"Yes DJ. Yeah, it's important." Xavier paced the floor, as he spoke to DJ on the phone.
"Just come here now, and we'll talk."
"No, I'm not leaving the band." he said dramatically.
"Scarlett's place. It's a long story." he paused and smiled at me.
"See you soon."
Xavier hung up and smiled. "You sure about this?"
I nodded and walked over to Xavier.
"I'm nervous." I admitted as I slipped my hands in to his.
"Don't be, we already know DJ loves your music."
"I'm more nervous about admitting it's me."
Xavier smiled, "Speaking from experience, admitting something like this, isn't as scary as you'd think."
DJ arrived a little over an hour later. He knocked on the door and Xavier brought him inside.
"If this is about you two being in a relationship, I'm happy to keep it on the down low... You probably could have just said it over the phone"
Xavier laughed and shook his head. "Thanks for that. But that's not what this is about"
DJ shrugged and looked over at me and bit his lip
"Okay.. then color me confused."
Xavier looked at me then smiled mischievously. "Wait right here."
Xavier ran outside and left DJ and I sitting at the table in uncomfortable silence.
"Your parents will understand." he said with a supportive smile.
"About?" My heart thumped, did he already know it was me?
"Xavier and you. In fact I think your Mom and Janie have been entertaining the idea since you were both born." He laughed.
I laughed and then nodded, he was right. Our families would be fine with us, they'd be happy even. Me lying for the past decade or so, me thinking about leaving my job, me thinking about going on tour with a rock band was the part I wasn't so sure they'd be okay with.
Xavier returned holding DJ's guitar case. I watched DJ as his eyes narrowed. He shook his head and shot Xavier a confused look as he opened the case. The look of confusion only intensified when Xavier handed me the guitar.
He bent down and pressed his lips against my forehead. "Relax."
I slid my fingers over the frets and pulled the pick out from beneath the strings, I closed my eyes let out a shaky breath and started my song. The one DJ had heard, the one he'd loved. I didn't want to look at him, I didn't want to see his reaction, so my eyes stayed firmly closed.
Once the words fell from my mouth I forgot where I was. The music took over and my fear flew away. I could have been singing in a packed out arena and it wouldn't have mattered. I was as free as a bird. When I finished I slowly let my eyes open, but kept my gaze on the floor.
"Scarlett." DJ whispered. "I thought... you said..."
I looked up finally and took in DJ's face. He was clearly shocked, but he was also still smiling, wide.
"I didn't want my whole life under scrutiny. It was bad enough being the daughter and sister of mega rock stars, I worked hard to distance myself from that world. I thought I was doing the right thing for me. A decision I thought I knew was the right one after high school.."
DJ nodded. "What changed your mind."
I looked at Xavier and smiled "Trying to keep my feelings for Xavier a secret."
Xavier dropped his head forehead and ran his hands through his hair. "It was becoming impossible to hold my feelings in, and the urge to let it out somehow was getting stronger. I sing to relax."
"You're more like your Mom than I thought you were." DJ noted.
"She's going to be sad that I kept this from her." I whispered.
DJ nodded then sat forward and placed a hand over mine. "Maybe, but she'll understand why. Your Mom is one of the most understanding people I know. Scarlett you have to know that you have an amazing talent. If you want to keep your identity under wraps, I'm okay with that."
"You'd lie to my parents for me? People you've known for decades?"
"Omit the truth. Not lie."
I stared at DJ and smiled. He was willing to put his friendship with my parents on the line for me. He believed in me that much.
"I don't want to lie anymore." I whispered.
"What do you want?" He replied.
I looked up at Xavier and smiled. My fingers trailed along the guitar, Music, I wanted music... and Xavier.
"I want to make music." I looked at DJ and smiled, he smiled back and then pulled his phone from his pocket. He dialed a numbed then held it to his ear.
"Carly, It's Deedge. I've found the next big thing."
My heart raced. Was is presumptuous of DJ to call me the next big thing? Probably, but it made something inside of me soar. Xavier knelt beside me and pressed his lips to mine.
"So we're going straight up with this? With everything."
"With everything." I whispered back.
Xavier kissed me again, but this time it was more passionate. I almost forgot DJ was still in the room. He broke the moment with the cliched throat clearing. Xavier moved away and I looked back at DJ.
"Everyone at Emperor has heard your song. All the top producers. You're a shoe in." DJ smiled.
