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THE PAST
The three of them were lying on Jordy's king size bed, surrounded by an abundance of pillows. The window was open, inviting a cool breeze inside the room.
The open window didn't influence the volume to which they were singing along with Summer Nights. Even when Jordy hadn't lived in a detached house, the girls probably wouldn't have cared.
Watching Grease together had became a habit. Jordy loved to watch so she could swoon over John Travolta, Shawna because she enjoyed the songs so much and June... June had always silently imagined that she was Sandy and that Juan was Danny, hoping that they would become a couple together too one day, despite their different groups of friends.
It was weird to watch the movie again now, knowing that those fantasies had come true. He was her boyfriend now, for two weeks.
That June wasn't the only one translating the movie to her own life, became clear when Jordy suddenly sat up straight and clutched a big pillow to her stomach.
"Tomorrow I'm just gonna do it."
For a moment June waited for an explanation, but when Jordy didn't elaborate she asked: "What are you going to do tomorrow?"
"Having that date. With Emilio. I'll just go to his house and pick him up. He isn't answering my texts anyway."
June didn't know what to answer. She still wanted to talk the idea out of Jordy's head, but for some incomprehensible reason she really liked the guy. "You already know what you're going to do?"
"My plan for action is ready for two weeks now," she answered with a smirk. "I'm sure we're gonna have fun, as long as I can convince him to come with me."
"Can't you uh... you can't you think of someone... nicer to do those things with?" Shawna muttered. She stared at the blankets.
June bit her lip. It wasn't easy for Shawna either. Although he had addressed plenty of nasty remarks to June, Shawna was his laughing stock for much longer. He always made comments about her seize, took her food away and he had even snatched a bill out of her hand once, when she was about to buy lunch.
Jordy studied her face. "Well... I'm sure every other guy is nicer." Sighing, she dropped down on the bed, rubbing her face. "I just can't get him out of my head. It's driving me crazy! Maybe it will help when he slams the door into my face."
June doubted that. She already knew that he was a dick. There was no need for a door in her face to discover that.
"You know... It's not like he's just hot, or that I just want to know what it's like to have sex with him. When I was sitting on his lap the other day... my heart was racing like crazy. And I know I've had a thing for half of the school... but there aren't a lot of guys who had that effect on me."
June cringed. Great. She didn't think Emilio was just hot; it sounded like she had seriously fallen for him.
"What? You've been sitting on his lap?" With wide eyes, Shawna turned to her friend.
"June was meeting Juan's friends in El Torro and she had asked me to join her. To keep Emilio busy, I think," she answered with a slight smirk.
It wasn't even untrue, June realized. That day she had indeed hoped that Emilio would aim his attention to Jordy instead of her, since she could deal much better with him.
"I was late and there were no empty seats. June was on Juan's lap, and Emilio was sitting next to him so I thought that was a good excuse to flop down on his lap. He didn't exactly like it, but still... I just can't stop thinking about how it felt to be so close to him." With a sigh, she raised herself on her elbows. "I know that it's hopeless. But I just can't stop hoping that he might like me one day. Even though I know it's stupid and that I will never stand a chance."
"You never know," June tried to cheer her up when she saw her friend's sad face. Jordy was always so full of laughter, she found it hard to see her friend a little sad. "Riley told us there was something going on between the two of you, she really thinks you'll become a couple one day. She told me you are the only girl who made him blush."
"You're serious?" Jordy asked, her eyes so wide they almost popped out of their sockets.
June nodded. She might not like Emilio, but she knew better than anyone how it felt when a friend was constantly burning down your crush. She didn't want to be like Beth.
"Juan and Riley even took a bet that he's going to fall for you. Although she said that it will take ages before Emilio would admit to anyone – or to himself – that he likes you. Since you don't have... well, you know... blonde hair, blue eyes and large breasts."
