"We'll go get a ECP first thing. Man, I am so sorry. I've never done that before...." he croaked, mortified with himself.
I held my hand up and shook my head. "We both got carried away."
I didn't say anything for a few minutes, just washed my body and let the startling realization sink in fully.
Gone was all the relaxation, as a new wave of drama washed over me leaving me feeling nauseous overwhelmed. I stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel.
"I'll go alone." I murmured. "You've got recording and tour preparation to do."
"Scarlett" He warned, turning the nozzle off. He exited the shower cubicle himself. I held out a towel toward him. He took it and began to dry his beautiful body.
"No really, it's fine. I'd prefer to go alone." I murmured. Because I don't want you to see me buy a pregnancy test.
Xavier wrapped the towel around his waist and walked toward me.
"It was my mistake too, I should be there to support you."
the word 'Mistake' niggled at me, if I told him exactly what I was thinking then he'd insist on being there, I knew it. I wanted to be a mother, some day but not now. I'd only just let the world in, I was still very much the innocent teen I had been. I had so much catching up to do. I wasn't ready for a life to rely on me. Mistake was the perfect word, but Xavier had meant it for something else.
"You caring so much is support enough, please."
"I don't like it, but if you insist" He mumbled. "Just make sure you call me if you feel sick or something."
"Deal."
We walked from the bathroom across to my bedroom and fell in to bed. The moment my head hit the pillow I was asleep. While the millions of thoughts running through my head didn't hinder my ability to fall asleep They did cause some terrifying and vivid nightmares. I felt crushed, pinned down, trapped beneath everything. Each dream I had was worse than the last, first waves crashing continuously over me, not allowing me to stand up, followed by boulders the size of smalls car chasing me down a hill.
Perhaps worst of all I couldn't wake myself up. I was stuck in this never ending cycle of bad dreams.
When my eyes finally opened, I felt anything but rested. It was almost a relief to be awake.
Xavier was still asleep. The blanket covered only his groin, he looked like a model for sexy sheets now, that was for sure. I held back a giggle.
"Enjoying the view" He murmured sleepily.
"Yes." I admitted
"Whats the time?"
I turned took look at the clock beside me, It was 9:00am. Crap I was going to have to call in sick for work. I still had to make a dreaded trip to the chemist, and it scared the living shit out of me.
"9" I murmured turning back to face him.
Xavier groaned and lazily placed his arm on my hip. "I need to be at the studio in an hour."
"You should probably go then." I replied.
"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you this morning." he asked, his tone suggesting he had hoped I would change my mind.
"I'll be fine" I murmured, trying to brush off the anxiety I felt about what today could mean.
I needed to do this alone, because I didn't know what my reaction my be.
Xavier kissed me then sat up. He walked from the room naked and returned a few minutes later fully dressed.
"Did you want me to come back tonight?"
"Please"
"Good, I'll bring a change of clothes.." he smiled bending down to kiss me softly on the lips
"Okay"
"I love you"
"You too"
Xavier left, and after I called work I lay in bed for a while longer. The longer I lay there was the longer I could fool myself into thinking that there was absolutely no chance I was pregnant. We had been so careful, it had only been my first time. Was good old Murphy's law so far out to get me that this could happen?
I forced myself back to reality around 10.30 and got out of bed. I drove to a pharmacy.
I felt strange walking through the isles. When I got to the pregnancy tests I almost died. There were so many to choose from. That I just didn't know what to get. Finally I settled on a generic test. I was already late. 5 days late. Later that I had ever been, ever.
Nervously I approached the counter.
"Just this and a ECP please" I hurried my words out, but managed to speak without stuttering, my skin burned from embarrassment.
"Uh miss, if you're needing a pregnancy test, it might be a little late for the ECP" the chemist explained lifting the test to scan it. I eyeballed her, unable to speak. My face must have looked angry because she nodded, turned and grabbed the pill box from behind her.
"You need to take this within 72 hours of unprotected intercourse. On in the morning, and the other 12 hours later. You have to take both pills or you run the risk of pregnancy"
"Uh.. thanks"
I paid for the items and left. Once I was home I placed the ECP on the bench and walked down the hallway to the bathroom. I read the instructions three times, then opened the package that the stick was enclosed in. I followed the instructions scrupulously. Then placed it down on the sink and cleaned myself up.
I paced the floor of my bathroom for 3 full minutes then walked gingerly over to the sink where I had left the test.
I closed my eyes and picked it up. This is it Jackson....
I let my eyes flicker open. Two lines. What did two lines mean? I'd read the instructions so many times, but had neglected the results meaning. I picked up the box, on the back the results were drawn with pretty illustrations. One line = Not Pregnant. Two lines equaled = SHIT.
Stress induced nausea rose in my gut. I threw the test in the sick and backed away from it, as if distancing myself from the test made it any less real. I was pregnant.
I wasn't ready for this, and I knew Xavier wasn't either. The timing was so off that it wasn't funny.
It was too soon for us, he was going on tour, and I had hoped to go with him. A baby would change everything. Changes I wasn't ready for. I wanted to be a mother someday, but not now. Not yet.
I ran from the room, from the house, I sat in my car, I wanted to drive, but I wasn't sure where to go. My heart thumped and my stomach swirled. Finally I turned the car on and drove to the beach. I sat there staring out at the waves crashing, wondering how it would feel against me if I walked out there, would I stop feeling so overwhelmed. Would it be like my dream, would I eventually not be able to get back up again. I shook the thoughts from my head and tried to relax... it was futile.