"Really?"
"Yes, really."
"I've arranged a meeting with Carly for tonight and I'll contact you tomorrow. In the meantime, maybe you should pay your parents a visit."
I nodded, everything felt numb and electric at the same time. Things had gone from bad to good, to bad to amazing. This was me living, how had I ever done anything different to this? How had I ever been happy living the half life I'd lived before.
DJ left a little while later. Xavier and I called my parents to arrange an impromptu dinner with my parents and his. Mom insisted on having it at their place.
"They're going to freak out about the eye." I mumbled as I stood in front of the mirror putting cover up on over the bruising.
"They'll freak out about Noah doing that to your eye." Xavier replied and she wrapped his arms around my waist. "The other week at your parents place when he held you like this I wanted to kick his ass."
I placed the cover up down and put my arms on Xavier's
"I wanted it to be you." I admitted.
"It'll be me from now until you don't want me anymore."
I turned around and slipped my hands around Xaviers neck. As I let my eyes lock on to his hazel gaze I wondered if it was even possible for me to not want him. I'd given in to my temptations, and it had turned out to be love. I didn't just want him, I needed him.
"I wish we'd had this sooner" I whispered, my face edged closer to his, until our lips were only an inch apart.
"I'm just glad it's happened now." Xavier's hand moved up to the back of my head and his kissed me until I forgot what we were doing. He moved me around until my back was against the wall of the bathroom and he lifted my arms over my head.
"Full circle." He whispered.
"Huh?"
"I bit the bullet and tried to seduce you like a great big asshole in a bathroom."
I laughed as he kissed the curve of my neck, I relaxed and let out the moan I'd held back the first time he'd touched me like this in my parents bathroom.
"You're not going to have me castrated are you?" He teased.
"No." I breathed out.
"I tried to seduce you the wrong way. I see that now. I thought I might be lucky to have you once, and I played off the attraction I could see. But we're more than sex. I tried to seduce your body, when I should have been seducing your heart."
"You were an asshole back then. You assumed you could touch me, and that I'd like it. I was so angry. I meant every word I said that day, but you returning in general sparked something in me. I think I began to fall for you the minute you came back. The minute I realized who you were. Sometimes I wonder if I really knew all along, but just lied to my subconscious enough that I began to believe my own lies." I murmured as Xaviers lips tantalized my skin. He stopped and pulled back. His hand brushed my cheek.
"The past is the past. We have one another now. You know who I am, and I know who you are." Xavier rest his forehead against mine. "I love you."
"I love you too."
"We need to go to your parents house, or we'll be late." Xavier said ruefully. "Although I want to fall in to bed with you and never resurface."
I sighed, he was right, the light was beginning to dim, night fall was coming and if we continued as we were, bed was where we were headed.
We left for my parents place once the house was locked up. The police called before I shut the front door. Confirming everything Xavier had told me. They believed that Noah had a history of violence and harassment toward women, and until now no one had said anything. They believed he was behind the letter in an attempt to make me need his protection, to make me rely on him. He hadn't admitted it however, in fact he vehemently denied having anything to do with it.
The officer said Noah wouldn't be bothering me. I had a protection order that meant if he came near me the police would lock him up until his court case.
The protection order seemed like a small consolation, because I still couldn't shake the feeling that Noah didn't have anything to do with the letter. Yes he was a despicable shit of a man, but something wasn't right.
The phone call muted my happiness. The last thing, or person I wanted to think about was Noah.
I was silent the entire drive to my parents home. Xavier parked up once we were there and took my hand in his.
"Forget about him, tonight is about you."
"Us." I corrected.
Xavier nodded and lifted my hand to his lips. "Us."
We got out of the car and walked up the path to the front door. Xavier placed his hand on the small of my back as I knocked on and opened the door.
"Hey." I called out.
"Oh honey! You're here. Wonderful." I heard mom call from the next room.
Xavier and I stepped inside. Xavier closed the door behind him and we walked through to the next room. Both of our parents sat at the dining room table. My mom and Xavier Mom Janie looked at as both with faraway eyes. They looked like they had when they'd made us to watch Dirty Dancing as kids. They were expectant of us being together. I was happy we'd appease them on one front, but still nervous about everything else they needed to know.
We walked to the table then sat down. Xavier placed his hand over mine and nodded.