"Who knows, maybe he's craving for something different after all those blonde bimbettes." She shrugged her shoulders, on her face appeared an optimistic grin. "Let's see if I can convince him to come with me first." She glanced at the alarm clock. "It's almost six. Shall we start cooking, June?" She looked at Shawna. "You wanted to eat at home, right?"
She nodded. "I have to baby-sit tonight. I think it's time to go home."
By now they had all lost their attention for the movie and Jordy turned off the VCR. The girls went downstairs and said goodbye to Shawna.
"What do you want to eat? You already got something?"
"Yeah I wanted to make pancakes."
"You want me to make you pancakes, you mean," June answered with a smirk.
"Yeah, mine are always messy." From behind, she wrapped her arms around June's waist, leaning with chin on her shoulder. "I'm nervous. Stupid huh? You wanna do something tomorrow in case he really sends me away?"
June dropped her head to the left, until it was leaning against Jordy's. "Of course, you know that."
"My heroine." Her arms tightened around June. "You wanna stay at my place tonight? For moral support?"
June hesitated. "I can do that... but I want to go to Juan after dinner. He went to see Mateo this afternoon and it's hard to imagine how he's feeling now. He didn't call me so I guess it's not too bad, but still... He knew that I would hang out with you so it won't surprise me if he didn't want to disturb me."
Jordy sighed softly and let go of her. "I feel so sorry for him." She opened a drawer and took out the mixing bowl. "He's such a sweetheart."
June felt her cheeks glow. Quickly she took an apple from the basket of fruit and started to peel it.
"I had never expected him to be so... sensitive."
"He's good in hiding it," June admitted. "You hope Emilio will reveal such a side too?"
Jordy laughed quietly. "You think he has one?"
"I can't imagine," she answered honestly. "But that night after the fight... I really saw how much he cares about Juan. So it isn't like he's insensitive or something."
"Part of me is just hoping that he's the type of guy who's always acting like a jerk because he's feeling insecure, having erected countless walls around himself. The therapist inside me just wants to break them all down or something."
That was typical Jordy. She liked to surround herself by complicated people who she wanted to understand. The only reason their group of friends existed, was because Jordy had found them interesting and had been determined to break down their walls.
"Well maybe he is," she mused. "You have a nose for it. Sensing when people are hiding things and are wearing masks." She shoved the pieces of apple in a bowl and watched how Jordy started to mix the batter.
"Hmm, yeah, maybe. Or maybe I just want him to have those walls. To justify to myself that I have feelings for such a douche."
June showed a brief smile. "I'm sure he has nice sides too. I don't believe Juan can be friends with someone who is always an asshole. But Juan said he is a dumb ass when it comes down to girls. I wouldn't be surprised if he is only treating us like shit to look tougher." She looked at her friend. "But if there's anyone who can see through him, it's you. Although I'm afraid it will take a lot of time and I doubt he will give you that. I think you need to be very patient."
Jordy chuckled softly. "Oh, I can be patient. I just keep trying until I get a restraining order."
June showed her weak smile, but deep down she was afraid that Emilio would just hurt her over and over again, and she wanted to protect her friend against that pain.
She however had no idea how.
. . .
After dinner June went to Juan's house. She was less nervous than last time; probably because Mateo wasn't around and his mother was probably in bed.
She rang the bell.
It took a long time before the door was opened. When Camila looked at her, June laced her fingers awkwardly.
"Hi," June said – her voice just a whisper. She cleared her throat. "Umm, is Juan home?"
"Juan is too selfish to care for his sick mother," she huffed. "He rather starves me."
"Haven't you eaten yet?"
The woman shook her head, without letting go of June's glance. Actually she didn't look very miserable, June thought, so she was surprised the woman hadn't cooked her own meal. But maybe running errands was too heavy for her.
"So uhm, where is Juan?" she asked, a little surprised.
She shook her shoulders. "Who will know girl. I'm sure he has another fling somewhere. Is he already lying to you? I warned you. You saw what his brother did to me. Don't think my youngest is any different. They both belong behind bars."
