THE PAST
June felt a nervous tingling travel through her body once she glided off the bike. Yesterday they had only sat a couple of minutes next to each other at lunch, so she doubted anyone had noticed them. There however weren't a lot of students with a bike, and certainly not with a beautiful one like Juan's, which attracted anyone's attention anyway.
Nobody used to notice her, which was obviously changing now. She wouldn't even be surprised if some thought she was new. Juan's hand glided in hers and he squeezed. As she looked up to him, he gave her a wink and walked towards the building. On their way he nodded friendly to people she'd never spoken to, scattering around some hi's and standing still now and then to have a little chat. June tried really hard not to stare at the floor the whole time, although it was a tenacious habit of hers. Compared to him she was a social disaster. She knew her social skills had improved since she was dating Juan, but she doubted she would ever be as spontaneous as he was.
She even felt a bit relieved when she reached her locker and changed her books. She was probably imagining things, but she had the feeling everyone was looking at her. After zipping up her bag and placing the helmet in the locker, she got up. She tensed as she saw Rodey standing a few feet away from her. The last time she'd seen him was at Prom Night, there after he had been recovering until the summer break started.
He cleared his throat. "Hey."
June didn't answer. Instead, her eyes shot towards Juan. His locker was a little ahead and he was talking to a boy she didn't know.
"You don't have to call your boyfriend," he said in a bitter tone. "I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry. For what I did."
June didn't know what to answer, eventually she just nodded.
"I just hope you know what you're doin'. He's dangerous June. Take care of yourself."
"Well he's not the one groping me," she answered, suddenly feeling outraged.
"I know. And I'm sorry. I –"
He froze at the moment Juan's arm glided around her waist.
"Stay away from her. If you even look at her, I'll make sure she was the last thing you've ever seen."
Juan's voice was so dark that she believed he really planned to put his eyes out. At first she felt indignation because he was suggesting something so brutal, but now she was also able to interpret his words differently. She could hear his love for her, his protectiveness, his longing to make sure no one would ever hurt her again. And it worked; quietly Rodey turned around and walked away. As arrogant as he had been in the past; there was now fear gleaming in his eyes.
Only when Rodey had disappeared from sight, his grasp around her loosened.
"He apologized," she said softly. Whether he was really sorry or just scared of Juan or his brother, was hard to tell.
"Even if he would apologize a hundred times it's not gonna change what he did to you," he answered grimly.
"Did he never press charges?"
Juan shook his head. "What should he say? That he was groping a girl at a party? That he was drunk and using drugs? He has no proof that we were involved, and he's smart enough to keep his mouth shut."
The look in his eyes was cold, his jaw tense. Suddenly he looked a lot like his brother, at the moment he attacked his mother. Because she didn't want him to go to class this upset, she stepped closer to him and pushed him gently against the lockers. She didn't like to kiss in public, but she sensed that Juan needed it and she wanted to see warmth in his eyes instead of this icy cold.
"I think you're protectiveness is hot," she whispered, pressing her hands against his chest.
There was a strange knot in her stomach; she had never called anything hot. Her voice didn't sound like hers, making her blush a bit. The surprise was also visible in Juan's eyes, and before she could disappoint him, she pressed her lips against his, a little more roughly than she usually did.
He responded immediately, letting himself being pushed against the lockers willingly. His left hand glided to her neck, the other shoved into her back pocket, pulling her closer. The growing bulge in his pants still made her blush, and she thought about yesterday, when she had touched his boxers for the first time. As if he relived the same memory, he squeezed his right hand, causing June to suck his bottom lip. A pleasant shiver rolled down her spine as he softly moaned into her mouth. Tension rose in her whole body, to such an extent she regretted not being alone with him. With flushing cheeks, she broke the kiss.
Juan was grinning like he had won the jackpot. "Maybe I should use that key my brother was talking about," he muttered.
"Key?" she asked.
He pecked her lips. "Never mind." He took her hand. "With which class do you start?"
"Economics."
"I'll take you there."
June wanted to tell him he didn't have to, but Juan smirked at her as he read the objection in her eyes, pulling her towards the stairs.
. . .
As June entered the classroom, most seats were already taken. Jordy and Shawna were sitting next to each other, with Emilio and Riley behind them. She waved at her friends. Shawna was the only one smiling back; Jordy sat reversed on her chair and was trying to punch Emilio's arm, who was tying up pens in her hair. Both were laughing, and June stared a little overwhelmed at them, wondering if she had ever seen Emilio laugh without making fun of someone.
