𝙒𝙚'𝙧𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙮
I pressed charges the next day, and Alex had to go to the police station for formal questioning as his case was a lot more significant.
I drove him and sat in the car, waiting to offer him support when he came out. And when he did come out, I was relieved to have found out that the questioning was seemingly a success.
What Alex had kept from everyone was a whole bunch of evidence to support the claim that his dad was abusing him: text message conversations that the police could check to see if they were legit, recorded phone calls of Mr Montgomery threatening Alex, even videos taken from security cameras in their home. All in all, it was looking up.
What I have noticed is that since we came back from the police station, Alex has been much more clingy than usual.
Don't get me wrong, ever since we started dating, he has been the one to want a good cuddle or kiss, but now he's ramped it up. I don't mind it, he needs comforting during all this, and I like being in his arms anyway. I'm just scared he's clinging to me to avoid expressing his emotions by talking about it.
He's always checking up on me since I sustained a minor sprained wrist; my nose thankfully did not break, it's just a bit sore. It's sweet how protective he is although I'm not sure he knows that he's the one that needs the frequent check-ups, not me.
The school is aware of Alex's situation and the fact that he's staying with me, so they've made sure that if Alex is in trouble or needs to get picked up, my mum or dad will be the person they call as well as his mum. They've offered him a two-week leave of absence. However, he turned down the full offer and only took the rest of the week off— which was three days.
Before we get out of the car to go into school, I make a point to kiss him extra firm and hug him extra tight. As soon as we're in school and going our opposite ways, I already start to worry for him. With him being at home for the rest of last week, I haven't felt so worried knowing he was in a safe place. Now he's at school, surrounded by shitty people and teachers who pretend to care, all that I'm thinking about is whether Alex is OK.
The first lesson we have together is Chemistry. When I step into the classroom, my eyes instantly fall upon Alex, surrounded by his friends. He offers me a small smile, small enough for his friends not to notice so much though enough for me to catch on that he's smiling. I give him one back.
It seems my smile was not subtle enough because Luke Maddison appears to notice it.
"Yo, why are you smiling like a creep at Alex? Just 'cause he likes guys doesn't mean you can go all predator on him," He sneers. I suck in a sharp breath and walk past, choosing to completely ignore him as I sit in the seat next to Cami. "I thought you had the fag beaten out of you." I flinch. Cami doesn't even bat an eyelid, which is odd because she'd usually get pissed over something like this.
This lesson is the first time I've been insulted by one of Alex's friends since he apologised when he came over for dinner that day. I'm guessing he went by his word and told them to stop treating me the way they did. He, himself, has ended the teasing, for incredibly apparent reasons. Everyone still thinks we dislike each other, though they've assumed that we've grown up and finished the pettiness.
Out of all Alex's friends, it's not a surprise that Luke Maddison would go against what Alex asked him to do. I don't bother reacting.
"Dude, not OK," Alex says, jumping in to defend me.
I've been getting tired of all this fake hating each other thing and have been thinking about talking to Alex about going public. Initially, I've been scared of getting shit for being fully gay but if I have Alex by my side, I know I'll be OK. Now he's defending me to his friends, I know I want to do this. I just don't exactly know when we'll do it. Maybe it won't be too soon.
"What? You're not gay. Why are you offended?"
"I am bi, though," Alex replies, visibly gripping his pen tighter. He doesn't look at Luke or even me and keeps his head down. As the person whom he is dating, I can tell he's getting irritated. I'm guessing Luke doesn't care about him enough to realise.
"Yeah, but not fully gay. You still like girls." Luke remarks, and I have to stop myself from laughing aloud at his pure stupidity.
So being bi is OK but being gay isn't, all because you still like the opposite sex? Wow. The rest of Alex friends, apart from Jacob Daniels and Mackenzie Dickinson, laugh.
Alex closes his eyes and sucks in a breath, calming himself. "I still also like guys, though."
I almost want to cry. Two months ago, Alex would never have associated himself with anything gay, now here he is, openly stating that he likes guys all in an attempt to stick up for me. If only past me could witness this right now. Cami pulls an amused expression.
He holds his hands up in mock surrender, "Geez, sorry. Don't get your panties in a twist. I thought you hated Jenkins."
"You still insulted me as well as him."
"It wasn't directed at you!"
Alex raises his voice, his anger growing more evident, "Never mind who you directed it at!"
Lexi puts a hand on his arm in an attempt to calm him down, but he shrugs her off, glaring at her. She doesn't notice his irritation towards her and instead, smiles at him and shushes him. He looks away from her, casting me a glance before going back to his notes.
Mr Preston doesn't seem to give a single crap about the scene going on. He's busying himself with writing down notes on the whiteboard, yet it's obvious he's heard the entirety of the conversation since he raises his eyebrows in surprise now and then. The fact that he's not jumping in to scold Luke for calling me a fag goes to show how much teachers don't cast a second thought for their students.
