"This is delicious, Martha." Mama Grace poured herself a glass of water. "So, this is what I've been missing."
"Thanks, mom." Martha was glad she was enjoying the meal.
"So, tell me. How has blogging been?"
"It has been beautiful, Mom. God is just too faithful. I keep getting more subscribers than I can count."
"You see, it's a good thing you didn't quit, that period when things were tough."
Martha smiled. "Yes, mom. It was you who encouraged me to keep going. I can't thank you enough"
Martha had started a food recipe blog two years ago. It wasn't easy at first. It was frustrating because it seemed nothing was working. She spent hours writing articles but there was little to show for it. She was on the verge of giving up when mama Grace encouraged her to commit her blog into God's hands and stop worrying. She followed mama Grace's advice; now her website had a high SEO ranking. The passive income it generated was huge. Her blog, coupled with Jack's salary was more than enough to meet the needs of the family.
"No honey, thank God. He's the one who gives us the wisdom we need to make the right choices."
"That's true."
''Grandma, my fine arts teacher said that I'm the best student in drawing," Tessy said.
"That's my baby. I'll love to see your works. you'll show me, right?"
"Yes, grandma. My teacher keeps most of them, but I have a few at home."
Martha noticed Jack had been silent as usual. He wasn't paying attention to what they were discussing. He was playing with his food and looking out the window. His food was barely touched. It was alarming to see that even mama Grace's presence hadn't changed him. He still kept to himself as he had done since their big fight.
"How has work at the church been, Jack." mama Grace asked.
Jack gave no response. He seemed not to have heard as a result of his absentmindedness.
"Jack?"
"Daddy?"
Martha and Tessy chorused, drawing Jack's attention back to the dinner table.
"What? What did you say?" He asked no one in particular.
"Where is your mind, boy?" Mama Grace looked disappointed.
"Sorry. I got distracted." Jack scratched the back of his neck.
"How's work at church?"
''It's been fine,"
Martha was glad mama Grace was seeing firsthand, what she had been complaining of.
"We have a lot of talking to do, boy." mama Grace said after out-staring Jack.
"Grandma, when are we going to Paris? Remember you promised to take me." Tessy said, seemingly unaware of the tension she'd broken.
"That's true, sweetheart. We have to make arrangements with daddy and mummy, so we'll know the best time to go."
They chatted a little longer and dinner ended. Tessy was still engrossed in her discussion about Paris with mama Grace when Martha stood up to clear the table. Jack stood up to leave, but mama Grace stopped him.
"Remember we have to talk."
"This evening?"
"Of course. Decide where you want us to talk. Here or some other place."
"I think the library will be good."
"Fine. I'll meet you up there. Is it still at the same place?"
"Yes. Upstairs."
"Good. I don't want to miss my way."
"Tessy, are you done with your assignment?" Martha asked after clearing the dishes.
"No, mummy."
"Why don't you go, start? I'll come, join you as soon as I'm done with the dishes. Grandma needs to have a word with daddy."
"Okay." Tessy looked sad.
"Don't worry, honey, we'll have tomorrow to ourselves and you can tell me more about this Simon boy."
"Wait. What? Who is Simon?"
"Sh." mama Grace laughed. "It's our little secret."
"Really mom?" Martha laughed as Tessy ran up to her room.
As soon as Tessy left, mama Grace's mood turned serious. "Something is wrong with Jack." She whispered to Martha.
"I'm happy you're seeing it for yourself, mom."
"Jack is not angry with you."
Martha found this hard to believe. "Why do you say so?"
"Something is eating him up. Something he doesn't want to disclose to us."
"But mom, this started right after our fight. I think that's the cause."
"I know my son, Martha." mama Grace looked certain. "I'll go talk to him now. Pray for grace for me."
"Okay, mom." Martha watched mama grace go upstairs. She found it hard, if not impossible to believe that Jack was this way as a result of something other than their fight.
Lord, please help us. Please touch Jack.
She finished washing the dishes and proceeded to help Tessy with her assignment. After they had finished her assignment and Tessy had gone to bed, Martha tried writing a new article for her blog, but she couldn't concentrate, her mind was on the conversation going on between her husband and mother-in-law. After many failed attempts at writing something beautiful, she gave up on writing for the night. She put off the lights and laid down, but she couldn't sleep. So, she prayed silently, she prayed for her husband and mother-in-law, she prayed for Tessy and Shalom Youth Ministry, she prayed for her blog and whatever came to her mind.
She didn't know how long she'd prayed before Jack came into the bedroom. Martha stayed still, not wanting him to know she was still awake. She heard the bathroom door open and the sound of the running tap. She heard the closet door open and close, and moments later, she heard Jack sigh as he laid on the opposite side of the bed. They both laid in the dark, and Martha fell asleep.
