CHAPTER 29
Boys and No Escape
REN
Lumapit sa amin ang babaeng pino ang kutis at saka kinarga ang batang babae. Ang bango nila. Nag-iwan ng amoy ng kaaya-ayang bulaklak ang pagkakayakap sa akin ng tinawag ng babaeng si Cosette.
"Mommy, Rome is hiding from us. Did he not miss me?"
The woman shook her head and smiled down at me. She looks so young with her military haircut and yet I was not intimidated. Her smile was one of a kind. It made my heart feel like it was wrapped in warm towel. She placed the girl down and kneeled to level her eyes on me.
I shouldn't be around here. Hindi ako dapat makita ng mga bisita rito ngunit hindi naman siguro makakasakit ang makipag-usap kahit na minsan lamang, hindi ba?
"Ang gwapo mo naman," puri niya sa akin at saka iniayos ang aking buhok. "Anong pangalan mo?"
Nautal ako at napilitang sumagot. "Jack po."
We looked at the boy who suddenly shouted, "Mom!"
He staring at me as his mother walked up to him. He gave her a kiss but stared back to me afterwards again. It was as if he hates me. It was as if I have done him something wrong.
"Is Jack your friend?"
Lumapit ang batang babae sa akin at saka ako ay pinagmasdan nang malapitan.
"I like you!" she then turned to her mother and said, "Mom, let's take him out of here."
The woman smiled, her eyes almost crinkling. "Dito ka ba nakatira, Jack?"
I nodded. I was still flabbergasted from what Cosette told me.
The woman held my hand and stroked my hair.
"Pangarap kong magkaroon ng malaki at masayang pamilya. Gusto mo rin ba iyon?"
I couldn't speak as I saw Hans turn round and run away. Bago pa ako makasagot, nasa likuran ko na si Lolo.
"Apo?"
SINUNDAN KO ANG pinanggagalingan ng ihip ng hanging maaaring magdala sa akin sa lawa. Hindi ko inalintana ang masukal na gubat na tinakbuhan ko.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ako makaiyak pagkatapos ko siyang talikuran. Wala akong kamalayan kung hanggang kailan ako tatakbo pero gusto kong mapagod hanggang sa wala na lamang akong maramdaman. Kung anuman ang lamang ko sa aking mga kaibigang lalaki, iyon ay ang haba ng oras na kaya kong itagal bago mapagod. Hindi man ako ang pinakamabilis na tumakbo ay hindi naman ako basta-bastang mapagod.
"Ren!"
And kanyang tinig ay nanggagaling sa malayo.
Ilang sandali rin akong nagpaliku-liko sa kakahuyan bago ko naaninag ang maasul na langit sa unahan. May matarik na mga batong maaaring gamiting lakaran upang makababa sa mabatong lupain bago ang lawa. Kaagad akong pumanaog kahit na masakit sa talampakan. Hinubad ko na lamang din ang aking sandals upang hindi masira at saka ako nagpatuloy sa pagtakbo patungo sa bukana ng tubig.
Ilang sandali akong napahinto at minasdan ang lawa. Hindi ito nagbago. Napapikit ako sa bigat ng pakiramdam na dumagan sa aking dibdib.
Paano niya naitago sa akin ito?
I was broken from my trance when I heard his heavy heaving of air a few meters behind me. I whirled around and started running again.
"Ren, please. Hear me out."
"Huwag mo akong susundan!"
I looked behind me and realized that he was advancing fast. The pebbles are even crunching under his steps. I did the only thing I could think off. I paused and flung my sandals towards him.
Natamaan ko siya pero hindi siya natinag sa pagtakbo hanggang sa hindi na ako nakabuwelo pa at ako ay hinuli niya sa baywang.
"Galit ako sa'yo! Bitiw!"
"I know." His voice was soft as he was catching his breath.
Sinamantala kong pagod pa siya at ako ay muling tumakbo patungo sa malapit sa mga kayak na nakaantabay sa floorboards na patungo sa tubig.
However, I didn't know how he managed to actually catch up that quick. There was actually a bigger fishing boat that is motor-powered among the kayaks.
"Bitawan mo ako!"
"I'm sorry, Ren but you have to hear my side too," aniya habang buhat ako hanggang sa makaapak na siya sa kahoy na kinayarian ng bangka. He slightly pushed me away as he let me go, to the far side of the boat from near the floorboards.
With one swift push from the post, we went sailing away from the boards which made me wobble and finally get down on my derriere.
Bago pa ako makatayo ay niyugyog na ako ng bangka sa paghila niya sa starter ng makina nito. I saw how he briskly and brusquely pulled the string and how his hair swished as he threw his head with the force needed.
Napakalayo na namin kaagad mula sa amming pinanggalingan.
My heart was beating fast now as my body starts cooling down from the non-warm up run. The boat was just enough to fit a human width and long enough to fit five people. I didn't make a move. What he did was a great move to prevent me from escaping, I'll give him that. I can't just jump and dive and waste my precious life just to avoid him talking because I don't know how to swim.
Or more like I think I could swim but when I finally find out that the water is deep that my feet can't touch any floor, I panic and suddenly forget how to swim. As I roamed my eyes around the water, the machine stopped and I felt him walking carefully to me.
"Aren't you going to jump to avoid me?" aniya nang makaupo na ito sa harap ko.
Hindi ko siya sinagot ngunit tingin ko ay naintindihan niya ang katahimikan ko bilang kompirmasyon.
"Good. Because I can't save you since I don't know how to swim as well."
I freaked out and quickly looked at him murderously.
"Ang lakas ng loob mong ilayag tayo nang walang life vest!"
"May gallon naman ng tubig doon malapit sa makina," he said matter-of-factly.
