All American Boys
Chapter 23: The Golden Gate
A/N: I've attached the reference to Alicia and Hayden's wedding photo, the scene of Joachim and Anne meeting at the Golden Gate, Jerusalem
Alicia was smiling, her lips parting to reveal the row of perfect white teeth. Her hair fluttered in her breeze, her gaze looking up at Hayden's as he caught her in his arms.
She wore a pale yellow sundress, the fabric dotted with small white flowers. Hayden wore a blue sweater and maroon pants. For a wedding photoshoot they didn't seem to like wearing wedding clothes.
They had taken those pictures on the asphalt sidewalk of the golden gate bridge, it's famous bright red beams in the background. They must've gone early in the morning, judging from how empty the place was.
The couple looked very natural in their poses, Alicia leaning forward, Hayden supporting her forearms. I didn't know if it was intentional, but the morning sun casted what looked like bright halos over their heads. But what I knew, those two looked happy. They deserved it.
It was my first time seeing it, those photographs of my sister back in happier times. I guess that's the beauty of photography – you could capture the joy of the moment and keep it forever, no matter how fleeting and ephemeral it was. And I suppose if you look through that photo frame, enveloped in your own sorrow and loneliness, it almost feels like you're looking into another world. A foreign place that you'd rather be.
But maybe that's what moments like that are for. To save for gloomier times. For us to look at them to remind ourselves that happier days do indeed exist.
"Why didn't you tell us?" I asked Hayden, not taking my eyes off the photograph.
"Alicia wanted to," he said. "But I told her it wasn't safe."
"What do you mean?"
The young man only shrugged as he let out a deep sigh.
"Well it doesn't matter now, does it?" Hayden replied.
I only agreed in silence.
"It's been hard for all of us," he said, folding his arms. "I've been trying to move on but. . . Well, I try."
"Me too," I muttered.
Hayden turned to look at his brother, who was looking through his phone on the sofa.
"Anyway," he said walking up to Isaac. "How have you been? How's school?"
"I've uh," the younger brother replied. "It's been better."
"How's your injury?" Hayden asked.
Isaac only shrugged.
"What about football?"
The younger brother only shrugged again. It was pretty obvious that he was getting uncomfortable.
"What about you, Hayden?" I interjected. "What're you up to recently?"
"Well I'll be based here until Christmas," the young man said. "Then I'll be deployed again."
"Where to?" I asked.
"I don't know yet."
The tense, heavy atmosphere returned as the three of us were back to being silent. There were things that I wanted to say, but I just couldn't. Not with Isaac there listening.
"Actually," I said, standing up. "Can I talk to you outside? In private."
Isaac raised an eyebrow, but otherwise said nothing as Hayden and I slipped out of the main door.
"What is it?" he asked me, once the door was finally closed behind us.
"It's about Isaac," I told him, heaving out a pent up sigh. "I'm just really worried about him. I don't know what to do."
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"He keeps trying to deny it," I told him. "But he told me that. . . Your dad sometimes. . . mistreats him, to put it that way. He bought him a car, to make up for the time he pushed him down the stairs."
Hayden only stayed silent.
"Every time I try to ask him about it he'll just try to shrug it off, try to make it like it's not a big deal," I said, shaking my head. "Every time your dad comes back he tries to stay out if he could help it."
Hayden said nothing.
"It's not my place to say anything but maybe you should do something," I told him. "I can't do anything, I'm not part of your family. I can only do so much."
Hayden paced around the porch, before he finally turned around.
"I'll try to see if I could get him to live with me," he said. "But I'm not sure if I can promise that."
"Will your dad allow it though?" I asked. "I mean, he might try to stop him from leaving."
"I don't know, honestly," the young man replied, folding his arms in front of him. "Honestly I've cut off all contact with him. But I'm sure he wouldn't be happy if Isaac left too."
Hayden shook his head as he let out a sigh.
"You know, Isaac had always been trying to fill in shoes that never fit him," he replied. "I mean, I honestly enjoyed football, and even with my dad pressurising me I still liked it. But with Isaac. . . He's just not that type.
