All American Boys
Chapter 43: These Tears I Shed for You
Isaac and I said nothing to each other as we walked through the hallway, until we reached the exit into the gardens. The sun had begun to set in the horizon, bathing the entire town in a warm golden light. The grounds of the estate were framed with tall cypresses, shielding the Crawfords from any prying eyes. The evergreen foliage seemed to saccharine, too full of life for a mansion that reeked of death's odour.
There were birds chirping in the distance as we walked, down the winding path until the both of us were away from everyone else. There was a gazebo crawling with ivy and shaded by the overhanging branches of a grand wisteria tree. It was hidden from everyone else. No one could see us there.
It amazed me how Isaac seemed to know the Crawford's mansion like the back of his palm. But I didn't dare say anything. I was too busy trying to figure out what to say to him.
Isaac stepped onto the gazebo first, and gestured for me to come sit with him. He wasn't really looking at me as I approached him. He just sat there, looking to the side. He seemed ashamed to face me.
I wondered why. If there was to be someone who had to feel ashamed it was probably me. As I sat there beside him, the guilt was tugging at my heartstrings.
I didn't know if I should tell him. I felt horrible about what I did, I absolutely did. But at the same time, telling him would only break him. It was a mistake, but it's not like he needed to know it happened. I sat there, at conflict with myself whether to confess and tell him everything or to hide the truth.
"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry," a voice finally breaking the silence between us.
It was Isaac's.
I only nodded as my vision started getting glossy.
"It's alright," I muttered as the tears began to fall down my cheeks. "It's alright, Isaac."
Without as much as a warning, I suddenly found myself in Isaac's tight embrace. He held me with his arms, resting my chin on his shoulders.
"I'm so sorry," he said, clutching me in his grip. "I'm so, so sorry."
I wanted him to stop it. I wanted him to stop apologising. It only made my tears fall.
He must've thought I was hurt by him just leaving. But that was nothing. It was nothing, now that I thought about it. It was nothing compared to what I've done.
I was used to him doing that. I should've expected it. Isaac was the kind of boy who would run from his problems. But at the same time he was sweet, kind and caring. He had already gone through so much. It was something that I could've just brushed aside, something that I could've just forgotten about.
But of course, that wasn't what I did. I let my anger and my rage take hold of me.
I wish I could take it back. I wish I could take it all back. But all I could do was shut my eyes and seal my lips. The regret came crashing upon me as I thought about how hurt Isaac was. Whether he knew or not what I did, it still would devastate him.
"I'm sorry too," I muttered as I held onto him.
My tears began to drip onto his shirt.
"I've done. . . so many things that I can't take back," I said. "I've caused you so much hurt and pain, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Isaac's grip tightened around me, and I could feel him shiver. I heard him sniffing lightly. He was crying too. We just sat there in the gazebo, holding each other under the shade of the creeping ivy leaves.
It was the first time I felt safe and sound again. Right there in his arms.
I wanted it to last forever, for him to hold me and never let me go.
Eventually, we parted. Sitting next to each other, I still felt the air pressing down oppressively over us. It felt like at any moment the tension would cause a break and our surroundings would just cave in and bury us under.
I finally decided to not to tell him, burying that guilty part of me. Besides, I've done many things and hid it for him. For his own good. Another secret wasn't going to change anything at all.
"I told you the other day at the hospital that I'll give you an answer," Isaac said, fidgeting with his fingers.
"And what is that?" I replied, turning to face him.
He slowly turned to face me too, and I found myself staring into those sad green eyes of his. I inched myself closer towards him, reducing the distance between us. I noticed him doing the same.
I placed my hand on his thigh, feeling him tense up from underneath my touch. It felt like a lifetime ago since I last touched him. I could hear him let out a shivering breath.
I couldn't resist him any longer.
Leaning forward, I brought my lips up against his, while my hand reached up to touch his soft cheek. His soft lips tasted sweet. We kissed for what felt like the longest time, before I eventually pulled myself away, as much as it pained me to do so.
"Someone could see us," I said.
"Right," he replied, flustered. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," I answered. "You don't have to be sorry for anything."
The boy finally smiled. That shy, sweet smile that I had grown so accustomed to. That smile which I had missed so much.
"You were waiting for your answer and I still haven't given it to you," Isaac said.
The boy took a deep breath.
"I was wondering if we could be just like before?" he said. "If we could just start anew?"
I was more than happy to hear those words so much so that the tears just came naturally to me.
"Of course," I said. "Of course."
***
When we returned to the mansion, we kept our distance. I didn't want to arouse any suspicion, but to be honest it probably didn't matter. They could've seen me leave with Isaac, but what were they going to do?
I finally found Cyril. He was dressed in a sharp blazer, with a silver lapel pin displaying his family crest. His hair was done immaculately with slick pomade, and his leather shoes were shining like never before. He was going from guest to guest his usual perfect smile on his lips revealing his perfect teeth. If Cyril's day-to-day appearance was already effortlessly perfect, how he put himself together that day must have come down to the very details. Even a speck of dust wouldn't dare to land on his flawless shoulders.
Further away I saw his stepmother in a midnight blue gown, embossed with silver floral motifs. Her hair was done up, held in place with a matching ornamental comb. A pair of diamond earrings adorned her small ears.
But it only served to remind me of the truth behind all those layers of finery.
It was a power play, of course. There was nothing subtle about it. The Crawfords were the most powerful family in Bethlehem, and they weren't afraid to remind everyone from time and time again.