June tensed. Anger flared up, but if she would hit the roof now, the woman would just slam the door in front of her nose.
"You want me to make you some dinner?" she asked instead. "Juan probably went to Emilio. Maybe he found it hard to see his brother in jail."
She let out a mocking laugh. "I'm sure he did. He must have realized it's his future. You should dump him, girl. You're too sweet for a little brat like him."
June clenched her fist. "Why do you talk about him like that? I don't understand, I see no similarities between my boyfriend and the boy you describe. If anything, he's very sweet and caring."
"So caring that he lets down his own mother," she snorted.
"Maybe because you give him the feeling you don't love him. He is constantly looking for your approval."
"The only approval he's looking for, is his brother's. How do you think that feels? If he cares more about such a pig than about his own mother? You were there, June. You saw what Mateo did to me and he's still praising his brother."
"I also heard what you said. You must have known how Mateo would respond. Even I wasn't surprised, and I have met Mateo just a few times." She contemplated her next words. "Why are you so sure Mateo is abusing his brother? Have you ever caught him?"
"Call it a mother's intuition."
June held her glance. "I honestly doubt you know your sons very well. So it –"
"Oh and you do? You're just a cheap little whore. You really think they're gonna show you their rotten souls? You're the definition of naive, girl. But you'll find out about the truth one day."
June breathed in deeply.
She should walk away. She should give her the finger and turn her back to her. But she wanted to prove her that she was wrong, she wanted to show her that she wasn't naive and that she truly loved Juan, and that he truly loved her.
"You want me to make you dinner or not? There's a Chinese take-away at the end of the street. You want me to get you something?" She glanced at her watch. "You must be too hungry to wait until I've cooked a meal."
A little puzzled, the woman stared at her. June bit back a small smile. It wasn't June who was the naive one.
Camila pursed her lips and gave her an almost imperceptible nod.
"Okay. I'll be back in a few minutes."
June turned away from the woman, crossed the street and walked towards the take-away where she ordered some noodles and a spring roll. As she waited until the food was finished, she send Juan a text to tell him she was at his home.
The woman muttered a thank you when June put the food on the table a little later. Juan hadn't answered her text and she didn't know if she should stay or leave. Maybe he would stay at Emilio's until midnight. She sat down at the table, across from Camila. "How do you feel?"
A little awkwardly Camila stirred her food. "You don't have to stay for me, June. You made your point."
"I don't mind. You might think that I'm just a cheap whore, but I love your son and I'm serious about our relationship, even though I might be young. And I find it important to get to know my boyfriend's family."
Camila sighed. "I don't think you're a cheap whore, June. I see how different you are from all those bitches that sneak out of Mateo's room when he's done with them. But I do think your feelings make you blind and that you can do much better."
"You've told me your opinion enough times now. Until it is based on something different than your motherly intuition, I wish you keep it to yourself. You hurt him be saying things like that and you hurt me too. You haven't seen how broken he was the past days, how miserable he felt because of his situation at home. You might call it an act, but I know it isn't. And if you weren't pushing him away the whole time, you would know how sensitive he is and how he is craving for your acceptation."
Camila looked at her in silence. It was the front door that saved her; a few seconds later Juan entered the living room. His eyes shot from his mother to June and showed his worries. She stood up and gave him a tight hug. The way he held her, showed her what a tough day it had been for him.
"Where were you?" Camila snapped.
June swallowed a sigh. Everything she had just said – it just didn't land. Juan's arms slipped away from her and he aimed his glance at his mother
"I uhm, I thought your boyfriend would stop by or pick you up. Actually uh, actually I was with June's family."
Surprised, June looked at him. Warmth filled her body; she was really happy that he had dared to take that step without her.
"Why?" his mother snapped. "You try to impress your in-laws? To make up for the fact you can't offer their daughter anything? You've always been intrusive when..."