"And I honestly thought it stopped years ago," he said. "Our dad used to be very. . .violent about five or six years ago during the financial crisis. When we almost lost everything. But it was never against me though, it was always Isaac. Because I was all that he wanted me to be. He couldn't be happier with me – good grades, good record on the football team, got into a good college, but Isaac? To him, there was always something wrong with Isaac. And you know, he used to be quite feisty and those two would be at loggerheads a lot. Until one day, my dad had enough and – "
"And what?" I asked, even though I probably already knew the answer to that.
"You know, my dad is a burly guy, and that day he had enough and got physical with Isaac. He had him pinned to the wall and he just. . ." Hayden muttered, the words difficult to leave his lips. "Grabbed the nearest thing, which happened to be an iron my mom had left on, and he just pressed it on that poor boy's back. He was screaming, Alex. I can't forget how horrible they were."
I only put a hand over my mouth. It was horrible. How could someone do such a thing?
"The next day my dad brought the whole family to the theme park," he replied. "I don't know, maybe it was sort of his way of saying 'sorry' but honestly, it was the most awkward time of my life. Isaac didn't talk to anyone for days. And Isaac changed completely. He never dared go against our dad ever again. Whenever he's around he was always scared, and he tries so hard to be on his good side."
"That's horrifying," I gasped. "Honestly, poor boy."
"And you told me about how our dad pushed him down the stairs?" Hayden continued. "I guess, me leaving for the navy and cutting him off might've set him off I guess. I thought those times were over. I was wrong. And . . . It's my fault. If I hadn't left Isaac wouldn't have been abused again."
It was then when I noticed the curtain being pulled from the front window, and through that sliver I caught sight of his bright green eye.
"Maybe we should head inside," I suggested. "He might start to get suspicious."
"Yeah," Hayden replied. "Yeah, maybe we should."
As we took a few steps towards the front door, I noticed Isaac pulling back, and once we were inside, he was just lying down on the sofa, looking at his phone. As if nothing happened.
***
"Well, today was fun wasn't it?" Hayden said as he put the pizza box on the coffee table.
I couldn't help but agree. After that tense conversation out at the porch, Hayden had brought us to the base's entertainment centre for some bowling. We played for a few rounds, before I sat out the last two, leaving it just for the Anderson brothers. Isaac's awkwardness had finally melted away, and he was laughing and smiling around Hayden, as if the events of the last year had never even happened. It was nice seeing those two reconcile at last.
As I seated myself on the seat beside Isaac, Hayden switched on the television. It was already getting late, and the sun was beginning to set. Hayden had brought us to the entertainment complex, and we also helped him with his grocery shopping at the commissary. It was quite interesting to see how life on a base was like, to be honest.
"Actually," Hayden said, turning to look at his younger brother. "I have something to say."
Isaac had just bitten off a small piece of pepperoni pizza as he leaned back into the sofa.
"Funny," he replied as he chewed. "I was about to say the same thing."
"You first," Hayden said.
"You sure you want to hear it?" he said. "It's uh, I don't know how you'll take it."
Finishing up his pizza slice, he sat up. For a brief moment he shot me a glance, but I couldn't really guess why. I never really thought about it, until those words left Isaac's mouth. Isaac took a deep breath, before letting it all out.
"You know," he started. "We're brother's right? And no matter what happens, will you still love me?"
"Of course," Hayden said. "You and mom are everything to me."
"You won't hate me or anything?" the younger brother asked, an innocent boyish hint in his tone. "Even if I-"
Isaac cut himself short.
"No," Hayden replied. "You're my brother."
That seemed reassured somewhat, before shooting me a glance of approval. I knew what he was going to say. I could only pray that it goes well. Reaching out, I picked up another slice of pizza, nervously nibbling on it.
"I uh," Isaac began. "I think I. . . like boys."
There was a brief moment of silence as Hayden just looked at him. The only sound to be heard was me awkwardly chewing on my pizza.
