MIKEYS POV
"Ash, I'm gonna go for a walk and I've got to make a call. Can you stay here with ivy?" I lied as he nodded.
"Sure. Just be careful. I'll text when Luke and Cal are leaving." He said as I flung on my jacket and my backpack and walked out of the room heading down the barren halls.
I walked outside and instantly felt a small chill go up my spine. I walked around to the back of the hospital to find a small park. Empty. No one was around.
Today has been so stressful.
I sat against the cold hard concrete wall at the back of the hospital. My breath was visible in the cold night air. I pulled my knees close to my chest and ran a hand through my hair.
I fumbled with my pocket trying to pull my phone out but I found a small packet of cigarettes. Perfect.
TW TW ( smoking/self harm)
I pulled out a small lighter that I had and placed it on the ground. I opened the pack of cigs and pulled one out. I held it in between my fingers and lit it.
I took it closer to my mouth and saw small bits of smoke come from the end. I placed it between my lips and sucked it in. My lungs instantly filled with smoke as I closed my eyes. I gently coughed as I puffed it out, instantly feeling better. I knew it wasn't good but it made me feel better.
My hands shook as I took another breath of it in. Its so wrong that it's so fucking right. I never though I'd smoke ever but here i am, smoking a cigarette.
As the cig got shorter, I felt an urge to stub it. Not on the ground but my arm. I don't know why but it feels right. Like I deserve it.
I kept putting it between my lips taking small puffs of it as the sky grew dark. The moon showing more as I sighed.
"It's now or never." I said to myself as I rolled up my sleeve and held my cigarette close to my arm.
I took a deep breath in and pushed it against my arm. A small yelp of pain escaped my lips as it burned layers of my skin. Tears formed in the corners of my eyes as I screwed my face up in pain.
I felt like all the stress melted away. All with one cig. I rolled my sleeve down and sighed as I pushed my knees to my chest taking another cigarette and lit it.
I put it between my chapped lips and felt a breeze against my exposed skin through the holes in my jeans. I kept breathing in the cig as it got shorter and shorter.
By this point, my lungs felt weak. My legs shook as the wind grew stronger. I could feel my heart pounding as I pulled my sleeve back up.
I took another deep breath and pushed the small cig onto my arm wincing as it burned my arm. This time, I held it there not moving it for a good amount of time.
I picked up the lighter and pack of cigarettes and put them back into my pocket and pulled out my phone. I looked at my arm, smiling as I felt it sting.
9:38 PM
I've been out here for 15 minutes. My fingers were numb, my arm stung, my legs shook and my breath grew visible as the air got colder.
I stood up and put small stones over the stubbed cigs and started walking to the small shop just a few minutes away.
I felt the cold air consume me as I walked over to the shop and went inside.
I grabbed a bottle of alcohol and a bigger packet of cigarettes. I looked around the empty shop and saw a packet of lighters. I grabbed them and looked around just seeing if there was anything else to help the stress.
I walked over to the counter where the woman just looked at me.
"ID please." She said as I pulled out my wallet and showed her my ID as she nodded and scanned the alcohol, lighters and Cigs and I put my ID in my wallet again.
"That'll be $23.38 please." She said as I pulled out $25 and handed it over.
"Keep the change." I said as I took my things and headed out of the store back to the hospital.
I walked over to the small bench just a few steps from the shop and put the alcohol in my backpack and emptied the lighters, throwing them in the small front pocket of my bag keeping one in my pocket. I put the packet of cigs in my bag and zipped it Shut.
My whole body shook as the cold night air filled my burning lungs making my breath shake as I walked to the park.
I looked around to see no one around as I sat on the swing. I put my bag in the ground and pulled out the bottle of vodka and sighed.
I uncapped it and took a big gulp of it as it burned my stomach. I coughed as I felt it burn more and took another gulp of it as I calmed down slightly but still coughed as it burned my throat.
The worst part was was that I had to stay at the hospital. They were going to find out I've been smoking and drinking.
I kept taking big gulps of Vodka as it got darker. I started swinging back and forth slightly on the swing as I put the cap on the Vodka and put it back in my bag.
I looked at the bottle realising I had drank half of it. I shrugged and pulled out a cigarette and my lighter. I lit the cigarette and sighed as I placed it closer to my lips.
I put it between my lips again and Inhaled the smoke as I stood up and flung my backpack on and headed back to the hospital.
My breath hitched as I felt the Vodka take effect. I lent against the wall sighing and pulled out my phone still holding the lit cigarette in between my fingers.
I flicked through my contacts finding Ashtons one and called it.
"Hey mate. What's up?" He asked quietly as I burped a small bit feeling the Vodka still taking its toll.
"Um Ash. I-i think imma stay at home tonight." I said trying not to hiccup in the middle of the sentence.
"Why?" He asked as I sighed.
"I-I just need some space. After what happened ya know?" I said as I pulled the cig close to my lips and sucked it in again.