"Stop," June said in a stern voice. "Juan gives me everything I need and my family knows that. He know he's welcome at our house. If anyone is intrusive, it's me because I didn't want you to feel hungry. You can also thank me for getting you food, instead of bringing down your son again. I think we've talked enough for tonight." June took his hand and dragged him towards his bedroom.
Her heart broke again as she saw his face. All he wanted, was a normal relationship with his mother.
"Hey sweetheart, come here." She pulled him in her arms. His breathing sounded heavy as he buried his face in the crook of her neck. She breathed in his scent, closed her eyes and felt how their bodies fitted in a perfect way.
"She – she said stupid things to you again?" he asked quietly.
She took a little more distance and sat down on the bed, with her back against the wall. She created some space between her legs so he could sit there and wrapped her arms around him. As he snuggled up to her, the back of his head resting on her breasts, he gave her a skittish look.
With a kiss on his head she told him that she didn't mind, and she noticed how his breathing slowed down.
"I bought her some food," she told him. "She thought that you would make her dinner. But if I'm honest, I think she was perfectly able to walk a little and that she just wanted you to feel guilty." With her thumb, she softly stroked his auricle.
"You – you didn't need to do that," he muttered. "Actually – actually I don't want you to be alone with her."
She dipped her head, kissing his hair. "I have nothing to fear from her."
Camila was a woman who fought with words. And even thought they hurt, she was somehow able to let them slide off. She knew the woman was telling lies, or half truths at most.
"Sorry I went to your house," he said softly. He laid his hand atop of hers, stroking her knuckles with his thumb.
"Why do you apologize?"
Quietly, he shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe you don't like it," he muttered. "That I'm demanding your mother's time. She already has so little energy and now she's wasting it on me."
His words made her cringe. He had such a low self-esteem... It was scary how well he hid it from the rest of the world, and she admired him for being able to be honest about his feelings to her, but it was still... hard.
"My mom doesn't mind to spend time with you," she said. "In the short time she has, she wants to spend as much time with the ones she loves as she can. And you belong to that group too, Juan. She wants a relationship with you... she wants to be a mother for you."
He was silent for a while. She pressed small kisses to his auricle while his head was rising and falling because of her breathing. His finger tips stroked her hand, his touch so light it caused goosebumps on her arms, and a strange feeling settled in her stomach.
"How was Mateo?"
Sighing, Juan sat up a little straighter, turning towards her. "He was beaten. I found it hard to see him... I'm so afraid that they will do worse things to him. But your mom – your mom thought that he had provoked the others to command their respect. So – so it doesn't have to be that bad. She – she thinks he knows how to handle himself."
"I think she's right," June said, even though she shared his concerns. Mateo might have a big mouth and have a certain reputation on the streets, but when it came down to it he had graduated high school just a year ago. And who could tell what kind of people were in there. Murderers. Rapists. Child molesters. But there was no reason to tell Juan that.
"Your mom was really sweet," he said with blushing cheeks. "She even offered to talk to my ma. But I don't think that will help."
June thought about the things she had just told the woman, which she had forgotten only a few minutes later. "Well, it's worth trying, right?" June thought. "Maybe it will help. To hear from an adult how amazing you are."
There was a weak smile around his lips. He cupped her jaw with his hand, leaned with his forehead against hers and closed his eyes.
June laid her hand across his and closed her eyes as well. Listening to their breathing, she was aware of all the ways their bodies were touching. It felt like a magical moment, she felt the love between them and a paralyzing feeling travelled through her chest and spread across her arms, until she could feel it in her finger tips.
Softly, his lips brushed hers. They were trembling, she had no doubt that he also felt that deep connection.
"I love you," he whispered. "I love you with all of my heart."
June felt an enchanting warmth swirl through her body. She laid her other hand against his cheek. With her eyes still closed she searched for his lips, touching them in the same way he had done. "I love you just as much," she whispered back.
She looked up to him, and their eyes met. His were troubled, mirroring all the emotions that were raging through his body.