It was then when Hayden pulled his brother into a tight bear hug, holding him there for a good few seconds. He finally let go, and Isaac slowly pulled back from his brother's grip.
"Wow," Hayden said, chuckling. "I don't know what to say, man."
Well, he didn't say it in a bad way or anything.
"What do you mean?" Isaac asked.
"I don't know, I always thought you liked girls," Hayden shrugged. "But you know, it doesn't change anything, you're still my baby brother."
"Ew," the younger brother replied, pretending to gag. "Don't call me that."
Hayden only laughed as he nudged Isaac in the arm.
"So," he said, picking up another slice of pizza as he leaned back into the sofa. "Who's the lucky guy?"
Isaac's cheeks turned red, and he shot me a hesitant glance, his green eyes looking directly into mine. It was only for a brief moment, before he quickly turned away. But despite how fleeting it was, Hayden caught on immediately.
"So," Hayden asked, his tone free from any judgement or teasing. "Are the two of you. . ."
'Yeah," Isaac blurted out. "But we're not. . . officially together or anything."
"Oh, so you're just fooling around?" the older brother asked.
"No, no," I clarified. "I like him, I really do. And he feels the same way. But as much as we'd love to be together, things are just too complicated at the moment."
"Oh," Hayden replied. "I see. But I'm sure the two of you are capable of figuring stuff out on your own."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence I guess," I said, biting off another piece of pizza.
"Well don't think so lowly of yourselves," the older man said. "I think the both of you together match up perfectly."
"Thanks," Isaac said. "But, I don't know about dad."
"I mean," Hayden shrugged. "Do you even want to tell him? I wouldn't advise you though, but that's up to you."
"I'm sure he wouldn't be able to understand at first," Isaac replied. "But I think he should know."
By now no one was really paying attention to the movie playing on the screen anymore.
"And given his heart condition," Hayden said. "He's going to have a heart attack when he realises you're gay. It's as good as leaving him."
"But," Isaac replied. "I'm still his son."
"You don't get it," his older brother explained, shaking his head. "You coming out to him would easily be telling him that he's not going to get grandchildren from you. And I've already cut off ties with him. So to him, he has no legacy left. Nothing to leave behind."
"But that doesn't matter, right?" Isaac said. "I mean, he's still got me. I mean, maybe he can't accept it at first but maybe he'll accept me in the end."
Hayden and I shared a look for a brief moment. It was hopeless trying to explain the situation to the poor boy. It saddened me to see how he was grasping at straws trying to convince himself that everything was alright. I suppose Isaac must've felt the disapproval in our silence, and he just looked down in disappointment
"But I guess you're right," Isaac said, slumping himself into the sofa. "He shouldn't know."
There was a brief moment of uncomfortable silence.
"Actually," Hayden finally spoke. "I was thinking if you wanted to come stay with me, you're always welcome."
"Really?" Isaac replied, his green eyes lighting up. "Um, I'd love to!"
"You sure you don't mind the commute?" Hayden asked. "It's quite a drive, you know?"
"No, no," Isaac answered, shaking his head. "I don't mind it at all,"
"Well," his brother said. "If that's the case, I'll talk to my superiors to see what I can do. There's some paperwork to do and administrative matters to deal with, but I'll keep you updated."
"Great!" Isaac exclaimed. "I. . . really appreciate it."
It was getting late, and my eyelids were getting heavy. It had been a long, emotional yet fulfilling day. In a sense, I had found closure, as much as it hurt.
"Well, I'll sleep on the sofa," Hayden said. "You two can have my bed."
"You really didn't have to," I told him. "But than you so much."
"It's nothing," he brushed it off. "Just don't make too much noise, you two."
With that, he gave us a teasing wink as we closed the door behind us. He hadn't need to worry though, Isaac and I just lay there without doing anything. Maybe we were tired, or maybe it was because Hayden was right in the next room.
Either way, I couldn't complain about drifting off to sleep in Isaac's arms.