"I can't be perfect."
Michael's P.O.V
Shay's week with us in the UK was nothing short of perfect.
She traveled with us to the few cities to finish the tour & I just loved having her there for each show. I felt so supported with her there either by watching from the audience or backstage. My performance was top game if Shay was with us.
After the UK tour wrapped, we had a few nights in London before we were heading into Europe for those shows.
Shay was leaving in a couple days while we did the European leg of the tour but she was going to meet us in L.A in three weeks when we started promo & touring in North America so I knew we'd be together again soon.It was three weeks.
With the tour over, we decided to have some fun so everyone wanted to go out clubbing, like us & our crew. I asked Shay just to see how she felt about going back into the club scene & she said she was down for going too but she said this time, I had to let lose & have fun too since the last time we went out together for Calum's birthday, we both stayed sober. She wanted me to have fun this time. I wasn't quite sure what I'd do yet, I would see what the vibe was once we arrived.
Shay looked gorgeous for the night. She had these skinny jeans with heels that made her legs look miles long & this low cut shirt that gave me exactly what I wanted to see.
"Why do you do this to me?" I asked her.
"What am I doing?"
"You look so sexy when we go out. I don't want others looking at you."
"You know this is all for you."
"I do & I am so fucking happy about that. Trust me, all of those other guys are jealous I get to take you home."
"I think other girls are jealous I get to take you home." She laughed but she was right, most people were jealous of her hence why half of my fans hated her but we moved past that hate.
We went into the hotel room next door, where the other three lads were staying.
Luke & Calum were pouring shots & Ashton had a beer in hand.
"We're doing a pre-thing." Luke explained. "I don't want to show up to the club completely sober...no offense Shay."
"Non taken, go ahead."
"You good?" I whispered to Shay & she nodded.
"Can someone get Michael something? He needs to have fun tonight." She asked & Ashton threw a bottle of beer at me.
I kissed Shay twice, just because if I drank this, I couldn't kiss her for the rest of the night & then I decided if I limited myself, I could have fun & yet still watch for Shay. So yes, I drank the beer but I just wasn't planning on getting trashed tonight, just buzzed or something.
Luke was pretty trashed before we even left the hotel room. Hard alcohol hits that kid fast but he's always entertaining.
Luke grabbed Shay's arm & sang with her as we walked down the street to the bar.
Once inside, we took over a corner of the bar with our crew & everyone began ordering drinks.
I kept hesitating the drinking but Shay kept pushing me. I knew she'd be upset if I reserved myself for her so I drank enough to be buzzed but not drunk, like I had originally planned.
I had so much fun dancing with Shay though, it was just a hot mess but a great time.
Shay's P.O.V
I loved my week in the UK with Michael. I was nothing short of proud watching him doing a week of shows, like I was fangirling the entire time.
It just felt amazing to be back in his arms too.
With the end of my trip approaching & to celebrate the end of tour, the four guys wanted to have a night out & I figured why not go along.
The club was fun. Luke was smashed so I was loving dancing around with him & it was the first time I saw Michael drink more than just a single beer so I liked seeing how giggly he was.
The only thing weighing me down was the fact that I only had two more days with Michael before I'd be flying back to the states as he traveled Europe. I knew I'd see him within a couple weeks but those weeks would drag & I wasn't looking forward to that break. It was so hard to be away from him.
I kind of realized that our relationship from this point forward was going to be a week or so together with many weeks apart, like that was a cycle we'd be stuck in basically until his career settled down. It just sucked knowing as long as he was in 5sos & touring, we wouldn't really be able to spend large amounts of time together without a break in between because his job didn't allow that & I wasn't fit to tour with him for months at a time.
But I would make it work, I loved Michael too much to not figure it out.
I was really jealous of how much fun everyone was having letting lose. It made me wish that feeling of just being out of body & letting whatever happen, happen could happen to me again. I wish I could lose my worries for the night & just have fun.
But that was my past & I couldn't let lose in that way anymore.
"I'm gonna go find a bathroom!" I yelled in Michael's ear & he nodded.
I walked through many people & I finally found it. But the girl's line in a bar was always long, drunk people have to pee a lot. So I had to wait but I didn't mind.
Drunk people are usually friendly so the girl next to me in line started conversation.
"Hi, I'm Robin."
"Shay."
"Hi Shay. Oh my god, so I just had two really cute boys buy me drinks at the same time!"
& then she held up the two drinks in her hand.
"Lucky you." I smiled.
"Want one? I can't drink both."
"Nope, thanks though."
"Are you sure? I can't drink both. I'm trashed already. Please?"
She pratically threw the drink at me so I took it & I figured I'd just pour it down the sink or in the toilet to get rid of it without offending Robin of wasting it.
