Because I want
,, sh sh shh " I rocked the bed hushing hyunggi as she kept whimpering.
It's been around just 2 months and a half
When I had returned. For me it didnt feel like I was gone for long more like waking up from a very confusing dream but for jongin it had been 2 years in which he had believed I was dead... again.
I could only imagen how hard it must have been for him to suffer again yet stay strong for our kids..
I exhaled when she wouldn't calm down and I hesitated in taking her in my arms even as she stretched her arms out.
I was surprised after the first week of how much my little goofballs trusted me already. To be honest I did share a few tears aswell when I first got to hug them and they would return it and called me ☆
☆{still not sure about this somebody help. Jongin is already dad but I'm not sure about letting them call kyungsoo daddy ... read too many kinks for that}
I knew it was because jongin had taught them who I was when I wasnt here. I saw the pictures he kept around and it warmed my heart and made me love him even more.
Eventually when she wouldn't quiet down I took her gently out of her bed to rock her back and forth in my arms as gentle as I could ,, shh .. you'll wake up dad "
She closed her eyes and balled her hands to fists with my shirt in between her fingers as I kept swinging her slowly in my arms, taking a careful glance over to taeoh to see he was at least sound asleep and when I looked over to the bed jongin seemed to be aswell.
The reason for why I hesitated and was so overwhelmed and clumsy at the beginning was that it all came crushing down too fast.. I've never really thought much of raising kids or at least I dont remember I do, after I returned.. the past seemed more like a confusing dream with pieces missing and being out of order. I forgot some stuff and couldnt relay figure other stuff out either. I didnt even remember how we met hyunsik again or what happened for me to .. disappear
The point was that I didnt know what happened, who i was, or what was going on when I woke up and then I find out I have kids and all these broken bits of memories overflowed me. I didnt even know how to properly raise or take care of anyone. I've never had to.
And my father wasnt exactly a good idol to look up to.
Yet it felt as if it was all coming natural. I love my goofballs and jongin promised we would do our best together for these 2 sometimes 3 with sehun acting like a childish baby or even 4 with baekhyun loving to slip into a baby role himself to play and coo over them when they had visited just recently.
The blankets on the bed shifted and I looked up at jongin to see him stretch his arm out with a sigh, befor eive noticed hyunggi had been back asleep finally.
But I was left helpless, I didnt want to lay her down risking she would wake up again and I liked holding her like this but jongin was moving on the bed obviously having a nightmare, or getting one.
Before I could make a decision I watched him moved up a little when suddenly taeoh started shifting in his bed aswell whimpering and sighing in his sleep. Jongin, seemingly waking up looked to his bed side and for a moment I could hear his breath cut off and his heart skip a beat when he couldnt see me.
,, jongin " I called noticing his distress
He turned his head instandly to relax when his eyes landed on mine.
,, y-you scared me .. " he sighed getting up from the bed to lazily walk over to me. Passing taeohs bed that was shaking a little with taeoh moving in it.
I smiled at his messy bed hair and one squeezed eye from his sleepiness.
,, you dont have to get up, I'll join you in a minute.. "
He kissed my temple as he stopped beside me, looking down at hyunggi in my arms.
,, let me help you " he chuckled wanting to take her out of my arms but I turned away a little.
,, n-no.. just em .. I kind of want to hold her a little longer "
I bit my lip looking at him, I didnt know why I felt a little embarrassed to admit it but it felt like I was confessing that I neede my teddy bear.
He stepped closer again stroking his hand over her head, as he looked at her small balled hands.
,, shes beautiful "
I nodded, not looking away from her at it and he wrapped and arm around my waist kissing my head again as he continued to mesmorize her fratures like I did. ,, she has that from you "
This made me smile and roll my eyes as I hit him lightly with my elbow.
,, cheeseball " i huffed and he laughed quietly at it.
,, you love it "
I shrugged my shoulders in an acting manner as I looked away
,, I do like cheese "
He continued to chuckle before it slowly died down and I looked at him worriedly.
,,I thought it was just a dream again"
I rode my hand to lay it against his cheek smiling faintly when he squeezed it as he squeezed his eyes closed aswell. I could feel how shaky his hand still was.
,, it's not a dream jongin.. we're finally having our family.. we made it ok.. Im sorry I left you for so long but I'm here now.. " he finally looked into my eyes again and I smiled brightly ,, and Im not leaving any soon "
He smiled aswell kissing my forehead and taking my hand in his to stroke his thumb over my knuckles ,, good cause I wont just let you run off to save the world again.. fuck the world "
I couldnt help but laugh as he pouted but ended up smirkin, his free hand rose to move my shirt a little on my shoulder area revealing the burned scar of a hand over my skin.
,, i used to not even voice his name let alone talk about him becaus either was forbidden and wrong ... but now I feel like thanking him everyday "
,, lucifer didnt deserve what he got and he knew we didnt either so he sacrificed himself to at least save us... me and I'm glad word is getting out now .. "
A weak smile displayed on his lips as he nodded before he turned away now when taeoh complained a little louder now and I wondered if it was because he could sense that we were giving all our attention I hyunggi instead of him.
Once I saw jongin hold taeoh aswell, my heart warmed and my expression softened in a loving smile toward them when I got an idea on how to solve this situation for the night.
,, nini " I signed it with head toward the bed resulting in him looking at first confused because the handle in his brain finally clicked and he moved with me toward it.
Lowering our pups in the middle I laid on one side and he on the other as we towered them and moved the blankets up to cover us all.
,, I still cant believe we got .. kids "
I half laughed looking down at those 2 little humans.
We created them, we made life.
These 2 precious kids are a kix of me and jongin.
I couldnt describe how happy it made me.,, me neither " he admitted,laying his arm over them and finally over me aswell as he pulled me closer causing me to cuddle with him and our goofballs between us. I couldnt help but giggle at his action while he smiled at me.
,, nini " he repeated when he leaned closer resting his nose on my forehead I reached my arms along our pups too snuggling into them and jongin.
But as he said that I ended up lifting my head to look at him again a little confused.,, what ?"
,, you called me nini again "
I thought for a moment ,, again ..?" The nickname just popped up in my head and I used it because it was cute.
,, yeah you wanted to start calling me that but ... things got so messed it that this was the least of our problems " he sighed
I looked away sensing his sudden sadness as he probably recalled not so pretty incidents, which I didn't like so I ended up giving him a short but honest and loving kiss on his lips before ,causing him to look at me now and I smiled reassuring to him.
,, well now we dont have anything to worry about, nini " I kissed him again when he smiled keeping his chuckle together which soon wasnt that hard to do when I announced something he already knew but still needed to be said.
,, I love you nini "
,, love you too, nugget .. "
Finally after inhaling my scent at the crown of my head he cuddled against us and I memorized the features of our beautiful kids. I realized he lied.
The beauty didnt come from me..
it came from everything it took, everything we fought through to have just this moment we had here.
I teard up in joy, having worked so hard for something just makes it all the more beautiful.
It was worth it all.
- The End End -