AN: Wow! An update! Bet you didn't expect this! This story suddenly had a random surge of reads again after a long time, so I figured I'd treat you all for still being so amazing after all this time. <3
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I knew that doing this wasn't the best idea. Going to the police about gang activity that I both knew about and was involved in could get me, the love of my life and all of my best friends in trouble. A lot of trouble. But I didn't know another way out of this. Even Michael didn't know that I had gone to the police to tell them about the fight. And he was the one that told me that I had some sort of power to shut it down in the first place. If they knew, they'd never let me do it. A little for my own sake, but mostly for their own. And I didn't blame them for it, but I was trying to save their lives whether they knew it or not. Sometimes you have to give tough love.
Harry was waiting in his car for me once I was done at the police station. "So what happened?" he asked once I got in the passenger seat and buckled up.
"Nice to see you too." I said sarcastically although it was only joking.
"Sorry, love." he smiled, letting out a breath. He leaned over the center console to kiss me on the cheek. "Did everything go ok?"
"Yeah, everything was fine. I just told them that the guy that had cut me had come out of nowhere and that we were just walking around town when it happened. i think they believed me." At the very least, I found it difficult to lie to Harry and I think that's a good thing. I really had to think about my words.
"It would have been better if you didn't get caught up in any of that at all. We could have gotten in a lot of trouble for that."
"They don't know anything about us." I frowned. "Are you mad?" I asked. Usually something like this would make Harry bitter to me for almost a week. But he seemed to be ok. Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea, after all.
"Mad at you?" he scoffed. "Never. I have better things to be doing with my time." he answered, pulling out of the parking lot.
"Oh yeah?" I asked with a smirk. "What's on that list?"
"You." he answered simply.
"I don't think so." I laughed, pretending to punch his arm as he drove.
"I'm glad you're out of your funk." he smiled and me lovingly. If he only knew... Would he be mad? Probably. I felt guilty but tried to suppress that feeling. "I didn't like not talking to you."
"I'm glad too." I said, resting my head on his shoulder despite the fact that it was uncomfortable to lean so far across the center console.
"I was beginning to think that you had a thing for Michael. You were spending so much time with him instead of me." Harry said. He kept his eyes on the road as he said this so I knew that it made him uncomfortable, but it made me happy that he made an effort to communicate anyway. Being vulnerable made him so uncomfortable, but sometimes you have to be. I liked the fact that he was jealous, on the other hand. It reminded me that he still loved me just like he did at the beginning.
"Seriously?" I rolled my eyes, but I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. "You're insane. Michael's basically a girl." I said.
"And just what is that supposed to mean?"
"Well, I don't mean he's girly. He's definitely boyish. Sometimes disgustingly boyish... But he's just like one of my girl friends. I just mean that he's so easy to talk to. He's like my best friend. I feel like I can tell him absolutely anything. He makes me feel like I'm a teenager again."
"Calm down, you're only twenty. And what do you mean? You can't tell me anything?"
"I can, but you know what I mean. You're a human being too. Sometimes you need a third party. Someone that you don't have any strings attached to. Sometimes you don't like what I have to say. I can't tell you that I'm scared because then you get all defensive. I can't tell you that I don't want to have to deal with all of this anymore because then you get mad and put a wall up between us."
"I don't like where this conversation is headed."
"You started it." I muttered. "All I'm saying is that you definitely don't have any need to be jealous."
"I think that's all I really wanted to hear."
"I figured. I miss the way we were in the beginning. When not everything was all about the gang. Back when I didn't have to worry about that stuff. And you were basically immune to it despite the fact that you were in the middle of it anyway."
"What can I say, you make me weak." Harry said, pulling into my driveway. "You know, it was the way it was back then because I did everything in my power to hide all of this from you. You didn't like me doing that. But now you don't like being involved? I don't know what to tell you. You brought this upon yourself, love. I suppose I could go back to hiding it from you but now that you know about it all already, it's not exactly like I can take that back."
"That's not what I meant." I grumbled as he put the car in park in my driveway.
"Then what did you mean?"
"I don't know, ok?" I huffed as he followed me to my front door. We threw ourselves down on the couch and I snuggled up to him immediately. Even though I'd been irritated at him lately, I still missed him.
"Well, let me know if you ever figure it out." he said.
"Stop being mad at me." I whined.
"I'm not mad. I was being serious." he chuckled. "You know I only want what's best for you."
"Yeah, ok." I muttered.
"I hate when you act like that's not true." he said. "I'm being sincere and you should know that by now. I know that I'm not what's best for you. I've told you that a million times, but you still want me and I can't keep what you want from you. You'll always find a way to get it somehow anyway." he explained with a smirk. I grinned up at him and ruffled his hair.
"Aren't you glad that I found a way to get you?"
"Absolutely, sweetheart." he chuckled, but then his tone shifted to a more serious one again as it was prone to do. "I hate this." he said, running his thumb over the now semi-healing cut on my thigh.
"It's just like when we first met. Do you remember that?"
"I do. I wish I could forget it and before you say anything, you know I don't mean the meeting you part. i could still tear Niall's head off for doing that to you. Every time I see that scar on your thigh, I want to knock him out. Besides... what happens now always seems to be worse."
"But I can handle it better now." I grinned confidently, making him smile back at me for once.
"You should probably just break up with me. Save yourself some time and misery."
"Awww, we're dating?"
