Niall Horan: No Judgement
Watching Harry on stage was different than I expected it to be. I was amazed and in awe by how he moved across it with ease, how he didn't hide his true self and how he danced the way he wanted to... the way the music made him move. At the same time, I was constantly on edge and nervously shifting one foot in front of the other, worried that something wouldn't go as he envisioned it. To the artist, their art is very important, obviously. But, the songs aren't the only art they worry about, because the performance brings the finishing touch. And if the performance doesn't go as planned, the entire vibe could appear ruined. I knew, in the back of my mind, that there was nothing Harry could do that would disappoint his fans – no falls on stage, no voice cracking and no forgetting of the lyrics could ever make them love Harry less. However, I knew there were things out of his control, that troubled him before every big concert... would somebody faint and require medical assistance, would there be enough space for everyone to feel comfortable around each other, would the experience live up to the expectations? From the perspective of the fans, seeing him live out his dreams on that stage was enough to produce a lifetime of good memories and happiness. I only hoped he was aware of the spell he cast over them whenever he opened his mouth to sing or smiled at someone in front row.
"He's really killing it out there.", Chris seemed to be the only one able to vocalize his thoughts, since Apple and I just stood, motionless, and held hands. The girl personified what I'd look like if I got to experience this when I was 15... shaking, opening her mouth wanting to scream but stopping herself right before she loses it.
"Harry is one of a kind, I think it shows how much he really loves his job when he's on stage.", the amount of pride I felt, having heard another musician say how incredible Harry's performance was, was immense. The entirety of the world's feelings came crashing down on me, and I secretly thanked heavens I wasn't able to attend more of his concerts, because going through this emotional roller-coaster multiple times would be more than I could handle.
"Now I'll sing you a song that's very close to my heart. Before you all get excited it is not a One Direction song nor is it one of my unreleased songs. This one is by the most incredible musicians of the band called Fleetwood Mac. It's called 'The Chain', and I wish to sing it with the talented and amazing Stevie Nicks, my dear friend, one day.", the crowd kept quiet through his intro, almost as if we were all hoping this big surprise turned out to be what we imagined it would. It's no secret that all One Direction fans hoped one of the boys would bring someone from the band on stage to sing an old 1D banger together. It never happened, but him singing this song, one of my favorites, meant so much.
"Apple, this is gonna be Thea's time to fangirl over a song, just like you did over Harry. Watch and learn.", Chris leaned over us both and told his daughter what he knew was about to happen. As soon as Sarah started on the opening beat, I went into a trance.
"Listen to the wind blow / watch the sun rise / Running in the shadows / damn your love, damn your lies.", Harry sang and turned his attention to the backstage area, flashing me the warmest of smiles. Having heard him perform 'The Chain', I knew I could go my entire life without hearing anyone perform anything, and still die happily. It wasn't an exaggeration.
"You've been a lovely lot. Thank you for coming and supporting the new record and me. I sincerely hope you had a good time! I love you all.", the crowd screamed once again and Harry sent them air kisses while making his way backstage. He was beaming. He went straight for me and enveloped me in a big hug.
"You were incredible, darling.", I whispered into his ear and he finally let me go, in order to say hi to the rest of his friends that were here to congratulate him. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a familiar figure approach Harry.
"James, mate! I am so happy you made it. Come meet Teacup, my girlfriend.", as soon as he said it, a lump formed in my throat. I shook the hand of James Corden, one of Harry's good friends, and struggled to believe he actually outed us in front of people that were complete strangers to me. All of them had phones in their hands... there were teenage daughters of famous parents, other artists and people I couldn't identify.
"You'll have to tell me more about that... you guys should come over for dinner soon, Julia would love to have you over again.", James continued and I just stood there without moving a single muscle.
"Mate I wish we could, but I start tour tonight, and teacup goes on tour with Coldplay as their executive producer tomorrow. We won't be back in L.A. for a couple of months.", the two of them chatted a bit more as I politely excused myself to go back to the dressing room, after saying goodbye to Chris and Apple.
"Teacup? Where did you disappear to?", Harry's voice reached the dressing room and he started taking his sweaty top off as soon as the door closed behind him.
"I just got a bit freaked by all the people that had cameras, is all.", there was no right way to go about this situation, but I was silently praying he wouldn't get offended by my reaction.
"It is 2020 and people are going to have phones wherever we go.", his voice did sound a bit annoyed and I had no desire to fight right before we were supposed to say goodbye for the month.
"It's fine. I know that. I'm still not used to you publicly saying we're together but don't worry about it... I really don't want to argue right now.", his sweaty arms sneaked behind my waist and my thankful ones wrapped around his neck. We were fine.
"Go grab a quick shower and I'll meet you by the car. I can't wait to get home."
"Home...", Harry mumbled right before shutting the bathroom door.
We didn't speak much during the ride back home, both ignoring the fact that we wouldn't sleep in the same bed for much longer. The thing is, I knew that Harry would want to talk about our feelings when we make it home, and I still hadn't decided what mine were. Listen to me, 'decide' on feelings, as if that's possible. Feelings just are, you can't pick which you like best out of a long queue of available ones. But, what happens when the two of your most prominent current emotions are polar opposites? He parked the car and I grabbed all of his things from the back seat.
