holy SHIT i actually worked on/continued a draft??? && finished it?????????!!!! o m f g. tysfm magic chapter for inspiration to write im screami n g
category: oneshot
word count: 1409
What's the point of it all?
Dragging through existence.
Training.
Killing demons.
It was all on repeat. Again. And again. And again.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thankyou, thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou-
It all blurred together.
Perhaps that's why they called him cold.
So many tried to break through his barriers--Miya, Zilong, Ruby, the list went on. He never let them in. And, at first, it wasn't like he didn't try--he did! He tried to fucking hard to feel something, feel that spark, feel some motivation. Nothing. It was always fucking nothing. It would've hurt if he could felt it because, really, it was all numb.
Wake up.
Hunt.
Sleep.
Repeat.
Hunting was the only way he felt something, anything. The revenge, avenging his parents. Wait, no--there were other things he felt, too. The disgust when he saw Tigreal. The hate. The pain. It was his fault, his fault, his fucking fault. And yet the general still had the audacity to try and fucking recruit him. If murder wasn't a crime, thr bastard would already be dead.
So, perhaps it was a combination of all of that that'd dragged him out this night, dragged him out onto the secluded pond, one he hadn't ever told anyone about. It was his area--his.
And it was peaceful.
Surrounded by forest, the mellow pond being fed by a small waterfall, the ever-present sound of water trickling as it moved. But, tonight, something was off. Something was different.
Another man was sitting in his area, back turned to Alucard.
If he killed him, would anyone even have a clue?
"Excuse you." The thought was brushed off as he broke the tranquility, leaning om his sword as he looked down at the brunet.
The stranger obviously jumped, startled as he whipped around to face Alucard, eyes wide. "What're you-"
"How'd you find this place?"
The stranger stood up, crossing his arms. "I was taking a run through the forest. What's it to you?"
"What's it to me? This is the only damned place where I can find peace, that's what!" Perhaps it was anger that'd taken over him, perhaps the utter fucking exhaustion, but his façade was down, there was nothing held back. Emotion. Drainage. Emptiness.
A frown slipped onto the stranger's face, and before the stranger could speak, Alucard cut him off.
"Pity me. Please. I'll take pity over the same shit I hear every day, the same shit I have to say. Anything but this.. this mindless hell of fucking repetition!" The words were raw, and Alucard could hear a rasp in them. When was the last time he'd talked so much? It was always silence he answered with, and if he had to, he spoke as little as needed. Numbing, numbing, everything was just so numbing-
"Hey. Hey. Look up at me." Alucard hasn't notice the stranger coming up closer, hadn't noticed the hands placed on his shoulder. He didn't know why he complied with the brunet's orders. "Are you okay?"
It seemed to hit him, all at once.
And he cried.
Somehow, he managed take out a strangled, "No."
Why was this the only time someone had asked him if he was okay?
Nobody did.
He couldn't remember the last time someone had asked.
The numbness faded and there was pain, so much of it. It was an onslaught of emotion, an unexpected wave of it. Emotions drawn back out of view before the tsunami crashed into him.
Vaguely, he felt arms wrap around him, but his mind barely comprehended it as he cried. Cried for his parents. Cried for his childhood. Cried for the dead, torn bodies that littered his nightmares. Cried for the aching pain in his arm. Cried for every damn thing he'd repressed, cried for himself.
It was pathetic.
Alucard knew that.
But he needed to, needed to so fucking bad. It'd been numbed, and now it was here.
He didn't give two shits about his reputation right now.
All he knew was that it hurt so bad, so fucking bad.
He didn't know how long he'd been crying. His tears had vanished, and he'd only gave sobbing noises from his throat, shoulders shaking. He'd somehow clutched onto the stranger's shirt, head buried into their chest. The stranger was slowly rocking back and forth, and Alucard could only lightly assume that, at one point, it must've felt very awkward. Ah. Now he felt a little bad. He took in a shuddering breath, his grip loosening a little. "S-Sorry.." He winced at how horrid his voice sounded, so abnormal.
"No, it's okay, you.. you seemed like you really needed it. And that's okay."
Since when were strangers so kind?
All Alucard could make out was, "..Okay." He held back another apology. He rarely apologized. After all, the public never saw him doing anything bad. Nothing to apologize for. But this? Damn.
Silence filled the air again, only broken by the trickle of the water. Peaceful. Calming. And, for some reason, Alucard felt that within this stranger's arms. So, softly, quietly, he whispered, "Thank you."
"You seemed like you needed it."
Silence, once again.
Alucard let himself relax into this stranger's grip, eyes closing as he mentally mulled over his thoughts--when he remembered he didn't even know the stranger's name.
"What's your name?" His question was quiet, not wanting to accidentally break the serene calm that had washed over him.
"Gusion."
"..Gusion." A murmur, repetition. Affirmation.
Silence, again.
"Do you come here often, then?" It was Gusion who broke the silence this time, not Alucard.
"Whenever I can." Was Alucard's answer.
"..I'll come again, then. Around this time. If you'd like, and if you don't, that's-"
"That sounds nice." The blond cut the other off, and Gusion gave a small, embarrassed laugh.
"You're really warm, you know that?"
"No. But did you know you're very calming?"
"No. But I'm glad I am."
Their conversation drifted on like that for a while, soft snippets of words drifting through the air, colliding and testing with the rays of moonlight's rays drifting through the tree's leaves, whispers of notes in the wind.
When they parted, Alucard could resist yearning for Gusion's arms around him again.
They met again, a few days after their first. Gusion was there, as promised.
For some reason, he didn't feel awkward around Gusion. He could freely lay against the other, stay silent as long as he wanted--anything. And it felt so nice. Almost whole. He yearned for those times, the times spent with Gusion. He never had to give Gusiom his name--it wasn't hard to figure out who he was, after all. Everybody knew him, knew Alucard. Always recognized. And, for once, he wasn't treated that same way he always was. It was so, so good.
Days turned to weeks, weeks to months. It all blended peacefully together. He, for once, felt a bond. A connection. A motivation to get through his day. He looked forward to the relaxation, to growing closer with Gusion. One night, though, it was different--unexpected.
Alucard had been laying his head down on Gusion's lap, the mage's delicate--to Alucard, at least--hand through the hunter's hair, Alucard utterly relaxing into Gusion's touch when the words were spoken.
"I think I've fallen in love with you."
Eight, quiet words confessed in a whisper, looked down upon with the moon's silver rays.
Alucard was silent, his heart racing im his chest. "..I don't know how to love."
"Oh."
So many emotions in such a short, quiet response.
"I'm not done yet." I care murmured, gaze still on their pond, its water reflecting the moon. "I'm not.. I don't experience a lot of emotion. Maybe I don't allow myself to, but whether or not I do or don't, I can't control whatever feelings I have concerning.. you. I don't know what they are--what it is, but.. I know that I.. I believe I want to be by you. With you. Like this--more than this, and I think..." Alucard bit his lips for a moment before shifting his gaze up to Gusion, eyes searching into the brunet's. "Teach me how to love. Please."
The smile on Gusion's face would be one he'd always remember. "I will. Gladly so."
And Alucard smiled as well.
He was happy.
With Gusion, he could feel alive again. He could feel again.
And he could learn how to love.