"I need to tell you something." I whispered looking toward my parents. "You might not like it."
"Oh, I bet I will." Mom gushed looking down at Xaviers hand on mine. Janie let out a girlish giggle.
"Xavier and I...." I started. "We're together."
"Oh guys! That's wonderful. I am so happy, what about Noah though?" mom said, her words all rushed together. I frowned at the mere mention of Noah's name.
I looked at Xavier and closed my eyes to stop the tears that wanted to escape. I turned back and picked up the napkin in front of me. I wiped the cover up off my eye, then looked back up at my parents. Mom's hand flew to her mouth and her eyes sprung tears.
"He did that?"
I nodded and explained what had happened, everything, almost from the beginning. Xavier was quiet, his hand still over mine. I could feel him getting tense.
"So he's not allowed to come near you." My father questioned.
"No."
"Good."
"I'm glad you're safe now." Mom replied.
"Me too mom." I replied, but that cloud of doubt still hung over me. I looked at Dad and the same cloud hung over him. I could tell he didn't buy Noah being at the helm of the letter either.
Mom dished up dinner and we were half way through eating dessert before I gathered enough courage to tell them the truth about me. The lie I'd held on to for so long. Janie and Marc had been like an Aunty and Uncle to me, I'd lied to them too. I'd lied to almost everyone.
"There's one more thing." I said placing my spoon down.
"Yes?"
"Give me five minutes and come down to the basement?" I said softly, knowing the best way to tell them, was going to be showing them. I grabbed Xavier by the hand and left the room. I ran up to Jace' room and once he knew what I was about to do he was downstairs quicker than you could say go. He jumped on the drums, Xavier took bass and I took guitar.
"Lets do Not Alone?" I smiled at Xavier who nodded back at me.
"sounds good."
As soon as Jace saw the shadow of our parents coming down he stairs he counted in. Nerves threatened to over run me. I was about to unravel a lifetime of hiding. I was about to be completely honest. Emotionally naked.
I started playing the guitar, I looked up at my parents who were already opened mouthed in shock. Mom looked confused. I took a deep breath looked beside me at Xavier then let the words fly from my mouth. As I sung the familiar freedom washed over me, but all my fear lifted away. I was sure of it now, and I regretted every moment I'd hidden my true love.
As the song ended I looked at my mom. I could see tears streaming down her face. Dad had an arm around her. I began to panic. Did she hate me now? Was she angry I'd lied?
I placed the guitar down on the stand and she walked over to me and pulled me into a tight embrace.
"You're amazing." She whispered. "I thought.."
"I'm so sorry mom."
"Honey, I don't understand." She released me from her embrace and took a step back. Her eyes were still filled with tears, but I could see now that there was no anger. I breathed a sigh of relief then closed my eyes.
"I hated growing up in the spotlight. Every moment of my life captured on film. Always in magazines, always the target of people who want to use me because of my families fame. I thought denying myself my passion was the sacrifice I had to make to live peacefully. After high school I though it was best decision I'd ever made."
Tears rolled down my cheeks the moment I opened my eyes again.
"But I can't escape the voice wanting to escape from me. I can't hold back who I want to be anymore."
"Honey I understand. You just want to be you." Mom placed her hand on my shoulder, she gave me a knowing look and a small comforting smile.
She was right. I wanted people to like me for me. I didn't want to be the daughter or the sister of that amazing singer. I wanted to be the amazing singer. Singular. Me against the world. It seemed selfish even thinking it. But maybe for once I needed to be selfish.
"We've shadowed you with our fame. We clouded your dreams. It's your turn now. If you want it." Dad whispered. "You're amazing."
"You guys aren't angry?" I whispered, wanting to make absolutely sure.
"Angry... Honey, we're amazed, we're proud. Bursting with love." Mom exclaimed. "I'm sad you hid yourself, but not angry!"
It was over, my lie was over. I could finally be myself.
***
We left around 9pm. I was bursting with energy and happiness and talked the entire ride home.
Xavier pulled into the driveway and turned the car off.
"So... everything is out in open." He whispered.
"Almost," I replied referring to the pain he held inside himself. The accident his parents didn't know about. I looked over at him and he winced.
"Yeah. I will tell them. I promised after all."
"Xavier. Thank you for being there tonight." I placed my hand on his thigh, "and when you're ready, I'll be there for you."
"Thank you for wanting me there."