"It's a rum & coke." Robin told me.
"Got it. I'll drink it after I pee."
"No, drink with me! What's the worst that can happen?"
"I'm the designated driver." I lied.
"One drink won't hurt! You can still drink with one in your system. Just dance it off after."
It was right in front of me. The alcohol. No one would stop me, the boys were on the other side of the bar.
It's one drink, right?
Michael's P.O.V
After Shay left for the bathroom, I took a shot with Ashton & then Calum went to the bar to get us some more drinks & also to get water for Luke since he was beyond his limit.
A few minutes later, Calum came back with the water but not the drinks.
"Where are they man?" Ashton asked.
"Uhm, I think it's time to go." Calum seemed frantic.
"Why?" I asked.
"I think Shay had something to drink."
"Fuck!" I have never sobered up so quickly before. "Why do you say that?"
"She's at the bar with some random girl & there's shot glasses all around her. I didn't know how to approach her so I didn't. What do we do?" Calum was still freaking out.
I had no idea what to do. What do you do when someone relapses?
"Ashton, why don't you get Luke home. Calum, can you help me find Shay? We'll meet you back there."
Ashton agreed & then helped Luke up, calling for two taxi's as he left so we'd have one once we found Shay.
"She was over on that end of the bar." Calum pointed.
I pushed through people, not really caring to be considerate, before I found Shay.
She was standing at the bar with a random girl & they were laughing & hugging. She just wasn't acting herself, like something in her eyes was so off. I knew she had something to drink.
"Oh! Michael!" She ran over to me & kissed me. I could taste the rum on her lips. I didn't want to make a scene so I tried to stay calm even though inside I wanted to scream & cry.
"Shay, babe, we're gonna go now." I explained.
"Okay, bye Michael." She said, turning back to her new friend, not understanding that she was coming with me.
"Nope, c'mon Shay. Back to the hotel."
"No!" She screamed, pushing my hand off of her. "You can't control me!
"Shay." Calum approached her. "Why don't we get back to the hotel, it's getting late."
"Why? Stop telling me what to do!"
"Shay, another one?" Her friend asked, handing her a mixed drink.
I had my limit though, I had no idea how to handle the situation but I was going to do what my gut told me to do. I took the drink out of Shay's hands & I gave it to Calum who hid it.
"Shay, we're going." I gripped her wrist & literally dragged her out of the bar before we walked to find our taxi.
Shay got in & she starred out the window the entire drive, not saying a word to me.
She could be mad at me, I didn't care. I just wanted to get her our of that club.
Once the taxi dropped us off, Shay bolted out of the taxi & took the she stairs, instead of the lift.
"Shay, come here." I yelled.
"Leave me alone!" She yelled back as she continued running up the steps. Calum came with me & we both followed Shay up six flights of stairs to our rooms. "God you're so annoying sometimes!" She continued yelling at me.
"Shay, I promise this will make sense in the morning." Calum tried to explain.
"Calum, just stop. You don't think I'm aware I relapsed? I know why you wanted me to get out of the club but after that first drink, I screwed up. Sorry I'm not perfect & sorry it's fucking hard to stay sober when you're only 18 & everyone is just starting to drink & you already have to be done. I'm not as strong as you all think I am so don't go throw that shit at me either. I'm not perfect & I'm tired that Michael treats me like I am. I can't be perfect. Can you just leave me alone now?"
Shay was scaring me. I have never seen her so angry. The look in her eyes was almost haunting, like it wasn't Shay inside this body in front of me & there wasn't anything I could do right now.
Once on our floor, Shay went into the room she & I shared, locking me out. I had no choice so I went with Calum & I crashed in the room next door on his bed...well, I didn't really sleep. I thought about her the entire time. I had no idea what I was suppose to do tomorrow. I researched what you do when someone relapses & you're suppose to be firm with them, like I can't give her sympathy or take the blame away from the addict but like relapses are fairly common, especially with new sobriety & with any age but give Shay's situation, she had so many factors against her that the fact that she has stayed sober thus far was amazing.
Shay made a mistake & she was going to have to live with it. I couldn't fix it & I couldn't take it away from her.
But I would support her in any way possible.
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A/N lol do you hate me? i kind of hate myself but i had to be realistic & given shay's life & situation, a relapse is extremely likely...actually many relapses are extremely likely before complete sobriety (trust me, i've lived it with my mom) so like to keep this story real, i wanted it to happen. i planned this wayyyy early in my writing process that shay would drink one night.
don't forget there's only two chapters left & then an epilogue but you can check out my new calum fic, glass...the next chapter i'm posting for that one is kind of like a big deal in my opinion so check it out on my profile.
love you & sorry it took a few days to update!