Harry Styles: Ever Since New York
Josh came over as soon as I told him it was an urgent 'boy' matter. In the year we'd known each other I haven't shared a boy matter with him once. My job had been my priority and my social life pretty much revolved around the events I was producing and work parties I was attending. All of that, apparently, changed with the Christmas Ball and meeting Harry. How I let it change so drastically, without ever noticing, was beyond me.
"Okay, I brought wine and popcorn... I didn't know if this would be a depressing story or an interesting one. Sit down while I find the largest wine glasses you own.", he shoved me gently over to the couch and maneuvered his way around my kitchen cabinets.
"First of all – where the hell were you this weekend? Not a single text for three days!! You had me worried sick, you asshole.", a glass of wine was securely in each of our hands and a bowl of freshly made popcorn rested on top of the tiny coffee table next to us.
"That's what I wanna talk to you about. So Friday night, I come home from drinks and find Harry on my doorstep. He told me he needed a little break from recording and he flew to DC...", Josh had a look on his face, he was dying to yell out something obscene, but I thankfully stopped him and continued with my story.
"We had a nice night in, and right before going to bed he told me we were going to New York early Saturday morning and that it was a surprise. So anyway, we drove up there, checked into a hotel, got lunch and ice cream, had a nap, and he disappeared from our room while I was in the shower. He left me an outfit on the bed and told me to meet him at 8. Turned out he arranged for us to go to a U2 concert in MSG, meet all of the band and get a private VIP experience. It was the most incredible thing ever and I haven't felt happier in a long time. We had brunch the next day, walked around the city and drove back down to DC. Here is where I'm gonna need the wine and you'll want the popcorn...", I gulped more than half of the glass down and Josh got more comfortable on the couch, with the bowl now in his lap. He motioned for me to go on, and I thought 'well, here goes nothing...'.
"When we got back here, it was really hard for me to say goodbye to him because, y'know... I got accustomed to being around him. So we hugged and I kind of sort of pulledhimbackandkissedhimonthelips....", Josh almost dropped the bowl on the carpet and his hand flew over his mouth. I just closed my eyes and hoped for the embarrassment to go away.
"Sister, you did not. You. Did. Not.", he was still astounded by what I shared and I couldn't open my eyes, even though it was just Josh.
"Oh, I did. I wish I didn't. But it's done and I have no idea what comes next...", I filled up our glasses with more sauvignon blanc and pulled out an ashtray from the cupboards. I usually had a policy of not smoking inside the flat, but this was a stressful situation and those required a dose of nicotine mixed with alcohol.
"What did he do? How did he act? You've left out the most important details.", he urged me to continue, and what I was about to relive might have been the worst possible bullshit that ever came out of my mouth.
"Before he had the chance to say or do anything I asked him not to turn this into something it's not and I may have recited the first rule of Fight Club.", my hands flew over to my face once more, a natural reflex to my own stupidity.
"I mean, hearing it like this makes it sound dorky... but it's you we're talking about, so I know it turned our cool and carefree.", my friend tried really hard to make this situation suck less.
"Yeah, but the thing is... It's Harry we're talking about, not me, and he's all about openness and emotion, not hiding from it but embracing it. And there I went and did exactly the opposite of his life motto, I hid under a rock. A giant, huge rock.", I finally voiced my feelings over this entire mess I'd created.
"I guess that does make sense. But, hon, he knows you and I'm sure you've shared your past struggles with feeling things. The only things we can do are make sure you don't get drunk alone which would lead you to do a stupid thing involving your phone and wait for him to call once he arrives in L.A.", Josh assured me and opened another bottle of white, while I searched for something on the TV.
We got more drunk as the hours went by, and there was still no call from Harry. Josh already texted Lil' to tell her I'd come down with something and he was taking care of me so he'd be available only over phone and e-mail for the entirety of Monday. She was fine with it, since our work usually didn't tie us a to a specific desk or office space. Thank heavens for Josh and his ability to skilfully lie to our boss. A rerun of Friends was on, an episode we'd both seen a gazillion times, but anything was better than just staring at our second empty bottle of wine. Rachel and Ross turned to an impromptu Bon Jovi concert and another bottle of wine. I was in the middle of 'Livin' on a prayer' when I saw the screen of my phone light up with a text. I think I trained my eyes to watch out for that call or text, despite the rising levels of alcohol in my body.
"Josh. It's a text. Open it, see if it's from him. I can't look.", I tossed him my phone and he paused the song. His expression was unreadable, something between 'I'm confused' and 'AHA, everything makes sense'.
