are our lucky charms.", I liked the sound of that. Seven is usually my lucky number, but July was the seventh month of the year, after all.
"What about us doing it here?", his brows furrowed for a second, I could tell he was trying to calculate how many chairs would fit in our garden and if there'd be enough room to host a party after the ceremony.
"I don't see why not. I mean, it's gonna be us and Kaya, both our families, the band, Josh and Alyssa and the lads, right?", that was about nineteen people and I was willing to go to thirty. We would have to move stuff around, but it was doable.
"Yeah, maybe also Chris. We can tell everyone at the housewarming next week.", we'd hopefully be moved in by the beginning of next week and we promised all of our friends and family we'd have them over one night for dinner and some drinks.
We spent the rest of the week unpacking and trying to make this house a home. Kaya's room got finished yesterday and tonight was her first night sleeping here with us. I was just about to go give her a kiss goodnight when the sound of Harry's singing brought me to a halt in front of her room. I leaned on the doorframe and watched them. She blinked her little eyelids a couple of times while he sat on her bed, ran his fingers through her curls and sang one of the most beautiful songs they'd ever written as a band, I Want To Write You A Song.
"I want to write you a song / One that's beautiful as you are sweet / With just a hint of pain / For the feeling that I get when you are gone / I want to write you a song" – his voice was the perfect mixture of hoarse and sweet, and Kaya was simply mesmerized by it. She usually only had eyes for her dad, but whenever he'd sing to her she'd stop paying attention to the world around her. She started closing her eyes and the sound of Harry's voice became softer until he finally turned on her nightlight and saw me standing in the hallway.
"Everything I need I get from you, giving back is all I wanna do.", he thought I was teasing him at first, but realized I was being serious when I leaned into him and rested my head on his chest. The safest place for your head to rest.
"It's gonna be 13 years of 1D this summer, isn't that crazy?", it was never easy to talk about the band with Harry. All of them were still friends and they hung out as much as they could, but none of them wanted to talk about a reunion.
"Oh I know. Niall and I were talking about it the other day, how most people consider us to be broken apart, even though we technically never broke up and we still exist.", it was one of the first warmer nights in London, if you consider needing a blanket to be warm in the garden. But we'd take what we could get.
"You've been apart longer than you were active, I get why people are saying it. Have you thought about a reunion at all?", as hard as it was for me to push him on the 1D topic, I wanted them to start talking about it at least.
"Don't know. It's weird when I think about singing and recording with them again... I just got so used to being on my own while on stage that I'd probably topple one of them over in the middle of a dance move.", Harry tried playing it cool, but it was very obvious that 'toppling someone over while dancing' wasn't his main concert.
"But is it you wouldn't want to do it weird or you'd feel awkward at first but find your footing type of weird?"
"I think a bit of both. I like being a solo artist, it gives me the creative freedom I'd be stripped of if we were working as a band. It's an odd thing to describe. I miss that era and I miss them, because we always had a lot of fun, but at the same time I think I like doing my own thing a bit too much to go back to the way things were.", this was the first time in a while we really talked about his music, I always strayed away from more questions because I didn't want it to seem like I was sticking my nose where it didn't belong or god forbid as if I was trying to influence him in any way. His music was his thing, which didn't mean I never got asked for my opinion... it just meant I was careful when delivering it because he was the expert and I was just a passerby.
"I get that, sometimes your creative freedom is worth more than the good time you'd have.", we cuddled up closer and enjoyed the stars that were finally visible after months of clouds.
---------------
A/N: ......so, they're getting MARRIED?! I know, I know! Only a few chapters left :S
How are you lovely people? Are online classes normal for you or is it hard adjusting to them? I find online school super hard to do, I don't feel motivated and I am definitely not on top of things. Sucks that we won't go back this school year...
TPWK, always.
T.