4:16pm
I'm in the bathroom. Putting on one of the bathing suits, Rob baught me. He said he won't get in the pool. But he changed in shorts and a t-shirt with shoes. When he came out of the bathroom, he looked at me shyly.
Part of me knows it was because he doesn't feel good about himself. He feels as if, everything he wears, doesn't look good on him. My heart is in my throat. Of course that pisses me off but it's Rob and I know I need to support him into feeling good about himself.
Why is he so doubtful about me and everything else? Who made him this way? What happened that he just... Fell. Oh yeah, I remember. Adrienne.
But something else is missing. Something else happened that he isn't the same way he was before his weight gain.
I came out the bathroom without my robe on, just my bikini. Almost naked, decided, maybe I can lighten up his mood. To make him smile and laugh. Somewhere, in there, he is still the careless, fun and happy Rob. He just needs the right people to make him feel that way.
I peek at him. He is eating his salad. I look away, smiling. His face, reaveals how much he hates salads. His nose scrunching everytime he filled his mouth with more green icky stuff.
I put my other clothes in one of the bags on the other side of the bed. Crouching down, so that only my back and head is visible to Rob. The bag makes a soft noise that I know, made Rob turn his head.
"Um. Eli." He said. I turn to him, holding a smile. "Put on your robe." He said.
I get up from the side of the bed looking at him. My body visible to him, now.
His eyes squint, in a menace way. What is he thinking? Wouldn't I love to know.
"I like how it looks on me." I said. The polka dots go well with my skin tone.
"Good." Never taking his eyes off me, he takes another nose scrunching bite.
We both smile at each other. I suddenly remember our little scene just minutes ago. My body trembles.
The robe is around me, now. I tie it around my small waist. My hair was still in a bun like earlier.
We stared at each other. A small smile rising from the corners of his lips. Rob should kiss me. Yes, he should.
"Ready?" He asked.
"For what?" My voice teasing him.
Before speaking he giggled. "Stop."
"Stop, what?"
Raising an eyebrow, he got up and step towards me. His arms moved fast. All of a sudden I am getting man-handled into Robs thick tatted arms. Now he holds me sideways, like a baby or like a husband holds a wife when they're recently married. I shudder away from those thoughts.
"Stop, teasing." He says fast.
"And if I don't?" I said with a little voice. I wish I had more confidence in my words.
"In that case then..." Setting me down on the bed, he got on top of me. "I will tease you back." Can I die now? He winks.
"But I won't." He said frowning.
Disappointment hovers over me. "Why?" And I fail at hiding it away from my voice.
"Eliany, if it wasn't for Khloé, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from earlier. I told you already. I don't want that with you. Not now." His palm caresses my cheek. Soothing away my disappointment and bringing in consideration and understanding. I nod and he smiles.
I actually liked what happened earlier and I like it when Rob is this close to me. I don't want my stupid teenage harmones to drive him or push him away. I rather he'd trust me and want me to be around him. Immediately, I regret asking 'why' and being disappointed.
I caress his chubby, stubby cheek. Raising my head to his and kiss him. It's a peck but Rob doesn't end it fastly. His hand goes to my head and it holds me in place. It lasts 5 seconds.
"Stop. It." He begged. His breath filled me.
"No." I mumbled, giving him another kiss. But I chose quickly to stop. I don't want him to do something he doesn't want to do.
He chuckled. But gave me another sweet 5 second lasting kiss. It surprises me. Is this the same man who said he wouldn't pass my self-control test?
"Mm." A small moan escapes my mouth.
"Quicky?" He said, smiling.
My hands wrap around his neck. "No." I answered, but my guts tightened. I know what he is trying to do. Testing me to see if I say yes.
"Good answer. Lets go." Oh no, he's getting up.
I grip his shirt. "No. I don't want to." Like a small child, I begged.
"But you already have your bikini on." Rob laughs while he talked. My playful moody teddy bear. I missed you.
"It was for modeling, not swimming." I joked.
"Oh my bad, Kim! Jeez, you sounded like my sister." My mouth dropped as he rolled his eyes. How dare he say such thing?
I swat him on the arm. "Don't ever call me Kim, again." His 'did you just hit me?' face made me laugh, hard. "I am nothing near her. How dare you?" My laughs were filling the room and shortly after Rob began to laugh, too.
"How dare you hit me, homie?" He glanced at his arm.
"It was a swat! Hold on, now I'm a homie? What the hell?"
My stomach to hurt from all the laughs. Oh, my teddy bears face when he laughs. He looks so carefree and sexy. My chubby teddy bear and his amazing smile. Half of my brain swears this is all still a dream.
But the memory of what just happened came back in my mind causing me to laugh even more. Rob began to worry.
"You okay?" He giggled.
"Ujum. Yeah." I clear my throat.
Our eyes meet. Rob eyes glint from the laughs. The memory came back. Fuck. More laughs.
This time Rob laughs with me. I am in a bliss.
"Alrighty then." Rob clears his throat now. "We should go. God I love laughing."
What? Oh. And I love making you laugh, teddy bear. Careful, I thought he was going to say something else. But thankfully, he didn't. It's too early for us to even be making out like how we did earlier, imagine if he would've said... Ugh. I can't even imagine how he would say it. It's just not there yet. I like him, yes. I like him very much. Sometimes, he does things that.. Gah! I love but I don't love him. Not yet, at least. It's too early, of course.
We walked silently to the elevators. We looked like dorks because we both had a huge smile on our faces. In the elevator, Rob started to giggle. I press the Lobby botton.
