Second and last...and now dont you dare butter me for next update. I need time now.
RAJVEER
He did not know what to think. There was everything seemed to be clear but yet cloudy. Rajveer Singh Shekhawat was clueless for a first time in his life.
The moment he had seen PIL (Public interest litigation) file of major Kudesia and Petitioner being Naina....he was astonished. Astonishment was just a small word compared to his state. Naina had applied for a reopening of this case! But why?
What was her relation with Major Smriti?
This was his first question. Soon he got his answers when he turned the page and read the contents....
This was the moment of his realization...Reality coming down on him...hell breaking loose...
Because what he had been assuming all these months seemed to be nothing but misunderstanding...
That moment he could feel his breath stopping and mind asking so many questions. It was impossible but happened. Without any intake of oxygen his mind had turned all the wheels...And asked him...
Was he right in his assumptions!
He didnt want to believe what he had just read! But....doctor' report and his own experience made him believe what he did not want to...Naina had provided enough proofs to make court believe that Smriti didnt suicided but she was provoked. She was forced to do so....because all the roads were blocked and only exit was death..
Those proofs somehow led to someone else's redemption in a way....His beliefs got a new life...new turn...but he still didnt leave his doubts. He needed confirmation...hence he ran for Nainital...to see her. To ask her about this....no matter what'd it take.
How he managed to leave his desk and transfer those files to Captain Geet only he knew. He had managed to get away without any further indulgence. That moment he wanted only one thing....Face off with her...and His jeep seemed to be his carrier to court of justice..
Nainital was still hundred kilometers away and his thoughts had made him drive more faster. Journey of nine and half hours was going to complete in four hours...because his jeep was almost running with tremendous speed. He was in hurry....so much hurry. What if she'd leave for somewhere else! What if he could not make it to her before time! No...he needed to see her...at any cost....
Three times he almost hit his jeep to someone else' vehicle. He just saved his jeep at last moment. And not to forget those warnings and waste of time...when other drivers came out to scold him.
But he listened none. He was in hurry to see him. It'd not be matter of life and death but for him....it was more than that. He wanted to feel burden free....to be able to breath as before...to be able to feel plenty of oxygen getting into his lungs...which he had been unable to feel since past few days..
His suffering had no ends...but Smriti Kudesia posthumously had done the deed. She had elongated the chord and helped pressure to increase and choke him more...
He saw nainital board on the road and felt more than happy. His destination had come...now all he needed was an entry.
Soon he was in front of Ahaluwalia house. It was around twenty one hours but he felt it as his sun had just risen.
He parked his jeep and entered...only to get pushed....back..
'How dare you put your feet inside? Teri na is ghar me jagah he...na mere dil me! Raj...chala ja...'
It was Naveen...with furious red blazing eyes and anger dancing over his head. He could beat Hades this time...but Raj didnt want to recreate Greek Mythology this time. He wanted to meet his Athena to see through mist.
'Please...yar...agar aaj tune rok liya...to....Shayad me chain se jee nahi paaunga. Please Naveen...apni dosti ki khatir. Jaane de...sirf ek bar..mujhe use milna he...sirf ek bar...Just for once...please..lemme go and see her..please.'
And in reply he heard him laughing......
'Dosti! Agar tu yaha jinda khada he to isi dosti ki wajah se...Me nahi chahta ki me kuch aisa karu jiske liye me jindagi bhar pachtau...tu chala ja raj...Chala ja..Usko ek baar to jee lene de..Usne us gunaah ki saja bhegti jo usne kabhi nahi kiya...lekin she never uttered a damn word....kyu? Kyunki she had this belief on me...ki chahe kuch ho jaaye...I'll understand her and take care of her. Aur is baar....I am not going to be the lose brother.' Naveen inhaled deeply and blocked Raj who made an attempt of getting inside....
'Dekh Raj...tere kadam aage na bade to behtar hoga...You dont deserve a second chance. How much she endured her tears have explained me in past nine days...I cant see her like this anymore. Neither I can live in peace seeing you. It was my grave mistake....accepting ypu as her life partner. Jo dosti nahi nibha paya....wo riahta kya nibhata! Rajj...Dont let me do something which I'll regret later.'
But nothing reached to him..Raj had only one thing in his mind...to see her...and he'd do so at any cost.
'Dosti na sahi..insaniyat ke naate...Please just for once. Me tere pair chhuta he Naveen...Tu nahi jaanta me kis halat me hu! Maut bhi mujhe relief nahi de sakti he. Please yaar...sirf ek baar...juat only for five minutes...but lemme see her...please. please yaar....please...Sirf ek baar. Me haath jodta hu...sirf ye ek ehsan kar de...Mujhe us se milne de...Please....'
Perhaps his eagerness and impatience to see her melt Naveen and he let him go to see her...not before warning him....
'I know I am being biased...Lekin Me teri tarah patthar nahi...After five minutes agar tu niche nahi aya to....Phir soch lena...what can I do to you!'