~~~
Jack wasn't pleased with the idea of having to talk one on one with his mother. He knew he had failed in his attempt to put up a front of wellness and happiness. Yes, he might have failed but he made up his mind that no matter how much his mother tried to probe him, he wouldn't open up. This secret was his and his alone. He would rather die than disclose it to anyone, even though he knew his mother loved him and wanted the best for him. Mom had always given a listening ear to all his problems and never for once judged him. But this case was different. He'll never be able to look her in the eye and tell her what he'd done. She would be more than disappointed, and Jack couldn't bear to be the reason for his mother's disappointment.
The sound of the door opening drew Jack's attention to his mother as she entered the library.
"How're you doing, young man."
"Very fine, mom." Jack forced a smile.
"Are you sure? Because you don't look fine to me."
Jack tried to force a grin. "Mom. I'm fine."
"You know why I called for this meeting. Don't you?"
"No, Not really."
"Jack, your marriage is in a very bad state right now and if care is not taken, it's going to be in shambles sooner or later."
Jack felt a surge of relief as to the fact that his mother hadn't noticed he was hiding something. Instead, she had noticed the poor state of his marriage. He'd keep her attention on his marriage and not on himself. That way, his secret will be safe.
"I love my wife, mom." He replied.
"Of course, you do. The problem isn't if you love each other or not. The problem is you."
"I don't understand. Why me?"
"You tell me." She looked him straight in the eye. "You're hiding something. Something is bothering you, Jack. That's what's destroying your marriage and we both know it."
Jack was caught off guard by his mother's precision. He wanted to ask her how she knew but decided against it; that'll be equivalent to telling her she was right and it'll lead to her forcing him to disclose his secret which was what he was trying so hard to avoid.
"I don't know what you're talking about, mom." He tried to deny.
"Don't try to fool me, young man. I'm your mother." Her eyes bored into him. He couldn't hold her gaze; he looked away. No, he couldn't let her know.
"I'm fine, mom. You have to believe me." He kept his eyes fixed on the sky outside the window. Right now, he could look anywhere but at his mother.
"Look at me, Jack." Came his mother's soft voice as she held his hands. Jack reluctantly looked at her.
"I'm not going to force you to tell me what it is. You're a family man, mature enough to make your decisions. If you decide not to tell me, fine. I'll respect your decision. But, just know that it kills me to know that you're carrying this heavy burden and I can't do anything about it. God can bear me witness that with the whole of my heart, I want to take this burden away from you. I want to take whatever it is that's eating up your happiness. Even if it means carrying it on your behalf, I'll do just that, just so you can be happy."
"Please, stop it, mom." Jack stood and walked quickly to the window as he felt his eyes well up.
"I'm just telling you the truth. If you're hiding this from me because you think I'll judge you, then you probably don't know me well enough. I'll never judge a living soul." He heard her footsteps as she came to stand beside him.
Jack knew his mother well enough to know that she was telling the truth. Right from when he was a child, his mother always looked for the good in people and taught him to do the same. He remembered a time she brought in a prostitute from a brothel, preached the message of salvation to her and sent her to school, never for once judging her. That lady later became the wife of a God-fearing and well-to-do businessman. He also remembered eavesdropping on one of her conversations with a pornography addict; how her voice was filled with love for whoever was on the line as she gave her advice on how to break that yoke. She scheduled meetings with the person and prayed for the person. There were countless scenarios Jack could remember, how she had seen people doing wrong and rather than judge them, she had treated them with love, and the majority of these people changed for the better.
"It's not that, mom." Jack tried to hide his tears from her. "I know you'll never judge me."
"Then what is it? What's keeping you from telling me? Talk to me."
"You'll be disappointed in me, mom. That's what I can't stand." Jack couldn't control the tears. "You deserve better than having me as a son mom. I'm a horrible person." Jack cried hard.
"Look at me, boy."
Jack slowly turned to look at her and noticed the tears in her eyes.
"You're the flesh of my flesh and bone of my bones. My blood runs through your veins. Your happiness is my happiness and your shame, my shame. Whatever it is that you've done, just know that we're in this together. If you open up to me, your secret will be safe. I'll never disclose it to a soul. Please allow me to bear this burden with you. I can't stand watching it eat you and not be able to do anything about it."
Jack couldn't take this. His mother was breaking down his walls. He felt so vulnerable. He turned to leave but his mother held his hand. "Don't run away from your mistakes, let's face them together. They'll make you a better person."
"Please let me go, mom." His voice was raspy.
"No matter what it is you've done. I'll always love you."
Jack couldn't bear to hear the pain in his mother's voice. He could do anything to ease that pain at this state.
"I'm an adulterer, mom."
His mother released his hands. He saw the look of shock on her face and wished he hadn't said anything. But it was too late.
"Satisfied?" He continued. "I claim to be a pastor, yet, I committed adultery."
His mother shut her eyes tightly and a teardrop slid down her cheek.
Jack couldn't bear the shame he felt, he turned to walk away from his mother; to run away from his home, from the church, from his family and even from planet earth. Suicide was the only option. His life was too miserable to be lived.