Xavier POV.
The world was duller without her in it. I'd held true love in my grasp and like a fool I'd let it go. Nothing made sense to me anymore.
The last time I'd spoken to her a month ago, she'd told me she didn't think I was the kind of person who cared what other people thought, I hadn't corrected her because I was ashamed.
The truth was that I cared too much what others thought. I wasn't cool calm and collected, I was a hot head and I had been since I could remember.
Our time had brought me clarity though. What she thought of me, far outweighed anyone else.
I'd picked up my phone to call her many times, sometimes getting as far as letting my finger hover dangerously over the call button. Every time I backed out, like a coward and shoved the phone back in my pocket.
DJ fed me updates about her progress and to be honest, without them, I probably would have continued to spiral down an abyss and become the abominable snowman Cris had said I was being a month ago.
She was doing well he'd said, and had laid down almost any entire album with songs she'd written herself.
We we're due a free week after our next show, and as a group we'd decided to fly back to LA as a surprise to everyone bar Jace. Cris and Jace spoke on the phone almost constantly when we weren't working. I'd spoken with Jay about taking on a secondary drummer. He liked to front up on stage and play bass or guitar. But was glued to the drums. I'd seen Jace play, he was good, better than good. With experience he'd probably outclass Jay.
The only issue was me. I was stopping a collaboration. There was no way in hell Nick would allow his minor son on tour with me being in the same bus. I had no doubts he'd be more than fine about his sons sexuality. Nick wasn't the kind of guy who judged someone on that. He was the kind of guy who judged people on their merits... and to him, I had none.
Still. Jay wanted to put it to them. Cris had said himself, that Jay was feeling down and out about school. All he'd ever wanted was to play music. He didn't care how.
So our trip back to LA was for many reasons and painfully not one of them related to me seeing Scarlett.
**
"Last show for a week." Jay shouted over the sound of the crowd, the crowd that was starting to sound a little angry. The openers were late and it showed. "I don't know about you guys, but I look forward to the rest."
"Where's the opening band?" I muttered. "The crowd is getting restless."
"I don't know, They should be on." Cris added looking around the backstage.
A stage manager ran up and shrugged. "They've gone."
"Gone?!" the four of us said in unison.
"Apparently the label pulled them like 10 minutes ago. Thatcher was cracked up on something and had a breakdown. The bands been pulled from the remainder of the tour. DJ's called and is working on a replacement. You guys need to head on now!"
I looked at the guys and shrugged. There wasn't anything we could do about it now.
"You heard the man, lets be the opening band for our own show." Doc laughed.
"Okay, okay. Lets play our old opening set list," I laughed "It's about time we cracked those songs out of the vault."
Jay laughed and pat me on the back. "Smith, I like your thinking."
We walked out on to the stage and the crowd went nuts. Just like they always did. I looked down at the front row and imagined she was there watching me. Just like I always did. I picked up my guitar and slung the strap over my shoulder, then wrapped my fingers around the base of the microphone.
"Our opening band is MIA, so we thought we'd open for ourselves." The crowd cheered, I could see it moving like an ocean in front of me.
"We're going to break out some old songs, songs from our set list when we opened for other bands."
I didn't really think it was possible, but the crowd cheered louder, with more intensity.
"Feel free to join in."
We started the three song set list with the very first song I'd ever written. It was about Scarlett as most of my songs were. But I had written in high school. It was full of angst and focused on being fake.
After we'd finished that and the other two songs, the audience was more than pumping. We left the stage like a normal opening band would and then after about 30 seconds, we ran back on.
The concert progressed like normal. For the entire 90 minutes I let myself be drawn back into that space where nothing mattered. I let myself forget everything I was missing.
While I was up there, nothing could touch me. Unfortunately, in the back of my mind, I knew the minute we walked back off stage, everything would hit me again like a tonne of bricks and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
Scarlett POV
"You've got to be actually kidding me." I grumbled.
"No. You're the only person on our books ready to go, and who fits the profile. They need you. They can't open every show themselves." DJ sat in front of me, a folder in front of him.
"I can't." I whispered. "You know I can't." My heart sunk, I couldn't believe he was actually considering this.
He'd heard my songs. The ones I written, I hadn't been able to remove Xavier from any of them. Every time I tried to remove my feelings for Xavier from my songs they ended up being something abysmal. Putting me in close proximity of the guy who left me and broke my heart was a very bad idea.
"Look, you're a professional now. Your career is going to be a balance of weighing up whats worth it for you. Is it going to be difficult working with Xavier. Yes. Is the payoff worth the pain? Yes"
"Is it really worth it?" I wasn't so sure it was.