"Luke, just lay off it, man." Jacob chimes in, flickering his gaze over to me for a second. I'm taken by surprise at this. I thought all of Alex's friends despised me and couldn't care less if I were being insulted. "You know what, fuck this. Fuck you. It's about time I find myself better friends." Then he turns around to face me. "Hey, is it cool if I sit with you?"
Luke scoffs, "What, are you queer too?"
"Nah, I'm as straight as a plank. I still support gay people, though, and that's why I'm tellin' you that calling somebody a fag ain't alright." He doesn't wait for me to say my thoughts on his question and instead picks up his stuff, moving them next to where I'm sitting, sliding into the empty seat. He looks up to see Luke giving him a heated glare to which he returns, "Now who's the one being all predator-like, starin' at us? Turn around, go on."
"Yeah, I'm going to move too," Mackenzie says, rising from her seat and sitting next to Jacob. She leans across him towards me, "Are you alright? I'm sorry about all that."
The foreign attention from them suddenly flusters me. To be honest, I couldn't be more grateful at this moment. I thought I'd have to struggle through this on my own until I graduate, but now Alex's friends are starting to stand up for me? It seriously looks like things are changing for the better.
I shrug, "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm kind of used to it."
I turn to Cami to catch her reaction to Jacob and Mackenzie joining us, and when I do, it's obvious she's trying her best not to look at them. I don't know what her problem is. They stuck up for me, her best friend, and she doesn't seem to care at all.
Mackenzie grabs my un-bandaged hand resting on the desk, "You shouldn't be, it's not right. I'm sorry we never stuck up for you until now."
Jacob and Mackenzie share a look and then nod at each other, seemingly agreeing to something.
"If it's all good with you and Cami, can me and Kenzie hang around with you guys from now on?" Jacobs asks. As he does, Luke turns around again with a disconcerted expression, causing Jacob to roll his eyes. "Seriously, man, stop looking at us."
"Yeah, that's fine with me," I say without missing a beat. "Cami?" All she does is shrug and mutter something incoherently, so we all take it as a yes. Jacob and Mackenzie both give me identical smiles, warm and inviting. Not one hint of bad intention or spite.
"Sorry, I have to ask. Are you two dating, by any chance? I know a girl and guy can be friends, obviously," I gesture to Cami, "I was just wondering."
Mackenzie lets out a quick laugh, "No, I'm a lesbian." Alex's friends all seem to perk up. "You heard that right, boys," she calls over to them, "I like pussy. What're you gonna do, call me a dyke?" That seems directed at Luke, who grumbles in response, keeping his head down.
"No, but I wouldn't mind watching you and your girl get it on." Mason Anderson says back with a twisted laugh. I pull a horrified expression at his homophobic, not to mention misogynistic, comment. I can only sympathise with women, especially queer women.
"You disgust me, Anderson." She sneers before turning to me again with a smile, as though Anderson didn't just say what he did. "Hey, I hope you don't mind me asking but how come you've got those injuries?"
I let out a nervous chuckle. I can see that Mackenzie's question has caught the attention of Alex, "Oh, I, um— just some guy. It's kind of personal."
I've noticed how rapidly awkward I get whenever somebody asks about my injuries. Due to it being a touchy topic, I repeat the same sentence every time someone asks, hoping they'd leave it alone. Usually, they do, however, Cami has made her business to ask who it was whenever she can. I don't tell her because then I would have to bite off more than I can chew and I can't deal with that. Especially now she's been a bit of a jerk lately.
I'm now always on edge at the fact that she's acting like she's going to snap. I still have no clue what I did wrong, but I'm not willing to throw away our friendship just because of that, so I keep quiet. I've also concluded that while she may be seeing someone, she's not been hanging out with me for more reasons than that. I don't know when the last time we got our morning coffee together was.
Mackenzie gives me a small, sad smile, "I hope you're OK."
Something in Alex seems to snap as he slams his pen on the desk, jumps off his seat and exits the room with a slam of the door. After a few moments, Mr Preston goes after him.
It's silent until we hear the sound of someone punching a locker and that's when everyone starts to whisper to each other. I stay quiet and get starting on writing down the notes from the whiteboard.
If we were publicly dating, I would be able to go after him, to see what was wrong and to comfort him. It's all I want to do right now, and I'm having to busy myself to prevent myself from doing so. But we're not. This secret stays between me, Alex and my family, and it's tiring me out.
At lunch, I introduce Jacob and Mackenzie to Lucy. It's quite weird having two people who I deem verily popular and would never want their friends to catch them with someone like me sitting with us, people who aren't on their level of the social ladder. I know I shouldn't judge a book by its cover, it's just hard not to.
"What's your name, pretty thing?" Jacob asks as he takes a seat next to Lucy. As soon as she realises he's talking to her, she sinks back in nervousness, her shyness coming alive.
"Lucy," she whispers.
"Well, hello there, Lucy. I'm Jacob. You can call me Jake if you want." He replies. I can tell his outlandish nature is intimidating to her.