Riley was leaning against the wall, balancing her chair on two legs. The moment she saw June, she smirked, forming a heart with her thumbs and forefingers and signalling with her eyes to the two. June gave her a small smile in return, not sure if this was a development she liked. Emilio had broken Jordy's heart by dropping all contact until the end of the summer, and June had hoped that her friend would be over him by now. However, one look told her there was still something going on between them – and suddenly Emilio felt like a textbook case of a teenage boy teasing girls to get their attention.
Tearing away her glance from them, she looked around to find a seat herself. Her eyes wandered across the room until they found the brown curls she had been looking for, and a moment later she asked Erik if she could sit next to him.
"Hey! Yeah, sure!" He looked skittishly over his shoulder, to the corner where Emilio was sitting. "That is, if he's not sending me away again..."
"I don't think he saw me entering the room at all. And even if he did; I'm not going to sit next to him during all classes. One is more than enough." She sat down. "Sorry for yesterday. I was really upset."
"It's okay, it sounded pretty tough. Umm... I know you barely know me... but if you ever feel the need to get something off your chest..." He shrugged his shoulders. "I'm a good listener." He gave her a brief smile.
"Thanks." June smiled back. It was a long time ago she had felt so comfortable around someone, not feeling the need to contemplate every word she said.
Two quiet hours followed. While they were doing their assignments they chatted a bit, and when they walked to the lunchroom by the end of class, she introduced him to Jordy and Shawna. Once she entered the lunchroom, she stood still, hesitating. Her glance glided to the spot where Juan and his friends were usually sitting, but she didn't see him. When Shawna walked to their table, she decided to sit with her friend. Since school had started, they hadn't even talked.
Erik and Jordy took place at the table as well, so they were still with four despite Beth's absence.
"Jordy told me what happened," Shawna said softly. "It's horrible, June, I'm so sorry. But I – I found it really hard to leave her alone yesterday. Especially after... you know... what happened to her sister."
"I get it," she answered. "I'm glad she had a shoulder to cry on. Did she call in sick today?"
"I guess." She bent her head and sighed. "This is so difficult. It feels like everything is different this year." She looked up to June again. "I'm really happy for you that things are going great between Juan and you, but I'm still glad you came to sit here. Cause I – I don't feel like hanging out with them. Well, not with Emilio at least."
June understood her all too well. She looked over her shoulder, noticing the group of boys had increased. Juan was standing a little apart from them, looking conflicted, but he walked over to their booth once he caught her glance.
"You all can sit with us too if you like," he said after flopping down on the chair next to her, pecking her lips. His hand covered hers. "We're not going to spend our breaks separated, right?"
June sighed. "Not all your friends have been nice to my friends. You know all about Emilio's cheap shots, and by way of introduction he even dragged Erik from his seat yesterday because he wanted to sit next to me." She turned her hand around so their palms were resting on top of each other. "Maybe we can alternate. One day I'll sit with your friends, next day you'll sit with mine?"
"Yeah... we can do that." He showed her a smile, convincing her he really believed it was a good idea.
However; as much as they liked the idea, Emilio seemed to pick Juan over his other friends, for he shoved a chair towards them.
"I've always wanted to sit at the nerd table." He smirked at Erik, who looked away awkwardly.
"You think you're smart enough to join us?" Jordy asked with raised eyebrows.
June was glad her friend could still give smart answers, for Shawna was staring at her plate and she didn't expect Erik to say much either.
"Dunno. You girls got some freaky puzzle I gotta solve before I'm accepted to the nerd club? Or can I just fuck one of you like my homie does?" He grabbed the can of coke Erik had just opened, took a swig and kept it in his hand. "So what do ya think, biggie?" He nudged Shawna's elbow. "Bet you're still a virgin. Want me to pop your cherry? Never done it with a fatty, maybe it's gonna be my new kink."
Shawna said nothing, still staring at her plate. June knew for sure the sandwich on it would remain untouched until the end of the day.
"Can you please leave?" June sighed.
"Why? I'm good here." He lifted his eyebrows. "And I was tryin' to be nice man. It's pathetic that she's still a virgin at sixteen. It's a noble gesture that I want to give her a hand."
"Dude, you're really talkin' shit now," Juan answered annoyed.