Xavier placed his hands back on the keys. "I guess I should probably go." He spoke slowly.
My breathing stopped, I hated the thought of being away from him. I didn't want him to go.
"Stay" I murmured.
"Are you sure?"
"We've got a lot of time to make up for." I whispered.
Xavier turn the keys and pulled them out. He removed his belt then leaned across the front seat. His lips played playfully with mine. "You don't have to ask me twice." He grinned as he moved away opening his door. I removed my seat belt as well then opened my door. Xavier walked around to meet me, his arms slipped around my waist and he pulled me in hard against his chest.
Somehow we made it inside, although I don't remember walking. The cats surrounded us, interrupting our romantic interlude. All of them except old grumpy guts.
"Where's Vax?" I whispered stepping back from Xavier. Vax was the cat that was always the first to greet me, even if it was just for food. He was a grumpy cat, but a grumpy cat that liked fresh food and a full milk bowl.
I walked through to the kitchen taking a deep breath as I noticed Vax, asleep on the bench. I walked across to the spot where he lay and pat him.
Instantly I knew something was up. His body was stiff, he didn't move. My hand flew to my mouth and I let out a gasp.
I felt silly crying over a cat, but I couldn't control the tears. As stupid as it was, I'd had next to no life for years, my cats were my friends.
Vax. Despite his surly attitude had been my favorite and now it seemed he was gone.
Xavier walked up to the bench and checked for signs of life. He looked up, his face drawn, confirming what I already knew. Vax my grumpy black cat had died.
"I'm such a goof, crying over a cat." I sobbed.
Xavier shook his head and walked across the floor to me. He wrapped his arms around me and cupped my head in his hands.
"When I was 15 my dog died... do you remember?"
"Boris?"
"Yeah."
"He was the size of a horse." I mused.
"Well when he died I cried, a lot. He understood me you know. He gave me big dog hugs when I was down and made me feel important. He relied on me. He was an animal, but he was a part of my family."
"You cried?" I whispered through tears, trying to imagine Xavier cry. I hated the thought of him sad.
"A lot. So it's okay. You're not a goof."
"You're a softy." I smiled through my tears.
"Don't tell anyone" he smiled back at me "I have a reputation to uphold."
Xavier and I went outside with a torch. I grabbed a shovel from the garage and we dug a small hole. Xavier went inside with a small box and returned with Vax the cat inside of it. Then we buried him. I cried again as we filled the hole in. Saying goodbye was not my strong point. The only benefit of not really living, meant I had minimal experience at it. Until now.
Once we were finished Xavier patted the fresh dirt down.
"bye buddy" he said softly. "It was a pleasure sharing the same nickname"
"I'm glad you're here" I whispered.
Xavier stood up and embraced me once more. "As much as it hurts me to see you so sad, I'm glad I'm here too."
I moved from Xaviers embrace then bent down, I kissed my fingertips, then pressed them down on the grave. "Goodbye Vax"
I stood up and looked and Xavier in the dim light of the moon and smiled, he smiled back at me then held his hand out for mine.
"Cheeto time?" He asked.
I shook my head. "I could do with a shower though." today had been long, so much had happened that my brain was having trouble comprehending it all. I needed to relax.
"I like the sound of that" Xavier replied.
We walked inside. The three cats sat in entwined balls of fluff where Vax had peacefully passed on. It was like they knew and were mourning him in their own way. I held back another sob.
Xavier and I walked down to the bathroom. I put my hand behind the curtain and turned the nozzle. The water began streaming out, the steam filled the room slowly as Xavier and I stood in front of one another, fully dressed.
Xavier frowned and took a step forward. "That bruise is gnarly." he murmured, his fingers traced the my brow.
"It'll heal." I whispered back.
"I should have stopped it. I shouldn't have let you face him alone."
I frowned, frustrated to be reminded of Noah for the third time today. I didn't want to waste anymore time thinking about him. He didn't matter.
"Xavier," I whispered reaching to cup his cheeks. "You can't blame yourself. The only one at blame is him. You told me that."
"I did."
"So forget about him." I whispered.
I lifted my shirt over my head. Once my arms had escaped the fabric I threw the shirt at Xavier. He raised an eye brow and let the shirt fall to the floor. In one swift motion he removed his own shirt, baring his tattooed arms and torso to me.
I traced my fingers over the blue eye tattoo that marked the area of his chest above his heart.