"You're still laughing what just happened?" I asked him.
"Leave me alone, you. At least I'm laughing." Oh, aw. My bad, teddy bear.
"Yes you are." I smile. Rob blinks down at me and returns it. His arm wraps around my shoulders and pulls me closer to him. My head is being kissed. I can stay like this forever.
Isn't it crazy? How unusually we act around each other but we are still able to laugh it through. We've barely known each other for three days and I feel I've known him for months. Rob is just interesting, fun, easy to trust and easy to talk to.
The elevator doors open and we walk towards the beach where we hanged out last night. Where we first kissed. Where we first hugged for a very long time. Where we spoke for hours about little stupid things. Where we had our first tiny argument. Where I saw Kanye West! Where I stook up for myself to his family. Everything with him. Every first with him. Robert Kardashian what are you doing to me?
"Damn. It's already 4:26pm. I have to be at the airport at 6:30pm." He reminds more to himself. Right. He leaves at 7:30pm. "You're going with me, right? To say bye?" His eyes meet mine as we wait for security guards to open the gate to the private part of the beach.
"No." I shook my head. Why would I?
Rob's eyes widened. "Why not?" He says loudly.
"What if I cry?"
"Stop." He rolled his eyes.
"I'm serious, Rob. But if you want me to go than okay. I'll go to say goodbye and cry." My head shook the picture of my arms wrapped around Rob, my face hiding away from the cameras, crying on his shoulder. There is no good in goodbye.
"You're not going to cry, Eliany." He says more seriously.
"Of course I am. Rob you've become someone important for me. I'm already use to seeing you, a lot. I know it's been to early for that but I am."
My body tenses. For a short moment I felt like I was a little too rude to him. But when I look at his amused face my body relaxes.
"It's okay to feel the way you feel... Because I feel it too. I'm use to having you around, Eliany. I don't think I'll be able to handle a year or two without seeing your pretty, annoying face." His finger dabs my nose. "I think I'm going to kidnap you before you turn 20, so... Don't worry. You will see me again, I promise." He is so encouraged. I love it.
Ugh. My heart will throb, teddy bear, but I'll go just for you. As if that wasn't the only thing keeping me with a heavy heart. What happens if in a year he looses all the weight he wanted to lose and woman start reaching out to him? What is my booty going to do? It's not like I can fix myself at looking good for him. To be leved with him. I have cellulite, baby fat, scars and marks. I wasn't born in a family filled with money, I can't just buy all the expensive creams and surgeries. I live with what I get.
"What's wrong, Eliany?" Rob grabs my hand while we walk towards his sisters. Khloé, Kendall and Kylie sat in same circle they sat at last night. In diffrent seats. They chatted quietly while I thought what I was going to tell Rob.
"I feel... I don't know." Words. Where are you?
"Tell me." He stopped walking and turned me. My back to his sisters.
"Look at your sisters, your exes, the people in your world. Then look at me." His hands tightened around my waist while I spoke.
"What are talking about, silly?" He asks.
"Rob... I'm poor. You're not. You have a lot to lose, I don't. I'm scared, that's all." I look away because if I don't, I'll start crying and I don't want that.
"I still don't understand. So what if you're poor, Eli? Eli."
My eyes meet his and I bite my lip.
"In a year, you'll have the body you want. Woman everywhere are going to reach out to you-"
"But you are the only one I'll pick." Rob interrupts me. "I know what you're talking about now and where you're going with this." My head is between his hands and he caresses my cheeks with his thumbs. Don't do this, I'll cry.
"I'm sorry." My eyes close.
"Don't be, Eli. I understand but you... Eliany you're really pretty... And funny and annoying and strong." My eyes flutter open. "You make me feel okay with my weight. You don't look at me like everyone else looks at me but if you start looking at yourself differently then... I'll feel worse. Bible, I will."
"My bad. I won't... I don't look at myself differently, I just feel like... I'm not your type." I shrug.
"Why? Because you weren't born famous or with money? Eli, the people with the purest soul are poor. The most hardworking people are homeless and the most talented teens and kids are teens and kids who runaway because they suffer too much. Eli, fame and money is a curse. You can live with it or be damned your whole life."
"So is being poor. It has its advantages but honestly, I don't want to live my whole life being poor."
"That's why you want to go the Air Force?" His hands caressed down my arms to my hands.
"You remembered." I smiled. "No. I think I want to go. But I don't know yet."
Rob looked at me but I know he wasn't looking. He's thinking. And I'm scared because I don't want him to think something bad. The wait, while he thinks, is undesirable.
"Eli, if you wait for me. Until I get better, until I feel better, you won't have to live poor all your life." He finally says.
Fluttering in my heart, a warm sweet feeling in my stomach, shivers run through me and it is all because of Robert. My fingers tingle, I've never felt this way. To know someone needs me as much as Rob. To know that he is a man of word and he wants to help me as much as I want to help him. I am in awe.
"Rob, I don't want to be a distraction." I shook my head. Reality catches up to me fast.
"You are a distraction. And that's good. It'll help me remember why I need to do this and for who."
A smile plastered on my face. He is amazing, Eli.
The tingles are back and I hug Rob, closely and hard. He hugs me back with his all.
"But I'll miss you." I haven't really meant it so much until now. I will miss this man. This moody, crazy, also annoying, chubby, tatted, teddy bear of mine.
He giggles. It made my arms tighten around his neck. "I'll miss you more." He says. My heart wants to believe that he meant it. He even sounded more sad.
Has a year passed yet?