"Oh right, you two are still only holding hands too." He chuckled. "Such a good girls and guys here." He nudged Erik. "What about you, curly? You ever fucked?"
"Maybe we should applaud E for not being a virgin anymore. Apparently losing his virginity was quite an achievement for him," Jordy suggested, clapping her hands.
Juan smirked at her, applauding too. As people were starting to look to them, Jordy stood up.
"Come on guys, give Emilio a standing ovation, today he's celebrating the loss of his virginity. He's providing free consultancies, is willing to demonstrate a thing or two; so desperate girls, take your chance! And boys – well, I bet this super experimental guy wouldn't mind to try out some things with you too."
Jordy quickly got the other students on her side, giving Emilio a standing ovation. Emilio had clenched his jaw in anger, his glance shooting daggers at the girl winking at him.
"You're a fucking bitch," he grunted.
"I know. That's why you and I are such a lovely match. I'll just wait patiently until you see that too." She blew him a kiss.
Emilio rolled his eyes, shoved back his chair and strode to his other friends.
. . .
Erik did more than just filling the void Beth left behind. Within one week, he felt like a better friend than Beth had ever been. He also got along well with Jordy and Shawna, although there was always some tension between Juan and him, and he changed into a complete different person when Emilio was near, like he was trying everything he could not to be noticed.
The lunch breaks were still a bit awkward, whether she was sitting with Juan's friends or whether he was sitting with hers. She didn't mind to be separated now and then, but when she mentioned it to him, Juan was so piqued that she'd put it to rest. It was just tiresome that Juan's company automatically involved Emilio. June expected her boyfriend to have said something about his friend's behavior since he kept his comments about Shawna to a minimum, but Shawna couldn't simply forget about all the years he had made fun of her, and she just felt very uncomfortable around him. Some days she didn't go to the lunchroom at all, hiding somewhere in school until lunch was over. Beth was neither around during the breaks, so June hoped the two kept each other company and weren't alone. Still, guilt plagued her. Jordy tried to talk it out of her head, stressing that it was Shawna's own choice and that she needed to learn to deal with people who weren't nice, since she would meet plenty more of them during her life.
Between Emilio and Jordy, the situation remained weird. Some days he could say nothing good about her, at others they were constantly joking and laughing. Last Monday he had even texted her in the morning to ask if she could get him a dress he could wear, and that day he had finally lived up to his bet with Juan, wearing a pink and black flower dress all day long. He'd worn a shirt and jeans underneath it, but June had to admit he had kept his promise.
"Okay, so I wrote down some ideas that popped up in my head." Erik's voice dragged her out of her thoughts and she looked up. He was sitting on her desk chair while June sat on the edge of her bed. She was surrounded by her drawings – at least a large part of them; the ones of her and Juan she had left out – to which he had been very curious. The sight of them had stirred up his enthusiasm, and now she was the one who was curious.
She took the notebook from him. His writing was neat, even a bit girly, and easy to read. Her lips curled up when she read the various plots; about pirates, hijackings, alien kidnappings and parallel worlds. Topics she'd never thought about at all.
"You should pick one you can bring your creativity in to," he said. "Most ideas are quite... wild." He looked past her at the drawings and smirked. "Although I don't think there's anything you can't draw."
Shyly, June bit her lip as a blush spread across her cheeks. Apart from her family, Juan and her friends nobody had ever watched her work and it was still hard to believe someone really liked it. She thought the drawings were quite... simple. They were detailed and she was proud of them, but she hadn't developed her own style yet that would make her work stand out from other artists.
"This one sounds nice," she said. "About these two teenagers waking up in another world. Building our own world... that has to be fun, I've never done something like that."
"Sounds good," he said. "Think that's really cool, creating or own world."
The rest of the Saturday afternoon they straightened out their ideas and started to develop their characters. Time flew, June had the feeling they had just started when April came upstairs, asking if Erik wanted to join them for dinner and whether she had to cook for Juan too.
Erik agreed and June told her sister Juan would be done working within half an hour.
June was just setting the table when the doorbell rang. April rushed to the door to let Juan in. June followed her to the hallway, waiting patiently until her sister was done telling Juan about all the ingredients of the new dish she'd prepared for today, and she grinned when Juan looked at her, his eyes telling her he rather wanted to cuddle with her instead of listening to her sister's blabbering.
