song of the chapter- she will be loved by maroon 5
mattia's pov
i never wanted it to end like this. i lost my best friend over a girl. what's sad is that it doesn't even feel right anymore. after all the trouble i went through for deja i never thought about how much this whole thing would break alejandro. i still wanted her, i think i always will but going and making it official with her right now or even soon wasn't fair to him at all.
Snapchat
me: i'm so sorry i brought you into this deja
dream girl ⛅️💛: it's not your fault i got caught up
me: i'm still so in love with you but ik right now is not the time for us
dream girl ⛅️💛: but i wish it was
dream girl ⛅️💛: i do need some time, but soon it's gonna be our time.
me: keep it lowkey tho because all the boys are gonna hate me
dream girl ⛅️💛: alivia's gonna flip her shit same with ella
dream girl ⛅️💛: mariana's gonna be so disappointed
me: i'm sorry
dream girl ⛅️💛: i wish i could've just made my mind up when i first started catching feelings for you and not put both of you through this
me: i mean me too, but fuck it. it already happened
there really was nothing we could at this point. what had happened already was over. it sucked, it really did. my best friend hates me. kairi won't even want to talk to me either when he finds out. alivia and ella aren't going to be happy with me or deja. we put so much on the line to sneak around together and it's blowing up in our faces now. i guess this was a lesson about karma. yes, i was still planning on making things official with her when she was ready but right now it didn't feel right. i messed up big time and went against everything i believed in. i hated cheaters but i bred one. i was the one who texted her first. i screwed up an entire relationship because i was jealous.
jealously can kill someone's spirit, ruin lives, and is one of the most impactful emotions. if it wasn't for jealousy i wouldn't be here crying my eyes out on the bathroom floor. if it wasn't for jealousy i would've left alejandro and deja alone. if it wasn't for jealously i wouldn't have spent so much time wondering why i wasn't good enough for her but he was. if i wasn't for jealously i wouldn't hate myself so much. that's what it was now, i just hated myself. there was no other way to describe it except for a feeling of self hatred.
i was absolutely disgusted with my actions. i was especially upset with how long i let it go on for. deja and i had been talking for well over a year and even though i saw so many problems with what i was doing, i still continued. at the end of the day, it was worth it for deja. i can now confirm that she's the girl i'm meant to fall in love with if we'd gone through of all this together.
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tbh, i really wouldn't know what to do if i was mattia 🤷🏻♀️
also, please read my friend sugaryvonne 's book we got history!! i love it omg