"It's an audio attachment, his song Ever Since New York, but an acoustic version. The text reads: tell me something, tell me something... you don't know nothing, just pretend you do... I need something, tell me something new... choose your words 'cause there's no antidote for this curse.... We'll talk whenever you're ready, teacup. I've landed. Sweet dreams. x, H", Josh read to me and I was finally able to breathe again once he said 'teacup'. If he could still use his nickname for me, then nothing was lost yet. The only question was - would I let it turn into something or would I hide forever?
A WEEK LATER
Josh and I were out on our lunch break, we liked to eat by the cherry blossom trees near the office building. He picked up some sandwiches and texted me to meet him downstairs. I'd kind of been avoiding all human interaction for the past week, wallowing in my own thoughts.
"You can't hide from me forever. Come on, asshole.", he led me to the picnic tables in the middle of a small square that was surrounded by our favorite type of trees. We ate in silence for a while, but I had a feeling that wouldn't last long since it was Josh who was with me, the man would end up talking out of his ass if you taped his mouth shut.
"Okay, I know we talked about it already. But, we haven't really talked about New York or what he did for you. We just discussed your actions after NYC. Shut up and listen to me. I have known you for a year and the one thing that has always left me perplexed was your inability to fall in love. You love me and Alyssa, you love your friends and your family. But you haven't even been on more than a couple dates since you moved Stateside. I don't really know how that's even possible, to be honest. You're a beautiful girl, talented, imaginative, kind and caring. There are people out there willing to love you and I think one of them might be Harry...", he ignored my protesting at the beginning of his monologue and just kept going. He had a point.
"All that you said is true. I've never allowed myself to be loved or to love. I've tried. At least I think I have. I don't know what it is but every time someone gets close to me I sort of clam up... maybe it's out of fear of hurting someone or getting hurt myself, maybe it's because I don't feel like I have that kind of love to give. I don't know.", the more I talked the more I realized what Josh was going to say next.
"You have to tell Harry that. You can't hide from him forever because I will not let you ruin your chances of a love greater than you can imagine. That man cares for you. I'm not saying he loves you and I'm not saying he will certainly love you in the future... but, you don't know until you give him the chance. He can show you a different side of this world, a different side to the feeling of love. Don't sell yourself short just out of fear. Sometimes fear is good and it stops you from making a mistake, it might even save your life on occasion. But other times, fear paralyzes you and stops you from opening up to something great.", it was exactly what I would've told myself and I knew I had to go to L.A., as much as it pained me to face my fears.
"I'd have to meet Chris soon anyway, so I'll just try to arrange a meeting with him tomorrow. That'll give me an excuse to head to L.A.", we got up from our little place under the sun and I hugged Josh really hard. He was the male equivalent to my best friend back home. The one that understood when to push me and when to let me come to a conclusion myself. This was an in-between situation; it took a bit of both.
When we got back to the office I called Chris and asked him if he'd be okay with me coming to L.A. tomorrow to work on some final details. We'd come pretty far in our production plans and the only things left to do were to go over everything once again and for me to handle the subcontractors. Lil' told me to stay in L.A. for a week, because there was no point in trying to get ahold of all the companies from DC when I could go in and meet with them in person if I were to stay in California a bit longer. Chris okayed my plan and I was packing a suitcase by late afternoon. I decided I couldn't wait longer than that and booked myself the first flight out of DC tonight. The only thing that I kept coming back to was whether I should tell Harry I was coming to Cali. I thought it was best to catch him off guard, since it was really the only way I could say what I wanted to say and see his true reaction, I didn't want to give him more time than necessary to form an opinion. I was petrified of what his opinion on the matter might be, and that fear had the ability to stop me in my tracks and make me turn around before I ever give it the chance to show me something good can come out of it. The flight was at seven in the evening, DC time, which meant I'd be in Los Angeles around nine in the evening, L.A. time. The good thing about Harry and I becoming so close before this whole NY fiasco was that he made us both install a 'where's my friend?' app on our phones. It gave us both access to the other one's location at all times. I checked to see if he was home and hoped that I'd catch him alone and not while he was entertaining his friends.
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A/N: HI! I'm back!
Josh is my favorite imaginary friend, tbh. So she's going back to L.A., to see Harry. How do you think it's gonna go? Is our teacup gonna mess this whole thing up? Btw, did the Harry song surprise you? Didn't think so.
TPWK, always (and tell me what you think of the story so far).
T