"Yes, Scarlett, it is. It gives you an amazing amount of publicity and this early in your career... that's a rarity."
"Can I say no?" I questioned nervously.
"Of course, I'm not going to force you to do something you can't or don't want to do. Your parents would kill me if I tried. I'm just asking you to think about it." DJ smiled and pushed the folder across the desk to me. "The guys have the week off. Look through the folder, think about the opportunity rather than the people and let me know when you've made a decision."
I took the folder and stood up, I had a lot to think about. I left DJ's office and slowly moved through the building.
Jace had told me how Going Nowhere's opening band had been pulled the night before after some drama with the lead singer. At the time, for a fleeting moment I'd hoped that this very thing would happen. Of course, commonsense had prevailed, The last time Xavier and I had talked had been a month ago, and it hadn't exactly ended all that well. It was almost a nonsensical idea to think either one of us would handle such closeness.
Maybe time had been enough though, maybe I could handle this.
Sure, I'd spent most of my time inside the four padded walls of a recording studio. when I wasn't there I was inside my own mind writing the lyrics that seemed to pour from my fingertips like torrential rain. Sure they were all about him, but even now it hurt less to remember than it had a couple of weeks ago.My humor had resurfaced and I'd managed to write an entire song about Xavier and Cheetos. DJ had suggested I pitch it to the company as a jingle for their advertisements.
So maybe facing Xavier wouldn't be as scary as I thought it would be. Maybe DJ was right, but the possibility that it would all blow up in my face was enough to put me off the entire idea.
Just thinking about Xavier sent chills down my spine, the good kind, the kind that my brain had once let me feel when I had fantasized about him as Vax, before I even knew he was Vax, before any of this. He still had that effect on me, he probably always would.
**
Before I left the car park I conference called Isla and Jace. I needed their input on this new development I'd grown even closer to both of them, Isla because of our shared heartbreak, and Jace because of his revelation. For some reason it had knitted us unto an unbreakable trio.
They'd have advice for me, I knew it. I didn't explain why I was calling, not over the phone. It didn't seem like something I could just blurt out.
We agreed to meet back at my house in an hour. After I ended the call I went to start my car, but before I could began to reverse I noticed a piece of paper on the windscreen underneath the wiper. I turned the ignition off and hopped out to grab it. I opened it as I stood there.
Scarlett.
You can't escape me.
The time has come.
Cold fear shuddered through my heart, my skin prickled and my mouth became very dry. I hadn't received a note since the first one. That one had come in the mail over a month ago, through the postal system. This one had been placed there. Someone had stood right here. Someone was following me.
I looked around frantically then hopped back in the car and looked in the backseat to make sure it was empty, Once I realized it was I sighed heavily with relief and locked the doors.
Feeling numb I drove home before I let anything even sink in.
I pulled into the driveway and turned the car off. I sat there, shaking. Someone was stalking me. Were they watching me right now.? I stayed in the car until Jace's car pulled in behind mine. It was only then that I unlocked the doors and hopped out. Like a crazy person I looked around anxiously and magnetized to Jace's side. Jace tilted his head.
"Are you okay?"
"No."
"Whats up?"
I handed the letter to him, my hands still shaking from the shock. He grabbed me by the hand and squeezed.
"Where." He muttered quietly, slowly moving me toward the front door.
"At the studio, on my car." I whispered, my voice was soft, on the brink of falling apart.
"We need to call Dad, and the cops."
"Yeah."
"Could this be Noah?"
"I don't know, Maybe."
Jace and I walked inside. After we checked all the doors and windows, Jace called Dad and the police. He was halfway through a phone call to the police when there was a knock at my door.
My heart began to pound and pure adrenalin flowed through my veins. I sat at the table frozen to the spot. Jace stood up and walked over to the door. Thankfully it was just Isla.
Jace let her in and continued talking to the police. She frowned then hurried over to me.
"What's going on," She whispered, placing her hand over my still shaking one. "Are you okay?"
I pointed to the paper on the table, but didn't look.
"Where was this?"
"On my windscreen at the studio." I muttered. "Someone's been following me Isla... and I don't know how long for. I don't know why and I don't know who. I feel, I feel so violated." I blinked back tears and tried to smile, but it didn't work. Instead I closed my eyes and tried to focus on just breathing.
"Oh god." Isla whispered.
Jace walked back into the kitchen and sat back down. He placed the phone on the table then looked up at me, he tried to smile reassuringly, but he failed at it.
"Dad is on his way here. He, Josh and Marc were playing golf."
"My dad will probably come over too, as will Marc. They love you as though you were their own too. Don't worry, we'll catch whoever is doing this."
I nodded and hoped she was right.