"W- what do you mean?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "Of course we're dating. We've quite literally h"
"It's just that you've never said it before. That's cute. You're cute."
"Are you feeling alright?" he asked, laughing.
"I'm fine. I'm making what's called an effort."
"An effort to do what?"
"I've been really frustrated with you lately, b-"
"What d'you mean?"
"If you'd let me finish. What I was going to say was... But I've come to realize that none of this is your fault. It's things that we can't change. And I know you've said that before. But I love you. I love all parts of you. And I missed you." I sighed, climbing between his legs and resting my head on his chest.
"Now wait a minute... Have I died and gone to Heaven? You actually agree with me for once?"
"Shut up. I always agree with you." I chuckled. "And if I don't, it's because you're wrong."
"That's my girl." he grinned, displaying his dimples. He kissed the top of my head and then my cheek and then my neck.
"So what's in store for our future?"
"Ahhhh, there's the catch."
"It's not a catch." I whined. "I know boys don't like talking about the future. I just want to know. It doesn't have to be a super serious answer or anything. So, are we just gonna keep doing this for forever? This is as far as it can go because of the gang, right?"
"First of all, I'm a man, not a boy. And Charlotte, I don't-"
"Harry, you said that I can tell you anything. Remember? I can tell you anything just like I can tell Michael anything?"
"You can..." he grumbled. "This isn't necessarily as far as it can go, I mean..."
"So are we talking about like just being roommates eventually or marriage or babies?" I asked. I immediately felt him tense beneath me.
"Charlotte, I know it's not what you want to hear but children are absolutely out of the question."
"But-" I started, my eyes filling up with tears even though I knew exactly what he was going to say before I even brought it up. I knew that bringing it up was a bad idea but we had to have a conversation about it sooner or later.
"Charlotte, don't cry. That's not fair." Harry ran his hand over his face in frustration.
"W- it's just that, b-"
"You already knew where this was going to go! Before you even asked. How could any semi decent human being put a CHILD into that situation? Aren't you a semi decent human being?" he spat. I immediately climbed off of him and stood up with my jaw hanging open.
"Did you just ask me if I were a semi decent human being?" I briefly forgot about the tears that were running down my cheeks. Instead, I was nearly blind with anger.
"This is exactly why I didn't want to have this conversation." he grumbled, rolling his eyes.
"You don't get to do that! You don't get to act like you're the victim here. Actually, you know what. Go storm off, mad. That's just like you. Pretend like the world is against you. Fine, whatever. All the rest of us will just get over it while you wallow in self pity. I'm so-" I took a deep breath to keep my composure for at least another minute. "I'm so tired of it." Fresh tears dropped from both of my eyes as I turned on my heel and headed for my room.
"You knew what you were getting yourself into! You said it was enough for you!" he yelled loud enough for me to hear before I got to my room. I slammed the door behind me and fell onto my bed. I buried my head in my pillow and let myself ugly cry for well over an hour before there was a knock on the door.
"Go away." I groaned. My voice was so hoarse from crying, he probably barely even heard it.
"Charlotte, open the door." he grumbled. His voice sounded the same as mine, but I was still pissed at him.
"No."
"Please open the door, Charlotte. I want to talk to you."
"You didn't want to talk to me before and I don't want to talk to you now. Go away."
"I did want to talk to you before! You just didn't want to hear what I had to say. We're in this together, my love. It's not just you and it's not just me. So we have to talk about this and work through it together."
"Fine." I grumbled, mostly to myself. I was still mad at him but lately, I've been trying to handle things more like an adult. That was something Harry and I were both terrible at. We loved self loathing and laying around, being sad. I wiped the tears off of my face and opened the door, glaring at him. He had his arms held out for a hug but I just stared at him.
"C'mon. You know you want to hug me." I shook my head, giving him the evil eye again. "Come on. You love me."
"I do love you. But that doesn't mean I'm not mad at me."
"Charlotte, you know what I was going to say when you mentioned it in the first place, didn't you?"
"Obviously I knew the answer to what I asked but you definitely could have said it better. Have you ever even wanted kids?"
"Not until I met you."
"So-"
"And I hate that I can't give you that. I hate that it's something that we can't do together. But what do you want me do about it? I told you that I'd never be enough for you. For some reason, you wanted to stick around anyway. I'll never fucking forget the day that you were taken from me. And I could never forget the day that I found you n- nearly dead... I can never go through that again. I lost my mind. Imagine if that happened to our son or daughter!" he yelled and honestly, the thought made me sick. I didn't want that. I just wanted a family with the love of my life.
"I know. I can't even imagine that, it's just... I've always wanted to be a mommy to a little boy or girl. Especially if they were yours." Tears came to my eyes again when I imagined them. A little baby with his bright green eyes.
"I know," he sighed, wrapping his arms around me. "I'm sorry." he whispered, running his hand through my hair. "I love you."
"I love you too."
"I love you." he said again, reassuring me. "So much. And if we weren't in this awful situation, it's something we would absolutely do, ok? I've never wanted kids before I knew you but since I have, it's something that I think about almost every day. And then I hate myself even more for getting myself into this situation."
"Hey, it's not your fault. You didn't have a choice. I don't blame you for that, ok? It hurts both of us but I'd rather it hurt both of us and we take it together than it hurt just you." I rested my hand on his cheeks and stood on my toes to look at him and realized that he was crying too. "I'm sorry." I whispered, resting my forehead against his.
"I'm sorry too."