He hugged Naveen and ran before he could register what the hell just happened. Naveen had told him she had her room adjacent to their drawing room...so he without wasting a moment climbed stairs two at a time and knocked at the door....waiting for it to be opened.
It was unlocked fortunately. He rushed inside and searched her. Finally he saw her in balcony...staring at nothing...counting emptiness in sky.
Though he had been dying to talk with her before this moment, but right now his breath had hitched and his throat went dry. His words died...his voice left him. His vocal cords stopped vibrating...ahe could not form a word...
He wanted to call her out...but could not. Because he neither had the courage...nor the guts to do so..
Finally she turned when he landed on couch unintentionally. He could see her face losing its remaining colors. She had become thinner...Perhaps lost weight too. Her eyes were same as his...baggy and swollen..
He looked into her eyes...Again same honesty...and it just choked him further. Words who had come somehow to his tongue slipped back to nothing.
'Why are you here? I had signed papers...aur kuch legal waork pending he to mail kar do...yaha aane ki jarurat nahi.'
Her words stung him at places...and those was not just Formic acid...those were poisonous and felt bitter and lethal at same time..
'Wo....Wo...Wo me...Tum..Tumne Jo PIL dali thi....wo...I have that file. Why you withdrew?'
First she was surprised and then....the same look who just told him minutes ago to fuck off, was back..
'Wow. And here I thought ki shayad kuch personal hoga..Wow...aa gaye na sab wahi..Wese kya karoge jaan kar? Mene PIL dali phir wapas le li..I am free enough to do so. Ya is se bhi kahi kuch define hota he mere liye! Jaise corrupt ya greedy?'
'Its...Its not like that. Abhimanyu...You mentioned him to be culprit behind her suicide...and he....umm...He was the same guy....who...-'
'-Who presented me to be your slut for desired period! Ab itna bolne me sharm kyu aa rahi he? Me to is se jyada sun chuki hu...Aur first of all...who are you to question my acts now! Are we related? Are we? Tell me.'
'Naina...'
'No...Please dont. Mujhe pata he...ki ye jo guilt ridden wali feeling he...wo kyu aayi he! You saw my name there...I am openly alleging Abhimanyu...so now the question is why the hell a slut is revolting against her pimp! Aree....kahi aisa to nahi...She was not a slut! Ohh god...ye kya paap kar diya mene! Lekin ye bhi to ho sakta he...ki ye juth ho! Chalo...usi se puchta hu.....See..How well I understand you men!'
And he had no other option than bending his head in shame..
And why not! She was right after all....She had depicted his reactions and feelings clearly...
'Bolo...kuch yo bolo Rajveer. Aaj bhi tumhare pas option he...you can blame me...for being corrupt...or for being manipulative! Har mard ke paas hota he...because we women are easy to blame na. Hum kuch bolenge hi nahi...'
He saw her collapsing on floor...aItnd he didnt dare go and pick her up...It seemed so much to do...all of sudden he was sacred of her.
'IT has been same for me...always...Naveen ko bhi yahi laga tha...Ki me Abhimanyu ke jaal me phans gayi thi..He too didnt believe me. Usko bhi yahi laga ki..I was his lover...aur isliye mera mms kahi na kahi meri hi galti thi..But I was not. I was naive...but I was so naive to let others use me easily. Haa...Me Abhimanyu se milti thi...Ha meri uske sath dosti thi...lekin sirf isliye because he told me..he could help me.'
And he saw her crying....first time...not because of him...but still It pained...more than ever..
'I...I am sorry Naina...I am sorry..'
She snorted...
'Sorry! Sorry bol dene se sab wapas nahi aata. It was me who was mutilated. It was me who was the victim...lekin phir bhi all the fingers pointed at me. Sabne mere se hi poocha- kyu ghumti thi ek aise aadmi ke sath jo tumhara fayda utha sake! But no one dared blame Abhimanyu..ki why he used me. Why he let go of his humanity and stooped so low? Why he got the camera planted in my room? And....WHY HE USED ME AS A WEAPON AGAINST MY BROTHER! WHY HE LATER USED ME FOR HIS MOTIVES! WHY HE SOLD ME! WHY HE THREW ME ON THE TABLES OF INFLUENCED PERSONS!'
All of this seemed top much....too much to listen...too much to absorb...too much to take...but the woman in front of him had been through all this...all alone!
'Me majboor thi....I had no other options..I had no other way...lekin aur sabke pass to tha still they chose to blame me. Me apni marji se nahi soyi thi sabke sath...Kabhi nahi....never but once..'
Her eyes flowed like heavy rain...thunder were her hiccups..
'Tumne bola tha na ki mujhe ek second ni laga tha tumhare sath sote huye because I was damn slut! Nahi Rajveer....Mujhe kayi din lage the....teen aadmiyo ke sath sone me...Abhimanyu was able to get into my pants after one and half week of blackmailing. Major Karthik ke pass me char din baad pahunchi thi...Aur Captain Vikas Adhikari aur Major Hasan Kaif ....pandrah din lage the mujhe....I was not so eager for a man' touch. I was not dying for sex....'
