"Phil?"
"Maria?! What the-"
"You said to-"
"I meant call HER, not ME! God you're- Whatever,"
"Can I-"
"We're busy-"
There was a thud and then a muttered "Don't snap at her, we're not even busy," as the phone crackled.
"Hey, Marie," sighed Melinda.
"May! What the hell are you doing?! I texted you! And you haven't been here all day, I had to hang out with Clint for like twelve hours by myself with Bruce,"
"It's not by yourself if you're with Bruce. Or Clint, for that matter. I'm out,"
"Out where?!"
"Fury wanted you in the field but I didn't want him seeing your current skin situation, so I just told him you were asleep and went instead,"
"You're doing my job?!"
"You're gonna get reamed out and fired if he sees you. Unreported injuries, undocumented incident. On company leave at a comic convention, no less. I don't want you losing your job,"
"I can do my job, May,"
"I know you can, but you'll get fired if he sees you-"
"You make him meaner than he-"
"You know how he-"
"I'm his favourite, he wouldn't-"
"He doesn't wanna get you KILLED!"
"I DON'T WANNA GET YOU KILLED!"
There was an heavy pause.
"Maria, you aren't gonna get me killed. We're just doing the routine Libya stuff. I'll be back at that stupid 'Avengers Tower' before you wake up,"
"Libya is high risk right now- I bet they have you in a fighter plane. One of the ones that goes low and silent and you're gonna have to do some sort of rescue or blow up some town and then you'll have to do recon and-"
"Hey! Shut up!"
"..."
"Now listen. Stop freaking out. Seriously. It's agitating. I'm fine. You think I can't do this with my eyes closed? Please. I'm doing you a favour so you can use that stuff Tony made, fix your burns, and go back to doing your job and annoying the shit out of Coulson and Skye and everyone else. Okay?"
"Okay,"
"Go watch teevee or something and then go the fuck to sleep. Stop worrying,"
"Alright,"
"Alright,"
"...I love you too, May,"
"Yeah,"
Melinda hung up the phone and tossed it at Coulson. He slow clapped mockingly.
"Shut up," she sighed.
"That was beautiful,"
"She only listens when I yell at her. Calms her down,"
"You have a friend, i'm so impressed,"
"You wanna die again, Phil? Cos i'll do it,"
He threw his hands up in faux surrender.
"No ma'am,"
"Then lets rock this bitch. I have to be home before sun up," Melinda sat down in the pilots seat and strapped on a headset.
Phil just smiled at the back of her head because he had never, for all the years he'd known her, seen her protect anyone as fiercely as she did Maria Hill. Which was strange, because in all the years he'd known her, Maria was the one person he'd never felt like he needed to protect.
Funny how that works.