DJ called at 1pm but I let the call go to voice mail. Then Xavier tried shortly after that. I couldn't face reality at the moment. Talking to anyone meant I'd accepted that this was real. That this pregnancy was a thing. Even if they didn't know it yet.
My phone buzzed a while later. It was a text this time. I picked it up and read it.
Hey. Where are you? I'm at your place – X
I didn't answer.
I'm worried. - X
I typed in a message but hit back before I could send it. He didn't message again for a while, then suddenly my phone rang, and when I didn't answer it rang again.
Answer your phone. - X
When he called again, I answered. He sounded breathless.
"One, we need to get some tougher locks on your back door. I broke in with ease. I'll call someone to install something better. Two. If you're going to leave the receipt for the ECP next to the unopened ECP box. I'm going to read it."
My stomach dropped.
"come back, we need to talk about this in person" he pleaded.
"Did you find it?"
"The test?"
"Yes"
"I'm standing in your bathroom babe."
I let out a sob, a guttural, unavoidable, broken sob. It was real. It was real.
"Babe, come back to me, we can talk"
Too real.
"Xavier" I mumbled
"Scarlett, come home. Please"
home. I liked how that sounded. Home with Xavier, It was quick but I know that wherever he was, was home to me. Still this had the ability to change everything.
"Okay" I whispered, I longed to have Xavier's arms, if nothing else I just needed him.
"Drive safe." He whispered. "I love you"
"You too."
I drove home, although my mind was clouded the entire way. As I drove up the driveway I struggled to remember the drive from the beach. Had I run any red lights? I couldn't be sure. I'd been running on autopilot. Xavier was walking down the path toward the car before I even turned the ignition off. I hopped out of the car. Before I could take even step Xavier arms engulfed me.
"Don't run from me again" He murmured through my hair.
His arms were tight around me, like he was afraid I'd start running the minute he released me.
"I'm sorry" I whispered, unsure what to say.
Reluctantly Xavier let me go and we walked up the path together. Once we were inside I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a juice from the fridge.
"Do you want one?"
Xavier shook his head at sat down at the table. "We should talk about... about the baby"
baby. It was real. I winced and placed the juice down on the bench.
"Right now it's little more than a cell like blob" I replied.
"It's our cell like blob" Xavier murmured. "I know the timing is shit, and I know we've only just started seeing each other and I know you're about to become famous... but you can do that and have a baby too."
I sighed, heavily and walked over to the table.
"Condom's are supposed to prevent pregnancy. I don't understand why I had to be one of the 2 percent."
Xavier frowned and sat back in his seat.
"Sometimes fate steps in and deals you a new hand. I have faith in us to get through this"
"You're going on tour for a year Xavier and I won't be able to come. Sure I may still be able to sign some kind of record deal, but with a baby and a rock star boyfriend on tour I won't have the time."
He didn't get it, and it was frustrating, for him little had to change. For me, the whole world was going to change.
"We'll figure it out babe. I'll leave the band if I have to. You mean that much to me." Xavier looked down at my stomach and leaned forward on his seat. "You both do."
"Xavier I don't know if I can have a baby. Not yet." I whispered, it hurt to say it, and I know it hurt him to hear it, especially after he'd just said what he had, but I had to be honest. Xavier didn't reply. He just stood up and grabbed his keys. He was out the door before I could say anything and I didn't try to stop him once he was gone. He was excited, and I wasn't.
I walked into the living room and grabbed my laptop from the shelf. Once I'd booted it up I searched conception. According to my dates I was almost 6 weeks. They count you as two weeks pregnant from the time of the conception inducing sex episode. The baby looked less like a blob than I'd expected. More like a strange little jelly baby. I was surprised at my reaction, my heart fluttered and my hand ran over my stomach. That was happening inside of me. Xavier and I had created life.
"Jelly baby" I whispered. "Your timing sucks, but I think I love you"
I closed my laptop and stood up. Before I could walk back to the kitchen to grab my phone there was a knock at the door. I opened it and Xavier stood there, holding a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates.
"I'm sorry, I should have realized that with everything going on, having a baby is the last thing on your mind. I love you, and I will support you no matter what" He held the gifts towards me, but I engulfed him in my arms bypassing them.
"I love you"
"You too, are you okay? You're happier"
"He's not a blob. He's like a little jelly baby" I whispered.
Xavier pulled himself from our embrace and looked at me strangely. "Jelly baby?"
"I want to have your baby Xavier, I'm just scared" I exclaimed, speaking the words as I thought them. "Scared of how much our lives are going to change, of how much we're both going to have to sacrifice. The timing sucks, but then, we've never really nailed the timing thing have we."
Xavier grinned and walked inside and placed the flowers and chocolates on the table. I followed behind him and sat down.
"I'm going to be a dad" He exclaimed, falling to his knees, he turned and looked toward my stomach. "I'm going to be the best dad"
****
So She is pregnant........... I won't say anymore than that.
I hope you liked this chapter. Its a bit meh to me, but mostly because I'm exhausted from work training. Hope to update again on saturday and sunday.
As always. Please feel free to follow me on twitter @eelyah21 or facebook.com/xebbex.
BED TIMMMMME
Love yas