But of course, they weren't the only people who tried to show off their status. Some of the more important guests flashed golden watches and mother-of-pearl brooches. It was arguably the most important annual event in Bethlehem, and the exclusive mansion attracted every sycophant who wanted to be in the good graces of Hugh Crawford, and to meet with other fellow sycophants. All those jewels, branded shoes and crisp, tailor-made outfits weren't going to hide how worthless they truly are.
To sell one's soul, dignity and beliefs just for money and power. Never in my life would I do such a thing. It was simply because I was just better than all of them.
I just found it ironic that this all happened under the guise of a charity event. And now that I learned from Shoshana that even that thin excuse to show off the Crawford's power was to be thrown out and replaced with a campaign speech, the whole travesty had escalated further into a full-blown circus. A circus filled with every power hungry clown in the Eastern Seaboard.
Not to miss out, I too occasionally adjusted my expensive Jaeger-LeCoultre, in the hopes of catching one of their undeserving pair of eyes. To send a message, that I too, belonged there. But deep inside, I knew who I was.
I wasn't one of them. I wasn't a fool seeking meaningless pursuits through flattery and networking.
I may have done a lot of things that some may find unsavoury, but I did so in the name of justice. In return of all the wrongs that have happened to me. But I do agree that feeling powerful was indeed a good thing, and it was only natural for humans to desire such.
I shared a look with Isaac, who was standing a few feet away from me. He gave me a brief nod, and we both went our separate ways.
Cyril caught sight of me, and his lips parted into a smile. It wasn't like the smile that he wore at the party, but the more familiar warm smile that he had whenever he was around me. He excused himself from the important-looking guests and headed in my direction.
"If it isn't my favourite person in the world," he said, just loud enough for only me to hear.
"I could say the same about you," I replied, clasping my hands in front of me.
I was careful not too appear to close to Cyril. After all, this was my introduction to high society.
"I hope you are enjoying it so far," he said. "Sorry I didn't realise you already arrived, I was busy with the guests."
"It's alright," I replied. "I found my way here just fine."
"Well, this is your first time at the annual fundraising," he continued. "I just hope you're comfortable with everything."
In the corner of my eye I caught sight of the silhouette of midnight blue walking past gracefully, a glass of champagne in her slender hand.
It was then when I noticed the familiar glimmer on her bosom - Alicia's crucifix necklace. It had to be hers. But I still wasn't sure. It could be just any necklace, since I didn't really manage to take a closer look at it.
I had to make sure that was the necklace I needed. If she really was wearing it, then this whole endeavour was going to be a failure.
My original plan was to sneak upstairs and look through the drawers and vanity closets for that one necklace. But I supposed I didn't really think it through. I didn't even know the layout of the huge house, and there was no way I would have enough time to check every room in this giant mansion. The main staircase heading upstairs in the main foyer always had at least one person keeping an eye on it at all times, and I didn't know of any other alternate ways. And what if she kept it in a safe? Then that would be another dead end. But it was the only lead I had.
Alicia had compiled a file of her friend's disappearance, and all the evidence had pointed to Hugh. But I suppose she was too meticulous in her findings, and it just allowed the culprits to just wipe everything that she had gathered out in one single swoop.
But first, I had to make sure whether the diamond necklace was truly Alicia's.
"Is that your mother over there?" I asked Cyril.
"Yeah, that's her alright," he replied.
I almost asked him to introduce me to her, but I realised my name was probably going to ring a bell, so I decided not to.
But then, I saw my opportunity. Isaac was with his mother at the other end of the ballroom, together with Mrs Crawford. Mrs Anderson was dressed in a black silk gown, her hair tucked in a French twist. The two women talked for a bit, before Mrs Crawford left to talk to another group of guests.
Cyril had went off to talk to some rather important-looking guests so I took my chance and made my way across the room, walking through the socialising guests. There seemed to be more of them now, they must have all entered while Isaac and I were out in the garden.
I approached Isaac, who seemed a little surprised at my presence.
"Mind if I join you?" I said as I slipped into place right beside him.
He only raised his eyebrows, before taking a sip from his glass.
"Your boyfriend don't mind?" he asked.
"He's too busy to notice anyways," I answered. "Besides, I came here because I needed to ask you something."
"What is it?"
I took a glance to my right and left, just to make sure there wasn't anyone who could overhear us. They all seemed to be too engrossed in their own little conversations.
"Her diamond necklace," I said, nodding in the direction of Naoko Crawford, who by now had her back turned to us. "Did you notice it?"
Isaac raised his eyebrow, before nodding hesitantly.
"What was its shape?" I asked.
Isaac bit his lip as he stared at the floor in front of him, trying to recall.
"It was a heart," he replied.
"Are you sure?" I asked again.
"I'm very sure it was a heart," he answered. "What's it to you anyway?"
That confirmed that she was not wearing it. It seemed like I still had a chance to get it from the bedrooms. It had to be somewhere up there, in a drawer, on a vanity, hanging on a necklace stand. It was waiting for me to take it. For me to bring it back home.
"Thanks for your help," I said, barely being able to conceal my excitement.
I started to move, when Isaac stopped me.
"What's going on?" he asked, the poor boy's expression bewildered.
I turned to look and him. Tilting my head, I flashed him a smile. I gestured for him to come a little closer.
"Let's just say I'm on a little mission," I said in a hushed voice that only he could hear.
Before he could encumber me with more questions, I stepped away from him and slipped past the guests.
The necklace was at the top of my mind. I thought to myself, once I had hold of that necklace, the Crawfords are finished.
I would make sure of it.