"Do your tattoos have meanings?" I whispered.
"Not all of them. Some were because I liked the design, others because I was dared to while drunk" He pointed to a small yellow smiley face poking it's tongue out on the inside of his elbow. "But this one" He murmured, resting his hand over mine. "Is special"
"Why?"
"I got it so I would always have part of you with me." he whispered sheepishly.
My heart thumped as his admittance filtered through my ears. It was for me.
"You have the bluest eyes, and they've always crippled me. A glance from across the cafeteria at school was enough to render me physically useless for at least half an hour." He laughed.
I blushed, amused that a passing glance from me of all people turned Xavier into a walking hard on in high school. "I learned to control that impulse, but your eyes always have been and always will be are kryptonite."
I let out a small laugh, I could say the same about his eyes. They were magical, blue around the outline of the iris, green in the middle and an almost fiery red around the dark black pupils and right now they were melting me with their intense gaze.
"You're laughing at me" He whispered feigning hurt.
I shook my head and put my hands behind my back. Carefully, I unhooked my bra and and threw it at Xavier, it landed on his head. I bit back a larger laugh, as did he.
"Your entire body is my kryptonite now." he groaned.
I removed the rest of my clothes walked behind the curtain and into the warm shower. His words words moved through me, replaying over and over again until I was grinning like an idiot. The fact he saw me, of all people, as his weakness set my heart on fire. I felt the same way about him, I think I always had, maybe that's why I'd held a grudge against him as long as I had.
I began to relax as beads of hot water ran over my hair, down my face and over the apex of my breasts. My hands cupped the mounds, they felt bigger, I hadn't noticed until now. In fact, they were tender too. Mentally I tried to count the days of my cycle in my head, but I couldn't think straight. The day had overwhelmed and I wasn't nearly relaxed enough to essentially do a maths equation.
Xavier climbed in the shower, instantly his smile dropped as he took in my confused and dismayed face.
"Are you okay babe" He whispered he wrapped his arms around me, I tried to ignore the bulge digging into my hip bone, but it was futile. I forgot the very real terror I had felt for a fleeting moment.
I wasn't pregnant. We'd been careful. I was just imagining things.
"I'm okay" I whispered back. I stood on my tip toes and pressed my lips to his. The water ran over us the melodic hum of the droplets entranced me slowly, but surely I forgot myself.
After seconds that seemed like minutes his lips weren't enough anymore. I wanted him, I needed him. I grasped his length with my hand. He let out a breathless gasp. then moved against me. "Scarlett" He murmured, his lips licked at he lobe of my ear, the way he said my name would have turned me in to a blithering mess, but the fire-pit of want in my gut kept me upright, but perhaps not fully functional.
"I need you" I groaned, speaking the only words in my vocabulary at that moment
Xavier lifted me up and held me against the glass edge of the shower. It was cold on my back, but with the contrasting hot water rushing over us both it felt good, more than good.
The moment he entered me I felt full, I felt complete.
His lips and hands were everywhere at once. All of my many nerve endings were alive with passion that I couldn't hold back the deep seated climax that was aching to erupt. I fell apart in his arms, under the hot water, against the cold glass wall. I shuddered, Aching with release and exhausted by it.
I looked up at Xavier whose face was in awe of me, It filled me with a renewed energy, I moved with him, watching him as he too fell apart like I had minutes before. His lips grazed mine as he set me down, he smiled.
"I feel like a high school kid." He mused. "I try to hold back, but with you its so hard. You set me alight." He whispered.
"I'm not complaining." I replied, my body still recovering from the intense release.
"Fuck!" Xavier groaned looked down. "Fuck, I'm so sorry."
"What?" I whispered,
"I got carried away, I.. I forgot, I we didn't use anything."
Xavier looked consumed with guilt. My stomach dropped. The numbers I'd struggled to work out before he'd hypnotized me with sexual desire suddenly presented themselves.
5 days. I was 5 days late.
*****
Soooooorrrrry. 1. because it's been a few days and 2. Because the chapter title is a tad misleading! and 3. The cliff hanger! I'm so mean!
Poor kitty cat. :( I would hate to lose my cat. He's so goofy, he thinks he's human!
Anywho, as always I hope you liked this chapter, and if you want to follow me on either twitter @eelyah21 or facebook.com/xebbex then please do so :P
Love yas!