caught up ; mattia polibio

✰ chapter 43 ✰

song for chapter 43- sex sounds by lil tjay

deja's pov

after the little scene in my driveway i thought going to mattia's house would be the best way to make myself feel better. i can't lie, not even twenty minutes after i got there i was riding his d!ck and screaming his name. i guess i can't help myself when it comes to him. alejandro and i have good sex but it isn't the same as when it's with mattia. we try new things, he's kinky, he chokes the fck out of me, he knows what i like. alejandro is a vanilla, cut to the chase kind of guy. that's amazing for some girls but not for me right now.

i'm being petty and i'll admit that but i'm so pissed he even tried to call me out for some stupid sh!t like that. i can't promise i want to marry someone when i'm a junior in high school that's just not how life works at all. mattia looked over at me, "what's on your mind princess? you look focused." i explained to him the whole situation. he made a face, "you don't have to promise anyone a damn thing deja. you're your own person and if alejandro can't realize that, maybe you guys have reached the end of the road." he has a point but i really don't want to break up with him. as much as i get irritated with alejandro i am deeply in love with him still. i won't mention that to mattia so i just not and snuggle up next to him. "i mean, i just miss the old us. me and him used to be so happy and so perfect until..." he cut me off, "until i came along."

mattia had a point. i didn't want to agree and make him feel guilty or upset but these problems didn't start until that night mattia snapped me that i was looking 'extra fine that night' or whatever. talks like this make me wonder if i would've been better off never dating alejandro and just going for mattia in the first place. he doesn't think i know but everyone knows how long mattia liked me for even before me and ale were anything. i love all the memories i made with alejandro but after everything the thought of me wanting to end it now makes me sick to my stomach. i feel disgusting and like an awful human being. i'm breaking our relationship more and more everyday because i'm selfish and can't seem to make up my mind on what i want everyday. these thoughts i had to deal with weren't fair to me either. beating myself up and trashing myself in my mind is exhausting and getting old. i can't continue to hate myself in my mind without being able to tell literally anyone why. i needed to come up with a solution to this problem or wait for one to fall into my lap. considering the position i'm in right now though, literally in mattia's arms, that's not going to happen anytime soon.

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trying to make this gradually more interesting before sh!t really hits the fan lol. keep reading , voting , and commenting. i love love LOVEEE reading comments so make sure to leave some , ilysm 💕 tysm for 6k reads xoxo