"Make sure the food doesn't burn, April," she said in an attempt to save Juan.
"Oh, right!" She spun around and ran back to the kitchen.
June gave her boyfriend a kiss and a tight hug. "How was it?" she asked curiously.
Riley's cousin had recently started his own car cleaning service for which he could use some help during the weekends. Both Emilio and Juan had been interested, and when Riley told them her cousin could use two extra pair of hands, both boys had been grinning from ear to ear.
"It was fuckin' awesome," he said, his eyes beaming. "All those fat cars that I could just touch... I was scared to death that I would damage the paint, but he had some good stuff to use. This was so much better than scrubbin' plates!"
His hand glided into hers and delighted he walked to the living room. The moment he left the hallway, he froze.
"The fuck's he doin' here?"
His hostile tone made her frown, and she looked to the side. Erik was sitting on a chair next to her mother's bed, telling her about the story they'd made up today. She really had no idea why Juan was so rude.
"We came up with a plot today for the comic we're going to make. It's gonna be so cool!"
"And you didn't think it was worth mentionin'?"
June's frown deepened and she looked him in the eye. His jaw was tense, all joy disappeared from his eyes. "I'm sure I told you he writes and that we planned to make a comic book together."
"You didn't tell me you were meetin' him today. Am I too early? Did you plan on him being gone before I'd be here?"
June pulled him back into the hallway, let go of his hand and crossed her arms in front of her chest, feeling wronged. "What the hell is this? He sent me a text this morning, asking me if I had time to discuss our plans. I'm not doing anything behind your back. And why would I? He's just a friend."
"Does he know he's just a friend?" Juan asked grimly. "For I see how he looks at you."
"We're just friends," she repeated. "Jeez, what's going on with you? Beth already hates me and Shawna doesn't even want to have lunch with me anymore because of your stupid friend. You don't want me to have any friends at all now?"
Angrily, she stepped past him. In the living room she took a few deep breaths to calm down; she didn't want anyone to notice their fight and sat down at the table.
It wasn't a relaxed dinner. There was such a thundercloud above Juan's head that even the twins were silent, and she saw that her mother was watching him with a concerned look at her face. Erik clearly didn't feel comfortable; he mainly stared at his food and right after dinner he excused himself and told them he had to go home.
"I'm sorry," June sighed as she walked him to the door. "I don't know what's going on with him. I will discuss it with him. He's just not used to me having... male friends, I guess."
"It's okay," he muttered, but his eyes told her it was a lie.
"Well, I really enjoyed today," she tried to cheer him up. "We've made some big steps for our story!"
His face brightened up and he nodded. "I will work out some details and email them to you. Then you can draw our characters."
They hugged, then she closed the door behind him.
Back in the living room, she discovered that Juan was smoking in the backyard. He hardly ever did so when he was here, so she assumed he felt really upset. She caught her mother's glance and since it was so difficult for her to walk, June went to the bed and sighed.
"Don't the two boys like each other?" her mother asked. "I never saw Juan like this."
She dropped her eyes, feeling a bit ashamed of his behavior. "It's not the first time he acts like this when other boys are paying attention to me. Usually I don't mind because they make me feel uncomfortable, but Erik... Erik and I are just friends and I guess that's hard for him." She sighed. "I'm going to talk to him."
Her mother squeezed her hand. "Very well. You two will figure it out. I think he considers Erik as a threat and that it is his own insecurity that's bothering him. Try to understand him, sweetheart."
She just wanted to go outside when Juan entered the house again. He didn't look at her, but she wasn't sure if he was ashamed or still angry. Taking his hand in hers, she led him upstairs in silence. Her drawings were still scattered across the bed and she piled them up to create some room.
"You don't like him?"
Juan shrugged his shoulders and stared at the wall.
His petulant behavior made her sigh. "You have to explain why you're so mad at me for I can't look inside your head, Juan. I don't get it. I just spend some time with a friend today."
"A friend who even stays for dinner," Juan grumbled.
"So? Jordy stays for dinner all the time. Why is this so different? Only because he's a boy? You're friends with Riley too, right?"
"Riley is gay."
"So if she had been straight, I should have worried about her?" she asked skeptically.
"No," he muttered. "But this is different. You barely know that guy and you took him already to your bedroom."
"To brainstorm about a story! To make a comic!" she called out.