"Ah ok. Just swing by for two seconds. Ivys had flashbacks." He said as I panicked.
"Um I-I've phoned a taxi and it's already here. I-I'll stop by in the morning ok?" I lied as he sighed.
"Mikey please. She wants you. They've gone as well. She needs you." He said as I sucked on the cigarette again inhaling the smoke as my body shook.
"Fine. It better be quick." I said and threw the cig onto the cold concrete and stubbed it with my foot as he sighed.
"Ok. See you in 5" I said hanging up the phone and sighed.
I felt dizzy. Like I'm floating. I couldn't think straight. At all. That vodka is killing me but it's worth it.
I walked back to the front of the hospital trying not to trip over anything. I got a few odd looks undoubtedly from my black and white hair and by the way I was walking but I walked through the doors and saw Darcie.
"Hey! You ok?" I asked trying to be normal and she... bought it?
"Y-Yeah just waiting for my supervisor to give me my shifts for next week." She said as she smiled sweetly.
"Ok. Just text us if you need anything k?" I said as she nodded.
"Thanks Mike." She said as I headed back to the room.
The moment I've been dreading. Imma get my ass kicked. They will notice.
I took a deep breath and opened the door to find her sleeping on ash who smiled at me.
"Hey, she's ok now. She just had flashbacks." He said as I just stood at the door.
"Why are you just standing there?" He asked as I panicked.
"My taxis here. I can't be long." I said and walked up to her and pecked her cheek trying not to breathe through my mouth.
"Ok. See you tomorrow." Ash said as I walked out of the door.
Thank god. I'd be minced meat if he noticed.
I decided to walk home as I didn't want to talk to anyone. I walked back through to the lobby and headed to the door swinging it open and started walking back home.
The streets were abandoned, not one person around. I sighed and looked at my phone.
10:27 PM.
That's why. I sighed and pulled out yet another cigarette and my lighter yet again. I placed the unlit cigarette between my lips and guarded it with my hand and lit it with the other. I saw small bits of smoke rise from the end of it as I sucked in the smoke instantly feeling better as hot smoke filled my lungs.
I started walking a bit quicker as the air got colder making me shiver as I walked along the side walk. I took another puff of the cigarette making me feel warmer as I reached the small servo on our street.
I sighed and kept walking taking the cig in between my lips every few seconds as I walked up the hill. I was just able to see the house at the top of the hill noticing that Ivys light was on. No doubt it was Calum or Luke I kept my head down still smoking the cig as i felt a chill up my spine.
I reached the top of the hill and threw the cigarette on the ground and stomped on it putting it out. I sighed and fumbled with my keys finding the one to the house and unlocked the door.
"Mikey?! What are you doing back here? How'd you get here?" Luke asked rubbing down the stairs as I kicked of my shoes and sighed.
"I just needed some space. And I walked back." I said as he nodded and Calum came down.
"Is she ok Mikey?" He asked as I walked upstairs.
"Yeah she's sleeping." I said and walked into my room.
I locked my door and I collapsed on my bed. I pulled the vodka out of my bag and uncapped it. I sighed and took a sip of it feeling it burn as I swallowed it. It made me cough but i felt so much better.
I kept drinking it as I sat against my wall and slid under my sheets making me feel warmer. By this point, I had almost completely finished the bottle but I kept drinking it.
I felt a lot calmer as I downed the rest of the bottle and put it in my bin. I looked around and found a ashtray that Luke got me as a joke that said
I'm a vaper, this ain't it.
I giggled and pulled it towards me and I pulled out my lighter and cigarettes and put it between my lips. I lit it and inhaled the smoke making me cough but it calmed me down so much more.
I could feel both the cigarettes and vodka take effect now. I felt dizzy and sick. The worst I've ever felt.
I looked at my arm debating if I should use the ashtray or not. I shrugged and rolled up my sleeve and took a deep breath in and pushed it onto my arm. I felt tears prick my eyes as I bit my lip as I held the cigarette there for probably 20 seconds making it burn through countless layers of skin.
I winced as I lifted it off my arm and threw it into the ashtray as I rolled my sleeve back down and laid on my bed. I felt my head get lighter as the vodka took effect as I felt my stomach churn.
I leaped out of bed and ran to my toilet. I held onto the seat as I threw up all of the alcohol that was in my system and felt like shit. I took my water bottle and filled it with water and downed it making me feel better.
I looked in the mirror gasping as I noticed how pale I had gotten. I looked like a literal zombie.
I sighed and laid back down on my bed
and sighed as I looked at the empty bottle of Vodka. My head was throbbing, I couldn't even walk straight and I felt like shit.
I laid on my back and drifted off to sleep.
2201 words! This one was a bit sad and definitely a weird one to write but I did it. I've never smoked or drank so I don't know if this is true but i went from my perception of it.
Leave suggestions here for future chapters!
Lots of 💛-Chloe X