Again they kissed, a sweet kiss. When she felt his tongue, the heat in her body flared up; their kiss becoming more ardently. She turned a little more towards him. His fingers entwined with her hair, descending to her neck and shoulder as their kiss continued. Very slowly they went further down, his finger tips stroking her breast. Although her clothing was in between, she was completely focused on his touch. For a moment she imagined how his hand would feel on her skin, underneath her shirt. This however wasn't the right moment – and she already enjoyed this so much that she sighed softly.
As he heard her sigh, his fingers spread across her breast and he squeezed gently. Her breathing faltered.
Juan broke away from the kiss to look at her, as if he wanted to make sure he wasn't going too far. She showed him a shy smile.
He hugged her and laid her down on her back, kissing her neck. Again his hand moved to her breast and tenderly kneaded it.
June closed her eyes, enjoying the pressure of his lips against her neck and the massaging movements of his fingers. In the end his hand glided to her hip and he laid his head on her shoulder.
"Will you stay with me?" he asked. "I missed you last night."
"Only last night?" she pouted.
With his thumb he pressed against her bottom lip. "Yeah." Chuckling, he kissed her nose. "Otherwise it sounds clingy."
"So?" She gave him a lazy kiss. "But uh, actually Jordy already asked me to stay over. But if you don't want to be alone right now I can call it off? She will understand. She just needs some moral support because she wants to ask Emilio out tomorrow."
"Jordy who needs moral support for something?" he asked with raised eyebrows.
"Yeah, she's actually really nervous. She's afraid he will slam the door in front of her face. And uh, well... I can see that happen."
"Me too," Juan admitted. "So she plans to go to his house and pick him up?"
"Yeah, apparently he's ignoring her texts."
Juan chuckled softly. "I'm sure he doesn't see that coming. I don't think he's gonna admit it, but yeah, maybe he likes such a bold move."
"I might sound like a bad friend now, but I secretly hope he will slam the door shut. I'm just so afraid he will really hurt her if he gives her hope. I know that he's your best friend and I really have no doubt that he is an amazing friend... but you know what a jerk he can be when he doesn't like someone."
"Yeah..." he muttered. "But honestly? I neither liked Jordy until I got to know her. You have to learn to look past that... super spontaneous and... extravagant appearance. And with E... well you have to learn to look past his rude remarks. I have no idea what will happen if those two spend a day together. Maybe Emilio will truly hate her... or maybe he will reluctantly admit that she isn't as bad as he thought. I'm curious, actually."
June nodded slowly. "Yeah... me too. I told her I would be there for her tomorrow if he does turn her down."
Juan lifted the corner of his mouth. "And even if he turns her down, it doesn't have to mean anything. I mean... you turned me down four times."
"I was just stupid," she muttered.
"No..." He stroked her cheek. "You were careful. Shy. Maybe Emilio is too. I don't think he ever spend the day with a girl – except for Riley."
June laughed softly. "He never had a girlfriend?"
He shook his head. "No. As far as I know, he's not even been in love. And he neither had a date before. So hmm.... maybe he will go with her." He pressed a kiss on her forehead. "But if she's really nervous, you should be with her tonight. Maybe I'll go to Emilio to watch a movie. Then I can push him a little, tomorrow morning."
June gave him a surprised look. "Would you do that for her?"
"Staying with my best friend instead of in this cheerful home? Well, it is a big sacrifice I have to make." He stuck out his tong. "But I owe her this date." He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "And if Jordy won't need you, you will be all mine tomorrow." His hand glided across her stomach and tickled her side.
Laughing, she pushed away his hand. "And then?"
"You'll see." He bent over her, his lips floating above hers. Lights were sparkling in his eyes and she wrapped her arms around his neck. "But I will claim the evening too." He kissed the corner of her mouth, followed by the other. "And the night as well. And the next morning. And..."
June could no longer resist the caress of his lips and kissed him. Inside, she glowed. Not only because of his touches and the prospect to spend the next day together; mainly because his eyes were shining again and he was no longer thinking about his mother and brother.