The cops and Dad turned up within a minute of one another. Xavier's Dad Marc, and Isla's Dad Josh arrived with Dad. All three of them looked kind of amusing in their golfing garb. If I'd been my usual self I'd probably have teased them.
My sense of humor was AWOL, but at least I began to relax being surrounded by so many people I loved and trusted.
The police asked all kinds of questions, pulling dad aside and one point to talk. They said they increase patrols of the area, and left me a direct dial number if anything was to happen. They were investigating, but with only a couple of untraceable letters to go on, catching the culprit was going to be difficult. Once the police finally left the six of us sat around my table and brainstormed.
"Could it be Ryan?" Isla questioned. "Maybe he's hung up on that punch you threw him in the club."
"Punch?" Dad said, reeling backward. Jace snickered and then whispered 'go Scarlett' under his breath.
"He was being a jerk." I shrugged. "I thumped him. But no, there is no way he'd be behind this. He's a pig, but he's a dumb gutless pig. He doesn't have the brain capacity for this kind of thing." I looked up at Dad whose eyes were narrow and staring straight at me. I smiled and shrugged. It hadn't been my finest hour, but I'd do it all over again if I had the chance.
"I keep going back to that Boy Noah." Josh replied looking at Nick. "he seems to have the most motive."
Dad moved uncomfortably in his seat. He looked at me darkly then back at Josh. "It's not Noah. I don't know who it is. But it isn't him."
"So you keep saying." Josh replied. "Look, take it from someone whose been the bad guy... The kid lets off some bad jujus."
"I know it isn't him. He's not even in LA anymore." Dad replied.
"But it isn't anyone from back then either." Marc added. "Our research proved that."
"I know. Sarah's adoptive dad and my mother died in prison and Josh's brother died after he left prison. All of that is neatly tied up in a bow. But it isn't Noah. For certain."
Jace, Isla and I all looked at each other shared the same confused face. It was like the three middle aged men were having a conversation on another level. I knew they were talking about the drama that had followed them all around like bad smells when they'd been our age and I knew dad liked to research things to within an inch of sanity, a trait that had rubbed off on Marc. The were almost acting like a little private investigation company.
"He isn't in LA. I all but forced him out." Dad stated, he thumped his fist down on the table in frustration which caused both Isla and I to jump a little. Dad didn't lose his temper much, but I could tell he was getting anger at having to repeat himself. "He pleaded guilty to the violence charge, he was let off with a fine. I wanted to take my own justice so I made him leave."
"You made him leave? How can you make someone leave." I whispered.
Dad looked at me again, the darkness in his face was still evident. "A father will do a lot to protect his children."
"and he left...just like that." Isla said shocked.
"Yes. I had some particularly troubling evidence against him." Dad shrugged as if it was nothing, but I was shocked. Dad was admitting to blackmail and he didn't even look sorry. He half smiled and shrugged.
"You blackmailed him?" Jace replied, "Dad... I didn't think you had it in you."
"Look, Like I said, a father will do a lot. I did what I had to. He's not an issue anymore and he isn't the person sending these notes."
After Dads revelation we just sat there silently for almost 15 minutes. We sat there without a culprit, or an inkling as to who the culprit could be.
Dad made me pack a suitcase and my cats up. I was exiled from my home until this was all sorted, and I was transported back in time to when I had been a teenager still living at home.
Once I had settled into my old room I called DJ to declined the offer. With all that had happened in just the past couple of hours, I couldn't see myself being able to go on a tour. Not until whomever this crazy person was was firmly behind bars. I didn't even tell anyone the opportunity even existed in the end. It was now a lost opportunity, but probably one I wouldn't have taken anyway.
I placed the folder DJ had given me in my drawer and forgot about it.
The week was eventful enough that I let myself forget about the letter, and the possible stalking. I felt safe in my parents home. I felt self with the people who loved me, but something was still missing. He was still missing.
Of course the first night the Going Nowhere boys were back in town Cris visited. I wanted to ask him about Xavier, and goddammit I almost did numerous times. But Cris' visit wasn't about me, so I restrained myself.
Mom and Dad took the news well, as I knew they would. The were the biggest believers in love that I knew, in all its forms. Jace being gay was never going to be an issue for them.
It was a couple of days after that when Jace was offered the job of a lifetime. The boys wanted a secondary drummer and Jay wanted him. Jace spent the better part of the remainder of the week trying to talk mom and dad in to it.
They were concerned about him being on the road alone without family. Mom suggested going with him, but dad told her he'd miss her far too much, like the soppy 'still in love after quarter of century' couple they were, they had an emotional moment.
In the end they said no, because he'd be alone. Jace tried to be understanding, but it was obvious heartbroken. All the while, sitting in my drawer, upstairs in my bedroom was the folder containing documents that could have changed it all.