"The day has finally come...", the conversation I knew was coming knocked on the door, as he moved around the kitchen, setting the kettle on and making us both a cup of tea.
"I feel weird."
"How so, teacup?", the lamp that stood in the corner of the living room turned on through the app on Harry's phone and illuminated the room. It was quiet up on the Hills tonight.
"On the one hand I've got the start of my tour tomorrow and I am so excited for it. The stage looks incredible, the guys are pleased with production, the fans will love it. On the other hand I've got you and I could honestly watch you perform every single night and let it kill me.", he laughed at the last part of my confession, misinterpreting it as a joke.
"I'm serious, Harry. I'm very conflicted. I love my job but watching you on stage is like being in another dimension. I'd never seen someone enjoy being put in that terrifying position and thrust into the spotlight, as much as you do.", I continued.
"It's not terrifying to me, though. I love it. I want them to scream louder and let completely loose. I think they all get paralyzed by the fact that they're finally there, in that pit or up on the balcony and they don't let themselves enjoy it as much as they want to. I can't have it like that, with me giving it my all and them doing the bare minimum out of fear. Every scream solidifies the feeling that I'm doing something right.", his words resonate, because it's what society has created. A bunch of people afraid to show their true selves, out of fear of judgement.
"It's really nice what you do for them, y'know... I think...", his phone rang and interrupted my thought. 'Niall' flashed over his screen.
"Mate! It's so good to hear your voice. Do you mind if we switch to video-call? There's someone here I'd like you to meet.", his front camera turned on and a smiling man appeared on the other side.
"I'm so sorry I couldn't come tonight, but I saw videos and I have to congratulate ya. You smashed it!", the thought of them supporting each other warmed my heart.
"Don't worry about it, you'll come to another one. Anyway... this here is Thea, popularly known as Teacup, my girlfriend.", he turned the camera over to me and I didn't know what to do in that moment besides 'smile and do a little wave', as Hugh Grant would put it.
"Girlfriend? Well that's news. It's lovely to meet you, Thea. I'm Niall.", he waved right back at me and Harry snorted at my reaction.
"Oh she knows who you are. A big Directioner here..."
"Don't exaggerate Harry. You haven't even witnessed my prime fangirl moments and you never will. It's nice to sort of meet you too.", Niall started laughing when I put Harry in his place and his laugh was so infectious that it got both of us laughing, too.
"We'll meet in person soon, I'm sure."
"If we manage to get all of our schedules to match, then it's a date. I'm gonna let you too catch up while I get ready for bed. Have a nice night, Niall.", picking up my cup of tea, I started walking towards the stairs when I heard them whispering about something.
"You know that thing I talked to you about? Madrid? Do you think we can pull it off?", Harry said and Niall looked over to me, noticing I'd stopped climbing the stairs. I faked getting my slipper caught on one of the industrial steps and waved over to them once more. Madrid. What were they planning?
Harry climbed up to the bedroom half an hour after me and I was already in bed, scrolling through my social media.
"You did really well with the whole Niall thing, teacup. Bravo.", I chucked a pillow at him, aiming for his head, but ultimately missing and hitting the armchair that stood in the corner of the room.
"You've got a rubbish aim, love.", he teased me.
"All joke aside, thanks for introducing him to me, the fangirl in me will be eternally indebted to you and I know he means a lot to you.", he went off to the bathroom to brush his teeth and change into the silky extravagance he called pajamas.
"You never told me how you got into One Direction."
"Oh boy. Okay... so it was, what, 2011? I'd just started high school and it was kind of a shit environment, not gonna lie. I didn't know it yet, but it was really snobbish and shallow. It was a Sunday and I was on YouTube when I came across the WMYB music video. The rest is pretty much self-explanatory. I watched the video diaries, got a Twitter account, followed your twit-cams and waited patiently for new music to be released. I made friends through our mutual appreciation for the five of you... granted, those friendships ended before high school did, but it was nice while it lasted. Being from a small European country meant that I never got to see you in concert and then March 2015 rolled around. That's a trauma neither of us needs to relive. To sum it up – you helped me create a safe haven that offered an escape from mean teenagers and boring school work.", we sat on his bed and the entire situation felt a bit weird... him listening to me speak about 1D.
"That's really cool. I always love hearing stories like yours, because I have a feeling that the love you felt back then never really leaves you, right? Besides, it's incredible that people are in possession of such love and emotion that they choose to direct at a couple of artists.", his reaction was surprisingly tease-free, which I appreciated.
"I guess it doesn't, no. How could it? I met people that live all over the world and I still talk to them... a girl in Chile and one in San Diego. Whenever we chat I'm reminded that I would never have met them if it weren't for you. It feels like home. Anyway, enough of that, you really don't want to have the image of me fangirling over you boys etched in your brain.", we put the lights out and laid beside one another.
"I will never think of you as less worthy of my attention... even if you show me your crazy.", he slung his arm over my tummy and his head found a comfortable spot on my chest. If only I were as sure as you, Harry...
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A/N: she meets Niall!!!! Could you imagine, though? What do you think of the story so far? (we're almost at 2k so THANK YOU!!!)
TPWK, always.
T.