Lumalakas ang hangin kahit na mahinahon ang tubig. Maaaring dahil na rin sa dami ng puno sa paligid ng lawa. Sa 'di kalayuan ay may mga kubong nakalinya sa bandang may buhanging gilid ng lawa.
I was taken aback when I caught him staring at me. I reached for my hair to tame it as the wind starts blowing it all to my face. His handkerchief helped a little.
Dahil nailing ako bigla sa pagtitig niya sa akin, ako na ang nagsalita.
"Kelan mo pa nalaman ang tungkol sa akin?"
His eyes went up for a second before he drew a massive breath.
"Are you going to listen to everything I'll tell you?"
I purposefully let him watch me scan all the water around before looking at him dead in the eye. "I suppose I have no choice here, don't you think?"
"You should take note that what happened back then when we were kids is a product of me being childish, okay? And I won't force you to actually accept that reason. You'll wonder why I told you that my name is Hans. Well, it was my uncle's idea to hide me under his son's name that was always in New York—nobody would notice right? Mas maaari nila akong hahayaang magtago sa ampunan kapag anak ako ng sponsor. And it worked. And I met you one day. And come to think of it, it's my birthday. Due to our family's crisis, no one even came to visit me. For the past early seventeen years, I didn't celebrate by birthday. My mom's a miser but she spent all out on the eighteenth. For those past years, I never really got any gift. But then you were under that tree, throwing some slipper.
"And then I was really confused when I approached because you wore really loose shorts back then and then you climbed the tree. I saw your underwear—I didn't mean to—and it's pink. For a boy look, you really passed. I was pissed for a little because you really looked good and I was confused why you are wearing a pink underwear—
"Can you stop mentioning that again and again?!"
"And then there—
He pointed to my ears.
"Just like that, you were flushing red by the ears when you fell over me. And I saw you up close and you really have feminine features. That small face," he whispered as if he was recollecting a scene from afar as he stared at the water, a small smile playing on his lips.
Hindi ko alam ang dapat na mararamdaman ko. Hindi ko rin alam kung dapat ba akong sumingit sa pagsasalita niya. Natuod na lamang ako.
"How could I forget that? And then you gave me the only coin you have. On my birthday. I couldn't sleep that night fearing that the kids in the room with me might steal it. So I did anything to make it fit like a necklace. I was so angry when I thought I almost lost it. It's the first gift I ever had, even if it was not intended. And then there's what I did.
"I overheard your conversation with my mom and I saw my sister hugging you. The hell, that girl hates boys. Doon ko narealize na baka nga babae ka talaga gaya ng inakala ko. The fact that she likes you? The hell, I didn't know what she means but I didn't like it. Because if you are a boy, I will hate you for looking too good but as a girl, you speak so intelligent and you even look better than me as a boy and I really like you. I was disappointed when mom considered wanting you home."
He looked up to me and tears finally began running flawlessly down my face.
The woman sat across from Lolo and is still persuading Lolo to let me go. Hans and Cosette were sitting at each side of the woman.
Hindi ko marinig ang pinag-uusapan nila ngunit nakatalikod ang Lolo kaya naman hindi ko malaman kung ano ang palagay niya. Nakasilip lamang ako sa pinto at hindi nagtagal nang nahuli ako ni Hans. Tumakbo kaagad ako papunta sa ilalim ng puno nang sumunod pala siya.
"You're not going to be my brother!"
Nasaktan ako sa sinabi niya. Umaasa na akong magkakaroon ako ng bagong pamilya.
"Akala ko ba bati tayo?"
"Don't you even consider other people's feelings? You're selfish!"
"Huwag mo akong sigawan!"
"You're selfish! I don't want you to be my brother! Get away from my mom! Nobody wants you here!"
He pushed me and I landed down the soil.
And I didn't know what happened back there in that room but I'm sure I lost my chance to get a family. I ran and ran and ran for almost I care.
"I went after you to just tell you that your grandpa was really sad about it. He was so so sad. He's at the verge of tears, telling my mom not to take you away from him. The love in his eyes as I watched him plead for something, Ren—you don't even need a new family to feel complete."
That shook me.
I froze and stared at him.
It didn't happen to me that it was the case. Nor did it get to me how Lolo felt about it back then but now that I realized, Hans was right.
I had been selfish.
"After that, my mom got me back because my uncle died out of an ambush on his way here. So she decided to send me to New York. I didn't stop trying to look for you. I used all my connections. Until I had to come back here once again that I got a tip saying they know where you are. They sent me an address. The moment I saw you walking around the village, I doubted if I met you before. It was all coincidence. I didn't expect that it was you, when I went to visit the address the next day."
I closed my eyes as everything sank to my consciousness. They sound valid. Could he be lying? But why would he lie?
He looked up and reached for the handkerchief that was sliding loose due to the wind. He unfastened it and let it rest around my neck, his hands still holding both ends of it.
"What do you say?" he softly asked.
"I need to apologize to Hans."
"And?" his voice was hoping.
"And... maybe we should forget about what happened, after all. You're absolutely right anyway. I've never felt complete and contented. I enjoyed life with Lolo. Hindi ko narealize na nasaktan pala siya noon nang gusto kong malayo sa kanya. Hindi ko naisip iyon. I'm sorry, Hans."
"It's Knight, Ren," he corrected with a light laughter.
"I'm sorry, Knight."
I heard him sigh.
"I apologize too."
"Yeah you should be the first one to do that."
There was a meaningful silence.
"Anything else to say?" he asked as if he's waiting for me to say something else.
I shook my head and actually, I smiled a little.
I watched as his eyes turned soft but pulling when he trained them on me.
"Are you even listening? I just told you that I like you, Ren."