After the final decision had been made Jace disappeared to his room. Swallowing my fear I walked into my bedroom, opened the drawer and pulled out the folder. We could both take an opportunity. I could do this for him, and for myself.
I'd be just as safe surrounded by security guards, as I would be here.
I held the folder firmly in my grasp and slowly I walked downstairs. I stopped just outside of the kitchen as I overheard my parents talking.
"You did what?!" Mom said, her tone incredulous "I don't believe you Nikolai. You wouldn't do that!" I frowned, Mom never spoke to dad like that. They'd barely fought in the 23 years I'd been alive. She sounded angry though.
"I did what was best for her!" Dad replied flippantly. "He's a bad person!"
"So Jace would never have talked you around either" It was clear that Dads nonchalant tone was making Mom angrier. Her words weren't cruel, but her tone was.
"No."
I leaned against the wall by the archway, what the hell were they talking about?
"What has supposedly done that is so terrible."
"There's a list and none of it paints him kindly."
"Out with it. I want to know if betraying your own children is worth whatever is on that list." Mom muttered.
"He's slept around, and true that's no secret, But you tell me he treated her like shit in high school and we see that he may or may not have fathered that little boy."
My heart stopped. They were talking about Xavier.
"People change Nikolai!" Mom exclaimed. "We can attest to that!"
"He killed someone! Did you know that. He was drink driving and he crashed his car and a girl died. That girl could have just as easily been Scarlett. He's a loose unit. I'm glad I told him to leave. I'd do it again." Dad spoke as though he'd made a sound decision. Like he was right and it didn't matter what carnage he'd help cause.
I didn't want to believe what I was hearing. My fathers thirst for knowledge had led him to a wrong conclusion about the only man I'd ever loved and he'd told him to leave. My father.
My legs moved before my mind could think, my body seethed with burning hot anger. I stared at my father and wondered how he could have been so wrong.
"You told him to leave" I whispered, struggling to hold back my feelings.
Mom shook her head at Dad then stood up and walked over to me. "Sometimes Dad just..."
I held my hand up and cut her off. "You told him to leave!" I said again, this time I didn't hold back. My voice was loud, and boomed through the kitchen echoing.
"He's not good enough for you Scarlett." Dad replied. "I did you a favor."
"Dad, no one will ever be good enough for me according to you."
"He's a bad person, he's done bad things."
I shook my head and laughed at how wrong he was, the worst part was, had he ever actually asked he could have been set straight.
"No, he isn't. He's a good person, who made mistakes once upon a time like we all do. He hates himself for them. Hates himself dad. Did you know that."
"He killed someone." He countered.
"NO! No he didn't." I yelled back. "He was driving his friend home after a recording session. He was sober. A drunk driver crossed the center line and she was killed. He blames himself for her death and he probably always will."
Dad's face fell as it sunk in. "I didn't know."
"No because like always you believed your source who only had half of the information. Rather than ask." I felt tears streak my face. "You help push away the man I love. You helped send him back down the self hate spiral I was helping him out of and you did it all the day I miscarried our child. I thought he was the spineless one, but now I see I was wrong."
I handed the folder I still hand in my now shaking hands to Mom. "I'll be heading on tour to open for Going Nowhere. Jace can come with me."
Without another word I grabbed my wallet and phone then walked from the house. I called Isla around 100 yards down the road to ask her to pick me up.
I called DJ to ask if he was still looking for an opening act. He was surprised but happy to hear from me and accepted my decision immediately.
About a week ago DJ's idea had seemed silly, now it was just what was needed. I wouldn't let Xavier push me away. Not now I knew why he had in the first place.
**
I'd been walking for almost 40 minutes when a car finally pulled up alongside me. At first I thought it was Isla, but when I turned to look, Josh hopped out of a car that was neither his nor Isla's
"New car?" I questioned.
"Yeah, uh, always nice to change things up." He smiled oddly at me.
"Did Isla send you?" I whispered, wondering why he'd come to get me.
"Um, Yeah, she was busy and couldn't leave straight away. Should we go?"
"Sure. I just need to go home to pack. I've got a plane to catch."
"Well I can take you there. Jump in." Josh said with a smile.
I walked to the car with Josh and jumped inside.
One minute later while sitting at a red light, a cloth that smelt profoundly of alcohol covered my face, turning my world dark and silent.
***
OOOHHHHH! that ended... um well...
Sorry for the cliff hanger, we are getting to that part of the book though, we're almost at the end. 3 more chapters to go!
Anywho, hope you liked this chaper, feel free to follow me on twitter @eelyah21 or on facebook.com/xebbex
Love yas!