"Wow, there's only five of us here yet this group is so much more diverse than the one I used to associate myself with." Mackenzie says, scanning her eyes across all of us sat around the cafeteria's circular table, "I mean, you're Filipina, I'm guessing. You're Latina. You're half-Italian half-English, right? Jake's black— well, mixed. I'm the only white American here."
"You are a lesbian if that makes you feel any more included." Jake laughs.
"Oh, yeah."
"God, I was the only non-white person sitting with those people. It got so frustrating at times," he lets out a coiled sound, then he laughs, "This is honestly a nice change of scenery." His laughter dies down, and he turns to me, "Look, man, I'm not sure if you are gay, but whether you are or not, Luke shouldn't have called you what he did—"
I brush it off, "It's honestly fine."
"No, it's not, you shouldn't say that. It ain't fine, and that's why I'm apologising on Luke's behalf again. You seem like a pretty awesome guy, and I've always thought that. If it's any consolation to you, I've always stuck up for you when they talk about you while you're not there. You see, what I'm tryna say is I have no idea why they treat you like they do. If you let me hang out with you guys beyond today, and I know we're hardly friends as of right now, I'll always stick by your side, I promise."
Before I can speak, the sound of Cami's scoffing snaps all of our attention towards her. "Yeah, sure. How do we know if this isn't some kind of trick or something? How can we trust you?"
It's no surprise she'd say this. She's always been sceptical of people, and where she's coming from is understandable. Though, for some reason, I feel like he is telling the truth. It's in the way he's looking at me, sort of desperate. A little bit like Alex was when he was apologising to me, just not as much. If it does turn out to be a trick, we can simply drop him. It's not hard.
"Have I ever said a bad word towards you, hm?" He asks. I already know the answer. No, he hasn't. "No. I swear on my mother's life, this is no trick. I do wanna be you guys' friend, if you'd let me. I'm getting sick of watching it all happen, and I feel it's time for me to step in for once. I've been a coward; I'll say that. And I'm sorry. Will you accept my apology?"
"Thank you." I say with a genuine smile.
"I guess," Cami grumbles.
"What do you say? Friends?" Jacob sticks out his hand, and I shake it, Cami does so too afterwards. He turns to Lucy, "You haven't said much on the matter. You wanna be my friend?"
"OK." she responds quietly, blushing, and they too shake hands.
"Yeah, I'm sorry too, guys. I hope we can be friends as well," Mackenzie says. We all shake her hand too, sealing the deal for our new found friendships.
And that's it. Our original group of two, which turned into three, is now a five. Hopefully, sometime in the future, it can be a six. Even if it's for Alex, I'd never join the popular group. He'd have to join us or we simply would not sit with each other at school. As my boyfriend, he should be able to understand that.
After lunch, in English, I finally find the confidence to say something to Cami, after letting the frustration over her attitude sit and simmer in the pit of my stomach for weeks.
I nudge her arm with mine, "Cami, what's been up with you lately?"
She doesn't look up as she carries on writing, "What do you mean?"
I sigh. Cami precisely knows what I mean. "You've been acting weird around me for weeks. What have I done?"
"I have?" She feigns ignorance.
"You know you have. What's up with you?"
She puts down her pen finally and turns to me, letting the look of regret fall into her features, "Ugh, I— I'm sorry. It's just some personal problems. It's nothing to do you, I promise. I'm sorry for letting my frustrations get the better of me. I'm trying to work on it."
"Do you want to talk about it?" I say softly, not wanting to cause any conflict. It's been so agitating having her acting this way; I don't know what I'd do if we'd have a proper argument. We haven't ever had one before, only small quarrels best friends have to have from time to time.
"Not really. What I do want to talk about, though, is the person you're dating." This topic shift is typical of Cami. She always changes the subject if the focus on her is even remotely negative or uncomfortable. I guess I can't blame her, so I don't push it. I sigh at this. When she catches my expression, she softens, "You don't have to tell me who she is. Describe her."
"OK, well, she's got dark hair and dark eyes. She's tall, fit, like athletically, and is very supportive of my problems. You know, anxiety. That's all I'm going to reveal." I say.
This description is about as much as I can say about this and I'll take what I can get. Giving Cami a basic overview, it's hardly likely she'll catch onto the fact that I'm talking about Alex, a boy. Catching her off guard with the female pronouns, she'll be looking out for a girl who fits the description this way.
She smiles at me, nudging me with her elbow before resting her head on my shoulder, "Is she pretty?"
I nod, feeling a stupid grin appear on my face as I think about my boyfriend, my pretty boy, "Extremely fucking pretty."
Then she giggles childishly, "Have you gotten down and dirty with her yet?"
"No, not yet. Not all the way, anyway."
And as we laugh, our moment of tension forgotten, I marvel at the fact that I'm talking about the boy I'm seeing with her and how good it feels, even though she doesn't know who it is. I pray with every fibre in my being that she will accept me and who I'm seeing when I do get to tell her.
I don't know how I'd survive if she doesn't.
I hope you all have a great rest of your day!