caught up ; mattia polibio

✰ chapter 30 ✰

song of chapter 30- why won't you love me by 5 seconds of summer

mattia's pov

deja hadn't spoken a word to me since the night of formal. i literally made sure she was okay the whole night but as soon as it's convenient for her she dips. i just don't understand. if she gets so bored of alejandro and apparently finds me so "exciting" then why doesn't she just break up with him and fuck with me?

she's so selfish but i still have hella feelings for her like i can't even begin to explain. there's so much i want do with deja, i want to grow and change with her and just better ourselves together. i'm so much happier with her it's unbelievable. i don't think there's ever been a girl i've felt anything for that i've cried this much over. it's embarrassing.

i think the hardest part is knowing she has feelings for me too because she's literally admitted it to my face but she's still with alejandro. she'll probably stay with him for the rest of her life and that's the worst feeling in the entire world to know. he'll probably never ever find out what me and deja did for over a year now. honestly, i feel awful too. alejandro is like family to me, he's one of my favorite people in the entire world and i'm betraying him all for a girl. it's not like i haven't tried to talk to other girls. i have and i still talk to a couple but i just don't feel shit for them.

i feel awful because i let them feel some type of way about me but i'm just numb. that's exactly what i thought i was doing too alivia. gladly, she didn't like me either.

i'm still super disappointed in myself for trying to do that to her before i even knew she didn't feel anything for me. from the first time i hung out with her i didn't have feelings for her and i just continued it on and on. i was supposed to see a movie with this girl in a little bit actually and maybe i'll have a good time but i know as soon as i get home and sit down in my bed i'll instantly think of deja and get sad all over again.

i wish i could pin point what was so special about her. i think it was just how she made me feel special. she does so much just to be able to spend time with me and it makes me feel important. i've never felt so crucial to someone's life the way i do with deja. she makes excuses and lies up to see me, she goes behind someone who's so in love with her's back just to spend a little bit of time with me, and literally everything she does just for me.

i looked at my phone and saw i had to go soon. i pulled out a random pair of sweats and a hoodie and asked my mom for a ride there. once we got in the car she told me how miserable i looked.

i nodded, "kinda been feeling that lately. it's a lot to explain. just stressed i guess." total bullshit as usual but it's whatever. my mom asked to see a picture of who i was going with so i found a good picture of naomi.

(a/n: not sure of a name for this girl but found this on @/raredimez on tumblr!)

she said she was pretty, which was very true but i don't know. i don't know how to feel with anybody but deja. it sounds really stupid but nobody gets me the way she does. she understands what i want to say without me actually saying it.

my mom dropped me off, told me she loved me and that she'd be back later to pick me up. i walked in looking down at my phone. i heard a familiar voice and looked up and said naomi smiling up at me. i gave a short hug to say hi and bought our tickets. even though i wasn't too sure about her yet, it's always good to pay.

she seemed shocked, "i always thought you were kinda a dick. wow thank you." i had nothing to say but, "oh." why the fuck would you want to go out with me if you thought i was dick? girls make absolutely no fucking sense.

we walked into the theatre and she went right back to the back row. here we go. i knew exactly what she wanted me to think. after about 20 minutes of the movie she leaned her head on my shoulder so i put my arm around her. i leaned over to talk to her, "you having a good time dej?"

oh shit. she took her head off real quick. "what'd you just call me?" i'm still awful underpressure...fuck. i stuttered out a, "umm i was just on facetime with deja before i came here. had to help her with history homework." i laughed nervously.

i could tell naomi was still confused. she made a face at me, "just kindaaaaa weird to call the girl you're on a date with your best friend's girlfriend's name?" i rolled my eyes, "no you're just over thinking it. i'm going to the bathroom." i went back down the stairs and out the door to the bathroom. i looked at myself in the mirror and sighed. what i saw looking back at me was a simp. fcking absolute simp nation. then i decided to make it even worse.

Snapchat
me: haha just called my date deja
me: kms

dream girl ⛅️💛 is typing...

i changed her name to that the other day. just thought it'd be cute. feels good to see it pop up i guess.

Snapchat
from dream girl ⛅️💛

dream girl ⛅️💛: oh?
me: yea lol
dream girl ⛅️💛: get back to your date dude
me: i don't even like her
dream girl ⛅️💛: oh
me: it's you deja.
me: it's always you.
me: but you don't love me and you never will.
opened 2 min ago

i put my head in my hands. i felt like sobbing right here right now. i splashed my face with water and made my way back to my seat. "what took you so long?" naomi asked before i could even sit down. "my dad called." i lied. i'm so sick of lying about everything to everyone. it isn't fair to me anymore.

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poor mattia :( don't forget to comment n vote!! tysm for 3k reads, ily guys. keep the love coming 💛