"Yeah? And what kind of comic is that goin' to be? About yourselves? Am I going to find drawings were he's the one you're kissin'?"
"Our characters will kiss at most!"
"Winter and Juice are characters too, but based on us! I'm sure your new character will look a lot like you, and his will be a copy of himself!"
"That's different."
"How?! What's so different about that?" He snapped his head to the side, a fierce look in his eyes.
"Because it's not calling up the same feelings!" she answered. "Come on, Juan. You're telling me I can never come up with another character than Juice? We're plotting a sciencefiction story, not something erotic?! You're really upset about nothing. We are building a world, maybe there won't be even a romance in it; our characters might as well be siblings!"
When he remained silent, she felt the indignation gurgling inside her.
"This hurts me Juan, that you think that I'm fantasizing about other boys and want to draw those fantasies! Even if I come up with a character that kisses someone, that doesn't mean that I want to kiss someone else too! You think all authors are mentally cheating on their partners because their characters, people they make up, fall in love?"
"I'm not saying you're fantasizing about other boys," he mumbled. "It's just..." Sighing, he looked a side. "He wants you, June. I can see it in his eyes, I've known it from day one. He's in love with you and you're too blind to see, but it's so fuckin' obvious! So no, I don't like you hangin' out in your bedroom with a guy who wants to fuck you."
"We are just friends, Juan. According to you, every boy who talks to me is interested in me." Feeling tired, she rubbed her eyes. "And what if he's in love with me? Then what? You think he's going to force himself on me? Come on, he's not like that."
"No, he's not like that," he muttered, bending his head. "But you might fall in love with him too."
Suddenly he looked very vulnerable. June swallowed a sigh and thought about her mother's words, who had been right about him. She turned and sat down on his lap, lifting his face with both of her hands.
"Am I doing something wrong, Juan? Do I give you the feeling that I don't love you?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "No," he muttered, still avoiding her glance. "It's just... You two get along so well, you share the same interest... He's good looking, he's nice... why wouldn't you fall in love with him?"
"Look at me, Juan," she said quietly.
She saw his separation anxiety in his eyes when he looked up to her, a fear they both struggled with since their fathers walked out on them. "I'm in love with you, Juan. I like Erik a lot and I feel comfortable around him." She caressed his cheek. "But there are no butterflies when I look into his eyes, my skin isn't tingling when we accidentally touch and his smile doesn't set me on fire. You are the only one who's doing that to me, Juan. Please trust me baby. Believe in my love for you. There really is no reason to be jealous of Erik, and even if he does have feelings for me – which I don't believe – than it's not going to change anything for us. I stay with you, Juan." Her lips brushed his, and whispering she stressed: "I will always be with you. I will never abandon you, and if it's my call I will be yours forever."
His arms glided around her and he buried his face in her neck, to which he softly pressed his lips. "Sorry," he whispered. "I'm not doubting your love. But I – sometimes I can't stop the bad thoughts, they just kept echoing in my head. And sometimes – sometimes I wish I could also draw or tell tales so I could be part of that world too. I know how important it is for you."
June smiled, lifting his face again. "Well there's no fun in creating stories without readers, so you can read our comic and tell us what you think of it? Maybe you'll have some cool ideas yourself, you're creative enough.'
Finally, his beautiful smile returned to his face. "Sounds good." His hands glided underneath her shirt, stroking her back. Every time they went up and down, more of his confidence seemed to return. His fingertips played with the clasp of her bra while he kissed her neck until he reached her ear. "As long as you keep workin' on our comic too," he whispered. "For Juice and Winter have gone a little further than that time underneath the bridge and I think it would be so fuckin' hot if you drew me with my lips around your nipple."
An intense heat gathered in her stomach as he gently bit her neck. Her hands glided underneath his shirt, exploring his abs.
"I think you have to refresh my memory," she whispered back, bending back her head to give him access to the rest of her neck.
Right after those words, he unclasped her bra. Shoving his hands to her front, he caught her breasts in the palm of his hands. She closed her eyes at the feel of his rough, warm hands.
"Will do baby." Gently he tugged her right nipple, and she could feel his smirk against her skin. "I'll make sure you never forget the sight of it." His eyes shone in mischief as he looked at her. "But you gotta keep your eyes open this time, instead of gettin' all ecstatic again."
Laughing softly, he fell down on the bed, pulling her on top of him.
Erik was completely forgotten – for now at least.