He felt himself falling ....lower and lower....
'Again....Why am I telling you all this! This you'll never understand. I respected you...I wanted you to be my patron. I wished you to be my shoulder.....why! I dont know....It happened itself...Rajveer...nahi rok paayi khud ko...'
She wiped her eyes...and they pooled again. He saw her pointing at him..
'I know you are way better than I am. You are so good...so pure....lekin I am human too. Mere bhi emotions he...feelings he....Apne jism ke sath inko nahi bech paayi thi me....'
It was a hard slap on his face....which pained enough to desire kill himself.
'Nainaaa.....Please...'
She almost laughed...hearing his plea..
'Please? Nahi Rajveer....Aaj nahi..'
She resumed but this time bit composed.
'mujhe nahi pata tha ki Abhimanyu mera istemaal itna openly karega! Ab pata laga to....I could not help it. Koi nahi tha...siwaye Navern aur anita ke. Islie Naveen after getting my truth decided to dig in. Tabhi Major Smriti ka case saamne aya...She too was another Naina...or I could be another Smriti agar Naveen suboot nahi lata aur mujhe khade hone ki himmat nahi deta! He fought for me....when I had left the battlefield. Usne bhi logo ke taane sune the....lekin he fought for me...Aur usi ne mujhse ye PIL padwayi thi....Abhi after getting hold of this matter tried to negotiate..Me nahi chahti thi....BUT I HAD TO...BECAUSE I WAS LESS POWERFUL THAN HE...IF I WERE TO BE AGAINST HIM FOR LONG, I WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO NEITHER LIVE NOR DIE...ALONG NAVEEN. isliye...I stopped the procedure..after submitting my request...'
She looked at him...and He died many times. Burden of shames was pressing him hard...and the earth was not still cracking opened.
'Abhimanyu never was my lover...neither my pimp...nor my friend. I was with him for some help in Naveen' case....Jo usi ne he plant kiya tha..I was not related with him....never...'
She questioned him...with her eyes...and he couldnot meet them.
'And you always thought why I was silent. Kaise bolti me sabko ki me aaj bhi pavitra hu...because I never intended to do so. My soul is still pure...Lekin kaun sunta. Everybody needed proof..'
She stood up then..and clutched his collar...taking him by surprise..
'You know what...Sita ki agnipareeksha to hoti rahi he...hoti rahegi....because all the Rams are coward. Unko dar lagta he kahi indirectly unka naam badnaam na ho jaye. There can be many causes bit end is same. We women are going to walk on coals...for proving us. Aur ye kabhi nahi badlega..'
(This is my pov. I am not intending to hurt someone' religious feelings. For me Ram is character..not god. So I apologize here. )
'But.....But...I am not seeta...Me nahi dungi agmee pareeksha...Bilkul nahi dungi. Jisko jo samjhna ho samjhe...I dont give a damn. Me bhi thak gayi logo ko sach batate batate...Kiya mene gair mard ke sath sex! Hu me impure....Jaao do mujhe saja...I am ready to get hanged.'
He continued to look at her. Her expressions were not same as before. She was daring him blame her again, doubt her again...and all he could do was stumbling backwards.
'Lekin.....I have something to say....Rajveer Singh Shekhawat! You are once again another spineless coward. Me puchti hu...Tum ko koi saja kyu nahi! Why I am here crying! Why are not you wailing! Why its me who had spent nights salty....why arent you jolting up between sleeps because of nightmares! Tumne ek Galatfahmi ki wajah se mujhe insan nahi samjha. Tumhe kya saja milegi....bolo!'
And he was tongue tied....Eyes down cast...and whole body burning with her gaze...He was passing through hell burning in flames....
'I dont care now. Bas....mujhse door raho. I am fed up. All of my truth came out because my heart wanted to show you mirror...When you had this piece, my heart could not help but complete the puzzle. Aur is se jyada kuch nahi kar sakti me...I cant give you live proofs...so please leave me. I want solitude....please dont throw me back to those nights where all i wanted death...but it never came. Let me live please .....please...'
And stumbling on her footsteps she left him crying....somewhere away from him..
It was so miserable for him now. Naina could sleep tonight because she had played her part but perhaps he would never...He'd never be able to sleep knowing how low of man he had become!
Naina had given her truth to ther...but it was so blazing it burned him. His scales almost came off his body. And his soul....that was more than stained now..
He had once called her a stained soul..now look at him. How many dark shades he had felt in his own! Nothing was in him....bright now.
All because of his small mistake...which later turned into blunder. It was not just another day....it was his ultimate demotion from being a human to a jerk. A brainless creature he had become with her.
All paths were open. All directions were clear...but still he was lost...because...He had lost something today...
His own self-respect...